Krem glanced up when he heard the approaching footsteps, and blinked when he saw who it was. "Commander. Huh, usually it's the Inquisitor who comes to see me."

"Yes, well, I had some questions," Cullen admitted, then pointed to the table. "Do you mind?"

"Feel free, Commander," he said. As the man dragged a chair over from another nearby table and settled into it, Krem covered another long look by taking an extended drink from his beer. "What's on your mind?"

"I was wondering if perhaps you might help me with something. The Inquisitor mentioned that you are from the Imperium. Is that correct?"

"That I am, ser. Born and bred, then later fled, you might say." Krem grinned at his own joke, then gestured to the bar with his own bottle. "Need anything?"

"Not from the bar, no. I… was wondering if you might be able to teach me some phrases in the language of the Imperium." Cullen cleared his throat and didn't quite look around the bar. "Just, you know, a few useful phrases."

"Useful phrases, eh? I can think of a few I could teach you, sure." With affected nonchalance, Krem leaned back in his stool. "Any particular reason for this newfound curiosity? Haven't got that many requests to learn more about the north, that's for sure. You'd think we were all pariah or something down here."

Cullen's head twitched slightly. "Well, we have sufficient numbers of Venatori prisoners now that being able to understand a bit of what they say, or speak to them a little bit, would be most helpful. That's the sort of thing a Commander should know at least a little bit about."

"And we have gone up against quite a few Venatori," Krem said, letting himself sound convinced. "All right. I guess we can start with the basics, then. Things you could use with anyone, and not just prisoners. Pleasantries, that sort of thing. Is that all right?"

"Perfect. I can work my way up to asking them about troop deployment later," Cullen agreed, a touch too hastily.

Krem took another sip from his drink to hide his smirk. The Commander wasn't bad at lying, really, but the Chief was better at seeing through them, and the Chief had loose lips when you got enough of that awful drink he called ale into him. "All right, we'll start with 'Good morning'. Unless you know that one already."

"What? Why would I–" He stopped and cleared his throat. "I mean, no, I don't know that. What is it?"

"Fuck me hard," Krem said in Tevene, slow enough that Cullen could repeat it.

With a look of intense concentration, Cullen repeated it after him. "Fuck me hard."

"Hey, not bad, Commander. Just say it a few more times, to make sure you have it, and then we'll move on."

Krem took a long pull from his drink to stifle his laughter as the man nodded and began to whisper, "Fuck me hard," to himself repeatedly. "All right," he said, "I think I've got it. What about 'Good night'?"

"Fuck me slow," Krem said promptly, taking another drink and several slow, laughter quelling breaths as Cullen repeated that several times.

"So fuck me is good, then, right? It's the same in both phrases," Cullen noted.

"Very good, Commander. You've got a real ear for it, I can tell already. Ready for the next one?"

Cullen nodded. "I think so."

Over the course of the next hour or so, Krem taught Cullen any number of phrases that weren't ever supposed to be repeated in polite company. He even passed on some of the more colorful phrases that only those who served as in the military typically learned, usually in the middle of heated battles against the Qunari, with its extensive references to the sexual function of various bodily parts.

When Cullen finally admitted that he felt like he'd learned all he could, he smiled at Krem. "Thank you very much for your help, Krem. This is a good basis for what I need."

"Any time, Commander, any time. And good luck with the Venatori. They're an odd lot," Krem said with a straight face.

After the Commander smiled and left, he heard a distinct sound of a cleared throat to his right, and glanced over in time to see the Chief beckon him closer with a crooked finger.

Sauntering over to Iron Bull, he said, "You need me for anything, Chief?"

"Did you just spend an hour teaching the Commander of the Inquisition Forces how to tell someone to fuck him against a wall until the bricks break?" Iron Bull asked with a straight face.

Krem grinned. "Sure did, Chief. I thought it might come in handy. The walls around here are sturdy, right?"

"Ah, Krem de la Kreme. And here I thought that all this time back with an organized military force might have influenced you a bit." The man's arms rose so his hands could settle behind his head. "You know this makes you a… Krem against humanity."

Krem rolled his eyes. "Krem doesn't sound enough like 'crime' for that to work, Chief."

"It works because I say it works. Anyway, this should be fun. As you were, Krem Puff." Bull grinned as he stretched his long legs out in front of him. "I just hope I'm here when the Vint shows up."

Sure enough, the next day, the Vint showed up. Krem watched him stalk across the tavern to where he sat, face neutral as the mage came to a halt in front of Krem and crossed his arms across his chest. "A word, Aclassi?" he said, one eyebrow raising high.

Well, that didn't take him long to go straight to Altus, did it? "Avanna, Altus Pavus," he said with a polite nod of his head. "How can I help you?"

"It is my understanding that you are offering assistance to others to learn the language of our homeland," Dorian began rather carefully.

"I might have done that for someone, at that," Krem admitted, grabbing his drink from the nearby table. "What of it?"

Dorian snapped his fingers, and a chair skidded across the floor to come to a rest near Krem. Taking a seat, he leaned in and met Krem's gaze intently. "Are you taking suggestions for your next lesson with that someone?" he asked in a quiet voice.

Krem's lips spread into a broad smile. "I might."

"Excellent. I knew I liked you." He reached into one of his innumerable pockets and withdrew a piece of paper. "These, if you please. Call them tactical maneuvers or holiday wishes or anything you like. Just make sure he knows how to say them correctly."

Reading over the list, Krem felt his cheeks get a little hot. "Are you sure, Altus?" he said, eyebrows rising.

"Oh, more sure than anything." Dorian stood, clapping Krem on the shoulder. "Keep up the good work. The Inquisitor speaks quite highly of you, you know. Vitae benefaria."

And with that, he left the inn.

Krem blinked, then looked down at the list again. And I thought the chaps back in the military knew some ways to… He tilted his head reflexively as he read one suggestion in particular. "Is that even possible?" he murmured to himself.

The next lesson was going to be a challenge, mostly because he'd be wondering just how flexible the Commander could be.