A/N: I do not own Transformers. I do not own Mountain Dew. I do, however, own the Honda Civic SI described in this story and it's name is the Blue Meanie. The main difference between the Meanie in this story and the Meanie in my driveway is that my Meanie is 100 percent Decepticon. You're my boy, Blue. You're my boy.

Any character in this story that can't be found on Teletraan-1 (The Transformers Wikia) or any official list of toy, comic, cartoon, video game or movie characters are mine. Special the cool black femme. She's totally mine.

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Conventional is not a word that a person could use to describe Lorentina "Tina" Alba McIlroy Littorio. The tall Irish-Italian girl from Maryland, with the mile long name and the big brown eyes, could be a dead ringer for Natalie Portman's sister, a likeness which often annoys her. While beautiful, Natalie has a presence that makes her seem angelic, Tina on the other hand is more of the devilish type. From her blue streaked "Victoria Beckham" bob, to the half sleeve tribal tattoo on her left arm or her odd tendency to dress like an '80s throw back, she is not, by any means, normal. Throw in the occasional Burt Bacharach or Dean Martin CD playing on the ancient boombox in her garage, the comical young network security technician is a stand out.

Tina dances around her garage in an pair of tartan plaid shorts, a Clash Teeshirt and pink flip flops waving the chamois around like a Vegas Showgirl on crack. Her normally well structured bob, now held back in a fat headband, was sticking up on top of her head like the crest of a rooster. She belted out Patsy Cline at the top of her lungs only pausing to take a breath between lines. It was late Saturday morning, a day she religiously dedicated to the careful detailing of her pride and joy which she named the Blue Meanie.

Tina has an immense love of cars. Well, cars, planes, trains, boats... just about anything with a motor and a nice paint job. Being the middle child and only girl raised by their Uncle Salvo, a mechanic who specialized in the restoration of classic muscle cars, Tina and her two brothers Lou and Andre, all shared the interest. Where as the boys preferred to stick with the muscle cars, Tina tends to modify only imports. She was, is and always shall be the black sheep of the Littorio clan. The quirky brunette smiles admirably at the fiji blue 2007 Honda Civic Si coupe sitting in her driveway as she saunters over to it, trailing the index finger of her right hand along the glass on it's driver's side, inspecting the paint for any new scratches.

She loves the car. She often jokes that due to her often stressful and long hours at work, the Meanie is her only boyfriend. "It's great you know," Tina jokingly says to her friends at work. "The car never talks back, never tells me to slow down, never says 'you're not doing it right', never ever says 'I want to ride with someone else', never complains...' it really is the perfect man." Most of her girlfriends thought she was nuts for saying such things, but most of her guy friends appreciated it and her love of all cars. Tina walks to the front of the car and stands facing it, one leg out, both hands rested on her hips. "Okay, sweetheart it's time for your weekly bath." She says with a warm smile on her face.

Bathing the Meanie has become a way for her to unwind from the often hectic work week. She had moved up into the hills to get away from people and enjoyed her seclusion, hidden amongst some trees, the house sat at the end of a very long cul-du-sac. Her work load had almost tripled since the terrorist incident in Mission City earlier the summer before. Working on keeping the network security intact was more than a full time job, it was her life.

Bending over to fill the bucket with a nice cocktail of imported car wash and water, she adds her favorite lamb's wool mitt to the mix. "I missed you all week." She peers past the Si to the ancient Toyota Corolla sitting at the end of the driveway, frowning at the less than exciting car. "I hate driving the Toy but it's such a piece of shit, I don't have to worry about it anywhere." She rubs hard at a streak left by a dead bug's butt on the hood, pursing her lips as she concentrates on not removing any paint, "I couldn't take you out in the typical morning traffic. I'd stress every second about other drivers being stupid and hitting you." She spots a nastier streak on the hood and bends down to inspect it's nature. "I need to stop driving you through clouds of locusts or whatever that was last night." Removing the dried bug guts, she pulls the hose around from behind her and rinses off the front. Smiling at the clear, smooth blue curve of metal before her. "My god you are a gorgeous thing."

