Right, so this is just one fic that I decided to post since it kept on jumping around in my head, begging to be written. Don't worry, I'm not abandoning Beyond Forever, I just needed to get this out of my head since I swear I couldn't sleep peacefully.
I don't know why I also decided to write a Christmas-themed fic. Maybe because the holidays are nearing that it popped in my head. Oh well.
Alright, on to the fic before I bore you all with my rant.
Disclaimer: I do not own Chihayafuru, nor the song I used in this fic. They all belong to the rightful owners.
Finding Her Way Back
She'd thought that, after going through all the trouble of preparing at least a month early for the holy Christmas season, that it would give her some semblance of relaxation, quiet and relative peace. She was one of those people who could be considered as the type who does things whenever they please, but this time she made the time to prepare, because she didn't want to experience the so-called 'holiday rush' once more. She just wanted to be able to relax at her flat for a few more days and relish the short, very short vacation that she was provided with before the holidays ended, because only heavens knew how it was ultra-rare for her to acquire such vacation days and be even able to enjoy it.
Heck, was she so wrong on that matter.
"Found the one you want, Kana-chan?" She asked, looking downwards to her very giddy best friend who she accompanied for shopping for some additional items they've missed for the impromptu Christmas Eve get-together party that they would be having. The whole gang had been invited and so far all of them had confirmed they would be coming, as far as she was aware of. It was set by Sumire-chan, surprisingly, and though she wanted nothing more but to curl up in her flat during the whole event, she knew her kouhai would never forgive her for not coming to celebrate with them. She had already bitten her head off when she tried to excuse herself out of it.
Jeez! You need to get out and have fun, Chihaya-senpai! Did you honestly think you're doing so well being alone?
That had honestly made her nerves twitch, her junior's comment hitting a little too close to home. Ayase Chihaya was never one to easily get mad, her being infamous for her adorable air-headed and dense personality. But even she couldn't stay that way forever. She was bound to grow and mature, and she was more aware of her surroundings now – of other people's feelings, thanks to a certain someone.
Though it may have been too late to regret things now.
"Yup. Now we have everything we need to be able to make that tacos we're all dreaming to eat." Kanade took a look at her, noticing how she was gazing far to her left. She followed her friend's gaze, finally seeing how her gaze was riveted to the seafood section not far from them. The aroma emitting from it was less than welcoming, but Kanade was sure that was not what her best friend was focused on.
Chihaya was gazing at the stand of rock oysters, the somewhat pricey kind. To anyone else, it may look like she was just deep in thought if she would buy it, but she was well aware that the display meant something else to her best friend, as evidenced by the somewhat heartbroken look in her eyes. Kanade was well aware of the reasons behind it, and she felt the pangs of guilt begin to eat at her, recalling the group's plan for the brunette later in the evening.
"You know Chi-chan we haven't told you that-"
"ATTENTION SHOPPERS! TIME SERVICE IS ALMOST OVER! WE ADVISE YOU TO PROCEED TO THE CASHIERS FOR YOUR PURCHASES!"
"Let's go Kana-chan." Chihaya murmured in a whisper, almost wildly making a grab for the push-cart and rolling it ahead of them. Kanade fell into step behind her reluctantly, debating whether she should tell her what Sumire-chan had planned for her or let the whole gang face her wrath later.
I don't want to ruin her mood even more now, but if she finds out about it later the whole point of the party may just be worthless…
Just then they were swarmed with the other shoppers who were headed to the counters as well with their purchases, all clamoring to get out of the early evening rush to be able to prepare for their own Christmas Eve party later that all thoughts were driven out of her head. She and Chihaya had to fight their way through just to be able to line their way up to the counter and be able to make it in time for the get-together later.
Thankfully, the early evening rush lessened almost immediately, since the market staff also wanted to be at home with their families to celebrate the much-awaited holiday. As she and Kanade made their way outside the store to where Kanade's car was parked, Chihaya gave her small friend a glance.
"Do you want me to help you and Sumire-chan with the preparations?"
She couldn't understand why Kanade looked almost panicked, though the expression flashed too quick across her face for her to be able to actually pinpoint it. "Umm… no need, Chi-chan. We'll manage with just the two of us… and anyway, I know you needed at least a few more hours of rest. You can go home for now if you want… and we'll see you later. Deal?"
