A/N: (Please be aware: it is not necessary to have read my story "Perfect" to enjoy this, but this note and the story will have some spoilers so if you want to read "Perfect" spoiler-free, I suggest going to find that one before you continue this.)
When I first published "Perfect" to this site, gawilliams suggested I write a sequel. So I was looking for a song that would work well for the continuation of the story, but I didn't want a traditional (glances around to ensure the don't-want-spoilers people have left the room by now) wedding-oriented song. I sought ideas and someone suggested Risk by Paul Brandt. I looked it up and had two immediate reactions. 1. OH MY GOSH THIS SONG IS SO PERFECT FOR JANEWAY AND CHAKOTAY! 2. Good grief, this music video has real people taking REAL amazing risks to overcome insane obstacles in their lives. I don't want to cheapen that by applying the same words to the wedding of two fictional characters.
After much mental debate, I determined that I still really wanted to use this song, but I hope that this silly fictional wedding with fictional characters from a 20ish year old show (in "Perfect" I didn't establish an exact time frame within the series, but this one talks about Tom and B'Elanna already being married, so it would have to be season 7) will somehow inspire you in your own risks. And I hope, if you haven't seen it before, you'll look up the music video and appreciate the real people honored in it.
Also, unlike "Perfect," I deliberately completely changed the order of the song to last verse, first verse, chorus. It just made more sense to me based on who was saying which part and when. So without further ado I give you "Perfect, Part 2: Taking the Risk."
"What do you think of this?" B'Elanna reached toward the screen and made a couple minor adjustments. Kathryn tilted her head and considered.
"I like it better than before, but . . . ." Kathryn hesitated.
"What is it? Don't worry, it's your wedding outfit, I won't get mad if you want to change something."
"I just . . . I'm not sure about the pants suit. I think I want a dress."
"Seriously? You're the one who kept talking about the benefits of having pants in case something happens to the ship during the ceremony, and because they're more practical, and to maintain something of a sense of a Starfleet uniform so people don't forget that's their captain they're watching, as if any of us could . . . ."
She waved a hand. "I know, I know. I remember all the arguments in favor of the pants. I made them."
From across the sitting room in the captain's quarters, Tuvok glanced up from the PADD he was perusing and said, "All sound logic, Captain."
"I know. I never doubted the logic for a moment, but . . . looking at the outfit, all I can think of is the expression on his face one day, the day of our first real date, when I walked into the holodeck in a particular dress." She'd started walking toward her bedroom while she spoke, and after a moment emerged with the dress on a hanger.
B'Elanna let out a low whistle. "I doubt any being interested in females could have kept their eyes off you in that dress."
Even Tuvok had both angled eyebrows raised toward his hairline. "That is quite the dress indeed."
"See?" B'Elanna joked. "Even Tuvok is positively gushing over it! But the thing is, I've seen how Chakotay looks at you. For years, not just since you two were engaged, not even just since you got together. The fact is, you could show up in a cargo container with head, arm, and leg holes cut out, and he would look at you like the most gorgeous being in the galaxy."
Kathryn burst out laughing at that, hard enough that B'Elanna quickly divested her of the dress and carefully draped it over a chair. "Can you imagine? I wonder if I can get a cargo container in white?"
B'Elanna laughed too. Tuvok gave a slight shake of his head, then returned to the PADD where he was reviewing the ceremony details.
After a few moments, Kathryn managed to sober enough, though still grinning, to ask, "Seriously, though, so are you saying I should stick with the pants? Maybe I should, though. It'll certainly help keep the sense of the captain. I can't afford to lose that, the crew needs me to be -"
"No, Kat." B'Elanna felt weird addressing her captain in such informal terms, but Kat had been adamant that her matron of honor should not be calling her "captain" when off duty. And when B'Elanna had tried calling her Kathryn, it sounded weirdly stiff and formal, even though somehow whenever Chakotay used Kat's full first name, it sounded like the most glorious, graceful, romantic word to ever exist. "No, I'm saying you should create the exact outfit you love best and want to remember your day in - and want to have memorialized in the doc's holophotos! - and stop worrying about all the rest of it. You're not going to wear anything that will make him regret marrying you.'
"Marrying me." The words came out almost as an exhale. "Less than a week ago we were preparing to announce our relationship to the crew, and now we're getting married." She placed a hand on her stomach, a habit B'Elanna had often noticed her doing when nervous.
