Fix You
Author's Note: This is Post-Eclipse, pretending as though Breaking Dawn didn't happen. Leah's phased, and in Sam's pack for about two months.
Leah's point of view
"It's time you see someone," she said bluntly; not remorse in her features for her harsh words.
My eyes opened wide, though I didn't feel anything; only slight shock. It was hard to actually feel emotion anymore around people. I wasn't a compassionless shrew, but it was easiest to appear that way for obvious reasons. "See someone?"
"A shrink, Lee," Mom said softly, Seth hovering by on the island bar stool.
"I don't need a shrink," I said sharply, defence piercing my words.
That made her composure shatter for a second, her lips turning down. Though I could tell she wasn't going to rephrase or take her advice back. "I think you could only benefit from talking to someone. This isn't normal, sweetheart," her tone softened. "At first, I understood and I thought you would get over it with time, but you've only gotten worse in a lot of ways. You've grown... cold. You're not the Leah I used to know," her voice broke, her frown broadening at the thought of the cold bitch her daughter turned out to be. What did she expect?
I only then noticed from my position against the door frame, just having got home from patrol - which, in my defence, fuelled my already short temper - Jacob's dad hovering over by the back door, watching.
"What's he doing here?" I asked, looking from him, to my mom, more bitchiness in my tone than I really meant... Well, maybe not.
"He's just here to help; for support. You know your father's not here right now and-"
"You never needed dad," I said gently. "Not to support your decisions. You're not dependant on anyone, mom. You're strong enough to do this yourself."
She thought my words over for a second, they were still harsh, but the sad reality was, she'd gotten use to it and she had gotten use to ignoring it. "Leah, just please, for me."
"I don't need a shrink," I repeated.
Billy sighed. "Leah... Jacob's gone through the same thing you have, and he's trying to get over it," he wheeled into the room further, stopping beside the island that my mother was stood behind. "You're.. not, or not succeeding. Something. Maybe you just need a little push to get you started."
A bitter, harsh laugh escaped my lips as I crossed my arms over my chest, leaving my face emotionless despite my anger and angst. "Jacob," I let his name linger for a second before selectively choosing my words. "No disrespect, Billy, but Jacob and I aren't exactly comparable."
"How so?" He asked, clearly pushing for me to express something other than cattiness.
"Our situations are different."
"Elaborate," he pried.
"You're not a shrink. You're doing yourself no good, and I'm not going to see one," I said matter-of-factly, looking back to my mother as I spoke.
"Yes, you are. This anger... resentment, I can't deal with it anymore, Lee. At first, yeah, I understood. You and Sam had been together a long time and had been extremely close, but you have to move on. I can't stand seeing you hurt anymore."
Her words almost made me reconsider my tone, but fuck it. "No, I'm not. I'm eighteen and you can't make me do anything."
"As long as you're living under my house Leah Amelia Clearwater, I can make you do as I please. This is going to help you. How can you not see that?"
"Because telling some idiot trained to sit down and nod his fucking head at whatever I say and ask me how I feel about that, even after I've already told him isn't my idea of healing!" I exclaimed.
"Watch your tone, and your mouth," she chastised lightly. Mom wasn't one for yelling or disapproving harshly, but she also got her point across and I guess I got my stubbornness and determination from her. I seemed weak, but to get through what I was put through every fucking day, I knew I was far from it, even though I doubted it myself sometimes. "You're going. I've got you a meeting with someone in Seattle at four o'clock tomorrow afternoon. Just give it a try," she said, slightly drained.
Billy gave me a reassuring smile. "It will help, Leah. Maybe you can even talk to Jacob."
"About what?" I asked, sharply, unbelieving how my mother would just sign me up for something I didn't want to do. "How he had a crush who didn't return his feelings? Right," a unkind laugh escaping my lips as I shook my head. "Yeah, well I was with Sam for years, and he loved me back. He held me in bed and kissed me and told me how much he loved me. My and Jacob's situations are far from the same."
I shook my head, my face falling slightly as I turned on my heel abruptly, walking into the living room.
No one called out to me. They all knew I was too far gone to care.
I knew it, and I didn't like it, but what they were doing was wrong.
The next day came all too quickly, for once. It seemed when getting up wasn't the worst thing on your mind, the morning came even quicker than usual, just to get to the unpleasant event as fast as it could. Every night, the dark seemed short, sleep, a blessing sometimes. Waking up, especially after the nightmares stopped and things were... peaceful, was like waking up to a nightmare. Maybe that was too gloomy and too dull; too depressing, but it was true. Everything was dull. I wanted to move on, I really did, but everything went back to Sam. Everything led me back to him; his arms, his scent... Everything.
"Leah?" A knock came on my door, accompanied by my moms voice. "You up?"
"Yup," I called out unenthusiastically; tiredly.
My door creaked open as my mom's footsteps came closer and the bed shifted slightly as she sat down on the edge. I let my eyes flutter open and I looked up to her. She knew I was more vulnerable in the mornings; this wasn't fair.
"Can we talk?"
"Sure."
She sighed, "I just want to help you. You understand that, right?"
"This won't help."
"You don't know that until you try it. Just promise me you'll try?"
