The Pain
Dedicated to all my friends who either encouraged me to do it or said I couldn't and drove me the point that I did or just like Animorphs: Cory, Shane, Alan, and Jessica a.k.a. Scess Thanks for believing in me and if you didn't thanks for driving to the point where I did.
Thanks again.
Hi. My names James. Just James don't even bother saying "James what?" because I can't tell you. I can't tell anyone anymore because they might find me..... And they scare me. I'm talking about the yeerks. You probably don't know what they are. Not many people do just the controllers the Animorphs and a few conspiracy crazed nerds. The yeerks are a parasite race of Grey slugs that crawl into your head and take over your body. Once there inside your head though they don't just control you, they know you. They can squeeze into each tiny crevice of your brain and find out your deepest secrets. They might find out the girl you have a crush on what scares you the most or that your only hobby is making a model airplane. Or they might find out that you're the one there after. That's what can happen if one of us gets caught. If one of us gets caught everyone goes down with them. Because thanks to a dyeing Andalite we have to fight them because we're the only ones who can. We have the power to morph into any animal we touch but we can only stay as an animal for 2 hours. Its double-edged sword can't take the good without the bad. We use this power to battle the yeerks. We have to fight the yeerks until the Andalites come and save us, because we're the only ones keeping the yeerks from total control. I am an Animorph I fight the yeerks and I'll keep fighting them I'll fight them until none are left, because they took her from me, because I want revenge on Visser Three and I wont stop until he's dead, because he's mine!
This all started when I moved to this god forsaken town. I can't tell you what town because that would help them find me. I started out as just a farm boy who had to move to the city. My dads company transferred him so I unfortunately had to leave my middle of no where in the country home and come to this city. The thing was I was only a country kid in a few of the aspects. I was very intelligent not some stupid kid who can't spell. But I lived up to the country idea of being able to lift a ton. I also had an unbelievable knack for computers they were my life I lived and breathed them I knew everything about them and they made my life worth living. It was a normal day Marco and me were hanging out in the computer lab goofing around with the school computers doing stuff we would never do on our for the fear of the computer crashing. But here it didn't matter these weren't our computers. Marco was about the only kid in the school I talked to. For one simple reason. He was as good with computers as I am. The only difference was he was a programmer I was a hacker. But we didn't care he built it I destroyed it hey it's cruel world nothing you can do about it right. Well Marco and I were just putting the finishing touches on a new web site when Jake Marco's best friend walked in. "Hey Jake" "hey Marco" they both said and I said "hey wassup" "look Marco we've got an emergency meeting at 5 so I suggest we get moving" It was 4:30 and I was wondering what would be more important than computers but didn't say anything. "Hey James how bout we finish this tomorrow ok?" "Alright Marco no problem see ya tomorrow" I didn't really want to say that I wanted Marco to stick around but I didn't say anything. What could I have said either way after I said it was fine he was gone. I started to walk out of the school I was going down the hallway when I saw her. She was beautiful blonde hair green eyes not completely computer alliterate. She was a dream to me and I would have done anything to go out with her. "Hi James what's up!" she said but all I could even manage to get back to her was a weak "Hi". Then I just walked out of the school thinking about how stupid I was.
I got home early since Marco left so early and my parent's were glad to see me. But I'll I did was say "HI mom Hi dad" and went up to my room to play my computer. My room was like a lab there were parts and things scattered everywhere. I loved James Bond and so I was always making spy gadgets and things like that. Up on my wall above my bed was my Yasmine Bleek poster. I loved that poster mainly because it had Yasmine in her underwear on it. Anyway I sat down on my computer dialed up and checked my e-mail there was nothing. Then I checked my ICQ I thought 126 people on your list James one of them has to be on. I was right but the only person on was a guy I knew in Italy and he was pissed cause his pasta was lumpy or something like that. So I disconnected and went to sleep even if it was only 5:28 p.m. I woke up at about 2:00 am and went on the net. I could run for 2 days on only 6 hours sleep without the aid of caffeine so this was nothing. There was usually someone online that late or that early and there was but I didn't feel like talking to any of them. So I just surfed went to site to site to site. I started playing one of my net games. I type in www. some ones name.com and see what site I got. I had found almost every kind of site imaginable. And now the game had gotten boring because of that. Since there was nothing to do I was about to go back to bed when my icq started to flash because I had received a message. I opened it figuring it would be some prank or something one of my net friends was pulling but I for some reason believed it. It said this "Soon you'll be entrusted with the greatest secret and then because of it you will feel great sorrow." I replied "What the hell are you talking about?" Then he sent me a URL so I went to the site and what I saw confused me. I saw 4 of the kids from school. Marco Jake and Cassie and Rachel then I saw a red tailed hawk and something that freaked me out. It looked like a centaur from one of those fiction books but it had 4 eyes 2 on stalks a scorpion like tail with a blade that I knew could do some damage and 6 fingers on each hand. Then below it said a word I'll never forget now it said "The Animorphs".
