In Non-Existent Memory of That Fucker In The Reviews Section Who Keeps Claiming To Be The Dead People We've Been Memorializing In These Stories
You Shouldn't Have Fucked With Us-2016
"What happens after death? Does your brain turn off forever, leaving nothing but a husk of what you once were? Or do you transcend to another reality? What would be in this reality? Would your own actions dictate where you go after death? Who runs death?
Can you die, after death?"
Vector the Alligator was listening to his beats on his headset in the shack he called Team Chaotix office. Charmy the Bee was drawing, like he always did, and Espio the Chamelion was zenning out in the corner, like he always did.
Many would think Espio the Camilion was zenning out in the corner because he's a ninja, but Vector the Alligator knew better, he was doing it to impress him. Vector the Alligator told Espio the Camilto over, and over, and over again that he just didn't like men. But Espio the Camilintio…. He was a determined son of a bitch.
"Try Nicole the Link" Vector the Alligator once told him "She has an actual interest in you! Or maybe Mighty the Armordildo! Anyone else! Just please leave me alone!"
But he always replied the same way
"Sorry, they just don't interest me."
What was Vector the Alligator to do? Fire Espio the Clementine? He was one of the team's best money makers. It was just not an option!
Suddenly, a pain was in Vector the Alligator's neck… Was he chokeing? Was the stress causing him to gag? He opened his eyes, to see that Charmy the Bee, with this disturbing grin and demonic red eyes, had stabbed him in the neck with his stinger. As soon as the stinger left Vector the Alligator's neck, the gum he was chewing slid down his esophagus, and clogged the hole, causing all the blood to run into it and cause a massive blood bubble to form. It soon burst all over the shack, spraying everyone in the face with blood.
Soon, Vector the Alligator passed on.
Wake Up
Vector the Alligator awoke in a sea of white. And not like that one time in West Hollywood Zone. A form of.. White Space. The person who had awoken him was Wave the Swallow.
"Wave the Swallow!? But how! You've been dead for over three years!" Vector the Alligator yelled. Vector the Alligator followed the gang of criminals called the Babylon Rogues. That particular band of outlaws was the one group he was always chasing, but could never catch. That is until that fateful day Vector the Alligator went out to see Chao in Space 3, and found Jet the Hawk receiving a bathroom blowjob from his own daughter. After a long interrogation, he learned of Storm the Hawk's epic Hindenburg death scene and Wave the Spit's an heroics. And on that day, a criminal was finally brought to justice… Sweet, sweet, sticky justice.
"I am fucking dead, and you fucking died too." She calmly replied. Vector the Alligator reached for his neck, which was till in tact. He had remembered that Charmy the Bee had killed him.
"But…. Where did-"
"People who come back here recover all wounds they were inflicted in life. As you can see, I have both arms." Wave the Swallow showed off both her arms. She had lost one in the great Babylon Blimp crash when Jet the Hawk murdered a waiter, or something, and the police shot down the Babylon Rogue's Blimp. While Wave the Swallow and Jet the Hawk had survived, Wave the Swallow had lost her arm… And now it's right back where it once was…
Vector the Aligator slapped himself, this must be a dream! This had to be a dream! The slap… Hurt, but he did not wake up.
"How can I feel pain if… If I'm dead?" Vector the Alligator asked.
"I don't fucking know! Even though we're dead, we can still DIE a second time!"
"And… If that happens?"
"Do I look like the fucking answer fairy? I know about as much about this place as you do, and I've been dead for over three years!"
"You definitely haven't changed in personality."
"Fuck you. For all I know, when you die again, you go to black space, and fuck black space!"
After a bit more bad mouthing and subtle racism, Wave the Swallow gave Vector the Alligator the grand tour. There wasn't much to it, just white, but there was a make pretend town made of shoes the people of the dead made together to replicate…. Some form of familiarity. Maria the Human was the bad bitch in charge of the operation.
While strolling through, Vector the Alligator found many other people thought to be long dead, such as Marine the Raccoon, Princess Elise the third the Princess, Andrea the Hedgehog, Minx the Cheeta, Lita the Hedgehog, Cosmo the Seedrian, Chrisk Throdyke the Bitch and Sigma the American Mink.
"Hey, how did you girls di-"
"Shadow the Hedgehog murdered and necroraped us." They all said in unison.
"... Oh…."
"Not me! Thankfully Shadow isn't gay!" Said Chrisk Throndyke the Bitch.
Vector the Alligator walked away, he knew they hated him for not solving the crime of their murderers, and letting Shadow the Hedgehog continue roam free to do so to more women.
A solid 5 months had passed, and Vector the Alligator somehow found himself the king-pin of the dead. His noir skills and justified attitude eventually beat Maria the Human's, and he took over Shoe-Country. While Wave the Swallow wanted to ride his Commander in Chief 7 incher, he refused her sexual advances. He had another woman on his mind still.
"COME OOOON! You're fucking dead! She's not going to fucking come here anytime soon! Just fucking do me already!" She moaned. But alas, Vector the Alligator was still not ready to let go.
Vector the Alligator was going through his morning excercises (punching Adolf Hitler in the face, kicking Ghenghis Kahn in the nuts, and making Fred Phelps suck Chrisk Thorndyke's 11 year old penis) when something happened.
The entirety of Team Dark (Shadow the Hedeghog, Rouge the bat, and Omega the Robot for those who are Sonically un-adept) had appeared with some form of… Key. Vector the Alligator eyed them down from his White House of shoes, watching as Shadow the Hedgehog was violently maimed by those who he had wronged, only to really shrug it off, and watched as a pissed off Maria the Human stole the key, stabbed her cousin Eggman the Fat with it, turned him into a vortex to what seemed to be… A place with grass!? And escaped.
