A/N: I do not in any way shape or form own any part (not even a small part) of the Lord of the Rings books, films or franchise. Thank you.

Now, on with the story.

The Fellowship of the Ring : Achtung Spitfire!

Chapter 1: In which we meet the main character, and then kill her, fun fun!

I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and calm wash over me as I stepped into the doorway of light. Birdsong filled my ears and as I opened my eyes I could see a collection of angelic beings standing in a semi-circle around me. The light glimmered off their fair hair and delicate pointed ears, I truly was in heaven.

Hold on. Pointed ears! What the...

"Welcome to Lothlorien Chloe Bowerbank. And welcome to Middle Earth."

Hold on, how the hell did we get here?

Well, I just thought that it would be better if we skipped the whole teenage crisis thing and got to the part where there were elves and other cool stuff.

Good thinking, but, like the esteemed reader, I am a bit confused. So stop the artistic messing up of the story line and start from the beginning.

I am being told what to do by my own character. I really have become the lowest of the low. (even though said character is me, hold on that means I'm arguing with myself.)

Shut up and get writing!

Right then from the beginning.

As a teenage girl of the tender age of 16, I had the right, no duty, to be angry. And as many adolescents before me, I did the mature thing of screaming at my parents, accusing them of not understanding me and hating me, throw something at a wall, retreat upstairs to the hovel that can be called a place of sleep, and as soon as being able to find a pair of matching shoes, storm outside before either parent could stop me.

I had no real reason to be angry, or resentful, but I was bored and arguing seemed the best way to pass time.

The only place that seemed to have any affect on my ridiculous amount of anger was the local moors. A small patch of paradise that not many people visited and was, usually, peaceful. Until I got there.

Unfortunately, I was so caught up in my silent cursing of all of those around me, that I didn't notice the large four by four speeding toward me. And as my legs were broken and body hurled into the air, I remember thinking;

"I knew that all Honda drivers had it in for me"

Not bad for my last thought, eh?

So, on that day I died on a grass verge in the middle of sunny old England. How I would miss it.

Suddenly, I wasn't lying twisted and broken on my back, I was standing up. Albeit it a floating out of body experience way. I took one last glance at the small form that had once been a person, and moved toward the light that was beckoning me.

That is how I came to be in Lothlorien.

I looked closely at the person who spoke. She was standing directly in front of me and had a look of kindness and understanding on her perfect face. The others who stood around her were equally as beautiful, but she emanated a power that could stop an army in its tracks. She must be the Lady of the Wood. Galadriel.

"Lothlorien" I whispered. I couldn't be in Middle Earth. Could I?

Then I suddenly recollected all that had happened in the moment before. My anger, my death. And how a huge car had just suddenly appeared out of nowhere to knock me down.

"You didn't kill me, did you" I said in a voice that sounded much stronger in my head than it did in the still air of the forest.

The fair Lady gave me a look of remorse and sorrow.

"I cannot lie to you child, as much as it pains me to say, your death and departure from this world is necessary for the fate of all of Arda."

An uncomfortable silence fell. Then I pushed two very good looking, and then disgruntled, elves to one side and made for the depths of the forest of Lothlorien.

"Stupid elves" I muttered "Always messing around with mortals. Well this one has a temper and knows how to climb trees."

A/N: Dear Honda,

Please don't try to kill me. Please?