Finnick, the Prince of Hipsterville, a hunger games fanfic

A/N- I don't even.

Once Upon A Time, there lived Haymitch, King of that one town everybody forgets the name of. He had a beautiful daughter, Princess Annie, whom every guy in the world wanted to marry. She had deep green eyes and long, dark hair. Life was good in the kingdom of that one town everybody forgets the name of. That is, until the most feared person in the world showed up. He had the power to control the minds of entire towns, create fearsome golems from stone, even ace a test without studying. He came to the kingdom, and stole from stores, vandalized houses, even drew mustaches on people's picture. His name was Snow. But King Haymitch had a plan that would get rid of Snow, and find Princess Annie find a husband. So he sent out posters, billboard ads, and those annoying chain e-mails that say you have to forward them to 10 ten people, or be cursed. They said:

Hear ye, hear ye! Are you a man? Do you want to be Princess Annie's husband? Can you defeat the evil wizard Snow? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then keep on reading! The evil wizard lives in a cave on top of Mount. Evilness. So go out, defeat Snow, and marry Princess Annie!

I read the poster, and smiled. Snow was no match for my pure awesomeness. I could see the wedding invitations now:

You are invited to the wonderful wedding of Prince Finnick of Hipsterville and Princess Annie of that one town everybody forgets the name of! You can enjoy dancing (We even have really cool laser lights!) and a 20 tier cake!

It would so be the coolest wedding ever. I pulled my phone (an iPhone of course) from my pocket, and called a servant.

"Hey, can you get the limo, with a sword in the backseat, at Town Hall?"

"Of course, sir. Right away." The servant hung up, and I sat down on the steps of Town Hall, waving to some hipster peasants across the street.

"Unicorn tee-shirts, nice!" I yelled to them. A couple minutes later, the limo drove up the sidewalk. The driver opened my door, and got back into his seat. I climbed in, and the servant handed me a gleaming silver sword. The hilt was encrusted with rubies and gold designs.

"Perfect."

Around half an hour later, we arrived at King Haymitch's castle. I ran in yelling,

"King! Hey, hey King!"

"Yes?" The king asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I would like to announce, that I will soon be the husband of Princess Annie."

"Is that so? Well you better hurry, because someone is already on their way." He pointed outside, and I saw someone in a full suit of armor rushing towards Snow's cave. I wouldn't let him get there before me.

"Sorry, got to go!" I yelled, running outside.

Once I got to the mountain, I saw the knight sneaking around some old lady standing next to a gate. The knight climbed over the gate. I was about to do the same, but the lady saw me.

"Hey, you there! " I walked over to her. "You look fit. Could you help get my gate key back? I think the giant who lives up there took it." She pointed to a really, really, really big beanstalk. I glanced toward the knight, who was already making his way up Mount. Evilness, which is really big mountain that could take hours to climb, even though it has a trail. "I'm the Gate Keeper, and my boss will kill me if he finds out I lost the key."

"Um, sure, I guess I could get it. What's the giant's name?"

"Effie Trinket." My eyes grew wide at such an odd name.

I grabbed a thick, slippery vine and lunged forward, finally getting to the giant's house. I walked up to insanely high door, and knocked.

"WHO THERE?!" Boomed a loud voice, too deep to belong someone named Effie.

"Prince Finnick of Hipsterville." I said confidently. "You?"

"I EFFIE! I BAKE COOKIES! PRINCE FINNICK COME IN AND EAT THEM!" Wow, this voice was hurting my ears.

"Um, okay." The door flew open, and a looming figure stood above me. Effie-The-Giant was wearing a tie-die dress, one huge sneaker, and one red high heel. She had a long nose, and a frizzy rainbow afro. So this was Effie Trinket, the cookie baking giant. The name fit. Effie led me over to the way too big table, picking me up and setting me down on top of it.

"Effie, can I ask you something?"

"BEFORE ASK, PRINCE FINNICK HELP BAKE COOKIES!"

"Okay, what kind?"

"I LET PRINCE FINNICK CHOOSE!"

"Okay, let's make chocolate chip."

Five minutes later, I was standing on an enormous kitchen counter, surrounded by boxes, tubes of cookie dough and bowls that where bigger than me.

"FIRST WE ADD BAKING POWDER! PRINCE FINNICK DO IT!" Okay, I could lift that. I grabbed the side of the box, and held it. Okay, I couldn't lift that. I put it down with a sigh.

"What can I do?" I thought out loud. "I got it!" I pushed the ten foot tall box onto the mixing bowl, the baking powder spilling out into the metal.