A week had pasted since that weird message it freaked me out and I was starting to wonder Jake and Marco had to keep leaving for what they called meetings. Gem the only girl in school I had a crush on was starting to talk walk and just plain take more of a liking to me. She was getting close to me. That scared me no one was ever close to me and to make matters worse her brother captain of the football team was starting to get a little overprotective of her. Basically if I so much as make eye contact with her I'm screwed over. Then one day Marco and I were in radio shack looking at computer games we both already had literally 300 games on our computers but what's a few more? Then Jake walked up and before ya know it their gone to another one of their meetings. Then I decided to follow them. I was a relatively good spy watch every James Bond film 289 times and you learn a few things. I made sure to keep my distance though. Soon they joined up with Cassie and Rachel then I looked up and low and behold a Red tailed hawk. I was starting to wonder what was going on only thing missing was that blue alien thing. They all went to Cassie's barn behind her house. I didn't know a whole lot about Cassie just that her parents ran a wild animal vet thing. I peered through a crack in the wall and there was another kid there. Soon however that kid started to change. And when he was done changing he was that blue alien thingy! "Holy shit" I whispered and then I heard it. I heard something I heard some one say but I didn't hear it, it was in my head! "What did you hear Tobias" Jake said a person outside was the reply. Next thing I knew Jake and Rachel had dragged me in the barn and thrown me in some straw. "Whatever you just saw forget you saw it!" Rachel screamed at me. "I'm not about to forget that! But I'm guessing you don't want me to tell anyone about it either." I replied with an evil grin slowly crossing my face. " Please don't." said Cassie "Well then I wont but you have to explain to me what the hell is going one here" and then Jake spoke up " about a year ago we were crossing through a construction site when an alien ship crashed. The alien told us about the yeerks a parasite race here to enslave earth. He gave us one weapon the power to morph but we can only morph to an animal we've touched and only for 2 hours at a time." " So you guys are fighting evil space mutants?" Then everybody at once said, "YES". " I can't wait to make a web site about this!!!!!" I said evilly. "NO' said Cassie If you don't we'll make you one of us!" "You'll give me the ability to change into any animal I touch?" "Yes but you have to keep it a secret and help us fight" said Jake. "Well then where do I sign" I asked enthusiastically. " I don't trust this SOB!" Rachel exclaimed just as I was about to touch the blue box the alien named Ax was holding. "Well Rachel it doesn't matter weather or not you trust me because the fact is you have no choice." I shot back at her quickly before any of them had a chance to reconsider. I don't know why but I really wanted this. In a few weeks I would wish I had never even met any of them.
It had been one week and I was finally going on a date with Gem. She asked me out not the other way around. Marco said it made me less of a man but I didn't care I had gone through hell and high water and after Gem had an argument with her brother it finally happened we were going to go see a movie. I don't know what I was just gonna let her pick the movie I didn't care as long as she was there. Then it happened I wasn't connected to the net which people often complained I was and the phone rang. I answered it and Jake told me we were having an emergency meeting in 30 minutes. Can you believe it!! It was my dream! My dream was about to come true and I had to go off to save the world. I tried explaining but he just said be there and hung up on me. What could I do? They had treated me pretty bad as an Animorph because I got the job through foul play but it didn't matter. It was all worth it to fly. I had a bird morph and it was my favorite! I loved to fly with my Merlin morph. The Merlin was a smaller bird of prey but it was an amazing flyer and I loved to fly as it. I had also acquired a Jaguar for my battle morph a fly and an ant for insect a dolphin and a trout for water and my least favorite of all was my sea gull morph. Why did I hate that morph but still love a fly morph you ask? Well one simple reason I hated sea gulls. I don't know why I just hated them and so I hated turning into them.
