The Night Before
Imagining the punching bag you're beating up is Rio's face may not the most productive thing you could do. But at least it's the most satisfying.
You feel Rio come in behind you, and you know he's staring at your back, even though the wall you're facing isn't a full-length mirror. You'd chosen the punching bag against this wall for that very reason, and maybe it's for that very reason that Rio bothers to come up to you at all.
You hear his footsteps as he walks closer and stops a few steps away and you keep on hitting the punching bag. Not merely because you are still angry but because punching the bag means you are not planting your fist into Rio's face for real.
"…I have to do this," Rio finally says, and it almost sounds apologetic but that's probably all in your mind and you almost want to turn around and shake him, but you don't.
Shaking equals not punching equals maybe it's safe to stop punching the bag now equals maybe you won't attack Rio if you stop.
You let your fist drop to your side and turn around and Rio is looking at a spot in the wall somewhere over your shoulder and your fingers twitch, as if your conclusion of two seconds ago may not be reliable, after all.
As the two of you remain standing there, so many things are running through your head, not the least of which is 'why' but you can't voice them so you remain silent. You feel like you want to hug Rio like you've done for Retsu so many times, but you don't.
"Never appear before me again." It comes out as almost a whisper, and you wonder if Rio has even heard it, if he can maybe see the blurriness at the corners of your eyes.
You brush Rio's arm as you walk past him, and as you walk away you can feel Rio's eyes on your back again and you think he might come after you but he doesn't.
Miki is at the doorway, looking between the two of you, but you brush past her, too, and when you get "home" Retsu is looking brightly up at you and Retsu you do hug and the tears in your heart that want to be expressed are clamoring to be released, affecting your throat and your voice and your vision but you just lock them away in the same place the tears for your parents are.
And you wonder if Rio is in a corner of the dojo doing the same thing.
Unlike this morning, Rio's face holds nothing apologetic (even imaginary) about it as he tries to explain one more time, "I will become stronger! To that end, I need Rin Jyuken!"
You feel calm enough and angry enough to mock, "Strength, strength. You always say that." You'd come prepared, going through the motions of your image of the careless lone wolf. Rio hasn't seen that face since forever, but you need it right now, "To master Jyuken, you need something. Something other than strength."
And you almost laugh because of how ridiculous that sounds. Your Shigeki was a result of always trying to catch up to Rio.
If Shigeki was a power so close to Rinki, how laughable, then, that Rio desire Rin Jyuken.
"And what is that? Are you saying you have it?" The wind wildly blows Rio's hair around—only Rio's, because you style your hair to keep it out of your eyes, and you've never understood how Rio managed with his hair long.
"It's wit. It's style. Got it?"
"Ridiculous." Rio is angry, like you knew he would be, and you stagger at the force of the confrontation ki he's already attained.
The Forbidden Gekiwaza burns a little as you perform it, and you see Rio's surprise. But you know that without the boost of power the Forbidden Waza promises, you'll never be able to defeat Rio. It's a risk you're willing to take, and you're prepared for it.
What you're not prepared for, as you attack, is for the glimmer of gold that surrounds Rio so much it seems a part of him to surge forward. You manage to get right through it as you tackle Rio, and even as Rio struggles in your grip, his eyes are glowing, and you are reminded of stories of your childhood, of the Golden-Eyed Calamity—
And the glimmer of gold wraps around, so thick that it is suddenly all you can see and you lose your grip on Rio and—
Rio is standing over you, no, he's kneeling near you and his hand is over your eyes, gentle in the way you never knew Rio to be and yet shaking, too, and Rio is saying, in a hollow voice you've never heard before, "I can't go back now."
Your vision is fading, surrounded by a golden cloudy haze and you smell Rio get up and you hear him say something that may have been a whisper and may have been nothing at all…
Good bye, Gou.
You know it is slightly manipulative of you. But you are already destined to fight, and you cannot bear the thought of your quiet little crybaby brother fighting. You never want him to be going through the hurt you've withstood, and you know it's a little hypocritical of you because you know full well you may never come back.
But this is all you can do. Sometimes it has felt that your entire life has been made up of all-you-can-dos. But it's too late to back out now. Your resolve has been made up and all you can do is go through with it.
"Nii-saaan!"
So as Retsu calls after your retreating back, you don't turn around, even as his cries tear at the rest of your heartstrings, as you head out to meet your destiny.