Chihaya wouldn't the deny the fact that she still felt more than exhausted from the out-of-town shoot they had just wrapped up yesterday from Yokohama, so she was grateful for Kanade's offer. "Are you sure? I mean it's just the two of you doing the preparations…"
Kanade smiled (well more like grimaced,) at Chihaya's uncertainty to accept her offer, even though she could see the exhaustion and the lingering sadness reflected in her friend's eyes. Tonight, if Chihaya would be able to get past her possible wrath once she found out what they had planned for her, and if things went as they wanted it to, she hoped things would be fixed and that sadness would be gone from those auburn orbs.
"We'll be fine, Chi-chan. Honestly. We're also having the boys help out, so basically everything's settled. You can have a bit of rest before the party later, alright? We don't want you collapsing on us because of exhaustion." She assured with genuine worry and concern, noting the bags under Chihaya's eyes.
With this Chihaya yawned, hiding it under one graceful hand, unable to resist the reaction. "Really? Well if that's the case then… I'll take you up on your offer. I'll see you guys later, okay?" For the first time in what seemed to be a long while, there was a ghost of a genuine smile on the model's lips as she placed the groceries at the back of Kanade's car.
Kanade sadly noted the smile on her friend's lips. It had been really a long time since she had seen even the ghost of it, and that made her mind resolute. For better or for worse, she was going to help fix things for her friend. It was the least she could do after all the years she and Chihaya had spent dreaming, crying and laughing together. "Right. So I'll take you home first. No buts," here she cut her off who was about to protest, "it's no trouble for me. Now let's go."
And Chihaya, who decided to just go along with what Kanade wanted, felt grateful once more.
The few hours of rest helped. Chihaya woke up from her afternoon nap feeling refreshed and ready to start her day once more. She showered, dressed casually in a forest-green turtleneck sweater and dark skinny jeans which emphasized her long legs, and readied herself for the party. She made sure she had all the presents she shopped for a month ago with her, grabbed her purse, her coat and her keys, and made her way to the door of her apartment. After balancing all the things she held in one hand, (which she had lots practice for,) she locked up and jogged towards her car.
She dropped by on her parents' house to have Christmas dinner with them and to give them her presents. The whole family was complete – Chitose, her older sister was there along with her husband and her cute, cute, nephew, - her sister was on her second pregnancy now and the Ayases were excited for their second grandchild, that her husband could be seen sweetly fussing over her sister to which Chitose would roll her eyes for but would only smile in resignation once more. Chihaya looked on wistfully, unable to resist having her eyes tear up and the pang in her heart grow into a thorn, throbbing painfully in her chest.
Chitose saw the expression on her face, knowing immediately that something was wrong and was immediately by her side, rubbing her back as she turned her back on them to be able to focus on the dishes she was washing despite her parents' adamant refusal to let her do them. "Sis… you don't need to force yourself to hide it." She whispered, hoping to get her younger sister to talk.
She shook her head wildly, willing the tears to go away. "I don't want to ruin this night with my ridiculous self-pity, 'neechan. It's my fault everything ended up like this. I have no right to feel this way."
Chitose sighed, exasperated. "That reasoning is what's ridiculous. You're human, Chihaya. You make mistakes, and things are not all your fault. Relationships bonds two people, not one of them. You share responsibility for it."
She was silent as she tried to accept her sister's words. "I don't know if it's already too late. Honestly, I don't know anymore." She whispered, hands pausing in their attempt to wash a porcelain plate off.
Her older sister glanced at her little family, a smile growing on her lips. "I don't think it's too late to make things right. You know, it's Christmas. If anything, this season actually helps fix messed up things. Who knows? Maybe something good will happen. You just have to wish for it with all your heart, you know?" She rubbed her sister's shoulders, hoping that she could transfer some of her own strength to her because heaven knew she needed it.
Chihaya looked up to the ceiling, willing herself to swallow that feeling of remorse. "I don't want to end up disappointed, 'neechan. What if…" she trailed off, fear rearing it's ugly head and gripping her heart.
"Chihaya," Chitose scolded lightly, "Everything's over if you haven't even tried. And besides, give yourself a break. It's Christmas for crying out loud. This is a celebration; try to just enjoy this. You've got us, you've got your friends. We all want you to be happy, you know?" She smiled encouragingly and hugged her only sister around the shoulders. "We love you, sis. Don't worry, you may not think it is right now, but everything will be eventually alright. You know that don't you?"
Chihaya knew and agreed wholeheartedly. The only question would be is when that day would be.
Life goes on, she mused as she was driving her way over to Kana-chan and Komano's home. The two had gotten married three years after they had graduated from University, and was now in their second year of marriage. They were still childless, but they both weren't rushing. They were just happy to be with each other, as Kana-chan had said so a year ago.
