Hello! Welcome to my new collection (I would say it's my first? Because it's the first I'm actually putting energy into? But, I still technically have "Coping," soooo... *insert shrug*

Everything here will be inspired by a specific line or two from a musical. Most of the lines will probably be given to me by real close friends. You are welcome to send me a line from your favorite musical (plus any other sort of information you might want in a fic ;p ), and I'll write you a fic!

This Little Fic of Horrors (pls get my reference), like this entire series, is all thanks to MoonytheMarauder1. She is one of the Chasers on my quidditch team for the QLFC! (Go Falcons!)

The prompt for this is, "Who's crazy? The one who can't cope, or maybe the one who still hopes?" from Next to Normal (watch/listen to it. It's incredible!)

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This was also written for Hogwarts (where I am a Slytherin). All of the official prompts can be found at the bottom of my fic.

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Warnings: Depression (and other emotional/mental trauma and sadness) and Character Death (implied, not described)

Rating: T

Word Count (excluding A/N): 1219

Oh How Beautiful Minds Break

Sirius Black's mind broke during the Battle of Hogwarts—the night Harry sacrificed himself to save the wizarding world.

After years of fighting—after the death of his closest friend, and the betrayal of his second closest friend—Sirius had two good things: Harry and Remus. When his list of good things was cut in half, he went mad. His mind had been corrupted, never to work properly again.

At first, his insanity showed in the things he didn't do; he didn't eat unless Remus hand-fed him; he didn't sleep unless a sleeping draught was pushed past his lips; he didn't speak, and it broke Remus's heart. Sirius had once been so rich in love, in passion, and in substance, but now he was broken, his body an empty, ragged shell.

St. Mungo's was overcrowded with those suffering with damage from the war; an exhausted Healer took one look at Sirius and told Remus that he was just in mourning, depressed from the consequences of war. No one had time to put into non-physical ailments, so Sirius was denied treatment, leaving Remus on his own to try and fight for his love's life. Had it not been for the constant supervision from the werewolf, Sirius might not have made it to his forties.

Every day, Remus followed a schedule: they ate breakfast, they went for a walk, they ate lunch, Remus read to Sirius, Sirius took a nap, they ate dinner, and Remus bathed Sirius. Every day, Remus prayed that the stability of the schedule would aid in returning Sirius to him, hoping that Sirius would remember how to live; every night, Remus would climb into their shared bed and hold Sirius, feeling as if he were sinking deeper and deeper into the ocean of Sirius's emotions.

Every day, Remus would ask himself who was crazier: Sirius, who could no longer cope, or himself, who would not give up the hope that maybe, someday, things would get better.

/-\

Remus had been reading Sirius Babbity Rabbity and Her Cackling Stump when he heard a voice he hadn't heard in two years—the voice he had lost hope of ever hearing again.

"Please don't leave me unloved."

Sirius flinched when The Tales of Beedle the Bard fell from Remus's hand and landed on the floor with a loud clatter—it was the most movement Sirius had made on his own since Harry died. Remus felt his chest tighten.

"Siri?" he questioned timidly, his hands nervously pulling at the sleeves of his jumper. He was quietly wondering if he had fallen down the rabbit-hole of insanity with Sirius—could Sirius really have talked? After all this time?

"Is that really the time?" Sirius asked. He was looking at the clock; it was 2:19. "We need to get to headquarters. Training starts soon."

Remus bit his lip, feeling his stomach drop. "Love," he said softly, leaning down to pick up the book. "The war is over. We don't need to train anymore."

"Really?" Sirius asked, turning his attention. "You… We made it out alive?"

Remus hesitated before nodding. "Yeah. We are both alive."

"Where's Harry?"

Sirius's voice was so full of hope, something that Remus had lost over the last two years. He couldn't do it; he couldn't break Sirius again.

"Romania," Remus said softly, looking at the book in his hands. "He needed an escape after the war, so Charlie gave him a job."

/-\

Remus Lupin's heart broke when he realized he couldn't keep up the lie anymore.