Shadow the Hedgehog must know how to get out of here! He must! His vast knowledge of the dead must have allowed him to get here somehow, but how?
Vector the Alligator continued to snoop, they did some buisness with Wave the Swallow, that bitch, and they began to prep their escape via… CHAOS CONTROL! THIS WAS IT! THIS WAS HIS ONLY CHANCE TO ESCAPE!?
But then again, would Vector the Alligator really leave this place without a proper leader- oh fuck it.
Vector the Alligator smashed his way out of his shoe house, and began to run straight into the trio of Team Dark.
He screamed "TAKE ME WITH YOU! I HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO LIVE FOR!" As he jumped square into the middle of the Chaos Control, warping back into the land of the living
Vector the Alligator looked around, it was a courtroom. The defendant was Charmy the Bee, with Big the Cat as his lawyer, of all people, most likely because he was retarded enough to take the job. The plaintiff was Espio the Who Gives a Shit, with Eggman the Fat as his Lawyer. Using his detective skills, Vector the Alligator deduced this was the court case of his own murder. He also deduced he was in the past, seeing how Eggman the Fatass and Tails the Fox were still alive, spite them both joining him in Whitre spacew some time after Vector the Alligator arrived. His death must have been at least 12 days old by now. And through that, he deduced his own death was a low priority case, seeing how it took them so damn long to actually get this case set up. This made Vector the Alligator feel worthless to the world. After so many years of saving people from criminals, they make his own death a low priority case… This was bullshit
Suddenly, Charmy the Bee turned around to show his latest rule 34. This one was of Cream the Rabbit, and Maria the Human. He could hear a slight "MARIAAAAAAAAAAAA" coughed up by the Shadow the Hedgehog in the jury. The Shadow the Hedgehog that took him here jumped out a window… For some reason.
Suddenly, the woman next to him began to freak out after seeing the porn. It was…,…...
"VANILLA THE RABBIT!?" Vector the Alligator yelled, Vanilla the Rabbit was here! The love of his life! He grabbed her and began trying to calm her down. "Vanilla the Rabbit! I'm here now! Everything is fine! It's just a-" She slapped him and ran off. He remembered that he just died, and that she might be resistant to the idea of him just suddenly being there, along with a giant robot and a big titted furry that wasn't even Hawkye.
Vector the Alligator took chase of her, he had to explain that he's not actually dead anymore! While chasing her, he remembered how they met….
It was a rainy night in Casino Park Zone. He was dealing with another tough case. "Local human child serial killer shot and killed by cops, child's possessed spirit escapes after also being shot several times. Cops confused, swearing they shot the escaping soul about 12 times ". This kid was nothing good. Fucker killed his entire extended family of skeleton and goat waifus. It was now a matter of time until his demonic satan spirit possessed another child, and continued the cycle. This was obvious
He took another shot of hard bubblegum whisky, and continued to cross off possible possession targets. Can't be anyone above the age of 12, can't have a defined gender, can't be someone who's not in the reach of knives…. He ate some of the ice in his cup…. Then ate the glass cup.
"WAITER! I NEED ANOTHER SHOT AND GLASS!" He yelled. He had no time for being polite, only for justice.
"Jeez, Vec, you sure? This is the 8th one" The Waitress replied.
"YOUR NOT MY MOM! Just make with the bubblegum. I'll throw you a tip if you stop your fucking questions."
"Well who is your mom? Cause I might just have to dial her if you keep up that attitude"
"SHE'S DEAD!" He snapped.
"... Oh." The waitress just scurried off to get him another drink. A minute later, she came back, and turned around to leave.
"You think she's proud of me?" She turned towards him again.
"Why wouldn't she, Mr, Detective? You've been solving half of the toughest cases on all of Mobius.!"
"Bah, most of those were fucking misunderstandings caused by some robot doppelganger made by Eggman. There's not enough expendable characters to actually HAVE crimes! Cause that would mean we would have to send them to jail forever, or worse. You know what most of my job consists of? Jerking of to gifs of futanari sucking each other off and vacuuming my own dick to pretend I'm the one receiving the blowjob in a cold, dank Computer Room."
"... Jesus christ, that's pathetic."
"I'm a lonely person with no parents to talk to, a gay ninja and a retarded bee as my only friends, and no confidence in dating due to getting robbed both times I've tried."
"Were they bats?"
"Yeah, why?"
"That was Rogue the Bat…. Twice, she's been changing her appearance constantly to sucker weeaboos into giving them their wallets for extra money."
" It doesn't matter" He drank his shot, and ate the ice and glass
"Now what happens?"
"I will never give up the fight. The only woman I need is Justice"
"She sounds like a whore, to me."
"What are you saying?"
"If she's been leaving you for most of your career eating shot glasses and having you spend half your life in a dank Computer Room jerking yourself off with a plug-in vacuum, maybe she ain't pursuing." The detective looked back down on his paper of all the possible targets… He then flipped it over, and motioned her to sit down.
"Don't worry, this detective gig might be shit, but it pays well, I'll be able to pay off whatever shit your boss wants if he gets mad."
"Pff, don't worry, I don't even work here."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm mostly undercover, scouting the area out. They say there's going to be a mob shooting here, but the only mob here is some stoned italian plumbers in overalls who look like they're dressed up for a Comic Con. False alarm. I'm just working for tips while I'm here to support my daughter."
"Huh…. You're a very interesting person"
"I appreciate it, Vector the Alligator."