She knew how some of her colleagues teased her about how she was spending her Christmas this year. They were merciless, suggesting that they arrange blind dates for her, but each and every time she declined. As much as she appreciated their concern for her, she knew that it would be unfair for the men they set her up with if her mind was clearly elsewhere during the dates.
Not only that, but she clearly had such a large baggage from her past. She didn't want to dump that on them too.
She snapped into attention when she finally saw the Komano's garage. Allowing herself a rare grin, she parked the car outside and rushed to get the presents at the back. The lights are on and music could be heard blaring inside. All in all, it looked like she had just made it in time.
"Konbanwa!" She greeted as she finally made it inside. Everyone was already there – Nishida with his wife, a sous-chef from one of Tokyo's prominent hotels who she had met only during their wedding, Motomiya Sotoko, - now Nishida Sotoko, Sumire-chan of course with her boyfriend and architect, Tsukuba-kun, and the Komanos.
"Ayase! You barely made it in time – we're already getting started with the barbecue you know!" Nishida scolded lightly in a way of greeting as his wife bonked him at the head.
"Don't worry about him, Chihaya-chan. He's just so worried you wouldn't come." Sotoko said kindly, standing up and giving her a kiss on a cheek as greeting.
Chihaya allowed herself to giggle. "Sorry, sorry. I had to drop by my parents' place you know. Oh and before I forgot, presents!" She started handing those out as the other girls went over to also greet her.
"Really we thought you wouldn't come!" Sumire-chan said a bit sternly as she accepted hers and she looked her senpai up and down after greeting her. "Well no matter what they say you still look good. On that note, I'm glad you came, senpai."
She hugged Sumire-chan, choosing to ignore her earlier comment about looking good, because she definitely doubted it. "I wouldn't miss this. I'm just too scared of you and Kana-chan to even try." She joked, wincing at her half-hearted tone.
Kanade clucked her tongue. "That's not a nice thing to say, Chi-chan. It sounds like you just came here because you were too scared of us."
"Aren't I? Ow, you didn't have to do that," she complained as Kanade gave her a bonk on the head. "I'm just kidding. I mean I've missed you guys!" And she meant it. No matter how she originally wanted to spend her Christmas just resting and alone at home, it still felt good to be in the company of her friends after all. That was one thing she knew she could not exchange with anything else in the world. "So you said you've started on the barbecue? Yum, where's my share?" And everyone laughed as she hurriedly went over to where Tsukuba and Komano were grilling who gave her indignant scolding about waiting and not being so excited for the food.
"Stingy!"
All in all, as the party went and the hours ticked slowly toward midnight, she found herself having if not great, then a good time. She stared at her friends as they all laughed and just messed around – just like how they did when they were teenagers.
She missed the good old days, where everyone was still carefree and worrying simply about what they were going to do in college and their futures altogether. Things were much, much simpler, less complicated then.
She knew she was proud of how far her friends had come in life. Each of them had accomplished their goals in their own ways, - she knew the same could be said of her. In a way it was one worry down – because she knew she can finally support herself.
As Chihaya swirled her drink around – one of the finest wines which Komano had kept – she nearly choked as a song she knew quite well came up.
The opening was harmless enough, but the refrain made her want to escape outside and plug her ears. Because it described the feelings that she kept under wraps with deadly accuracy.
In a way, it felt as if someone was firing arrows at her and had been hitting every part of her body.
Santa can you hear me?
I have been so good this year
And all I want is one thing
Tell me my true love is here
He's all I want, just for me
Underneath my Christmas tree
I'll be waiting here
Santa that's my only wish this year
Good old, cheesy lines. But it still made her want to curl up in a corner and hide, because it tore open some wounds which she thought was slowly healing – or at least, are well on their way there. Boy, was she so wrong.
Everyone was still laughing, caught up in the good, merry night, but the girls caught each other's eyes and all looked at her. Worry clouded their faces seeing her reaction to the song, which they didn't even know how it got on the play list in the first place, - only that they knew Chihaya looked like she was close to her breaking point.
Oh no.
Kanade stood up, intending to change the song on the player. Seeing Chihaya's reaction was enough to rattle her determination of helping her friend from earlier. She hadn't intended to ruin the plan they'd set, but if this was Chihaya's reaction to a simple song, then perhaps it was not yet the time for them to step in and take matters into their own hands.
"Sumire-chan, I'm cancelling the plan. I'm taking Chi-chan home." She said in a stage whisper to their junior who looked almost aghast at her words.