I got to the meeting a little late and walked in not apologizing but instead I said "this better be good I'm missing my date for this ya know?!" "It is. But your date doesn't matter this is the world we're saving here your lucky you have time for a girl friend." Said Jake coldly and angrily. " Ok that's it listen up here you guys! I got this through foul play but technically so did all of you. Humans weren't meant to have this either way I got it on the same grounds as you. Secondly I my not have much of a life but I do have one and it isn't entirely saving the world I want to have fun now and then! And finally back off me ok, I may not be the nicest guy or the fairest but I'm not a traitor I despise them I'm a damn good spy am I spying on you now no I'm not. So just give it a rest." I don't know why I said that but then they just dropped the subject and went on to other matters. "Well then why are we here Jake what's so important oh glorious leader!" I could see Jake and Rachel were ready to bust Cassie was Cassie who never got mad. Tobias well you couldn't tell with him being stuck as a red tailed hawk since he couldn't change back for 2 hours you couldn't read emotion on his face. Ax well Ax was an alien and he was more fascinated by this than disturbed even though he called Jake prince for crying out loud. "Well then let's get on with business. Ax has informed me that the yeerks are building another yeerk pool in the mountains." That was one of the yeerks weaknesses they can't survive without kandrona rays normally provided from their sun. But here on earth they needed these pools to soak up the rays or else they would only survive for 3 days then die a horrible death. In my opinion the ones that died that way would be the lucky ones when I got done with them. "So when and how do we take it out?" I said. "We need to see what we're up against there first then we can think of how to take it out." This was Jake talking our leader as far as knew. He didn't seem to like the job much but out of all of us it was easy to see he was most qualified. " Bugs or birds Jake? I'm pretty eager to see what we're up against here." This was true too. I was pretty interested in seeing what we were fighting. All I knew so far was the names the Hork Bajier, Taxxons, and the weakest ones the gedds. I had no Idea what they looked like or how many there were just the names they didn't tell me anything else. "Well? How about Friday if we're all not busy?" Cassie was speaking here and pretty soon everyone had confirmed nothing we going on that day and so we would be scouting on Friday.
It was Friday. I was on my way home from school and I was pretty nervous. I mean who wouldn't be I was going to go see a bunch of aliens who are trying to take over the world. We had decided on bird morphs, which was great because I loved to fly. The reason we took them I knew was just their great eyesight or else we would've taken bugs but why mess with a good thing eh? As soon I walked in the door I ran up to my room without even saying hello. We were going to go on the mission at 9 and it was only 3-o clock but I was going to go on my date with Gem. Finally I was going to get the date. The date which I had to put off 3 times for meetings. But now it was going to happen nothing was gonna stop it. We were just going down to the beach for a walk and that still wasn't until 7pm but I needed to get online and inform everybody. Only 3 of my friends were online so I only informed them since they new everybody on my list they'd tell them I was gone on a date. They thought they date wouldn't be over until midnight because I of course couldn't tell them I was going to save the world. The 3 people on were ClemKadiddlehopper, dikidola, and cybergirl. They all mostly said wow since they all thought it would never happen but I didn't care because it was. I spent my time until 7 talking with those three people and then I said I had to go and started going down to the beach. I was going to meet Gem there we decided since I said I didn't have a lot of time we would just go down to the beach for a walk then hit a Mac Donald's. Well when I got to the beach and she was already they're waiting for me. I walked over she gave me a hug and I hugged back. The moment even though it only lasted 2 minutes to me it seemed 2 hours! It was like a piece of heaven almost I just wanted to stay like that for eternity. Unfortunately it had to end. "I was beginning to wonder if you were gonna stand me up!" Gem said "Hey I wouldn't miss this for the world!" I wasn't lying I wouldn't I wouldn't care if Jake called me up saying the yeerks were coming out in full force I still wouldn't miss this. At the moment this was everything that mattered in my life and nothing was gonna get in the way of it or stop it. We started walking and talking basically we talked about our lives stupid and smart things we had done. We were just walking and eventually we came to cliff and decided to just sit down and watch the waves crash against the enormous rock wall. Well she watched the waves crashed I mostly just looked at her. She is beautiful I kept saying in my head over and over. "Hey James have you heard of the sharing?" she asked me. I had heard of it. It