"Actually, I'm a Cro-"
"A Crocodile is a lazy shit who waits for food to come to it by waiting in the middle of a river for fish to swim into it's mouth. An Alligator actually goes out and hunt for food. You're a worker, not a leech."
"... Heh, I'll look into the Alligator angle later. You got a name?" The woman poured herself a drink, choked it down, and said
"Name's Vanilla the Rabbit"
"VANILLA THE RABBIT! COME BACK!" The chase continued, he didn't want to do this, but he hoped it was for the best. He picked up a nearby rock and through it at Vanilla the Rabbit's left leg, causing her to trip. It pained him to do it, but he had to slow her down, she had to know.
Soon he was attop her, and pinned her down. "IT'S ME! VANILLA! IT'S ME! VECTOR THE ALLIGATOR!" He yelled at her.
"YOUR NOT HIM! YOU CAN'T BE! VECTORS THE ALLEGATION…. VECtors the all…" She burst into tears. Vector the Alligator got her back on two feet, and embraced her in a hug.
"I know what it looks like, Vanilla the Rabbit, but I'm here now."
"I saw them lower Vector the Alligator 's body into the ground… How can you-?"
"Long story involving Shadow the Hedgehog trying to rape Maria in the afterlife, but the short of it is I'm back, and I'm here to stay this time." There was nothing Vanilla the Rabbit could say… She was just happy he was back.
After a long pause of pure hugging, Vanilla the Rabbit reached her hand lower, and began strocking Vector the Alligator's reptilian cock.
"VANILLA THE RABBIT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WOODS!"
"I was scared, Vector the Alligqtor. But now I'm not, and I'm going to make sure I let you know just how much I love you before you die again." This shit was gonna ROCK!
Vector the Alligator began frenching Vanilla the Rabbit. He began to grope her left tit as she began to accelerate her handjob, her tongue tasted of vodka and carrots. His tasted of worms and dirt and maggots, being recently deceased, but she didn't care. After much rubbing, Vanilla the Rabbit began to slowly undress for Vector the Alligator while he pleasured himself. It was a long, slow process due to her having a very elaborate and confusing dress, but he didn't care. Her breasts were the size of mountains; mountainsv Vector the Alligator hoped dearly to cover in a thick blanket of his Fuji mountain snow. Vector the Alligator approched her, and began to nipped on one of her tits while fingering her, this was bliss. Like a debt owed to the mafia, she returned the favor and took over Vector the Alligator's handjob. She began to get as wet as japan during the tsunami, which made Vector the Alligator's member burst in size, and throb like a great earthquake. His other hand now free, he made a fist and plunged it straight up into Vanilla the Rabbit's wonderful asshole. She felt her ass rip as his massive hand slid quickly into her ass, her rectum was being churned so good right now like ice cream. Ice cream tastes good. Vector the Alligator began to speed up the pace, as did Vanilla the Rabbit as the two lovers moaned in perfect harmony like ghosts. Vector the Alligator could no longer take it, he removed his hands from her holes and cut off her handjob. His gloves were completely caked in Vanilla the Rabbit's shit from her ass, so he discarded them and used them as a ball gag for her. He then grabbed both Vannila the Rabbit's soft, big ass cheeks, and began to slap his cock against the front wall of her vagina in a teasing manner. Vanilla the Rabbit began to moan threw her newly made ballgag as Vector the Alligator slapped his hardy cock against her you know what, it was like a heartbeat but it felt like mastubation. Vanila the Rabbit knew it was time for the sex. But Vector the Alligator had something special in mind. He took out a square package. "A condom?" Vanilla the Rabbit thought. Keep jerking me off, Vanilla the Rabbit!" She did. He began chewing on the package. It was bubble gum. Vanilla the Rabbt jerked and jerked and jerked. Soon, Vector the Alligator was about to cum. He took out the gum and put it on his urethra. He took over and came gallons. The bubble blew up and began to carry Vector the Alligator off into the sky. He grabbed Vanilla the Rabbit's hand. It was time for sky sex. Vector the Alligator removed the bubble cum from his dick, and tied it around his and Vanilla the Rabbit's waste. He began to rub his cock's head against her vaginal wall, until eventually breaking through it like the cool-aid man breaking through a wall to serve thirsty children, but this time, it was a thirsty milf. Soon, he began thrusting. His awesome crocodile dick hit places she never imagined. Vanilla the Rabbit was in heaven, the sweet feeling of the sky's wind against her bare tits and ass felt like the gods themselves were rubbing their dicks all over her in unison, she especially liked Loki's dick. Espio the Alligator began using his dick as corkscrew. He was like an epic sex ninja. His duck spun around and around like a drill that would pierce the heavens, but instead of the heavens, it was her cunt. Either way, she felt Kamina was rolling in his grave (spoiler lol.) Vector the Alligator began impressing Vanilla the Rabbit by using his hipps to toss her off his strong cock into the air and then catching her again on his dick as they flew by Angel Island. Vanilla the Rabbit's weight caused them to lower onto the Master Emerald, where they began to change position, Vector the Alligator still being able to hold onto his next load. Vanilla the Rabbit got off Vecor the Alligator's cock, and began to perform Paizuri on Vector the Alligator's member. Her tits were as soft as pillows, but as fast as a rabbit running away from an angry alligator. Spire this, Vector the Alligator held back his cum, but Vanilla the Rabbi wanted it badly now. She began to lick his dick head WHILE tittyfucking him. Vector the Alligator could no longer take it, and a water hose of sperm shot out of his awsome cock, and all over Vanilla the Rabbit, a perfect 10/10 money shot. Vector the Alligator also shot his load all over the Master Emerald in the Crossfire™, but was still hungry for more. He slipped his diick into Vanilla the Rabbit's ass as Knuckles the Enkidu came out of nowhere and