A/N: Takes place shortly after the hospital scene in Half-Blood Prince. Mainly Remus/Nymphadora, slight William/Frenchgirl. (a.k.a Bill/Fleur)
Is it hard understanding I'm incomplete?
A love that's so demanding,
I get weak.
I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone.
- "Famous Last Words", My Chemical Romance.
It was cold. Very, very cold. Tonks shivered as the dull wind bit through her thin robes. She should write a book, she decided: How to make a complete tit of yourself 101.
She'd got scared- she'd just faced Bellatrix, again* (honestly, that bitch needed to get a life and leave her alone), seen her best friend lose half his face which, in turn had lead to her being screamed at by some jumped-up quarter veela bitch (Tonks had been trying to help. She was not trying to 'steel Beel away from 'er'. Honestly, when would that girl understand the concept of 'just friends'?) and seen Dumbledore die. Dumbledore. Albus fucking Dumbledore. Well, they might as well just give up on the spot.
This, as well as everything else that had happened over the past year which had coincidently decided to pop into her mind at that exact moment in time had just about overloaded every fibre of her being. It felt, she noted, like being completely pissed out of her face and having absolutely no idea what she was doing or saying until it was done and said. Apart from less fun and with twice the embarrassment. Of course, this feeling of complete whatever it was had lead her to become some screaming wreck. In the middle of a hospital wing. Surrounded by loads of people.
In hindsight, at that moment in time, it had seemed like a very noble, brave thing to do. Like in romance novels when the heroine sacrifices herself for her male (or female, whatever floats your boat) love interest and lays dying in front of the ocean, only to be brought back by the power of love or something, leading to them ripping off each others clothes and shagging right there and then on the sand. Always on the sand. Poor sand, it never got a say in whether it actually wanted to be shagged upon...
You see, this was probably why things like this always happened to her; her mind tended to wander to things like sand instead of actually focusing on something important. Like in fifth year when she'd seen a butterfly in the Potions room, accidently added too much powdered newt to the mixture and blown up the whole classroom... No wonder Snape hated her...
Tonks knew from experience that life was not, in fact, like a crappy romance novel. It was said that it ran in the family to pick the most awkward, irritating partners you could find and she had managed to uphold that one alright; there was the reptile-shagging Dragon Tamer who had left to shag reptiles in Romania (not that she held it against him or anything...); the man with the checked trousers who was now a Snatcher (she'd kind of been using him anyway); Dale, who had turned out to be gay (but then again, with a name like Dale...); that other guy who had decided to try and be the controlling, abusive boyfriend but had failed at it when she had hexed him (ha!) and now the fucking werewolf with just about every problem under the sun: I'm a werewolf with no family who gets picked on by society, am too charmingly polite therefore taking the burden of the whole world on my shoulders, all my family and friends are dead, I was the guy-who-was-like-your-brother's best mate and I'm thirteen years older than you. Oh, bravo, she'd really fucking outdone herself this time.
Of course this had not stopped her from shouting out stupid things in front of everyone. Brave as it possibly may have been it did not lead to any kind of romantic encounter. No, there was just a sort of awkward silence whilst Molly tried to play mother to the two female adults who had been having tantrums and acting like children. Trouble was Fleur already had Bill so she was allowed to throw a paddy.
Tonks had tried her best to look dignified. Of course, it hadn't worked. Harry and his teenage minions had continued to stare for a bit (honestly, did they ever shut their mouths?) and, at first, she honestly couldn't care less. Then everything sort of finally dawned on her. She had decided to remove herself from the room calmly and carefully, walking normally and keeping her head up, dignified... Then as soon she had hit the hallway she had legged it.
She'd run. And run. And run. And did that stupid crying-and-running thing. Then ran some more. She wasn't quite sure how long she had run or where she now was; all Tonks knew was that she was now alone in an empty field, very tired and out of breath.
It was around one or two o'clock in the morning and the temperature sure had dropped. Her breath was coming out in clouds in front of her face, her fingers were numb and the ground was already slightly damp.
Sod it she thought. It wasn't like she was going to be seeing anyone or doing anything important tonight. Tonks sat down cross-legged on the ground, mud staining the ends of her scarlet robes.
She buried her face in her hands, which were frozen (honestly, fingerless gloves? What had she been thinking...) and groaned.
It was fine. Maybe she'd just move to Australia. Or Canada. She liked maple syrup. It'd be fine, no one would miss her. Mum and Dad'd be able to contact her and besides, who would find her? She'd just change her face or something.
In Canada there was no Bellatrix, no Order, no Snape, no dead Dumbledore, no concerned Molly, no critical Fleur, no 'just trying to help' Bill... Just bacon. Bacon and syrup.