was a yeerk organization. They used it to gain voluntary hosts and I hated it but I couldn't just say ya evil aliens run it so I just said, " yeah I've heard of it." I said it pretty coldly but she didn't notice or even think that I didn't like the sharing for whatever reason. "She said yeah? It's having a big party up in the mountains a week from Saturday and I was wondering if you wanted to go with me?" She wanted to see me again? Even if it was at the Sharing just the fact that she would want to see me again was amazing!!!! It was weird though at the same time I was both scared and overjoyed she wanted to see me again but she was a member of the Sharing and the Yeerks ran the sharing. What if She was one of them? What if she was just going out with me so they could get another controller? What if what if? There were too many what ifs right now. But then I just looked into her eyes her emerald green eyes and I just new she wasn't one of them. She was just as in the dark as almost everybody else. " I think I might be busy then but I'll see if I can come." I lied I wouldn't go and if possible I wouldn't let her go either. But there was one thing that troubled me even more. She said this party was up in the mountains and that's where I was going tonight because that's where the yeerks were constructing another pool. That got me thinking what if the yeerks make her one of them. Then I knew the yeerks would take them up there and then they would make them controller's weather they wanted to or not they would have no choice. "Oh ok… well if you can't than maybe some other time right?" " Yeah of course that'd be a dream. Well we better get going it we want to stop Mac Donald's." It was 8:30 and I said I'd be there at 9:00. So I started to get up but she grabbed my arm and pulled me back down to the ground. "Well can't we stay and watch the sun go down? It should go down in a couple of minutes." I thought about that for a minute. I wasn't really hungry and that sounded pretty romantic so I thought why not. "Sure that'd be great." So I sat back down my legs over the edge of the cliff and Gems head resting on my shoulder.
I was in deep! I was supposed to be there at 9:00 and it was now 9:15! "Jesus Christ their gonna have my head!" I said to no one imperticuler. They did have my head too. Jake was pissed I could see it and I got one hell of a lecture! But now we didn't have time for it. We had work to do. "Look guys when we get back I've got some important news." No one answered they were all mostly birds now so I started to morph my owl since this was at night the Merlin would be useless. Once we had all finished I heard the exact thing Marco said Rachel would say LETS DO THIS! Ok Xena. Marco and I both said at the exact same time. Everybody laughed as Rachel shot some comment back that I really didn't listen too because my mind was already off the subject. It was on Gem and the Sharing.
We started to fly and even though I loved to fly my mind was too occupied. I just kept trying to figure out what I was gonna do. I was completely out of it. I didn't even realize it when got to the site. It looked like they were almost done the yeerk pool but that didn't catch my eye at all. What caught my eye scared me. I saw the Hork Bajier and the Taxxons no Gedds but compared to them they couldn't have been scary. The Hork Bajier would best be described as walking lawnmowers. They were HUGE! They were covered from head to toe in blades. They had a beak and blades oh god the blades they had blades on their wrists, elbows, head, on their knees, and claws on their feet and hands. The shock troops of the yeerks Ax said to me in thought speak. I think I can see why Ax man. Ax was about the only one of the Animorphs who treated me like a member of the team. I guess it's because he was an andalite and didn't really understand all that well. But then I saw some Taxxons. They weren't near as scary as the Hork Bagier but they were enough. They had a hell of a lot legs 6 eyes that looked like they were made of Jell-O and basically looked like giant centipedes. They were big! Big enough that if you went up and hugged one your arms wouldn't get all the way around. They didn't terrify me but they were scary enough. Holy shit I said openly to everyone. Yeah that's what we're up against so forget that your scared of them because you'll end up killing a lot of them Wow I thought I found it unfair to kill them. They didn't have choice in the matter of weather or not to kill me. The yeerk in their head made them do it and so I would have to kill them in order to kill the yeerk. Wow this is unfair to them don't feel that way. Death is better than being a controller. Don't feel sorry for them. Ax told me and he was right too. I had asked Jake and he had been a controller. I began looking down at the area below us. I saw Taxxons, Hork Bajier, and humans. I saw Chapman the principal at my school he was ordering around a bunch of people so I assumed he had a high rank. Ok everyone lets head back we've seen enough Jake said that and Jake was the boss so I left even though I wanted to stay and look some more we were getting close to 2 hours though and after 2 hours I would be stuck in the morph. I flew back to the