saw the anal sex taking place on top of his gem of ultimate power. Knux wasn't having none of that shit, so he punched they cracker asses off of his bling and into Hydrocity Zone. They landed in the rappids of its many pools and Vector used his amphibious alligator powers to swim threw the zone while humping the daylights out of Vanilla the Rabbit, each thrust of his massive schlong propelling them forward. Suddenly, numbers appeared over Vector the Alligator's head. Vector the Alligator knew what this meant. It meant he was going to ejaculate really hard soon. Within 5 seconds, Vector the Alligator tilted Vailla the Rabbit's head downward as a massive torrent of semen was blasted into Vanilla the Rabbit's ass, and shot out of her mouth, sending them out of Hydrocity and into Marblle Garden Zone. Vanilla the Rabbit was wetter than she had ever been in her entire life, partially from being drenched in water, mostly from Vector the Alligator's pattented Crocodile Cocksauce. They landed on one of those weird spinning platforms in the Marble Garden zone and began doing a super 69 attack like Sonic the Hedgehog and Tails the Fox in Sonic the Hedgehog 4 Episode 2. They span faster and faster as they made sure to take in all the sweet pussy and dong juices. The they both peed a little to help propell the 69 spin attack faster. The spinner carried them into the heavens as they came again and again. It was like Vanilla the Rabbit was winning the sex Olympics but instead of getting a gold medal she was getting Vector the Alligator's semen. But they both needed more. Vector the Alligator stopped biting down on Vanilla the Rabbit's vagina and took her head off his cock. He slammed her head into the center of the spinng platform causing it to break apart. This also shatterd her skull slightly, but it was okay because Vanilla the Rabbit likes her fucks rough. As they fell into Carnival Night Zone, Vector the Alligator got in position. He did an epic body slam onto a barrel beneath them and began fucking her in the missionary postion. He thrusted up and down over and over again, the barrel responding to his up and down motions (and no others.) The barrel went higher and higher like Hawkye's urge to kill himself (RIP). They eventually went so high that they were flung off the barrel and into the Ice Cap Zone. There Vector the Alligator and Vanilla the Rabbit landed on a Snowboard. It was so hot that the snow around them even began to melt, but Vector the Alligato was too fast to let that stop his lovemaking. As they came to a ramp (in more ways than one) Vanilla the Alligator did an epic jump and tossed Vectore the Rabbit off of himself and onto a wall in front of him. He tossed her at just the right angle, as wehn the snowboard hit the wall, it went straight through Vanilla the Rabbit's vagina and out of her ass. Vector the Alligator did a spindash in order to make the snowboard vibrte in Vanilla the Rabbit's asshole and pussyholl and it felt incredible. He ripped the snowboard out of the wall and Vanilla the Rabbit's vagina and Vanilla the rabbit's butt and began to plow her in the snow like a snow plow, except for that he was covering everything in more white stuff instead of cleaning it up. Vanilla the Rabbit yelled "yay" like a school girl because she was having so many orgasms today and Vector the Alligator did too. He was so happy that his penis glowed red and he screamed "LEVEL UP" like in Sonic Heroes. This not only increased his power, but his dick length too. He now had a solid 70 feet of cock to work with and Vanilla the Rabbit was going to get to play with all of it. He pole vaulted into Launch Base zone where he landed in one of Eggman the fats's discarded Eggmobiles. It had a dreamcast in it for some reason. The Dreamcast made vector the Alligators hard on immediately go limp, so they tossed it out. Suddenly the ground benath them started shaking, causing Vanilla the Rabbit to have a thousand orgams per hour from the vibration. Eggman the fat must have been launching a new Death Egg. It the perfect opportunity for earthquake sex. Vector the Alligator's dick immediately got hard again. However Vector the Alligator was so horny that his massive crocodile erection peirced straight through the Death Egg, the Ark and several planets, though this at least made Kamina's soul a little happier. This was too much for sex, but Vector the Alligator knew what this string of space spheres could be used for: anall beads. He shoved his galactic anal beads in Vanilla the rabbit's ass and it filled her up like she would never have believed. His cosmic penis plunged in and out. In and out. And Vanilla the rabbi was overjoyed. Vector the Alligator increased his thrusting speed more and more. He eventually went at SONIC SPEED and with one billion hardy pushes, that very minute he made Rabbit the Vanilla squirt so hard that the lovers jetted off into Mushroom Hill zone. They fell through the skies of Mushroom Hill Zone. As they fell, the space spheres fell off of Vector the Aligators legendary green boner as they were substituted for Vanilla the Rabbit's own massive spheres. Vector the Rabbit knew what Vanilla the Rabbit liked, so he began slapping her titties like bongos, making her lactate rabbit milk, and a little blood for sweetness, since Vanilla the Rabbit is a sweet person, and has sweet blood. Vector the Alligator drank it and this gave Vector the Alligator more awesome energy to rail her. When he bent her over in mid air, they bounced off of one of the zone's many bouncy mushrooms, and rebounded into the skies above as Vector he Alligator put his own bouncy mushroom in her moist vagina. They soared up high into the Egg Fleet where they found themselves crashing through Flying Battery. By now, their bodies began to glow. Their sexual energies were so powerful, that it caused even Eggman's machines to become aroused. All of the monitors in the Egg Fleet now displayed hot Bayonetta porn. Dr. Eggman the fat saw this and re-realized the ultimate power of sex, vowing to spend the rest of his life jerking off to internet porn while crying and eating Egg McMuffins like in he did back in his golden years in his Mama Robotnik's basement (they don't call him