It had been three months since Sirius first spoke—three months of Sirius relearning how to take care of himself and live—three months of conversation and laughter—three months of Remus crawling into bed with Sirius, and being held back when he wrapped his arms around his love—three months of staying in because Remus claimed that Sirius still wasn't ready to go outside yet—three months of lies.

"What are you afraid of?" Sirius asked as they laid in bed, returning to the topic of conversation that they had been having over the past week. In the war, fear meant a lot of things: hoping not to be found by the Death Eaters, waiting by the front door for a loved one, praying for either life or a quick death.

Without the war, fear meant a completely different thing.

Holding Sirius close to his chest, their legs intertwined, Remus took a deep breath. "Everything should be perfect, right? I should be happy now, but I'm not," he whispered. "I guess I'm afraid I'll never be happy, but I want to be. I really do."

Sirius was silent for a moment. He was so warm, so alive, and Remus loved it, but he couldn't manage happiness—it wouldn't come.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Sirius asked quietly, shifting to look up at Remus.

"I'm just… tired. Tired of holding on to things I'm not capable of carrying," Remus said after another moment of silence. "Why is everything so heavy?"

"You're talking about me, aren't you." Sirius's voice almost sounded dejected, but there was something else there. He sounded guilty.

Remus quickly shook his head, realizing he hadn't thought this through enough. He was about to respond, but Sirius quickly beat him to it, sitting up in the bed and looking down at Remus with an expression he couldn't read.

"It's okay, really," Sirius murmured, something like a smile slipping over his lips. "I understand. And, besides, you've done more than anyone should have had too. I'm doing better now. You can leave, and you don't have to feel guilty about it."

"Sirius, that's not what I—"

"Remus, honestly. It's okay. Thank you for everything you have done," Sirius said. There were tears in his eyes, but he was still smiling.

Unable to stop himself, Remus sat up, held Sirius's face carefully in his hands, and pressed a desperate kiss to his lips. There was so much emotion behind his actions, so much fear, and Remus could only hold onto it for so long before he had to pull back, the pain of his lie finally becoming too strong—he couldn't do it anymore.

"Harry is dead," he whispered, still holding Sirius's face.

Sirius, who had responded to the kiss with almost as much urgency as Remus had given, gave Remus a wide-eyed, heavy-breathing stare.

"Harry… Harry's dead?"

Remus could practically see the light fading from Sirius's eyes, and he knew he had to speak fast, or he might never get the chance.

"He died over two years ago during the Battle of Hogwarts. I wanted to tell you, but I had also just gotten you back. You don't understand how hard it was for me to see you like that, and I just wanted… I just wanted you to be okay," Remus blurted out quickly, holding Sirius's face just a little tighter.

"You lied," Sirius said softly, sounding broken, his eyes staring at Remus, but the werewolf felt as if Sirius wasn't really looking at him at all.

"I'm so sorry," Remus whimpered. "Don't leave me again. Stay with me," he begged, but the words fell on deaf ears—Sirius had already receded back into his mind, his body becoming unresponsive, and his expression becoming empty.

That night, as Remus held Sirius close, tears staining the pillow beneath him, Sirius didn't hold him back.

A/N 2.0

Hogwarts - Biosciences #2: (alt) write about someone with depression or anxiety

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Hogwarts Writing Clubs:

.Ami's Audio #10: (emotion) depression

.Bex's Basement #8: Someone lying for a good cause.

.Count Your Buttons:

...#1 (song) Heavy by Linkin Park

...#4 (object) Jumper

...#3 (dialogue) "Is that really the time?"

...#3 (pairing) Remus/Sirius

.Phantom of the Opera #9: (dialogue) "What are you afraid of?"

.Sharing is Caring September (Trope: sharing a bed)#3: (character) Sirius

.Amber's Attic #9: "I held you the way a boat holds water. I always felt us sinking."

.Liza's Loves #1: Sirius (riches to rags)

.Character Appreciation (Queenie)#28: hoping someone remembers

.Book Club #1 (Adam):

...(word) Schedule

...(word) corrupted

...(dialogue) "Please don't leave me unloved."

.Lo's Lowdown #15: (dialogue) "Everything should be perfect, right? I should be happy now, but I'm not."