AN: Inspired by Emma in "Asian F" because I've been there.
She does it in her head all the time—silently, discretely, maybe clasping her hands. Saying little prayers helps get her through the day. Emma doesn't go to church regularly, hasn't really ever gone to church regularly, but there's something about the promise of unending kindness, of a love that knows no bounds, that has always drawn her in.
Her grandmother used to say prayers with her. Every night that she stayed over at her grandmother's, they'd pray together on their knees. Emma remembers going to church with Nana Pillsbury every Sunday that she could manage to convince her mother. Because every Sunday spent with her Nana was another day spent away from the snide commments. Another day she didn't have to feel like a freak. But then her Nana died and the only thing that remained of those beautiful Sundays were the prayers, a few Psalms, the remnants of a weekly blessing.
People with OCD have rituals, and prayer is just as much a function of her OCD as it is a coping mechanism for it. It's a way to remember her Nana. It's a way to push her problems off of her own shoulders if only for a while. Prayer is that little thing that can keep her going long past her breaking point.
Emma does it in her head all the time. But sometimes the quiet little prayers aren't enough. Sometimes the anxiety takes over, and she just has to get on her knees. Because being on her knees in front of God means admitting that she can't do it on her own. That she will never be strong enough to just power through all of her fears. No matter how hard she might try sometimes she just has to pray and be a little calmer knowing that God hears her.
AN: I am religious and right now Emma is like my spirit animal. If you don't agree then please just don't hate. I'm here to talk to anyone who wants to; anxiety disorders like OCD have a rather large stigma attached, and I don't want anyone feeling lost or alone. (Also the title is one of my favorite songs).