The soon-to-be-famous designer, trying her best to be discreet, pulled Kanade and Sotoko out and crowded in the kitchen. Sumire looked left and right, ensuring that Chihaya had remained out of earshot before adamantly stating her case. "No. I say we let everything unfold. If she was that hurt by this, then that means there's still hope for her. They can still fix this."
Sotoko shook her head. "I'm worried Sumire-chan. I've never seen her look like that. Chihaya-chan is trying her best to be strong, but even she has her own limits. Are we even sure that we can push her to the edge?"
Kanade's hands balled into fists. "This is too dangerous. Can we handle what's going to happen if we force her? I don't want to see her broken down."
The junior sighed. "Jeez. Chihaya-senpai is stronger than that. Don't you two have faith in her? She handled all those controversies about how she got dumped and everything as easily as breathing in and out. This is going to be a piece of cake for her."
"We are talking of an entirely different situation here, Sumire-chan. Do you honestly think Chihaya's that strong? You haven't seen her expression when she ran into our home and ended up spending the night here."
"That's why I'm trying to help patch things up!" Sumire-chan almost yelled, but she lowered her voice at the last minute. "Listen, I know how worried you are over her. But if we continue letting things happen like this, they may never be able to fix this. Heaven knows they both need a nudge in the right direction."
Sotoko sighed. "I wish we had a way of knowing what happens next. We're not sure of how Chihaya-chan will handle this, and how sure are we of the other party's reaction? There's no way of knowing that."
"I don't have a good feeling about this. Let's just cancel this for now and find another way. I don't want to make Chihaya feel that we've forced her to a dead-end. I don't think she's ready for this." Kanade pleaded, not noticing how her companions' eyes had widened and how they had frozen like statues. When she did, one look at their expressions and Kanade almost never wanted to turn around.
"Forced me to a dead-end? Not ready for what?" Chihaya, clutching her wine glass, cheeks flushed lightly, asked behind her.
Silence reigned for a few minutes, to which the four women stared at each other. Sumire-chan glanced at Sotoko, who also glanced back at her.
How are we going to answer that? Sotoko asked silently with her eyes.
I don't know how yet! Sumire-chan, the master mind, responded almost panicky with her helpless gaze.
Chihaya's ears perked up when she heard a car pull up front. The music had stopped and all that could be heard were the men's voices. She looked questioningly at the other three, momentarily forgetting the current situation. She knew it couldn't be anyone else's, because theirs was the only house still open. "Are we expecting someone else?" Not waiting for an answer, she stepped inside the living room once more to try to confirm if they really had another guest, completely unsuspecting.
The three women unfroze and looked at each other panickingly. No matter what they were all saying, all of them knew that everyone was unprepared for what was going to happen next.
"Ano, Chihaya-senpai, that's – "
"Hey people! Anyone home?" A baritone voice called out lightly, confident and joking as a figure appeared by the open door. "Gate's unlocked so I helped myself in. I hope I'm not that late?"
Time froze, as did everyone. Six pairs of eyes swiveled back and forth to the people who stood between them, stunned and unmoving.
Chihaya felt light-headed. Of all the things she was expecting to happen, it was not this. Far from this. Seeing him standing in front of her, wearing what only looked to be the wine-colored version of the sweater she was wearing felt almost surreal, as if she was having an out-of-body experience.
It can't be…
She must be imagining him.
But no. This is not her imagination. She could tell. Standing there, the ends of his hair freezing with what looked like snowflakes, he had never looked more handsome and breathtaking to her.
"M-Mashima! Hey man! Y-You made it!" Nishida exclaimed uncertainly somewhere from beside her. Though it felt as if the sound was coming from the end of a long tunnel, she was able to recognize what he was saying.
Ah, Nishida could see him too. That means he really is there, in front of her.
And as if the strings binding her in place had snapped, she broke out of her trance. Her feet moved, taking steps forward. She was unsure of what she wanted to do, only that she needed to do something. Chihaya felt unable to control her body, as if someone else had possessed her and taken over.
So she found herself a few inches away from him, looking up to him with her auburn eyes. His were the same shades of amber, melted and passionate as they gazed back at her, effectively weakening her knees. Just how long had it been when she had last seen them look at her like that?
He didn't say anything, expression passive and closed off. As if he had been expecting to see her and didn't give one wit about it.
Suddenly everything inside her this time snapped. Months of suppressed anger, guilt and sadness came crashing down on her, and before she was actually aware of what she was doing, she watched herself lift her right hand up…
…And give him a resounding slap.