Tina continues washing the car and finishes all the while, holding her normal conversation with the car. The tape ends and she jumps up to go change it. Choosing a mix tape of some of her favorite late '80s, early '90s bands, she begins dancing again as Siouxsie and the Banshee's 'Superstion' and blasts out from inside the garage. She grabs the chamois and bobs her head around as she dries the car in the shade of her carport, singing out the lines, "It glittered and it gleamed/ for the arriving beauty queen/ a ring and a car/ now you're the prettiest by far..." She giggled at how ridiculous she must look. Oh well, she thought, that's the beauty of no neighbors. "So, when we're done with this, well go for a nice long ride down by the beach. Well, a bit later tonight when it's cooler maybe?" She asks into the air as she wipes the last of the water off of the car. Finishing up, Tina walks back into the garage to grab a beer, polish and an applicator.

"Okay, big boy, beauty shop time." She sipsthe beer and remembers that she forgot a polishing towel. "Crap. I'll be back." She pauses, lost in thought for a second and chuckles again to herself, "I must be crazy." I spend most of my time talking to my car. "I'll only worry when you start answering back." She heads into the house to grab the towel from the dryer, where she'd seen it last.

A few minutes pass as Tina has to rifle through the clean laundry on the couch to find the towel, before she can return to the driveway. She stops for a second and stares at her car curiously. Somehow, it had moved backwards a few feet, the outline of the wet pavement obvious now that the car had shifted. Did I leave the Ebrake off? She rushes to the driver's side, clicking the unlock button on her key fob, opens the door and checks the emergency brake. Nope, it's still up and the car is in neutral. Tina scrunches her face up in confusion before climbing back out of the car and shutting the door again. She walks back to her work bench and grabs her beer, taking a swig of it, the girl looks out of the door into the large front yard, hoping to spot anything or anyone suspicious. Tina has the other two keys locked up in a safe in her bedroom. She has the one remaining key in her hand. How did it move? She finishes the beer, grabs another and returns to the driveway. "Okay, are you pulling a K.I.T.T. on me?" As always there was no response, thankfully. She maybe weird, but she's not nuts.

The tall girl sits on the cool pavement next to the car, preparing to wax the grille first. She thinks about how all that her life has consisted of for the last year is work and playing with her car. Maybe she should try socializing more with coworkers. Nah. She shakes her head in frustration as she layers the wax on the grille. She sighs tiredly and says to herself, "I am nuts aren't I?" She rests her head on the cool, smooth bumper.

"No. You're not." A male voice answers her.

Tina sits back, eyes wide open, mouth almost on the floor."W-w-who said that?"

"I did."

Tina looks around frantically from side to side, trying to see who is the culprit playing tricks on her. "And who is 'I'?"

A disembodied but friendly laugh travels around her, "The same 'I' you've talked to every Saturday morning for the last year."

The tall brunette jumps up and walks backward into her garage. "Okay smart ass, whoever you are, come out or..." She thinks hard about what else to say. She must be nuts. Too much work and not enough time off are killing her brain. Oh god. Oh no! "Show yourself!" She yells out into her yard.

"If you insist."

She stares in awe as her beloved car starts up, backs out from under the car port. For a split second, it almost appears to explode as body panels break apart, move, and expand to a soundtrack of mechanical noises, gears grinding and metal scraping as it shifts. The car appears to turn in on it self and rise up from where it is parked. The shifting form begins to take on a human like shape. Her eyes are hurting from strain as she watches the definite humanoid form finish it's transformation in her drive way. Her car just turned into a 15 foot tall robot in her yard. She looks down at her beer bottle in shock and chucks it into the grass next to the driveway in fear letting out a small shriek as she does so.

"Oh. My.God. I've lost my freakin' mind. I'm seeing shit." Tears begin to stream down her face and she trembles. "If I'd known it get this bad I would have taken a vacation when they insisted." She stumbles back from the form in front of her, whimpering in fear, she trips over the hose and falls onto her butt.

"You're not crazy, Lorentina Alba McIlroy Littorio. You're not seeing things." The robot bends down to her level studying her carefully, startled by it's moving towards her, she scuttles backwards still whimpering. "Settle down, you have an elevated heartbeat and it's hot out. You've had a beer and not enough water, you could injure yourself in this heat"

She is scared but curious at the same time as she stares up in awe, looking at the blue panels covering the being. She recognizes parts here and there on the being. Her car is in there somewhere. The overly expensive custom built headlights she had made for it now on it's chest. The mesh wheels she had put on last year now on it's ankles and shoulders. She rubs her eyes and stares again, still seeing the same thing in front of her. "There's no way this is real."

"Oh, it's very real." The expression on the thing's face is very serious.

"I-I-I... I don't know what to say." She's practically shrieking,

"How about hello?" the robot smiles at her.