barn the same way I flew from it wondering about Gem. I knew she wasn't a controller I knew by looking in her eyes but I still needed to help her. In a week if I didn't do something she would become one of them and then I don't know what I would do. We got back to Cassies barn and demorphed. As I demorphed I felt myself growing my bones cracking my face and skin changing. As soon as I got my mouth back I started blurting out everything I knew. " Ok guys a week from tomorrow the sharing is going up to that spot for what anyone in the sharing who isn't a controller thinks is a party but after what we just saw we know it wont be that. So what are we gonna do?" "Are you saying that the sharing is gonna get about 100 new controllers in a week?" Rachel asked me. "Yeah they are unless we do something. So Jake what do we do?" I asked and answered. "Nothing we don't have enough time to plan anything." Was what I got back. Not enough time to plan something! Well if he doesn't come up with something then I would by myself if I had to. I do anything for Gem I'd give my life to keep her from being a controller. But now I was being told I couldn't help her? " What do you mean nothing? We can't just do nothing! Gem is going to that, that thing! And you're telling me we're going to do nothing!" "Yes. We don't have enough time. I'm sorry." Is all I got back from Jake. I was pissed I was passed pissed. He wasn't sorry he was just doing this to hurt me. He was doing this because he hated me because he wanted me hurt because he wanted me to quit. That was his plan hurt me bad and get me to quit if he was lucky maybe I would morph and make myself stuck as it. It wasn't going to happen. " Your not one fucking bit sorry! Look I don't care if you don't have a plan because if the rest of you don't want to help then I'll go it alone for god sake!" I was going nuts on them at that time I was almost ready to kill them. "Fine James lets say we do go there lets say we start fighting what good will it do! At most we might just get the people there killed! Hell if we were lucky maybe even ourselves!" I just thought fuck you Jake because I didn't care if I died. That's right I didn't care. If it saved Gem I would go straight to hell. "We have to do something! Even if you wont I will! Because I care about this god damn war." I was over the edge. I was going nuts and I was ready to break our fearless leader Jake's nose. "You don't care about the war James you just care about her. You don't want her to be a controller well to bad we all have something to deal with in this war. Hell my brother is a controller and think you know about this stuff? You don't know Jack." This set me off I punched Jake as hard as I could. I didn't care anymore. I wanted to hurt him I wanted to hurt him bad. And he wet down too. " You won't help then like I said I'll go alone!" And I left I had no reason to be there. But as I left I heard them say something I heard them say "Just like David".
It had been a week. It was now Friday night and Gem and I were going to go do the same thing we did last time we went out. As for the Animorphs they could all be hanging by their fucking necks in their goddamn closets for all I cared. I was through with them. My life was Gem and protecting her now the world can go to hell for all I cared as long as I had Gem I was happy. I hadn't spoken to even Marco for the entire week. He wouldn't help none of them would help but I would do everything I could. I left the house to go to my date about 7:30 even though it wasn't until 8:00 this time. I got there at about 7:45 only to see she was already waiting for me. "Hey " I said suprising her. "Hey you!" She replied as she came up and gave me a hug. It still felt like heaven. It still seemed to last an hour and I still loved it. We walked and talked and eventually we came to the same cliff we came to before. We sat down and talked a bit and after a while we ran out of things to talk about and went silent watching the waves. "Look I don't think you should go to this sharing thing tomorrow." I blurted out. "Why not?" why not I'll tell you why not because if you do evil aliens will take control of your body is why not! "Look I just don't think it's safe ok." "Will you be able to go?" she asked me. Well I didn't want to go. The thought of going scared me. No the thought of me going that didn't scare me one bit! It was the thought of her going that scared me. The thought of her getting infested. That's what scared me. "Well if you want me to then I'll come." What else could I say? "Well if your going there is no safer place I cold be. I'd trust you with my life James. I love you James." Then she leaned over and kissed me. My god she kissed me! There would never be a happier moment in my life! She kissed me I loved it! It was the greatest thing ever! Even though I'm sure it lasted only few seconds it seemed like a year almost. It was heaven and I can say that truthfully because it was. Because nothing in the world could have compared with it. And when she stopped I hugged her. I hugged her hard and she hugged back. "Oh god I love you too! I'd die for you I'd kill for I'd sell my soul for you! I promise I'll protect you. Because I love you more than life."
