Disclaimer: I don't own any rights for Newsroom characters, scenes or parts of a dialog from episodes. All rights belong to the talented writers who created them. I only borrowed them and added some of my thoughts about them. I don't make money from anything in this story.
Author's Notes: This scene is just tragic enough to spark my muse... I owe a huge thank you to outtabreath for proofreading and advise.
You Always Greet Me With "Goodbye"
Maybe running down a street in New York was less crazy than taking a three hour tour in a bus filled with forty female "Sex In The City" fans, but he was beginning to feel delusional. It was Maggie that he has just seen on a sidewalk, ranting about the unfairness of life and falling for her best friend's guy, right? She didn't listen to his plea, and ran like the wind. After sprinting for three blocks, and rounding two corners, Jim stops running. Damnit, Mac! he thinks. I lost her again. It figures really, why would he be lucky this time?
He spins around, preparing to find a way to get home from wherever he is, but what he sees halts him in place. It must be an hallucination, because he's just arrived that way, and she was definitely not standing there earlier. He can't help but stare and wonder if this illusion is going to last. She looks nervous, at a loss for words. He regards her for a moment and makes a decision.
He has been stubbornly denying himself the hope of this for the longest time, even in privacy of his own mind. But now he's exhausted and he can't stop himself. Especially, after she's just admitted falling for him and then confirmed it by strongly denying it. In his tired mind this is still some sort of a fantasy, albeit a strange one, because he's been very careful and never allowed himself to imagine this going so far. But he's going to indulge himself this time, just because he can't resist this unconscious pull towards her. The trick is not to overanalyze it, and he's in a perfect state for that.
It takes only two steps to reach her, because she moves forward simultaneously. His hands slide into her hair and around her waist and her breath is a soft caress against his lips. His eyes begin to close and as her eyelids slide shut, he knows he can't prevent it from happening. Only one little…
It's everything he thought it would be with her. It's soft and warm and full of emotion. His heart sears wildly for just a moment, but then the inevitable happens and his lungs contract painfully, when he remembers just why it's not supposed to be happening.
He draws out of their kiss and gently separates himself from Maggie. He takes a moment before he opens his eyes, still feeling the ghost of her lips on his, missing the warmth, fighting the urge to reunite their mouths. But every little reason they shouldn't be doing this, comes rushing back. He squeezes his eyes tight and opens them at once.
His breath stalls at the sight before him: Maggie's eyes are closed, her mouth is still open slightly, and she seems to be afraid of moving, as if it would break the spell. She's beautiful, in his arms. When she does open her eyes, they're wide and trusting, and… happy? She smiles at him, and he smiles a bit, but he forces himself to recover and do the right thing here. Doing the right thing means breaking both their hearts.
He lets go of her shoulders and takes both of her hands in his, putting some space between them. Still in a rush from exertion and anxiety he takes a shaky breath, and then releases it in half awe and half relief. A nervous laugh escapes him, which she mirrors, and for a fleeting moment they grin at each other like a pair of star crossed lovers, but then he shakes his head and struggles to clear his head. He needs to talk. Focus! he orders himself.
"I'm with Lisa," he says. But really, no excuse would do for doing this.
"I know," she whispers and nods.
"And you're with Don." Jim insists, and a kiss doesn't change any of that. It's supposed to sober them up, but Maggie is staring at his lips again, and he at hers. Focus, damnit!
"I don't know if I want to be…" she offers and leans into him again.
He takes a sharp intake of breath and backs away from her, while shaking his head violently. No, no, no! It's not fair that he has to resist the one thing he wants more than anything. In this instant when she allows herself to want him openly, there's nothing harder than to push her away. Now he knows for sure he's more than a 5 minute crush for her, but he also knows someone for whom she's far more than a crush. He's going to ask her, he needs to know what she feels.
"… If Don had committed to you?" he begins.
She obviously is trying to connect the dots, looking a bit hurt that he's the one who reminds her of this particular predicament. She makes eye contact and says, "…He didn't."
"But if he did?" He really needs to know. He doesn't want this to be just a coincidence. He wants her to be a hundred percent in, like he is. He needs her to want him and only him, because it's him. He'll never accept to be her second choice, the one that'll do, someone she's not so sure about.
"Wh… Well…Then neither of us would be standing here." She sounds sure it's an act of fate, but he wants it to be the act of her will.
He detaches their hands and creates a divide between them. He has to. He has to ignore the hope in her eyes. He hangs his head and murmurs, "You need to get some sleep," even though he knows her night is far from being over.
"You do too…"
He thinks, Not much of a chance for that happening after what has just happened.
"I have to talk to Don," she tells him.
They nod at each other weakly. They smile at each other a little. It comes so naturally, but it rips his heart into a million pieces. He supposes she smiles because they finally got mutual confirmation of their feelings for each other, because she thinks that she's ready to deal with things that prevent them from being together. He smiles too, because even though it is probably the last chance for him to win her, she's going to go to Don's place and get what she always wanted. She's going to be happy. He won't stand in the way.
Just walk, he tells himself, and don't look back.
Later, she doesn't answer his call. She's being asked to move in with her boyfriend. He knows he did the "right thing", but why does it feel like the worst thing? He leaves his spot on the stairs and climbs up to his apartment. It's what was expected. He was expecting to feel like shit, and now he does. No need to dwell on that.
This is the reality they all got used to. He's with Lisa, Maggie is with Don, and everything makes sense again. It's back to being-in-love-with-a-girl-you-work-with-whose-boyfriend-(who also works with you)-had-set-you-up-with-her-best-friend-(and roommate) situation. Truthfully, it hurts most of the time, but that's how one knows it's real, right? Life isn't made of flowers and butterflies.
Reality is paved with hardships and perils. At least he's not going to jump off a bridge, like that NSA guy.
Lisa calls and says, rather harshly, that she won't come over. He coaxes her to at least talk to him, and lies, lies, lies…
Finally, when he closes his eyes, he's thrown back into the moment when he got a glimpse into another reality; one in which things are simple and he's just a guy kissing a girl under a gentle drizzle.
End.