Eggman for nothing.) The horny bastars flew into a canon on this ship and into Sandopolis zone. There the United Federation was dropping bombs of LIBERATION on a Muslim orphanage. Shaara the Muslim was helping the orphan ISIS members attack GUN soldiers. Vector the Alligator and Vanilla Trabbit had to do their duty to help their country but they still wanted to fuck, so they Vanilla the rabbit began jerking off Vector the Rabbit faster than ever before. They aimed his Shaara the Muslim and opened fire, killing her instantly with a supersonic cumshot. This made the GUN soldiers so horny that they all just joined in on a massive orgy right there. However, since Shaara the Muslim is a genie, her death caused the horny anthro fuckers to be transported into the end of Lava Reef zone, where everything seemed to be icy for some reason. But they didn't care. Vector the Rabbit's penis then went into Vanilla the Rabbit's bellybutton and out of her nose, makeing her sneeze while she was cumming. It felt fantastic. The juices leaked onto the floor. As Fuctor the Cockodildo kept fucking the fuck of of Vanilla the Rubit, their magical crotch potions leaked into a pool of water. Near that pool was the old Master Emerald Alter with the 7 Super Emeralds from Sonic 3 and Knuckles. And in that pool was Chaos. Chaos liked the taste of Vector the Alligator's semen, so he became one with it and made a home in Vector the Alligator's balls. With the Super Emeralds radiating the love makers, Vector the Crockpot's balls became more powerful than ever before. His balls were embued with the power of Chaos as he increased his speed. He fucked. And he fucked. And he fucked, fucked, fucked, fucked. And as the lovebirds came again and again, like the common cold, light surrounded the fucking lovers and they were beamed into the heavens and into Sky Sanctuary. "Vector the Alligator. Vanilla the Rabbit. I am God. I'm literally as old as time, so needless to say, I haven't gotten it up in a long while. You two gave me the first stiffie I've had since the Crusades. Now I gift you with the ultimate in sex. The Fuckers Blessing. You can only sustain it for a short time, but you've earned it. I will be masturbating to you, my children." Vector the Rabbit and Vanilla the Rabbit gave God a thumbs up and blasted into the Death Egg zone, which is where the Death Egg WOULD be if Vector the Alligator's wang didn't blow it up. But with the ultimate in sexual energies at their disposal, they were able to empower their gentals to a power greater than that of the Chaos Emeralds. Vector the Alligator's omnipresent cock and Vanilla the Rabbit's timeless cunt, along with all their other eroenous zones had a rainbow colored aura of awesomness around them. They looked at each other. Face to face. It was time for the climax of climaxes. The end all height of all of crocodile or rabbit sexual escapades. The fuck to end all fucks. Their own sexual Doomsday Zone. The light of their crotches spanned across infinite multiverses and timelines. They charged at one another. Rouge the Bat's theme began to play. It was time. Vector the Alligator took one more passionate look in Vanilla the Rabbit's eyes. Right there in the heat of the ultimate passion, he took a deep breath and said to his lover...
"Meh. I'm not in the mood. Netlflx and chill?"
"Sure, why not?"
It's snowing on Mt. Fuji
It's been a long while since that fateful dicking. Vector the Alligator and Vanilla the Rabbit were now married, and lived in a suburban house with Vanilla the Rabbit's daughter, Cream the Rabbit. Vector the Alligator had actually met Cream the Rabbit once before in Frog Forest, having previously ganged up on her and her friends before punching them into a swamp in an attempt to take her pet Chao, Cheese back in Sonic Heroes. This was a relief to Vector the Alligator that he would be her new father, as now he could use corporal punishment as an excuse for why he beat up a little girl.
To his surprise, despite their history, Cream the Rabbit didn't open up to Vector the Alligator very much at first. It turned out that Vanllla the Rabbit was an important member of the Chaotic Council, so she never had much time for her daughter and usually had to get a babysitter for her. Vector knew this would make it easier to gain Cream's favor over her mother, but he had to play it cool. His golden opportunity came when Cheese the Chao died of Chaos Cancer. Vector the Alligator supported her through her tough time by giving her ice cream and shit like a good person, and because of this, he was able to achieve his goal of becoming her favorite parent. Life was good.
Vector the Alligator had quit the detective life, and decided to work for the government with Vanilla the Rabbit. While Espio the Fuck was devastated over Vector the Alligator abandoning him, Charmy the Bee had went on to join the ranks of an intergalactic group of thugs. So Vactor the Alligator had nothing to stress about abandoning them, because he could give less of a shit about how Espio the Shit thinks.
A time later...
Vector the Alligator was driving home in his Gator-Mobile after traveling to Africa to settle a form of peace treaty with the black creatures residing there (It was really an attempt at stealing more resources from them. Needless to say, they saw right through it, and it did not go over well.). It was a long, week long process, but he could finally go home.
However, when Vector the Alligator turned the corner in his Gator-Mobile, disaster struck. He saw that his home was burnt to a crisp! He jumped out of his car mid-driving (the car kept on going after he left it, and ran over Mina the Mongoose) and began to inspect the travesty.
As he approached, he saw a horrific sight. His wife was…. Dead. Her once beautiful, life filled booty now cooked to perfection, with a large bullet hole the chest he loved so much.
"WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?" Vector the Alligator yelled at the top of his lungs. The best thing that had ever happened to him was now a cinder! Vector the Alligator picked up her body, and hugged her smoldering corpse… Then ate it. It may be his wife, but to see such perfectly cooked rabbit meat go to waste was just… Wrong.
