Venison

James and Sirius entered the Great Hall with identical smirks adorning their faces. Grinning at a scowling Professor McGonagall, they went over to the Gryffindor table and slipped in between Remus and Peter.

Remus eyed the two pranksters warily. "What did the two of you do this time?"

"Oh you know, the usual. We were just messing with a few first years, nothing too drastic," Sirius answered flippantly, piling food onto his plate.

"I think you have to re-evaluate your definition of drastic," Remus muttered.

"Don't be such a wet blanket, Moony. You should join in on the fun more often," James grinned.

Remus grimaced, recalling the last time he joined in on the 'fun'. The Marauders had decided to break into Professor McGonagall's private quarters and 'decorate' her room. However, their plans were dashed when said professor decided to hold an impromptu drinking session with their headmaster, forcing the four boys to scurry for cover under a table and witness the drunken acts of their professors. Needless to say, Remus was scarred for life. He didn't think he could look at the stern witch without visualizing her dancing and singing Weird Sisters songs in a frilly pink dress with Professor Dumbledore ever again.

"No thanks, I prefer my sanity intact," Remus replied.

"I don't think anyone here is sane," Sirius joked, stuffing food into his mouth. "Especially not Prongsie here. He's still obsessing over Lily Evans."

James looked indignant. "I'm not obsessing over her. I'm just… concerned with her well-being."

The other three boys shot James incredulous looks.

"You're stalking her, James. You even watch her when she's sleeping!" Sirius exclaimed.

"I do not!" James protested. "And we're not allowed in the girls' dormitory! How am I supposed to watch her when she's sleeping?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Don't play dumb, I caught you watching Lily Evans' name on the Marauders' Map just the other night."

"Oh… well… that was… just…" James stuttered.

"Only Lily Evans could reduce James Potter to this state," Sirius stage-whispered to Remus and Peter.

James swatted Sirius's arm. "Shut up and eat your food, Padfoot."

"Right, food."

There was a moment of silence between the four boys, their mouths occupied with the usual Hogwarts fare, before Sirius broke it.

"You know, one of the things I appreciate most about Hogwarts' house elves is that they know how to cook meat properly," He said.

Peter nodded in agreement. "And they also serve foods that I don't get to eat at home."

"Yeah, like venison!" Sirius replied enthusiastically, taking another big bite of his food.

James paled. "V-venison?" He squeaked.

"Mm hmm. I just love the wild flavor of venison, and it's wonderful how they melt and burst in your mouth. Mm… it's like heaven in a bite," Sirius sighed dreamily.

James gasped, eyes wide in horror. He looked between the dish and Sirius' face, looking greener by the minute.

"James? Are you all right?" Remus queried, looking worried at his friend's behavior.

James stood shakily. "I… how… y-you… YOU MURDERER!" He yelled at Sirius.

Sirius looked offended. "Excuse me?"

"You're eating me! You… you… argh! How can you eat that?!" James cried.

"I'm not eating you! Why would I even want to eat you? Yuck! What are you talking about?" Sirius said irritably. "And it's not my fault that venison is sooo chewy-"

At the word 'chewy', James's face drained of all color before his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he collapsed on the floor with a loud thump.

Sudden silence ensued from the other tables as they stared at the ringleader of the Marauders sprawled on the floor of the Great Hall. Meanwhile, Remus and Peter were shooting accusing glares at Sirius.

"What? I didn't do anything!" Sirius protested, unnerved by the glowers from the calmest members of the group.

Remus sighed in exasperation. He turned to Peter, "Remind me again, why are we friends with him?"

Peter shrugged. "He makes a nice comedic punch bag?"

"Hey!" Sirius said indignantly.

"Yeah, he does," Remus said, ignoring Sirius' angry mutters. "Though sometimes I wonder if the hassle is worth it."

"You can always gag him again," Peter suggested, watching as Frank Longbottom nudged James' head with the tip of his shoe. "I mean, it did shut him up for a while."

Remus nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, but maybe I'll take it a step further this time…"

"Well I'm sure it's a good idea, whatever you're thinking, but maybe we should save James first…?" Peter looked pointedly at the various students drawing on James' face.

Remus' gaze roved over James' prone body. "Nah," He said finally with an impish grin. "What kind of friends would we be if we denied him this moment of fame? After all, it's not every day one has people scrambling all over you to mark you."

"Spoken like a true Marauder!" Sirius exclaimed proudly, his earlier anger forgotten. "Y'know, there's something that I never did get a chance to draw on James because he always rolls over in his sleep. Just imagine how mad he'll be when he realizes that image on his face!"

With those gleeful words, Sirius joined the horde of students clamoring for their turn while Remus and Peter watched on.