I shook my head. "Whatever," I rolled over, on my other side, and squeezed my eyelids shut, frowning.
"Leah..."
I knew if I opened my mouth, my voice would crack, so I stayed silent and moments later, after an uncomfortable silence, she got up and left.
As soon as I heard her descend down the stairs, the tears escaped my eyes, and I was breathing heavily; my chest weighted. I wanted this to stop, but even if it did, I would never have what I needed; Sam. He was irreplaceable.
"Leah," Seth called before entering my room. "Mom says it's time to go," he said warily.
I turned to him from my seat on my bed, half-watching the television, half-dreading four o'clock, "Kay."
"Come on," Seth half-begged. "Just try, Leah. Seriously. Mom doesn't want to make you."
I scoffed, but reached over and turned the television off. I knew he was somewhat right, but I didn't want to admit mom's request was slightly accurate and reasonable. "I'll be down in a second."
"Alright," he said, seemingly convinced as he shut my door behind him, leaving.
I got up off my bed, going over to look in the mirror as I sprayed some sweet smelling body mist over my wrists, rubbing it in. I then averted my gaze to my eyes in the mirror. I looked at my reflection for a minute, gaining strength before I turned, running a brush through my short locks and exiting my room.
The drive to the office wasn't long enough in my opinion. Or maybe I just had no sense of timing. Either way, as mom parked at the front of the building, I sighed, turning to her. Seth stayed at home, with Embry. "Don't tell anyone else about this," I said unwaveringly. "Promise?"
She gave me a small smile, "Promise. Thank you, Lee."
I merely nodded before opening the door and getting out of the car.
"The receptionist will let you know where to go," she called before I shut the door and walked up to the red bricked building, hesitating before pulling the glass door open.
I was slightly embarrassed. I wasn't trusted enough to get through this by myself; on my own. It was degrading, in a way. Not that therapy was something bad, no, not for people who wanted it. I heard that it really was beneficial. Though, I didn't need it. I wasn't fixable. Someone couldn't sit down across from me in a large leather chair and tell me why I was feeling the way I was. Knowing why didn't erase the pain, or the hurt. Why wasn't the problem. It happened. Period. The why didn't matter. No matter why I felt the way I did, I still did, and there was no getting past that until I was naturally ready to. I had accepted that. When I was supposed to feel better, I would. It just didn't seem probable. I had hope, yes, it was just diminutive.
"Leah Clearwater?" A small, blond-haired woman asked as I entered a room after following the signs.
"Yeah?"
"Ms. Callot is waiting for you," she said gently, rising from her seat in a large, swivel chair. "Follow me."
I simply nodded and followed her down another long hallway to the second last door on the left. She reached over, opening the door. "You can go in," she said softly, giving me a gentle smile.
I nodded and stepped over the threshold to the sweet smelling office, hearing the door close behind me.
"Leah?" A woman asked, sitting in a rounded leather chair across the room. "Come in and sit down," she said softly, smiling over at me as she stood. I nodded, and walked over as she extended her hand to me. "I'm Ms. Callot."
"Nice to meet you," I said dully, shaking her hand before sitting down on the matching leather couch. I almost laughed at the irony. My sense of humor really had turned bitter like the rest of me. Really, it was like you saw in all the movies and TV shows; a small chair for the 'counsellor', a long couch, and a couple other chairs for the mentally challenged, and a small table dividing the two with a vase of flowers and tissues.
"So Leah," Ms. Callot said softly, sitting back down, crossing her legs as she picked up the small notepad she laid on her seat upon standing.
I fought the urge to roll my eyes. What did they write down in those little things anyways? 'Is sad talking about things.' 'Is resistant.' Way to state the obvious. I was half-tempted to ask, though she continued.
"Tell me why you're here today." She kept her eyes on me, however, had a pen in hand.
I shrugged, "My mom made me?"
She nodded, her brow's creasing. "And how do you feel about that?"
Cli-fucking-che. "Like it's not obvious," I mumbled.
It was silent for a moment before Ms. Callot sighed, leaning forward and placing her notepad and pen on the table. I felt like clapping; that was a big move for shrinks - breaking cliché's and habits.
"What happened, Leah?" She asked gently, leaning back in her seat, re-crossing her legs.
"Where do I start?" I asked half-sarcastically.
She ignored it. "At the beginning."
"You'll be here a while."
"It's my job. To be someone you can trust."
"Trust," I scoffed. "Right."
"Clearly someone's broken that before," she stated gently; observing. "Tell me about him or her."
"And."
"What?" She asked softly.
"Him and her."
"Well," she said, nodding. "That's a good start."
Authors note: So, this is a little different than my other Leah stuff, but I thought it would be fun to try out the difficult Leah. I also think eventually, after Leah shutting her and everyone else out, Sue would get sick of it, and I was listening to Coldplay's song 'Fix You' and the song gave me this idea, upon being a beautiful song. - Hence the name of the fanfiction.
Anyways! Give me feedback!
Review or PM me with your opinion and any ideas or suggestions for future stories, I'll update faster. :) I've also been working on a Law and Order: SVU story for any of you SVU fans. :)
- Dramaticfield