Saturday morning. I had been dreading this all night long. No I didn't sleep I spent the entire night on the Internet. But I didn't talk to a lot of people. Even if I did talk to someone about what was happening what would I say? They wouldn't believe me if I did tell them anyway. I got up and went downstairs to get some toast for breakfast. I was scared. I had been scared a lot lately. Because I cared about her… About Gem and the thought of what might happen to her scared me. The yeerks scared me. The Hork Bajier scared me, and the Taxxons scared me. Visser 3 scared me… But none of them scared me as much as the thought of Gem being a controller. None of it scared me half as much as the thought of not being able to protect Gem, not being able to save her from the yeerks that's what scared me most. At that moment nothing scared me as much as that because there wasn't anything scarier in my life than that. This was new to me all I used to fear was a virus hitting my computer or it crashing or being hit by lighting. But now none of that scared me. Those were forgotten fears because now I had a lot more to be scared of, because now Gem could get hurt and that didn't just scare me that terrified me. I went upstairs to eat my slice of toast. I wasn't very hungry but I hadn't eaten for about 2 days now and my parents were getting worried. I spent the last week living on caffeine. In the last 6 days I had gotten 10 hours of sleep. I couldn't sleep though because when I slept I had the nightmare. The nightmare wasn't the traditional one with the monsters and goblins. It was worse. I saw two Hork Bajier restraining Gem and Visser 3 putting a yeerk in her head. But then Visser 3 wasn't Visser 3 anymore he was Jake. That Bastard Jake I hope I broke his nose. And the whole time Gem would be screaming "Why aren't you protecting me James you promised?" That's why I didn't sleep I was scared to sleep. I was scared of almost everything. It was 12:00 in the afternoon now and gem would be dropping by at 3:00 so we could go to the party together. The party just one more thing to add to my list. I knew Gem would get worried if she saw me the way I was right now. Last time I slept was before my date with Gem yesterday so she wouldn't be worried about me. I was tired I had only gotten 5 hours sleep last Saturday and then 5 yesterday. I didn't want to sleep like I said I was scared to. But I didn't want Gem thinking something was wrong so I crawled into my bed turned out the lights and after about 20 minutes of worrying about the nightmare fell asleep.
I woke up nearly screaming. I had, had the nightmare again and was covered in sweat. I looked over at my clock it said the time was 2:45 in its green digital color. Just enough time for a shower and a change of clothes I thought. So I went to the bathroom started the shower striped down and got in. While I was in the shower I went over what I hoped would happen tonight. Gem was coming at 3 the party didn't start until 6 but it was a 3-hour hike up to it so we were leaving at 3. If I was lucky I would be able to morph and get Gem out of there. I'd have rip and tear my way through but I'd get her out. She would find out my secret but I didn't care I was too scared to care. I loved Gem and she loved me she wouldn't care that I could morph either. I got out of the shower dried off and went into my room. I put on some clean clothes not to fancy since we were gonna hike up to the spot and they would like get dirty and torn but they I looked good so I was happy. I had just put on an old Nike T-shirt and some faded blue jeans, which was what I normally wore so it worked out all right. I had just finished when I noticed from my bed room window that Gem was coming. I rushed downstairs and opened the door shouting "Hey!" as cheerfully as I could given the circumstances. "Hey you!" Said as she almost always did. She came up and gave me a kiss and a hug. For that moment I forgot everything that was wrong because at that moment my life was perfect. It still felt like heaven and it always would. "Ready to go yet?" she asked me cheerfully "Ready as ever!" I lied there I would never be ready not for what was about to happen. Because what was going to happen at that party horrified, terrified and just plain scared me. We started to walk and once we got to the mountain I just looked up and said "Yoah" "Well lets start walking!" She always sounded so happy I wondered that if she became a controller if that would go away? I hoped not. But I didn't need to hope because I wouldn't let that happen! Right? I looked over and looked into her eyes just one more time to make sure she wasn't one of them. She wasn't it's not that you can tell by a persons eyes but with Gem all I had to do was look into her eyes to see everything was alright. Everything was all right? No nothing was all right nothing might ever be all right anymore.