"Kat? Are you okay?"
She nodded. "Yes. It's just a little overwhelming." She reached her hand out, and B'Elanna took it, allowing herself to be drawn over to the couch where the captain sandwiched herself between her two friends. Kat was addressing them both when she said, "I just need to know - from my best friend and council, and from my matron of honor - are we making a mistake?"
"Why?" B'Elanna asked immediately. "Do you not love the man?"
"Oh, no, I do." An involuntary smile crept across the captain's lips, as happened, B'Elanna had noted, almost every time she spoke of Chakotay in recent weeks. Perhaps months. She wondered how long it had been happening before she noticed it. "But we have a whole ship to get home. I can't sacrifice everyone's futures for my own present happiness, but can I captain as well if I'm distracted with having a husband?"
Tuvok cleared his throat. "Captain, am I correct in understanding that you and Commander Chakotay led on a romantic relationship for some months before any of us knew about it?"
She nodded.
"And you know me to be a keen observer of my surroundings, especially as can potentially affect ship functions?"
Another nod.
"Over the past 3 months we have sent out 32 away missions. Of those, Commander Chakotay has gone on 15 of them, and you have gone on 12. Only 4 of those overlapped, and I never witnessed you hesitating to send either your first officer or yourself into danger any more than usual, nor did I witness him objecting to your doing so any more than usual. Similarly, I never noticed either of you being more reckless than usual either. These numbers are approximately consistent with data previous to when I suspect your relationship began. That suspicion, however, is entirely based on your claim of a relationship of 'several months' rather than any personal observations. For all that I am attentive to changes on this ship, I have seen no professional changes in your behavior or that of Commander Chakotay that indicated any compromised abilities to make decisions. In fact, I made few observations of changes in your personal relationship either. It was clear your time together had increased, but I had no idea it was in pursuit of a romantic relationship. When you and the commander became engaged a week ago, I assure you I was as surprised as anyone else."
"See?" B'Elanna asked. "You've been in love with the man for months and never let it affect your decisions."
"Years."
She said it so softly B'Elanna wondered if she'd imagined it. "What?"
Kathryn looked up, tears glistening in her eyes. "I've been in love with him for years. We wouldn't let anything happen before. No . . . no, I wouldn't. It was me. He wanted to earlier. He never said it, but I always knew he wanted to. But I kept Mark as an excuse between us, and then kept my position as an excuse, and it wasn't until . . . ." She brushed tears away, composed herself, and looked out the window at the stars, as though she could see the planet they'd visited half a year earlier. "Until six months ago when we had the shore leave party on that uninhabited planet. Until we danced. I'd always resisted doing anything like that, even at our celebrations here on Voyager, because I knew how much harder he would be to resist if I gave in to something even so simple as a dance." She released a half sigh and half groan, looking down at her hands in her lap. "But marriage . . . it's going to change everything."
"What, Kat?" B'Elanna asked. "What's it going to change? Besides his living on deck 3 instead of deck 7, that is."
Kathryn looked away and B'Elanna could see her start to gather herself, drawing on all of her command training and probably give some speech about the captain's responsibilities. She put a hand on her friend's shoulder.
"Stop. You're the bride. Stop being the captain for just a minute and just be Kathryn talking to her friends, okay?"
Kathryn kept her eyes locked on her chief engineer for a moment, face set. Then her face softened, letting the captain out and becoming just the woman. She nodded to her friend.
"Here's what I know: every relationship is a risk. You could play it safe, forget about love and hope-"
"And faith," Kat whispered.
"Yes, and faith. You could forget about all of it. I mean, you like boating, right? Well what would happen if you and your family went to that lake you loved sailing on, and just sat there staring at the water and sitting on the shore? You have to put your faith in something, get in the boat, go out on the water. If it weren't for taking risks we never would have gone to the stars, discovered new lands."
Kathryn's throat tightened. "And we wouldn't be trapped in the Delta quadrant."