"Howdy diddly diddly doo, neighbor, how's the wife?" Asked Ned the Flanders, his next door neigbor. Vector the Alligator summoned Chaos from within his balls to impale Ned the Flanders right through the fucking chest. (Yes, that's going to be canon)
"SHE'S DEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!"
"Oh…. I guess you won't be coming over for dinner…" Ned the Flanders bled out and died. There was only one thing Vector the Alligator could do now, one place he knew where he could be safe… The Computer Room.
Vector the Alligator ran into the forest, and found the patch of dirt he burried the hatch to the Computer Room under, and began to dug with his bear hands. It's been so long since he was here, but it was always a tough old girl, no amount of rain or hail or seaman could ever kill it.
Soon, he was within it. He took a good wiff. Smelled of Crocodiles, depression, loneliness, and cum. Just like it always did. He booted up the computer and googled "Futas for You" by Pinoytoons, and turned on his vacuum, and let the video do his magic.
He thought this would get his mind off things, to escape from reality…. But no. He knew his wife and was dead, and fuck knows what happened to his daughter in law. As the vacuum sucked on his dick, all he could think of was Vanilla the Rabbit's soft, soft mouth ingesting his dick during their great Sexual Sonic 3 & Knuckles Grand Tour. He began to cry crocodile tears, not fake ones, but literal, actual crocodile tears.
The entire world was… Different now. A sad, sad place where nothing would ever be the same. How could he work for the government now? They most likely think he killed Vanilla the Rabbit in some assassination contract. He also couldn't get his old detective crew together again, Espio had been slaughtered during an actual assassination mission during Vector the Alligator's stay in Africa, and Charmy the Bee was in space somewhere. It was impossible. He had no friends, Shadow the Hedgehog defriended him on Tumblr, and everything he ever cared about was dead.
And to think, most of this could have been avoided if he had just finished that stupid possession case. He had deduced by now Charmy the Bee was the one possessed, thus ended up killing him due to his ignorance. He was the perfect target, that kid was so on un-manly he also seemed like a girl, his ass was as sharp as a knife, and he was under 12 years old. He was perfect. That's also most likely why he joined those space pirate, to kill more. He had failed the entire world. If he had never died, Vanilla the Rabbit would have never went all the way with him, and they never would have married, and Vanilla the Rabbit would have stayed secret, and never would have died. This was all his fault, and he knew what to do.
Vector the Alligator turned off the vacuum, and put his large mouth into it. He was ready to turn int on "blow" mode. This would cause the 15 years worth of cum to go straight into his mouth and nose, choking and killing him in mere seconds, either due to choking, or the copious amounts of S.T.D's within it. This was it. He didn't care where he would go after dying a second time. He didn't care if it was White Space again or wherever the fuck Eggman the Fat ended up. He was done with life, at least for today. The green light of the computer beamed down upon him, he was ready.
"Goodbye, cruel world" He said. He flipped the switch….. And only dust was there. "... Im…. IMPOSSIBLE! I NEVER CLEANED THAT THING OUT!" Vector the Alligator ran over to the hatch where the plug-in-vacuum's sucked items went. Not a drop of seaman was there! Meaning someone…. Someone has been here… AND SOMEONE HAS BEEN CLEANING!
Vector the Alligator looked around to notice more inconsistencies. There was no newspaper articles about crimes on the walls! His fridge filled with whisky and mid-life-crisis ice cream was empty! Plans on taking down Sally the Acorn's monarchy/dictatorship were all over his desk. WHAT WAS GOING ON!?
Suddenly, he heard the cocking of a gun "Stop right where you are mother fucker" the voice said. The person was in the darkness, but he didn't need to see them to know who it was. Feminine voice, sassy tone, slightly shorter than Sonic the Hedgehog, a silhouette of a dress. It was clearly Amy the Girl.
"Sonic the Hedgehog calls, he wants to ask you on a date" Vector the Alligator said.
"WAIT, HE'S ALIVE!? OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY-" Vector the Alligator then delivered a Haymaker right to her fucking mouth while she was distracted. She was knocked right the fuck out. He picked up the gun, picked up Amy the Girl, and began to walk into a tunnel upwards that just wasn't there before. Seems a cult of conspiracy nuts, including Amy the Girl, had dug into the Computer Room, and made it a part of their sick tribe. Vector the Alligator was now back in the fucking game.
Vector the Alligator, after going up several rooms, and finding more and more propaganda about Sally the Acorn, until he found a wood-board door. Through it, he could hear voices, and see light. He pointed the gun towards Amy the Girl's still unconscious head, and burst through the door.
"NOBODY MOVE! OR THE PINK BITCH DIES!" He yelled
"HOLY FUCK!" All of the cult members said in unison. He looked around, and put down a collective list of who was in this cult. There was Bark the Bear, Blaze the Cat, and…. Cream the Rabbit?
"Wait… WAIT! HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE! CREAM! YOUR ALIVE!? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU!?" As it turns out, Cream the Rabbit clearly went through 10 different types of shit while she was gone. She had an eyepatch over her right eye, and had a wooden peg for a right leg and foot. She was also dressed in some form of Love Hina leafy bikini. She was also scarred to fuck.
