So I got a couple requests on Tumblr asking me to write "Waige's first time," and just because I feel that's been done a lot (and also because I don't write smut) I decided I'd honor the requests but put a spin on it, and I liked this idea I had because I love watching Walter realize he has emotions and get thrown off by what he feels.
At first, she wasn't sure how to respond. "I gotta go," was probably the last thing she'd expected out of Walter O'Brien shortly after they'd "given in already," as Toby would undoubtedly put it as soon as they walked into work the next morning. He'd know. They'd been together for months and somehow Toby would know they'd slept together.
That was something that she fully expected.
She eased open her front door and peered out into the hall. "Walter?" She headed slowly down the hall, wondering if she should have put on shoes. He had – he'd hurriedly dressed before leaving the bedroom. She was barefoot and in her bathrobe and she really had no idea where he might have gone.
Then a stroke of luck – the door leading to the roof was cracked open, slightly whistling as the air rushed through it. She eased it open, shuddering at the change in temperature – then realized it really wasn't all that bad – before heading up the stairs.
He was sitting with his back to her, looking out over the city. She crept across the roof, not wanting to startle him. "Walter."
She knew he heard her, but he didn't say anything. "Hey," she said, dropping to her knees next to him. "Hey, what's the matter?"
"Noth-nothing."
He still wouldn't look at her. "Hey," she said again, suddenly nervous, "did that just happen because of what Toby was saying the other day because he was just joking."
"No, no," he said. "Nothing like that."
"Then what's wrong?" She put a hand on his back. "Did I do something?"
He smiled, looking down at the cement. "No."
"You know, you're getting better at reading what's appropriate for situations but running out of the room after sex isn't exactly the most popular response." She smiled. "Talk to me."
"I don't know how to explain this."
"Try. That's all any of us can do, isn't it?"
He was silent a long time, and then cleared his throat. "Look, so...you remember Janice, right?"
She nodded.
"Well uh, whenever we...when I was with her," he said, "it was more of this...this sort of relationship obligation, if you will," he said, turning his hand palm up. "And there was nothing there, in terms of emotions, I mean, I don't know if I ever told you this but I actually," he chuckled nervously, "I actually wrote up this...this document on how to better connect with her emotionally." He glanced at her and she gave him a small smile to encourage him to keep talking. He took a deep breath.
"And I didn't really think anything of it because intercourse was designed as a means of reproduction and thousands of species engage in it without any sort of...without any feelings involved...plus she was beautiful and smart and ambitious and kind, and if I didn't fall in love with someone who seemed statistically very likely to be good for me then I decided my hypothesis that romantic love didn't exist must be correct."
He fell silent again, still catching her eyes with his own, and she wondered if he was going where she thought he was going, the silence agonizing, leaving her hanging. She cocked her head to the side in question.
He sighed, looking away. "You know how I feel about you," he said slowly, carefully, "but, um..." he looked at her, "I didn't know." He bit his lip. "I didn't realize until tonight, when it was different..." He sighed, looking forward again. "I didn't know that it was possible to feel that much. And I was surprised. I didn't expect it to be this different. It's as if I was still holding back feelings I only sort of knew I had but was hesitant to admit to and tonight just brought them all to he forefront and I needed to come up here and clear my head." His face took on an eager expression. "But I didn't leave, see? I was going to come back, I didn't leave!"
"Very good." She felt a small smile coming over her face. "Walter..."
"Cabe once told me that my attitude toward love was the attitude of someone who had never been in it." He shrugged. "I mean, obviously he was right about that but..." he looked back at her. "Um, I guess...I just got that feeling in my chest that I always get when I see you looking at me and it was stronger and...I just got overwhelmed tonight. And then I became embarrassed at how much I liked being close to you..." he shrugged. "I'm sorry."
"Hey," she said, leaning in and resting her chin on his shoulder as she continued to rub his back, her free hand reaching over to rest on top of one of his, "it's okay." She smiled. "It's okay to feel that much. You don't have to run to the roof every time you do, though," she added.
He chuckled again, and she felt him tilt his head to rest on hers. "Copy that."
It was her turn to give a little laugh. "You want to go back inside?"
There was a long pause, then she felt him shift his weight. "Yeah. Yeah, let's go." He got to his feet, biting his lip again and looking over at her as she rose. "I am sorry, you know."
She smiled. "Walter. It's not your job to be everything I might expect." The corner of her mouth turned up. "In fact...I might like being the girl that drove you out of bed because you wanted to stay so badly. I can say I've never had that happen before."