There was also no Sirius. Of course, at this moment in time, England was lacking Sirius too, but still. The horrible thing was, if he was still around, things would have been so much easier- he would have had her laughing, joking about herself, about the whole situation. Unfortunately, he wasn't here and instead she was filled with the stupid void he'd left. She missed him, her brother. Missed him so damn much it hurt and she knew Remus did, too.
That was it, then. She'd run some more. Cowardly, yes but she was never a Gryffindor and she'd had enough. She'd go to Hogsmeade, sleep in some dingy Inn for the night and go somewhere across the world... She'd owl her parents when she was in Canada or wherever, then they couldn't stop her... Sounded like a plan.
Tonks pulled herself to her feet, bum considerably damper thanks to the stupid grass and apparated outside the village.
Considering it was early morning, the village was not as empty as she would have liked; clusters of people were wandering around, heads lowered. The news of Dumbledore must've gotten around already. Tonks walked through the village, head down. Nobody would notice her...
"Oi! Oi you, lady!"
Tonks turned slowly, hoping the voice wasn't talking to her... Unfortunately, it was.
A couple of teenagers, no older than sixteen or so were wandering towards her. She sighed.
"Yeah?"
"Those're Auror robes, right?" the tallest one asked.
Tonks looked down. Scarlet. That would be a yes then.
"Maybe"
"If you're an Auror, were you up at the castle when it happened?" The other guy asked.
Tonks shuffled her feet. Not now, not now, not now...
"I-"
"Yeah, you were" the first one said. "You're robes are torn. You're bleeding on your shoulder."
Of course she was.
"Yes, I was" She said in defeat.
"S'it true then?"
"Is what true?"
"Y'know..." he gestured vaguely in front of him. "Dumbledore."
"Yeah." She sighed. "Yeah, it is."
"Really? Wow..."
Turning on her heel, Tonks walked away from the teenagers towards the nearest Inn. By this point, after the day, no, screw that, year she'd had, she was ready to drop. Just fall into bed and sleep forever. Nobody would bother her, nobody would find her, she was sure that nobody up at the castle had even noticed she was gone...
Cautious footsteps sounded behind her.
Not now, please not now... Change your face, apparate away, fall to the ground and play dead just get away...
She walked faster.
The footsteps grew more sure of themselves and quickened.
She was nearly at the door...
Footsteps even closer...
Run... Run... Run!
"Don't run."
Dammit!
Despite her mind still telling her to run, she knew the voice and she knew the holder of said voice would follow her and, most likely, be one step ahead of her. Tonks stopped dead but didn't turn around. She did not want to see him.
Charlie and his constant trying to help, just like Bill, she could handle. Ginny trying to understand, she could handle. Hermione telling her to read a book, she could handle. Molly trying to feed her, she could handle. Fred and George trying to cheer her up, she could handle.
Remus John Lupin she could not handle.
Not now.
Still not turning to face him, she reached to slowly slip her wand out of her back pocket... It was in her hand and in less than ten seconds she'd be able to apparate away...
He walked forwards and gripped the other end of her wand, slipping it from her hand.
Bastard.
"Give me my wand back"
She issued the demand without turning.
"No." There was a tone of amusement in his voice. Under all the seriousness, of course.
She wanted to scream and swear and cry and jump on him all at once. Instead, she settled for a dignified (or, at least as dignified as she could make it) "Why?"
"Because you will apparate away from me."
And the winner of the pointing-out-the-obvious award goes to...
"Exactly. Now give me back my wand."
"No."
"Why-"
"At least let me talk to you first."
Pause. She needed to think of something to say, something quick and witty like he would have if the situation was reversed...
"What if I don't want to talk to you?"
Failure, thy name is Nymphadora.
"You seemed perfectly happy to talk to me in front of a large group of people an hour ago." His voice was calm, although she knew it was simply a well-practiced mask.
Without thinking, she had turned and was now facing him. Looking at his face. Dammit, she liked his face...
Tonks reached for the handle of her wand, attempting to snatch it away.
"Give me my wand back!" She was well aware of the fact that she sounded like a desperate toddler. She had also given up caring.
"Look, just let me say-"
"No."