I was starting to wonder what would happen if I couldn't protect Gem what would happen if I failed her? I was beginning to scare myself now. And then I wondered why I was so scared and afraid now. I just got more afraid. Now everything was scarring me. I was scarring myself! I just tried to stop thinking about anything. But that didn't work. As we walked up the trail talking my mind went somewhere else I just found myself thinking about the Animorphs and that didn't scare me that made me angry and it made me want to give Jake another good sock to the face. "I hope I did break his nose" I mumbled. "What was that James?" "Huh!? Oh um…. Nothing" I couldn't tell her. No way I could tell her even if was scared and angry I didn't want to scare her I wanted her to stay happy. I didn't want her to know about what was going on because then she would be scared and worried. She would be worried about me… I didn't want that I hated when anyone worried about me and I didn't want Gem to have to worry about me. Gem was my life now I couldn't stand the thought of her scared hurt worried or worst of all a controller.
It was a long walk up to the site. We talked most of the way up… Well she talked most of the way up. I couldn't concentrate on any of the subjects that came up my mind just went back to one thing what would happen when we got up there? What if Gem got hurt? What would if I couldn't protect her? There were too many "what ifs again" I hated not knowing these things because I needed to protect her. But… But what if I couldn't protect her? Oh god that was too scary to think about… But it was a possibility? I mean if I couldn't protect her what would happen? Would she get hurt become a controller? Or what if… what if she was even killed? Oh god no! No that too scary to even think about! But it could happen… And if it did happen it would be my fault, because I was supposed to protect her. And if I couldn't protect her that could happen. I could feel my self go pale I felt sick and scared. No I wasn't just scared anymore I was terrified.
"James are you feeling alright? You look like a ghost." "Huh? Oh yeah I'm fine…" I wasn't fine I was terrified because I had to protect Gem and what if I couldn't? Then what would happen? As I thought about this I found a whole new definition of scared. I had to protect Gem I wouldn't let them take her away from I wouldn't let them if it meant my death! I loved Gem and if I save her and go to hell I'll welcome it.
We got to the spot where the party was. There were porta potties a boom box and a big tent. No one knew what was in the tent. Well no one except me I knew what it was. It was the yeerk pool. They were gonna keep it a surprise and let us enjoy our last free moments. How thoughtful… I think. It was pretty much a normal party kids danced and a whole bunch of other things. That's why it was odd for me there, because I knew that this wasn't just a party this would pretty soon turn into a nightmare. James! Is that you James? Look up. I heard that voice in my head so I knew who it was. It would be Tobias so I looked up and saw a red tailed hawk. "What are you looking at James?" I had almost forgot that I was dancing with Gem at that moment, because seeing Tobias meant that I would have help. "Huh oh I was just looking at that bird up there." "Oh ok. It is a pretty bird. Looks kinda dangerous though." I could see Gem was a little scared of Tobias. But I mean one look at those talons and almost anyone would be scared of him. Well I wouldn't but I knew it was Tobias. "Don't worry I'll protect you if that stupid hawk tries anything." I said with a smile on my face. I really would. Even if it was Tobias I'd kill him if it'd make Gem happy. "Ha ha! Ok James!" Then she put her head on my shoulder and we danced some more. Listen up James me Rachel and Ax are here. Just us though Jake Marco and Cassie didn't come. Jake for obvious reasons. But here's the plan ok. Ax is already in that Tent Re-wiring that pool to explode. When Ax gives us the signal it's our job to get all these kids outta here. Got it? I just nodded as long as I was human I couldn't reply in thought speak and if I said something back to Tobias Gem would think I was nuts. We danced some more and I was starting to wonder when we were gonna get moving along here. Gem and I danced and I tried to act normal so she wouldn't be worried. I looked up and Tobias was still circling around up in the sky. But then I almost jumped when I heard in my HEY! Did we miss anything yet? Hi James! Sorry we're late we didn't think the 4 of you would actually do this. I wanted to shout back at them but if I did everyone would think I was nuts. I heard Tobias quickly explain the plan to Marco and Cassie in my head. Oh yeah and Jake isn't gonna com he said that we would be wasting our time with this. That flame of hatred I had for Jake was sparking up again I could feel it and I was starting to hope that if I didn't break Jake's nose that I'd get a chance to finish the job. Alright everybody ready? NOW! I heard Tobias say inside of my head just before a gorilla a Bear a wolf and a Hawk came barging out of the woods.