She opened her eyes with a jolt, and winced as the overhead light came into view. Her vision was blurry at first, but everything soon came into focus. She stared at the ceiling, trying to think why it looked so familiar.
Just then, she realized that this was the room Kanade had let her use when she had unthinkingly ran into their home to seek solace and comfort. She jolted upright into a sitting position, wincing at the dizziness which accompanied it. Her head was aching – did she consume that much wine?
"Good. You're awake."
She flinched. Hearing that voice was enough to make her feel relieved, and wary. No, why was she relieved? She should be mad at him. More than that, she didn't want to see him.
Or did she?
"W-What happened?" She winced inwardly at the sound of her voice. She wanted to sound strong and confident, but her voice came out sounding small and unsure.
"You don't remember?" He asked almost amusedly if not for the hint of sarcasm in his tone, "You collapsed after giving me a good slap. Probably from all that non-stop shoots and modeling you have. I must say though; that's a quite unique way to greet your boyfriend after avoiding seeing him for three months."
Chihaya's head snapped towards him, her eyes suddenly blazing with unleashed anger. "That's 'ex' to you, mister. You're not my boyfriend anymore. You don't have the right to criticize me or my actions." She glared at him as he quietly sat there on the chair beside her bed, amber eyes intent on her that she almost flushed with embarrassment.
His eyebrow raised at her as he rubbed the cheek which she had slapped, and she felt almost guilty seeing an ice pack beside him. Almost. "I don't remember criticizing you. And I don't remember breaking up with you." He met her gaze unflinchingly, frustratingly calm that she wanted to scream at him for this ability to remain calm and controlled despite of the situation.
She swallowed down the impulse of screaming at him and fought to regain control of her breathing. She isn't going to allow herself to be baited to an argument. Chihaya knew herself; she never felt comfortable having confrontations such as these. And she was never good at controlling her emotions. In this case, she knew it was just an easy victory for Taichi.
"Why are you here anyway?" She asked rudely, making it a point to make him feel that his presence was unwelcome. "I don't remember Kana-chan telling me that you're coming."
"I was invited, Ms. Make-Taichi-Feel-Unwelcome." He responded coolly, and oh, how she hated how he was able to see through what she was trying to do. Dammit, was she that much of an open book to him? "More than anything else we're still friends. Hanano-san nor Kana-chan told me that you'll be here as well."
Chihaya looked away from him. "Well then that settles it. They set us up. How many more minutes till midnight? Or did I already miss Christmas?"
"We have an hour and a half remaining. Plenty of time." He watched her as she slipped the slippers on her feet, throwing the covers over and fixing them neatly.
"I'll be going down to wait and to celebrate." She said stiffly, standing up. But before she could even take a step forward, a hand grasped hers, effectively stopping her and making her heart in her chest jump a feet high.
"Where do you think you're going?" A voice hissed behind her, making shivers curl up and down her spine.
She could feel the electric current running between them that she nearly stumbled forward as she violently shook her hand from his. "Don't touch me. I'm going downstairs."
But her footsteps faltered when she heard his next statement. "No one's around. They left the house a while ago. Something about spending the next hours to themselves."
She couldn't believe it. First they set this up, inviting Taichi here without informing her, forcing her into a confrontation she wasn't prepared for, and then now they leave her alone with this… this man.
Now that she thought about it, it made sense. Kana-chan's panic earlier when she asked if they needed help… she hadn't been imagining it!
I don't want her to feel as if we've forced her to a dead-end. I don't think she's ready for this.
Dammit. It. All. Freaking. Made. Sense.
Oh you people. You're all going to owe me big time! She screeched inwardly. So this was why Sumire-chan all but threatened her with bodily harm if she didn't come tonight. This was because they had been setting this up, and they were all aware of it, except for her and Taichi of course.
Oh they are so going to pay for this.
"I'll wait for them outside."
It was apparent that this was the last straw for Taichi. Before she could take another step forward, he had crossed the room in three strides and locked the door.
"W-What do you think you're doing?" She yelled at him. "I'm going out!"
Taichi whirled around and without another word scooped her up in his arms that she was so speechless it was a few more seconds before she had managed to react. "W-What – Put me down!"
He dumped her unceremoniously on the bed she had just made, the force making her bounce onto a sitting position. She was about to sit up and stand but he was faster than her, placing both of his arms on either side of her and caging her in effectively.