"That's right, we wouldn't! But stop saying that like it's something you're guilty of. I was probably your strongest naysayer for destroying the array, but now I, for one, am very glad we're here! You've helped me learn and grow as a person beyond anything I think I could ever have managed in the Alpha quadrant. I never would have met Tom otherwise, or -" she placed a hand on her barely-yet-enlarged belly -"or be expecting our baby. You and Chakotay would never have gotten to know one another beyond your possibly capturing him and then delivering him to Starfleet-if we hadn't managed to evade you -" she added with a smirk -"and all the other relationships on this ship, the romantic ones and the friendships and the way we've all become each other's family, would never have happened. Would that really be better? And the Maquis were wiped out! If we were still there, almost half the people on this crew would probably be dead or in prison now even if we had managed to evade you. So just let up on yourself and accept that we're not only here, but in many ways we're happy to be here! Sure, there's a lot to miss about home, but I don't know who here, given the chance to reverse time, would trade what we've learned and accomplished for what we miss."
She took a deep breath then, settling herself after her tirade. "My point, Kathryn, is that yes, there's always risk, but just because the reward isn't always exactly what we want doesn't mean it's bad. And in the case of you two getting married, it's not only good to take that risk, it's so right. The whole crew knows it. And you know how stubborn I am, but if it's a matter of - of sitting on the shore staring at the water, or getting in the boat and taking the risk, I'd rather risk. And the thing about marriage is, you're getting in the boat together." She smiled a bit then and said, "And the thing about getting married on Voyager is, you have 150 other people cheering you on.
"So no more excuses. Like Tuvok said, we've already seen that you can still make proper command decisions despite being so hopelessly in love with the man. The crew all knows about your relationship now so it's not like getting married will put anything out in the open that isn't already there. You love the man, you want to be married to the man, the man wants to be married to you, so marry him." She paused, then rose and crossed quickly back to the computer.
"And I think I've figured out just what you should wear. What do you think of . . . ."
By the time she finished her adjustments, Tuvok and Kathryn were at her sides.
"I would say, Captain, that this is particularly befitting both your form and your preferred off-duty style, while maintaining that sense of captaincy that you spoke of."
Kathryn nodded. "I was going to use the word 'breathtaking,' but I think you've about summed it up, Tuvok."
=/\=
That night, after the members of the wedding party walked through a quick rehearsal, Kathryn and Chakotay enjoyed dinner together in her quarters - soon to be their quarters. They held hands across the table as they ate, frequently locking eyes across the table and smiling at each other, but not saying much.
When they were done, Kathryn rose, tugged Chakotay's hand to draw him to standing as well, and led him over to the couch where they snuggled comfortably together.
"I should tell you," she said, "in the interest of open and honest communication, that I was feeling a bit . . . apprehensive today." She felt him stiffen behind her. "Don't worry," she said, twisting slightly to smile up at him. "I'm not going to call the wedding off or anything. Everything about this just feels so . . . right. Honestly, I think my apprehension comes more from a place of feeling like it shouldn't feel so right. Anyway, B'Elanna and Tuvok talked some sense into me."
"Tuvok? I never would've pegged him for the romantic type."
"Oh, I really think he is, in his Vulcan it's-only-logical way. Apparently, we did such a good job of covering our tracks when we first started dating that even Tuvok didn't notice 'any significant change in command abilities or the ship's functions.'"
He laughed at her impression. "Well, I'm glad to know we have his blessing."
She smiled. "I think we have the blessings of everyone on the ship. Anyway, I wasn't really thinking of calling things off in the first place, I just needed some reassurances that it was the right choice. B'Elanna made a lot of sense, though."
"What'd she say?"
She snuggled in closer, resting her head in the delightful spot where his chest turned into his shoulder. He tightened his arm around her shoulders. "She said that love is always a risk, but if you're going in a boat you have to eventually just have the faith that it'll hold you up, and get in. And that it's better to take the risk than just sit on the shore."
"Wow. Romance from Tuvok and a sailing analogy from B'Elanna? Either we're doing something absolutely universe-shattering or our friends' minds have been taken over by an alien entity."
She laughed slightly, but then gazed up at him in wonder. "We're doing something absolutely universe-shattering, universe-building, and magical." She reached up to kiss him, which he happily reciprocated.
When they finally pulled away again, he wrapped his free arm around her front and clasped his hands together, effectively trapping her, which she didn't seem to mind at all. "B'Elanna's words remind me of an old story. Would you like to hear it?"
She giggled. "Is this a real story from your tribe, or a poorly-disguised-analogy that you only claim is from your tribe?"