People screamed and ran and screamed some more! Marco Tobias Rachel and Cassie were chasing them away from he site. Gem just clinged to me as I pushed us past people. I wasn't going towards the way out though. I was going behind the porta potties so I could become a jaguar. "Gem now don't get scared with what your about to see ok?" "O-o-o-o-ok." I didn't really notice the reply I was already changing. My bones cracking my skin changing my teeth becoming sharp. Stick close to me Gem and I'll protect you. I said as soon as I was done changing. She just nodded to shocked to give an answer. We started running and then I saw the Hork Bajier. They were grabbing people left and right and dragging them away. Our plan had failed. All the others were fighting. My priority was Gem though. Follow me Gem I started head towards a way out. A Hork Bajier got in my way I lunged at him and ripped out his throat with my teeth. Then kept going. I was almost there and something worse got in my way, Visser3. His tail came down I moved to the right as it shaved of some of my fur. I lunged at him I was close to his throat and then, BAM! A Hork Bagier punched me and I went flying through the air and hit the ground… hard. "James!!" Gem screamed as she came running towards me to help me up. NO DON'T!!!! I screamed but I was too late. Visser3 got her with his tail. I saw it go straight through her gut. I saw her blood flow out of her wound I saw her breath leave her as she died. I saw the life leave her emerald green eyes. I, I, I couldn't protect her. I failed her. It's my fault. I said in open thought speak Yes it is your fault. I heard from Visser3. Visser3 I wanted to kill him I lunged again. The Hork Bajier punched me again this time though I landed on my feet. I went at it again this time for the Hork Bajier I connected and ripped out his throat. Visser3 started to run. More Hork Bajier started to come they surrounded me. I lunged and clawed and ripped and teared. I was a machine I didn't know what I was doing. And I was probably the fist jaguar ever to cry tears.
Come on James we gotta go! I heard Marco say to me but I didn't pay attention I just kept killing. But before I was done a gorilla had picked me up and was carrying me away.
We got back to Cassies barn where Jake was yelling at us. The mission had failed we had lost. I had lost more than the rest. Jake was yelling something about responsibility and I just got up and started to leave. "Where do ya think your going James! If it hadn't been for you none of this would've even happened." I just stopped right there "Sorry." It was all I could get out. "Hey Jake give him a break." Thanks Marco I thought I could use a break. I felt like I wanted to die. I hated my life and I hated everything in it. "Why should I?" "Because Gem died. Visser3 killed her Jake." I said that too him. I don't know why I said it. I guess I felt I had to be the one to say it. "Visser3 got her with his tail. Because I couldn't protect her." I said that and I hurt myself saying it. But it was the truth and I would need to own up to it. After that I left and went home. Home wasn't any better I went up to my room and went to bed. I didn't have the nightmare this time. This time I didn't dream I didn't dream at all it was just blackness. I woke up and went to school. School sucked as usual. I had the crap beaten out of me by Gems brother who didn't know she was dead. I didn't want to tell them and I didn't think I could. No I knew I couldn't. But the yeerks would probably know and tell them some lie. I couldn't tell them the truth they wouldn't believe me either way. I went to my classes avoiding anyone who might say a word to me. I didn't want to talk to Marco or Rachel or any of the other Animorphs I just wanted to be left alone to grieve. When school got out I started walking home but for some reason I didn't head home. I don't know how but I somehow ended up walking along the beach. The beach Gem and I had gone to and watched the sunset at. I knew I should've been going home but I didn't. I just kept walking. I walked right to where Gem and I sat on the cliff and watched the sunset. I sat there for hours watching the waves. I went over in my mind what had happened over the past few weeks. All the good all the bad all the horrifying. The sun was going down now I had been sitting there for over 3 hours. I sat there and watched the sun go down beneath the horizon to the other side of the world. "Visser3 took Gem away from me. Visser3 killed her. I'll kill Visser3 for that. He took my life away. So now I'll take his if I have to fight for 1,000 years and kill a million controllers I'll get Visser3 because I'm gonna make sure he pays for the pain he's caused me. Visser3 is mine."
The End