"You're not going anywhere until we're done talking." He hissed through gritted teeth, his head an inch away from hers that they were almost nose-to-nose. At the moment, he looked like a predator that had cornered an unwilling prey.
Jeez, what a fitting metaphor.
"I'm going anywhere I want with or without your permission!" She couldn't contain herself, she yelled at him once more. "Don't try my patience, Taichi, because I'm running out of it." She snapped angrily.
Taichi let out a sarcastic laugh. "Oh yeah? Try eight years in my shoes and let's talk about what patience means, shall we?"
That stunned her. For a moment neither of them spoke, just staring at each other. Chihaya couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye.
"Even so you no longer have the right to decide for me. You threw that away when you walked out on me didn't you?" She accused, eyes glaring at him once more. "And you dare deny that?"
"And who was it who threw me out? Who was it who pushed me out the damn door and told me never to show my face again?" Taichi was still shaking with barely suppressed rage, hands balled into fists on either side of her as he reminded her of the facts she had missed. "Who was it who told me that it was better if we don't see each other at all? Remind me, Chihaya, because I think you've had selective amnesia."
She wasn't backing down. This was her problem, she knew that this was partly her fault; but she couldn't bring herself to admit it in one go. Knowing that this was her mistake meant that she would have to accept that part of herself. And Chihaya always found it difficult to accept parts of her that had remained unknown and closed off to her.
"Didn't I have the right to throw you out? You seemed so happy with Chihiro-san then." She pointed out warily, suddenly feeling exhausted. All the anger she had released earlier had drained her, leaving her in sudden need of energy.
"Don't bring Takahashi into this, Chihaya." Taichi said in a warning tone, adjusting his knees to avoid straining them further. "She had nothing to do with this."
"She is as much a part of this as we are." She looked at him straight in the eyes, auburn gaze sending him a wordless challenge to counter her.
She almost thought better of it when she saw the glint in his eyes, showing him accepting her challenge. "She isn't as much a part of it contrary to what you're thinking. She had never meant anything else to me than a little sister. She was the one who kissed me – I wasn't hitting on her, nor did I ever plan to." He said, now in a more controlled tone.
"You could have just avoided her even when – "
" – Even when you told me and practically the whole of Japan that you weren't planning to marry me?" He cut her off, knowing what she had been about to say.
Bull's-eye. He knew he had hit the mark when her eyes widened, and she hid them under her bangs, unable to look him in the eye.
Chihaya was forced to deny marriage rumors and clarify that she was not marrying soon even when she and Taichi had been together for three years already. It had begun when the press saw her and Taichi enter a well-known restaurant chain in downtown Shinjuku. They cornered her in an ambush interview when she was on her way to work and was still in the middle of familial problems. Her mind was in a jumbled mess, that when she was found by the press she had blurted out the first thing which came out of her mouth when she was asked about the marriage rumors.
And she had always been brutally honest.
"I won't deny that it actually stung a bit." He admitted, knowing that he had to keep honest with her for her to understand. "It's every man's dream to settle down in the near future. But I don't want to pressure you into marriage just because it's what's expected of you. Of us. I know better than to force you when you still have a lot of things you want to do. For a woman, that was a very important aspect of yourself to feel that you have accomplished your goals, and I understood that.
But that doesn't mean that it was a license for me to find another just because you're not ready to settle down yet. I never planned that, nor did it ever cross my mind. I've waited for you for eight whole years; you think I would throw those years away just to find another woman to satisfy my tastes? Is that really how you think of me, Chihaya? Do you really have such little faith in me?"
Tears stung her eyes, knowing how much of this was her fault and how she had hurt him so. She didn't really deserve him and his affections, and she wondered why he was still here. Her insecurities had led them into this mess.
Her lower lip quivered as the tears fell from her eyes, dropping to the cuffs of her sweater and darkening them with the droplets. A sob escaped her. It was incredibly painful, knowing and finally being aware that the person you loved had been dragged into a mess of your own making.
"I-I'm sorry…" She murmured, unable to face him directly. "I-I know it's my fault, it's just that… I couldn't help myself from thinking that you wouldn't want to be w-with me anymore when I-I said that… t-then I saw you and Chihiro-san like that… it just… it just… to me it felt like a-all my worst suspicions h-have been confirmed. And when I kicked you out the door and you didn't do anything, j-just leaving like that…"
Taichi sighed, finally straightening up from his kneeling position and sitting beside her. Without another word, he took the sobbing girl in his arms. Feeling her squirm a little bit as if trying to get out of his embrace, he tightened his hold on her. "Don't push me away, Chihaya. I've had enough of that."