This is soooooo strange. It must be a dream, but hey if it saves my ass from getting lazered into the next life, I'll play along. "Um..Hello?"

"You aren't crazy. I know you know what I am."

"Yesss. But I thought they, the ones in the reports, were the only ones...And the reports... I thought it was all some sort of weird code. I didn't know it was meant to be taken literally." She looks genuinely confused. Her job made her privy to sensitive information. One such example of that information being a report about how to prevent future system attacks from robot alien life. Suddenly, she has the feeling that her job's level of importance just sky rocketed in her mind.

The giant robot shakes his head and laughs, still smiling. "I'm sure many think that, it's better that way."

Tina gets up and walks over to him slowly and cautiously, wiping the tears from her face as she does so. She's calming down and not as scared as she was before. If he meant to hurt her, he surely would have done so by now. She guesses it's a him. He sounds like a he, looks like a he. She stands about five feet away from him, peering up in wonder and amazement at his size. "What are you?"

"You've seen the reports. I'm an Autonomous Robotic Organism from the planet Cybertron."

"Autobots..." She whispers under her breath and snorts in disbelief. "My department didn't get the whole reports, we just knew what to look for on the info to secure, file or destroy. I've been interested in it ever since. Even if I thought it was odd. My god, you're real." She reaches out and touches his leg, her eyes widening quickly as she realizes he is indeed solid and not a dream. "But what are you doing here? In my yard none the less? It's been a year since I bought the car. Why are you showing yourself to me?" She eyes him suspicously. "Am I in trouble or something?"

"No. You are not in trouble, Tina. I just felt that it is time, you are ready. You're close friends with Glen and Maggie who also have a guardian. I know they haven't told you anything and that your job is vague about what you know of us but it's only a matter of time before you too are at risk. You're too good at what you do and with your growing responsibilities and obvious intelligence, it's only a matter of time before you learn more. Your reputation and curiosity precedes you, Tina." He smiles again, his blue optics staring back at her, she peers into them in amazement. Their intricacy is stunning. He stares back at her with an entertained grin on his face, as he stands up, "Plus I thought it'd be funny."

"Funny?" She looks confused at his statement. "You nearly gave me a heart attack."

"Sorry."

She thinks about her step-cousin and high school friend Glenn back in Maryland. Whatever it was the Maggie had dragged him into, Glen had seen a ghost last summer. He never told her what it was but it left both he and Maggie changed. Shortly after whatever happened to them, they and some a few other 'Pros' or friends, were offered jobs within the Federal Government or internally promoted for those who already worked for it. Tina had been working with Maggie at NSA but was out with a nasty stomach bug following a business trip to Texas, when the action in Qatar and Mission City occurred. They didn't tell her much, but all of the analysts and security specialists associated with the divisions used during the event where moved around shortly there after and given new jobs. Courtesy of a recommendation from Maggie, Tina was given a chance to move to transfer to an office in southern California. No problem there. It was all starting to come together now. Glenn is soooo getting a phone call this afternoon. Maggie too. "So, um... what's your name?" She raises her eyebrows in uncertainty.

"Well, it certainly isn't the Blue Meanie." The grin on his face makes her feel a little less uncomfortable but she still frowns at his answer, "It's Volt."

"Volt?!" She didn't see that coming.

"Yes."

"Weird." She shifts uncomfortably then sits down, he sits down as well. The size difference between the two, still great. "Oh my god." She puts her hand to her mouth in shock.

"What is the matter?" He looks at her curiously.

"I just realized that you know sooo much about me and I don't know anything about you. That is so embarrassing." She thinks of all the babbling she has done the last year while washing and waxing the car. "Oh, my god. The modifications I did! You must hate me. They didn't hurt did they? I'm sorry. I ..."

He waves his left hand, cutting her off mid sentence."It's okay, Tina. I like them. Specially the lights. It stung a little but I really didn't mind."

"Weird." A slight smile crosses her face then she begins to think of all the other transgressions she's commited in the car. "Oh man. I'm sorry about the mods anyway. And the bad singing. Oh, and the speeding and driving really hard."

"It's okay," he smirks at her playfully, "I like it rough."

Her eyes pop open in shock and she howls in laughter, "Whoa!!! You're a freak!" They both laugh at her response.

"When they, Maggie and Glenn described you, they did so perfectly. I volunteered for the job after Glenn mentioned what kind of car you were looking for. Some human friends of ours set it up."

"But you have a VIN number that is in the the registry..."