"I want to-"
"I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear 'Too poor, too old, too dangerous' and I don't want to hear how you're going to ruin my life! At this moment in time, my life is already a wreck, if you hadn't noticed. I don't understand, Remus, what kind of image you've got of yourself and what kind of image you've got of me. Remus, if anyone here and is perfect it's you, not me. Yes, you're a werewolf, okay, fine, but you're also polite and calm and charming and chivalrous and handsome and witty and funny and just about everything else. I don't get it, Remus because if anyone's stupid and wrong and imperfect it's me. I'm clumsy and uncoordinated and I blurt things out before I speak and I stutter in awkward situations and I get angry too easily and I look like an idiot most of the time and I've got two left feet and all the rest-"
"Don't say that about yourself-"
"Oh but you're allowed to beat yourself up and hate yourself? I don't know what you want, Remus, because ever since... Ever since Sirius died you've pushed me away but at the same time you've been making excuses. Never once, even when I asked you, have you ever said I don't love you and you're just being awkward! I-"
"I thought I was protecting you. Everyone around me has ended up dying. I didn't want the same to happen to you-"
"Bullshit! I'm not going to just drop down dead before you! I'm in enough danger with Bellatrix as it is, I'm pretty sure you aren't going to add to it much more!"
"I-"
"Look, I don't want to have this argument now. I'm sick of the same stupid excuses when I don't bloody care. Just give me my wand back so I can go, I'm freezing."
"Maybe I don't want to give you the same three excuses..."
"What?"
"Maybe I'm... Here to apologise and... It's just- everyone around me dies, everyone I love and- I think we need to talk. Properly."
Tonks paused, considering what to say next. It was odd seeing the calm, collected person that was Remus Lupin stuttering in front of her. Odd and damn cute.
She opened her mouth in what was probably a rather unattractive face but, once again, didn't care. Was that the word love she had just detected?
Awkward silence. She shuffled her feet, fully aware that if she didn't say something right now she'd lose any chance she would ever get yet unable to speak anyway.
"It's okay; I understand, I've hurt you. I'll leave you alone-"
"No." She wanted to talk to him.
More foot shuffling.
Finally, he sighed- she noticed the slight tug of a smile on the corners of his mouth- and walked forwards. Slowly, he took her arm and led her towards the door.
"You're lips are blue. You're going to end up freezing to death"
The last thought Tonks had before walking into the inviting warmth of the small place was so he's been staring at my lips, has he?
Tonks woke up the next morning in a tangle of limbs, the sun already having been up for a long while.
They had talked, as he had said. She'd also screamed at him a bit and they'd both done a good bit of crying (she may also have hit him a couple of times, too, but that wasn't really her fault... Okay, so it was but hey, they didn't call it the infamous Black temper for nothing)
It had taken a while but they'd done it. Okay, so it wasn't going to be perfect but with two such imperfect people, it never was going to be, was it? She wasn't quite sure how she had convinced him, in the end but who cared, she had and that was all that mattered.
They had kissed. A lot.
...Among other things, which she would conveniently leave out when she was questioned later by Hermione and Ginny and which seemed to take her back to the stupid brave heroine in the romance book and how in the ending they all just ripped their clothes off. The only difference was that beds were a lot comfier than sand...
Yes, things were looking up. For one, it was considerably warmer now and even if it did become cold again, she always had Remus to use as a warming charm. Bill was going to be okay and, double bonus, maybe Fleur would actually believe she wasn't trying to steal away her précieux fiancée.
Suddenly, the prospect of Canada seemed uninviting and rather far away. And cold. Not to mention Remus-less. Yes, Tonks thought she might just stick around in England for another, oh, sixty years or so...
*Yes, I know Bella was never even there in the books. I, however, loved that she was placed in for the film and, in my head, she's always been there and teased Tonks a little over her new love. Just roll with it. For me? Kthnx.
A/N: Bojour, mes amie! Okay, so I can't speak French properly...
This is more of a drabble than anything. I find Tonks both fun and interesting to write as, probably because the way she talks and acts is so natural and normal. I've had this idea in my head for a while and I've been desperately wanting to write a proper piece of RLNT for a while, too.
Unfortunately, I have exams (oh, GCSE's, I hate you so much) coming up, hence the rapid succession of updates lately- I've been trying to flush a lot of ideas from my mind so it can be clear. I've had a piece of 'Dromeda/Ted in the works for a while but that's on hold...
Anyway, the main reason for this tedious authors note was basically... Okay, I forgot. And before anyone says anything, yes, I know I botched up their dialogue in the end. I find Remus irritatingly hard to write dialogue for, for some reason.
I know I could've developed the argument more but I didn't see the point so much. There are a lot of 'after the hospital scene' fics and we already know boths sides off by hear by now... This doesn't have much point, actually, it's more of a random drabble. It's likely I'll take it down and edit it, but for now let's just say we're developing Tonks a bit. That and I wanted to add Fleur in, even if it is just by name. I've been wanting to write a Fleur centric for a while and I probably will... I love typing out her accent so much, it's unreal...
Anyway. Reviewers can have some French lessons from Fleur, Lord knows I need them...