"PRINCE FINNICK DID GOOD JOB!" Effie yelled. "NOW WE ADD STUFF!" She added in everything else, and stirred it so fiercely, I was soon covered in the dough. "NOW TIME TO ADD PRINCE!"

"What?" I asked. Did this giant really think she could eat me? I'd like to see her try.

"HUMAN CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES TASTE THE BEST!" Did this giant ever stop yelling? Effie aimed a hand at me, but I started to climb down the counter before she could grab me. Hanging onto the handle of a drawer below the counter, I swung down to the next handle, the floor about twenty feet down. I again had to dodge Effie's hand, but this time it came close enough for me to realize that her nails were roughly painted a hot pink. She certainly was strange.

"WHY PRINCE FINNICK SO FAST?" I nearly missed the next handle, scraping my leg along the metal.

"Oh, come on." I muttered. I had some difficulty landing on the next handle, because my leg hurt. But I was on the last one, so I climbed to the bottom part, and lowered myself down. I ran out, luckily hidden from Effie's view.

"WHERE PRINCE FINNICK GO? I WANT TO MAKE HUMAN CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES!" Just as I was running out the door, I asked her something.

"Effie, do you have the key that opens the gate to Mount. Evilness?"

"NO, KATNISS THE RIDDLE WITCH HAS IT!"

"Cool, thanks." I slid down the beanstalk, racking my brain for any information about the Riddle Witch. I had defiantly heard of her before. Suddenly it hit me. She lived near the stream, inside of Wolfsbane Woods. Almost every child who lived near the woods was told to never go in there, because of Katniss, and the Werewolves who had given the forest its name. But I wasn't far from it, so I gave the Gate Keeper an explanation, and set off for Wolfsbane Woods.

Almost nothing scares me. Not spiders, heights, the dark, nothing. But I had to admit, Wolfsbane Woods was creepy. Despite the fact that it was the afternoon, the forest was nearly pitch-black and every twig that snapped had me turning to find the source of the noise. But finally, I reached Katniss' hut. A round, straw-and-stick hovel was placed right next to the stream, standing on stout, wooden legs. I knocked on the door, ignoring the handwritten signs that shouted, "GO AWAY" and "BEWARE". I heard an annoyed sigh, before the door creaked open. Holding the door was a woman that was way different than I had pictured the witch. Instead of stringy grey hair, a long warty nose, and a tall thin frame, stood a woman of average height, brown hair pulled into a tight bun, who was tying a dirty apron around her back.

"Yes?" she asked in a scratchy voice, like she hadn't talked in years.

"You are Katniss, right?" I affirmed. Rolling her eyes, she answered,

"Yes. You wouldn't think that the big bad scary witch would look like this, didn't you? Everyone thinks that. Now, if you're selling something, or collecting donations for charity, I'm not interested!" Before Katniss could slam the door, I yelled,

"Wait!" The witch raised an eyebrow. "Do you have the key the gate, the one that leads to Mount. Evilness?"

"Yes and no." She started to close the door again, but I stopped her.

"What do you mean?"

"Listen kid, I don't have time for this. I have a potion to make."

"I just need the key to the gate." I was getting as annoyed as she was.

"Fine. Just answer this riddle. What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs in the evening?" I had heard this one before. A lot of creatures in myths used it.

"Man. Four legs, because you craw when you're a baby. Two legs, when you're in the middle, or afternoon, of your life. And three legs, two legs and a cane, when you're old. But isn't that overused?"

"Oh, whatever. Anyway, I had it, but some Capitolites took it. Happy?" I nodded. She slammed the door, rattling the one window she had. Okay, so a group of Capitolites took it. Uhg, I hated Capitolites. They have high, chattering voices, but they speak in Caplish, a language only Capitolites know. Every pixie has really weird looks, like bright pink hair, or purple sparkling eyelashes. They're like magpies, always stealing things that catch their eye. Mostly shiny things. And the trail of glitter they leave? Don't even get me started about that. But speaking of glitter trails, there was one coming from the window, leading deeper into the forest. I made a plan in my head. I would follow it, grab the key, and then use it to get back to Katniss' house. I could find my way back from there. I went deeper into the forest, following the pink, sparkling trail. It was kind of odd, walking next glitter in such a dark place.

Later on, I got to the Capitol grove, a clearing of trees that was warm and filled with light. Okay, this part wasn't so bad. But what was annoying, was the little spots of rainbow lights, Capitolites, chattering in my ear, flying onto my shoulders, and cart wheeling in the air around me. I wasn't sure if they could understand me, but I spoke anyway.