"Yes, the original car never made it to the dealership. I was, er, replaced in route." He smiled sheepishly.

She let out an ornery laugh, "Slick." and gave him a thumbs up."I take it there's some good parts floating around somewhere on Ebay then?"

Volt raises and optic ridge at her and smiles, "Perhaps there are."

"Wow, well, that explains the suspension then. When I saw it, I'd never seen anything quite like it. I preformed exactly as I want a suspension to. I had no urge to change it. This is soooo cool." She remembers another conversation she'd had in earshot of him."Oh, I'm sorry about the Camaro thing. When I said I wanted one and I was going to trade the SI in for one when they came out." Now she had the sheepish grin. "That obviously won't be happening now."

"No problem. You didn't know. I know how much you love the SI but that's because you've never felt what I can actually do..." He raises his optic ridge again playfully. "Speed wise."

She shakes her head and laughs, "I think you know me far too well."

"Well it has been a year now."

"True, true. Now that I'm calming down, it's all good. You know, you probably will call me nuts for this but I always wondered what would it be like to have a conversation with my car and have it talk back. This is freaky but way cool." Her smile has grown to a full out grin. She stands up and walks around him, studying everything about him. Every angle, the parts of the car she learned to love so much and where they are placed on his frame. "My god. This is amazing. You're real. Wow." She walks back in front of him and looks up the awe still in her eyes,"Man, Volt, this is gonna sound way weird but I'm gonna say it anyway. Damn, you are a good looking car. I see the same transfers to your robot mode as well."

Volt stands leans back in surprise at the strange and unexpected compliment from the human. "Um, thank you, Tina." He doesn't quiet know what to say beyond that.

"Really, I mean it. I'm totally amazed. I've spent most of my life around machines and I see them differently than you'd expect most humans to. You're like a piece of art, man. So wicked. Plus, this is like iRobot but waaaaaay cooler."

Glenn and Maggie weren't kidding when they told him that he was in for a surprise with Tina. Glenn's words were along the lines of "Man, if that girl could populate the world with talking cars, she would. Once you show yourself to her, she'll never leave you alone. My grandmamma thinks she's crazy. Sometimes I agree. Oh and she's a technology freak. Loves gadgets. Watch out for whatever new gadget is on the market, it may get attached to you." After a year, he had decided that she was definitely "good people" as Glenn had also mentioned. Maggie told him of Tina's unconventional approach to everything. "She'll do what she wants regardless of what everyone else thinks. She follows no mold. Smart as a whip but as strange. She's different. You will not be short on entertainment with her." and Maggie was right,Tina is. After all the time, he had gotten used to the offbeat girl and he appreciated her vibrant outlook on life as well as her constant,"I love my car." comments she added in every day. It felt good to be appreciated.

The music changes on the boom box to the Talking Heads, Tina bops her head back and forth to Burning Down the House, she seems be thinking of something distant but pleasing then she suddenly speaks up,"This is funny. The other day, one of my coworkers teased me about my car turning into a man." She chuckled lowly as she raised her hands as if to present something, "and here it has." She slaps herself in the head lightly before turning to Volt, a humorous glimmer in her eyes, "I won't elaborate any further. So now what? I mean, do you stay here or do you have to go somewhere else?"

"No, I can stay here."

"Do you want me to do anything to the garage? You wouldn't fit in the front door and the guest bed is sort of small." She smiles again.

"I'm perfectly happy in here. Just keep the internet going."

"No problem. I can't live with out it." She nods. "So, okay, I have another question. On the reports, I saw mentions of others. Can you tell me about them?"

"Yes," Volt retells the story of the Autobots and Decepticons to Tina. She practically has stopped breathing out of shock. He stops to ensure she is okay, "Tina, are you alright?"

"Yes, it's just that... I've always believed in aliens. I mean, look at space. It's so huge! Why would we be the only ones? Why all the mystery up there? Countless distances of undiscovered wonders, infinite surprises, beauty and we would be the only ones? It'd be a big waste of space if you ask me." Tina plucks blades of grass and braids the long ones as she speaks. "And right here, right on this dusty, muddy, bacterial infected rock in space, we now have two species of life forms on it. One that was born here, or so they tell us. Ever seen Egyptian or the Aztec pyramids? No way humans did that. And another being whom comes from technology so far advanced that even with reverse engineering, we are centuries if not a millennia behind." She lays back, looking up at the sky, a sly smile on her lips. "It's pretty awesome if you think about it. From a human point of view, I feel so small and insignificant now. I know that there's more out there." Tina's face is beaming as she stares upward.