"Both, actually. I mean, it's real, I'm not making it up. But it is a perfect, and rather poorly disguised, analogy. It's about the hawk. When the Maker created the hawk, he left the wings off. He told Hawk, 'When you are ready, you will fly.' Hawk tried everything he could think of - jumping up into the air, jumping off branches, everything. He just couldn't fly.
"One day, he was walking along and came to a cliff on one side of a great ravine. He looked down at the river far below, and the fish jumping in it, and wished he could fly down to get them. He hung his head sadly and started to turn and walk away, when a voice said, 'Jump.' Hawk looked up to see the Maker watching from the other side of the ravine. 'But I still don't have wings!' he called. The Maker smiled and called again, 'Jump. You cannot be ready for your wings until you already need them.'
"So Hawk took a deep breath and jumped. He fell, tumbling over and over, trying desperately to fly, and as he fell, he felt something in his shoulders. Wings began to sprout and grow, and just before reaching the water, he spread those wings, caught the wind, and flew."
He turned her toward him. "Kathryn, you're worth every risk. Do you know that? If this was a mistake - and I don't think it is - I'd still rather take the risk and make the mistake. I'd rather be like the hawk, jump first and build my wings on the way down, even if I never succeed and only get hurt, than to never take the risk at all."
"Oh, so would I. But I agree - I don't think it's a mistake either. I may have some fears, some apprehensions, but just like you said . . . I'd rather risk." She kissed him, again, but then broke the kiss with a sudden, "Oh!"
"What? What is it?"
"I just had an idea for an addition to the ceremony. It's not too late, is it?"
He smiled. "It's our wedding. We can change things in the middle of it if we want."
"Good. It'll take a bit of writing tonight, and then tomorrow you'll have to let Tuvok know."
=/\=
Tom stood beside a very fidgety Chakotay. The third time he saw the groom reach up to adjust his bow tie, he leaned over and whispered, "It'll be fine."
Chakotay smiled at his best man. "I'm not nervous, actually. Just really excited. And she wouldn't even give me a hint at what she was wearing."
"Good. It's better that way." B'Elanna had told Tom all about the dress they'd designed and, truth be told, he was rather eager to see it as well.
They stood in the mess hall, in front of chairs filled with about 120 of their shipmates, the other unlucky 20-some-odd being off filling non-expendable roles on the ship. Tuvok stood by them, center stage. The bride and her matron of honor, along with the flower girl, were waiting in a room across the hall, where they'd been preparing and waiting until Neelix ducked in to let them know the guests were all seated and they could come out into the corridor to wait.
At Neelix's none-too-subtle signal, Harry and 3 other musically-inclined crewmen switched from the generic slow music they were playing, to a slightly more upbeat classical piece. The mess hall doors opened and B'Elanna entered, walking slowly but not too slowly. Tom's breath caught at the sight of his own bride, and he looked forward to celebrating with her later that night. When she was about halfway down the aisle, Naomi Wildman entered, grinning but trying hard to look stately as she walked down the aisle tossing petals donated from some of Tuvok's orchid hybrids.
Then the music changed, this time to Mendelssohn's A Midsummer Night's Dream "Wedding March." The doors wooshed open one last time and in came Kathryn Janeway, every bit still the slightly imperious captain, but so much more.
She wore a gorgeous white dress with a bodice speckled in red and white rhinestones that, all together, vaguely mimicked the shape of the red top of a command uniform. But while the dress still gave that captainly sense B'Lanna had said the captain was nervous to let go of, she was anything but Starfleet Issue at that moment. The dress was off the shoulder, revealing a spray of light freckles on alabaster skin. A necklace fell to just below her collarbone, leaving a slight gap between it and where the neckline showed just a hint of cleavage. The dress was gathered to one side, which caused the hem to lift several inches on that side, revealing a red petticoat underneath. B'Elanna had told him the gathering at the side and the shape of the neckline were based on the dress the captain had worn for their first date. He could only imagine that other essential elements were different, because if she wore a dress like that for a first date, he didn't imagine Chakotay could have helped but propose on the spot.