"Um, hello Capitolites. I'm looking for a key that you took from Katniss the Riddle Witch. Can I have it?" I think they knew what I said, or at least heard my voice, because their talking grew louder, and more excited. The biggest Capitolite, which seemed to be the leader, tugged on my hair, then flew to one side of the clearing. It clearly wanted me to follow it. So I did, and it showed me a big blanket that had bracelets, necklaces, and other various shiny objects strewn onto it, guarded by a blue haired Capitolite, with black and white stripped wings. I saw the key, which luckily was the only one on the blanket, and stowed it safely in my pocket. I was about to leave, when the Capitolite suddenly went silent.

"What?" I turned, and saw a bear standing in the middle of the clearing. The Capitolites looked really scared. So I grabbed my sword, and swung it into the bears back. It roared loudly, and swiped its claws. But I made quick work of it, and the Capitolites cheered. The leader could speak English, because it turned to me and said in high pitched voice,

"Thank you, human. My name is Portia. We are forever grateful for your slaying of that fowl beast. Name one thing, anything you want, and you shall get it." What I really wanted was to get away from the Capitolites, because the one talking to me had rainbow eyelashes and neon green hair, which looked creepy. But then I remembered the reason I was getting this key in the first place.

"Can you take me to the top of Mount. Evilness in like, a second?"

"Yes, with Capitol travel." Before I could ask what Capitol travel was, Portia had sprinkled some Capitol dust on me.

"What the-"But my question, and sneezing, was cut off, because the world around me had turned into rainbow tunnel. So this was Capitol travel, going at rainbow warp speed. I was jarred forward, landing on the hard-packed ground of Mount. Evilness. I looked ahead, and saw the knight from earlier running into the cave. I stood up, unsuccessfully shook the glitter from my hair, and ran after him.

Snow the evil wizard had crazy red hair that stuck out from every angle. His eyes where a cold, dark black, and he seemed to be studying a potion when we arrived.

"Who's this? Two teenagers who think they can kill me?" The wizard said. The knight looked around, having not noticed me before. "Well that's not going to happen." Snow's eyes glowed red, and scales formed on his body. He grew giant, finally transforming into a dragon.

"Whoa. Dude, that was really cool. You have to teach me how to do that." I said. The knight ran forward, ducking a blast of fire. He stuck his sword into the dragon's leg. It kicked him away, giving a growl of pain. I took my chance, and ran behind the dragon, slicing into his tail. He tried to swipe me away, but I jumped up, and his tail just hit the wall. He blew fire in anger, making whole cave a evil red glow. He stomped his feet, making me and the knight fall. Man, this dragon was big. I really wish I didn't have to kill Snow, so he could teach me how to turn into a cool dragon like he did. But he gave another swipe of his tail, and I dive-rolled to avoid it. The knight ran up to the dragon, rolling under it, and coming out to my end, and stabbed it in the tail. The dragon gave another blast of fire, filling the cavern with a moment of searing heat.

"Could you stop doing that?" I said. I did not look good when I got sweaty, and when I see Princess Annie I have to look perfect. I saw that it was turning night out, from a glimpse outside. Come on, I really needed to finish this dragon soon. So I swung my sword again, this time hitting the dragon's side. When will it die? But what would happen when it did? Would I duel the knight, or have a race, or play rock, paper, scissors? Maybe the person who gave the dragon the final blow would win. That makes the most sense, besides rock paper scissors. I was drawn from my thoughts, when the dragon delivered a stream of fire my way. Moving to the side quickly, I rolled forward at the same time, jumping onto the dragon's tail, and onto its back. It wiggled around, trying to throw me off. But I was holding on tight. I was about to raise my sword, when the dragon finally shook me off. For a second, I flew through the air, but landed with a hard thump into Princess Annie's arms. Wait, what? Then I looked down, and realized she was the knight. Her discarded helmet was thrown to the side of the cave, and her sword was on the ground next to me.

"Why are you-" But before I could finished my question, she dropped me, and finished off the dragon. I got up, and started my question over. "Why are you here, Princess?"

"Well, I didn't want to get married to someone I didn't know, so I thought that if I killed Snow before anyone else, no one could marry me." She explained.

"Well you know me. Want to get married?"

"Sure, what the heck."

And we lived happily ever after.

But I never got the glitter out of my hair.

A/N- We had to write a fairy tale for class. I had made the Prince's name Finnick, so I turned it into a Hunger Games Parody.