"Don't. Your race is capable of great things. Even having been around humans for over a year, you are still a mystery to us. How can a creature, so small and so delicate, survive what you can? Your minds, while primitive in comparison to the multitude of circuits and processors which we have, are vast storage spaces of knowledge. Your emotions are so complex. Ours are rather simple and single minded. I like that phrase, I've heard you use it alot. Simple and single minded..." He smiles down at his former "owner" and now friend.

"This is amazing. Do you have any idea how odd this is? I mean, here I am, sitting in my front yard talking to my car, as usual, but it's now a 15 foot tall alien robot. Wow. I should be scared half out of my gourd but I'm not. Not in the slightest." She sits up, eyes round like saucers and a face splitting grin plastered from ear to ear.

"Because, in a way, you do know me."

"Yep." She chuckles lightly as she braids more blades. Then her face turns red again, "Oh, man. Volt, I'm sorry about my co-worker Rod and his penchant for Mexican food at some of our Saturday night meets." Tina is part of a car club. She has one co-worker who enjoys cars as much as she does, well, that was until he had his license suspended for illegal street racing. Now he travels with her to meets. He likes Mexican food at the restaurant they meet at on Saturday nights, unfortunately, the mexican food doesn't like Rod's stomach or a closed up car. Tina crinkles up her nose at the thought.

Volt laughs and looks down,"Yes, that is not very pleasant."

Tina strains her face and bites back her laughter, "Okay, he's officially banned from it from here on out. I promise. If he doesn't obey, you can swat him." She crosses her heart with her right hand and raises her left in a scouts pledge and flashes him pleading eyes.

The blue mech laughs at her pledge and nods in acceptance, "No need for swatting but thank you."

"No problem. I don't want you to die on me from noxious fume inhalation." Tina twists the grass blade between her fingers nervously."So, am I going to meet the others? I mean, now I'm going to stare at every car around me wondering if."

"With time. Be patient, you're taking this quite well but it is still a lot to handle so fast."

"Okay. I can deal with that. Well, hell, we have a ton of catching up to do. I really feel guilty leaving you in the garage now. This sucks." She tosses a braided strand of grass away.

"Don't be. It's fine."

"Alright. I'll figure something out." She stares into the garage and jumps at him as something suddenly pops in her mind. She narrows her eyes and lowers her head a bit, pursing her lips. "Hmmm... Volt?"

"Yes?"

"Is there anything, I mean anything at all in the house I have to wonder about?"

"Why?" He looks down curiously at the human.

"Well," Tina shrugs,"just... I don't know. Sometimes I swear my iPod has legs. I never seem to find it where I think I left it unless it's plugged into something." She pauses feeling a little ridiculous. "Maybe I am nuts after all."

Volt laughs at her and gives her a careful but reassuring pat on her small back with his giant hand,"No, Tina, you're sane. The iPod doesn't have legs. You're just forgetful with it." He smiles down at her as she breathes a sigh of relief.

"Okay."

"But don't trust that toaster that your friend Matt gave you."

Tina looks up at him with an expression that is a mixture of surprise and curiosity," The toaster?"

"Yes, the toaster" He points towards the kitchen,"Don't put any bottles or cans of Mountain Dew near it."

She raises an eyebrow and turns her head slowly in the direction of the kitchen, suddenly remember how her co-worker Matt had acted when he offered it to her."I thought he seemed a little too anxious to get rid of it. He said either the toaster goes or his crazy room mate Dan goes. Something about Dan talking to the toaster and paying a heft chunk of the rent." Tina starts laughing. "Good or bad?"

"Bad but dumb. Not dangerous, just ornery."

She gives him a thumbs up,"Roger that. So, tell me about yourself."

The afternoon continues on like this. The two of them, sitting out in her front yard, secluded from the road by the trees. They talk for hours. It's still strange that one lone human female takes to discovering that her prized car is more than just a way to get around in style. That that same blue and black haired girl just discovered that there is more to the cosmos than just pretty lights. Then again, this lone female has never been like everyone else.

Just when you think you've seen it all, fate throws you a curve ball. It goes to show, you can never be too sure about anything. Even if it's right under your nose.

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Both of the songs mentioned are on my iPod. The Talking Heads and Siouxsie and the Banshees were great. I highly recommend them to anyone who likes quirky rock.