Her hair was pulled back on just one side, secured by an intricate silver piece. But her eyes, locked firmly on her groom, stole the show even more than her dress. The love and fierce determination shining out of her was enough to make even Tom's heart stop, and it wasn't even directed at him. He quickly looked over at the object of that love and determination, and started to fear for his friend. "Breathe," he whispered sharply, and heard Chakotay pull in a sudden and somewhat ragged breath.
The bride was halfway down the aisle before Tom even noticed the proud Doctor walking her. For once, he doubted even the Doctor's ego would mind.
As they reached the front, the Doctor slid his arm out of Kathryn's, took her hand, and kissed her lightly on the cheek, then passed her hand forward to Chakotay's waiting hand. He looked only too eager to accept his bride to his side.
Tuvok began the ceremony. "Typically, a wedding on a starship must be conducted by the captain, or in lieu of the captain, by the first officer. As both of those officers are otherwise indisposed, the responsibility for this ceremony has fallen to me."
Everyone chuckled, and Tom looked at B'Elanna with eyes opened wide. Had Tuvok deliberately made a joke? No doubt later he would explain it away. "It is only logical, when conducting a ceremony for humans, to engage in their peculiar form of humor to enhance their enjoyment of the ceremony, however ill-befitting it may be to one's own sensibilities." Something like that. But Tom was entirely convinced that Tuvok enjoyed doing things like that almost as much as he enjoyed denying that it was intentional.
His mind started to wander a little as he listened to Tuvok drone on about the purpose of the ceremony, and he hardly listened as he watched the captain and first officer exchange vows and rings. But he snapped back to attention quickly when he expected Tuvok to pronounce them married, and instead heard the words, "Kathryn and Chakotay would like to share something, an additional vow that they wrote together."
The couple faced the crowd, hands clasped. "We've had some concerns," Kathryn began, "about what our relationship could mean to the ship, and the risks involved in the captain and first officer being married. We got some good reminders of what risk really is from some friends -" here she turned to smile at their three good friends standing up front with them -"and some of their words, and some of Chakotay's words to me as we discussed it last night, sparked an idea that has turned into this mutual vow we make with each other. We hope you'll hear it for what it is - not only our vow to each other, but our continued and renewed vow to all of you in our determination to get you all home safely to the Alpha quadrant, and our hope for how you'll all live your own personal lives as well."
She and Chakotay turned to each other and Chakotay began.
"I'd rather burn with desire deep in my soul."
Kathryn continued. "I'd rather love like a fire that's out of control."
"I'd rather laugh -"
"- and dance -"
"- and fall -"
"- and chance -"
His smile widened as he said, "- and kiss."
Then they spoke together. "We'll live our whole lives with a sense of abandon, squeeze every drop out no matter what happens, and not wonder what we missed. We'd rather risk."
Everyone was silent for a moment. Tom and B'Elanna stared at each other, and he knew, though unable to see it through his tear-clouded eyes, that her eyes were a bit misty as well. He could have sworn he heard Tuvok slightly clear his throat before he spoke again. "Well, I do not believe there is more any of us can say to improve on that, except: I now pronounce you officially wed. Captain, you may kiss your first officer."
The last sentence was hardly necessary. They had already started.
End note: Yeah, so obviously I used a lot more direct quotes from the song this time. Hope nobody minds. I'm considering writing a follow-up to this showing an AU Endgame storyline in which they still get home more-or-less the same way, but with different motivations obviously. Yay or nay? And if so, should it still follow a song like the first two stories of this series have? AND, if yes to that, I would welcome any song suggestions.
"Risk"
By Paul Brandt
(lyrics taken from )
I'd rather stand on the edge of a cliff
hang my toes over a bit
and then jump when they dare me
even if it scares me
and I get hurt
I'd rather build my wings on the way down
do my best not to fall to the ground
and then laugh at my mistakes
cause they're only lessons I'll learn
I'd rather burn with desire
deep in my soul
and love like a fire that's
out of control
and laugh
and dance
and fall
and chance
and kiss
I'd rather live my whole life
with a sense of abandon
squeeze every drop out
no matter what happens
and not wonder what I missed
I'd rather
Risk
Oh I just can't resist the chance to
Risk
Well I guess I could just play it safe
and forget about love hope and faith
with my eye on the shoreline
keeping my boat tied
and stayin' home
But I'll never discover new land
by keeping my feet on the sand
No I'd rather set sail
And get carried away by the storm
[Chorus]