Vector the Alligator was hoping for a happy reunion, but what he got was trouble. Cream the Rabbit took out a commando knife and leaped at Vector the Alligator, but he dropped his gun, and swung Amy the Girl like a baseball bat, and smacked her right out of the air. Bark the Bear began charging right at him. But with a little foot and hand adjustment, he stabbed him with Amy the Girl's head quills. He was a bear, so clearly this was nothing to him, but either way, the sudden pain left him vulnerable to a suddenly Chaos Fist that flew out of Vector the Alligator's penis, and into Bark the Bear's face. Blaze the Cat was too stoned to fight, so she did an extra huff of weed and knocked herself out. Amy the Girl woke up after the fight, only to get knocked out again via Vector the Alligator ramming her dumb face into the floorboards. Cream the Rabbit attempted to get back up, her wooden leg was broken, making it hard to do so, however, Vector the Alligator picker her up by the ears, and delivered a swift punch to the gut, and then the head.
"Get dunked on" Vector The Alligator said as Cream the Rabbit phased out
Cream the Rabbit phased out
Cream the Rabbit woke up, eventually, to see that Vector the Alligator was flicking through computer channels, she was tied to a chair, along side her comrades. The Computer Room's main computer was hooked up wirelessly to every single camera on mobius. Asking how it can do that will cause your brain to implode on a moliecular level, so don't.
"I see you've finally woke up, Cream the Rabbit" Vector the Alligator said.
"What the fuck do you want?" She asked.
"I've been doing some research while you were out." Vector the Alligator said "sniffing through files. I know what you did Cream, and you're not getting away from this."
"Get away with what?"
"Killing your mom, and MY wife"
"No I didn't! I'm just a chi-" Vector the Alligator knocked her chair over and tossed a bag of dicks on top of her. The cocks of the members of the Chaotic counsel fell out of the bag, and onto her chest.
"You got Amy the Girl to kill the chaotic counsel" He kicked her chair. "And you're trying to overthrow the entire fucking government. And why? Because of some bullshit "deal"? Do you have any idea how stupid that sounds? Your fucking high off your ass kid, and somebody needs to take care of you" Vector the Alligator took off his belt. This was gonna get ghetto as fuck, man. "Now"
"WAIT"
"What?"
"What's on the monitor right now?" Cream the Rabbit urged him to look.
"Do you really think I'm the gullible kid? Do you really think I'm-"
"Do YOU really think I can leap onto you and break your neck with only one leg, and lackluster vision?"
"... Good point." Vector the Alligator turned around, the monitor showed a woman masturbating in the first person. "What about it?"
"That's not just any hand or body. Look at the fur, the hand, that's not just anyone fapping. That's Sally the Acorn."
"The princess is a slut? What about it. I'm sure she records this shit and posts it on reddit all the time."
"Tell me EXACTLY how that computer works."
"It picks up signals from cameras and displays…. Them….. Maybe she's wearing Google Glasses?"
"Those don't exist yet."
"... Holy fuck." Vector the Alligator and Cream the Rabbit were totally speechless. Google Glasses really WERE taking forever to come out. Not just that, but with the given data, there was no doubt about it… Sally the Acorn was a robot, and recording everything she did to a higher power. In no longer mattered what Cream the Rabbit did, or what she was going to do. Something was definitely wrong in the world of Mobius. Something was very, very wrong, like that time you pissed a little bit on the toilet seat that one time, and sat on it the next day. Just wrong.
After much untying, regrouping, and planning. The team hired Omega the Robot to drive them to Sally the Acorn's sex castle to take her out personally. Omega could turn into an Army Jeep, so they were all able to get in him. It was only a matter of time until the Vector the Alligator, Bark the Bear, Cream the Rabbit, Blaze the Cat, Amy the Girl, and Omega the Robot reached the castle, and took down that bitch once and for all. With their powers combined, they needed a name. Omega the Robot was the last E-series robot, Amy the Girl, Cream the Rabbit and Blaze the Cat were all part of Team Rose, Vector the Alligator was the leader of Team Chaotix. With the E from Omega's series, the RO from Team Rose, the TIX from Chaotix, and nothing from Bark the the Polar Bear since they all agreed that Bark the Bear was a worthless fuck, their name was forever cemented as "Team Erotix!" (It would have been Team Erotix &Knuckles, but Knuckles couldn't join them due to death, so he had to sit this one out.)
"There's one thing I still don't get, Cream the Rabbit"
"What's that Vector the Crocodile?"
"Why did you attack me. I thought you loved me!"
"After seeing those plans have me raped on a constant loop, I thought you were in on it too, like my mom was."
"Hey, I had no clue what that shit was about!"
"That, and you also beat the shit out of me in Frog Forest Zone, and I still was even with you."
"... Oh… Well that makes sense."
"So can I just maybe just get one little stab in your–"
"I will eat you if you touch me"
"Oh."
It was time to kick ass.
Outside the Castle, two guards saw a giant gotic red and black army truck drive twords them. That's all they saw because the next second they were road kill, and the doors to the castle were broke open.
Team Erotix drive by shot all the guards in their way as they drove through the castle halls, manslaughtering tons of innocents along the way, but again, Vector the Alligator worked for the government, so he still gets the Corporal Punishment excuse.
Eventually, they drove right into the throne room, and drove straight for Sally the Acorn, who had just finished thought this would be easy. They were wrong.
Sally the Acorn grabbed the hood of the truck, spun it around, and threw it into the nearby wall. She had super cyborg strength.
"I know I should be mad about half my bones being in complete agony right now! But I'm more relieved we were actually right about Sally the Acorn being a robot, otherwise we would habe essentially killed the president." Vector the Alligator said
The team jumped out of Omega the Truck, and Omega the Truck turned back into Omega the Robot. It was time to finish this shit.