"But I don't deserve – "
" – Just zip it and hold me, Chihaya. That's the least you can do after subjecting me through hell the last few months." Saying this, he dropped a kiss on the crown of her head. "I'm sorry too, you know. I thought distancing myself from you for a few days was the sensible thing to do, but it only made things worse. As a result, you hid from me successfully for three months." He sighed once more. "Chihaya no baka. Thinking I would try to find someone else because you don't want to settle down yet. How ridiculous."
She clutched at the front of his sweater and held him tightly, as if her life depended on it. She didn't know what amazing power was at work, but Chitose hadn't been making things up when she said that the Christmas season can help for fixing things up. Really it felt like a miracle. It felt as if the three months of missing him and his warmth, her guilt, anger and sadness hadn't happened at all.
Now that she thought about it, it really is indeed, ridiculous. What possessed her to think that Taichi would cheat on her anyway? God, was she that insecure of herself?
"I-I'm really sorry." She wiped her tears and looked up to him through her lashes as he loosened his arms around her. "Do you... Do you still want me, Taichi...? After all that I did...?" She asked in a small voice, lowering her eyes to his chest, unable to meet his gaze.
She could feel his gaze on her, almost like he was deciding what he should do next. Then he placed his forefinger beneath her chin, lifting her face to meet his eyes.
"What kind of a question is that?" He asked, almost amusedly. "Why do you think I'm still here? Why do you think I stayed behind? I want to fix us, Chihaya. I'm not going to allow you to walk away from us like that. I've waited for you for so long, - don't you ever dare think that I'm giving you up so easily."
Tears formed once more in her eyes. She suddenly realized how damn lucky she was that this guy was head-over-heels for her.
"Have a little more faith in me, love. That's just what I wanted to ask of you." Here he swept the hair which had fallen over his eyes. "I know it was my fault that I let my guard down and allowed that to happen – allowed Takahashi to even get close to me. I'm sorry for that. It won't happen again." He reassured her as he kissed under her eyes, wiping her tears away. "Just... keep in mind that I'm never going to want another woman than you. You're the only one I would ever want with me, Chihaya."
She stared at him, feeling her heart flutter in her chest as he said the words. The little seed of doubt grew in her stomach though, making her feel uncomfortable.
He was staring at her, and she knew that he saw the doubt flash in her eyes. He frowned.
"I just asked you to trust me a little more, you know." He said, half-teasing, half-serious.
She flushed. "S-Sorry! I just... it feels that it's just too good to be true." She lifted a hand to cup the right side of his face that he turned and kissed her palm, obviously relishing her touch. She flushed pleasantly. "You… You've always been something too good for me…"
"You want me to prove it to you then?" His voice dropped into a low whisper, his cool breath passing across her face that she felt light-headed all of a sudden. Oh Lord, when he does that, he wants something else…
"H-How?" She asked confusedly, thoughts still jumbled and in disarray. He was staring at her intently, amber orbs heated and intense that thank Kami she was sitting because her knees were turning to mush.
After a few more minutes of intense staring, he gave up. "Still clueless, eh? Tough luck."
And Chihaya missed a breath or two when his lips descended on hers, heated, laced with desire and passion for her. She didn't realize how much she missed having him do this to her that in a matter of seconds her arms were around his neck, hands clutching at his hair and she was responding with equal fervor.
Perhaps it was the fact that they were both proud, or they missed each other, or because they had just come from an argument – or maybe it was really just a combination of all three that the kiss was a battle of dominance. In the end Taichi won; Chihaya conceding and letting him have his way with her. He gently nibbled on her lower lip, asking for entrance which she granted him... immediately.
In a matter of seconds the passion escalated, the temperature in the room seeming to have risen as well. Even though he was dominating, Chihaya found herself being lifted onto his lap as he pulled her forward, opening his legs so that she could place her own on either side of him and make her comfy.
The position was so intimate and compromising that Taichi had to lean on the bed's head board to support both their weight, all the while not breaking contact from her. Chihaya was pressed hard against him but neither of them were complaining, unwilling to even break apart for a second.
She gasped as his lips left hers and trailed a path up to her left ear, where his teeth nibbled the shell, raising goose bumps on her skin, despite of her sweater, and making her release a moan she didn't know she was capable of. She felt him slow down a little, still suckling on the shell of her ear to soothe the flesh.
"Sorry. I... I need a minute." He panted, breath brushing against her ear and she collapsed against his chest, trying to remain still as she did her best to catch her breath. She could feel his heartbeat, erratic and fast, against his sweater that she felt a rush of feminine satisfaction knowing that she still held that much power over him.