Cream the Rabbit was the first to attack, springing forth with her newly bought Pogo Metal leg, knife in hand, only to be pimp slapped in the other direction. Bark the Bear then rushed her, only to be uppercutted into the ceiling. Amy the Girl began shooting at Sally the Acorn with her gun, but she shrugged the bullets off like Shadow the Hedgehog normally does.
Sally the Acorn was thinking while these shit lickers were attacking her to no avail, who to kill first? She looked over at Cream the Rabbit. Yeah, that'll ruin their moral. Screw the deal, with her out of the picture, no one could stop "the plan". She picked up the injured rabbit and prepared to annihilate her with a single bionic punch to the heart. But right before she could Kali-Ma her ass, Bark the Bear jumped from the ceiling and delivered a Super Jam Slam to Sally the Acorn's skull, casuing both of them to smash through several floors. Cream the Rabbit was let go before this, and did not fall with them.
Vector the Alligator, Blaze the Cat, and Omega the Robot were way too awestruck to go after them. She uppercutted that beat into the fucking ceiling! How could they compete with this power!? But then, the trio saw Cream the Rabbit, crying. They went up to her to see if she was okay. Despite everything she's been through, she was still a child… That robot tried to kill a child. They now had the strength to kick this fucker.
Bark the Bear, with newfound determination to not only stop Sally yhe Acorn, but to protect Cream the Rabbit, was now holding his own against this clothless abomination. I mean really? What Sonic character DOESN'T wear clothes? This is bullshit!
They traded blow for blow, hit for hit, nickel to nickel. Pain on both ends. Fury in the room. It smelled of wet, sweaty dog. However, spite equal damage being thrown on both ends, Bark the Bear just didn't have the titanium bones that Sally the Acorn had, thus, lacked the endurance to keep up. Eventually, one particular punch sent Bark the Bear flying into a wall, he could feel his ribbs crack, and he could feel blood drip from his body. Sally the Acorn soon approched him, and delivered another punch, then another, then another, then ANOTHER, and another! She was dismantling him to the bone! His entire skeleton was on fire. He could feel death close in.
Suddenly, Vector the Crocodile haymakers Sally the Acorn on the back of the head, making her lose attention to the defenseless bear, and focus on him. But as soon as she did, Blaze the Cat used her 420 BLAZE IT powers to set her fake skin ablaze, revealing her endoskeleton. Right before she could send a fatal punch to Vector the Alligator, Amy the Girl hammered her to the side, causing her to fly right onto Omega the Robot's willing and able BIONIC PENIS. He then got into position, and spread Sally the Acorn's legs.
"NO!1 DON'T! I COMMAND YOU AS YOUR RULER!"
"DATA COLLECTION PROCESS ENABLED" Omega the Robot began to thrust into Sally the Acorn, constantly thrusting into her hot, sexy bionic body. Her fake Ultra-Rubber tits jiggled with each thrust. Omega accelerated, and accelerated, and continually accelerated until he was fucking her at Mach 1. And with each thrust, he took a little bit of the data within her. After a solid 5 minutes of hot robot pornography, Sally the Acorn was no more than a metal husk. She was essentially fucked to death.
"Sleep easy, mother fucker" Vector the Alligator said, spitting on the empty husk.
Cream the Rabbit soon floated downwards to see that her friends had successfully taken care of Sally the Acorn… But at a cost. She looked over to her best friend, Bark the Bear… Who had a massive hole punched into his torso.
"No no no NO NO NO NOOO! BARK THE POLAR BEAR!" She screamed, immediately running to Bark the Bear's body, trying to soak up his blood with some nearby tapestry that had fallen down, but it was no use, he was dying. "PLEASE DON'T FUCKING DIE! YOU'RE ALL I HAVE!"
"Heh, don't worry bout it kid. I can rest, knowing my actions helped save the world. Don't feel bad for me, feel bad about that bitch who got fucked… Heh, I'll see you in JAHANNAM! (Hell, as told in Sonic and the Secret Rings! ;D)." Bark the Bear ruffled the hair of a teary eyed Cream the Rabbit, until finally closing his eyes for the first time in 7 months, and the last time, in his entire life.
Cream the Rabbit looked behind her, to see all her friends who had helped make his dreams come true. She owed both his and her life to them.
"Omega the Robot" Cream the Rabbit asked "Who does Sally the Acorn work for?" Omega the Robot searched his new found data.
"It's blank." He replied.
"... What? There's no data?"
"No. There IS some data. It's just that th- I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU ALL!" Omega the Robot had absorbed too much of Sally the Acorn, and Sally the Acorn was attempting to assume direct control.
"Someone restrain Omega the Robot! He knows who killed Bark the Bear!"
"Wait, Bark the Bear is dead?" Asked Amy the Girl.
"WHAT!? NO!" Yelled Blaze the Cat (Bark was her smoking buddy)
"SHUT UP YOU WHORES AND KEEP THE ROBOT FROM KILLING US! Vector the Alligator! I need you to get that chopper rolling, we need to get out of here, ASAP!" Cream the Rabbit yelled. Vector the Alligator thought she was talking about an actual flying chopper, but no, they had landed in the Sex Garage, where a wicked sweet chopper bike was.
Team Erotix soon drove the fuck out of the castle. Blaze the Cat running next to them, Amy the Girl and Cream the Rabbit riding on the back seat, Vector the Alligator driving, and Omega the Robot being dragged behind the linked to the back of the bike via a chain. It was time to see what was really in this robot's cyber chip.
ANd not only that, but in a few months of prep, it would be time to finally finish this shit, and dominate the true mastermind behind the downfall of Mobius… In time.
The End