"You were still doubting me?" He asked almost playfully, and she blushed, feeling her face heat up. She wouldn't be surprised if he could feel it through his own sweater.
She opened her mouth to answer when suddenly fireworks went off outside their window, and she and Taichi both turned to admire the beautiful colors and patterns.
"Oh. They're back already." Taichi muttered, more to himself, absent-mindedly caressing her hair which was already loose from it's ponytail. Without thinking, he pulled the scrunchie tying it up and she gasped in surprise as her hair tumbled down into soft waves like a silky curtain, and he turned down to her, a soft smile on his lips.
"You know I like it better when your hair's down." He said as way of explanation, running his fingers through it that she closed her eyes at the contact.
And then froze when she heard his next statement.
"Merry Christmas, Chihaya."
Her eyes opened as he pulled out a small box, and her heart kicked into overdrive. For one wild moment, she thought it was...
"Don't get any ideas. You told me you weren't ready yet right?" He teased that she flushed and looked down. Chuckling, he opened the box, and she gasped when she saw what was inside.
It was a simple silver chained pendant, nothing big and gaudy, with a diamond star locked inside a heart-shaped ring and that exactly was what made it beautiful. It shone with different colors as more fireworks went off outside, - she could vaguely hear a few loud greetings and laughs as their friends gathered to set off and watch more fireworks – but all she could focus on was the man in front of her.
"… T-Taichi…" She muttered in a small voice, shivering in awe.
He lifted up the delicate chain, still chuckling. "I just thought it suits you. Now this is going to sound incredibly cheesy and mushy and I can't believe I'm saying this, but…" he pinned her with his heated amber gaze, and she was simply unable to look away, "For me you've always seemed to be a star, Chihaya. Something which guides people around through the darkest of nights. You've guided the whole club – yes, including me – to achieve our goals even when you don't know it. Please know that you alone hold my heart… and my love." He kissed her hand once more that her heart just about melted with his very rare, short and sweet speech.
Taichi wasn't always vocal with his feelings. Granted, he knew how to show her his affections that he didn't need to voice it out. Still, she was a woman, and gestures such as these were always welcome. It felt nice to hear it from him once more.
"I-I'm… I don't know what to… You know that I'm not…" she was absolutely tongue-tied, having trouble knitting words together and sheepish that she couldn't voice out her thoughts but once again, he knew how just how to make it easier for her.
"I know." He leaned his forehead against hers. "You're not ready to take it a notch higher with me. That much is clear. But as I've said, I'm not planning to force you into it. I've waited for eight years, Chihaya, I can wait a little more."
So saying, he placed the necklace around her, where it settled just beneath her collarbone. He smiled as she held the pendant delicately. "It suits you."
She looked up to him, staring into those heart-stopping amber orbs. The sincerity, adoration and love reflected there gave her the strength to grit out the next words:
"J-Just give me some more time, Taichi. If I'm ready… and you haven't given up on me yet, I'll let you know." Her smile was watery as she gazed at him with all the love she could convey through her eyes.
His expression was surprised as he met her unwavering gaze. And then a million-megawatt smile – one which took her breath away and made her feel can rival the fireworks outside – formed across his lips.
"I told you I can wait Chihaya. Don't underestimate a man's words."
And with a playful growl, he lunged for her and captured her lips, making her squeal as she gave in to him completely and utterly.
Christmas really is a season of love and giving.
¬¬Owari¬¬
Omake 1:
The group sighed in relief as they all carefully closed the door leading to the room they deposited Chihaya in.
"Damn, Mashima sure knew how to kiss."
Sotoko bonked Nishida on the head as they tiptoed their way downstairs. "You just don't know the meaning of shame do you?"
Kanade sighed again as the group reached the landing. "Still, I'm glad they were able to make up. I was so worried when I could still hear Chi-chan yelling angrily. It's a good thing I have the master keys here somewhere."
Sumire-chan laughed. "You think Mashima-senpai believed us when we said we'd be going out?"
Tsukuba winced. "I sure hope he did. I just wouldn't know what to do when they both find out that we haven't left at all."
Komano slung an arm over his wife's shoulders. "I don't think we'd have to worry about Mashima. What we should be really worried about was Ayase. She would never forgive us for meddling into this."
"I beg to differ. We helped make them talk. I was the one who planned this. If I haven't forced her to come she would really have spent her Christmas alone." Sumire-chan argued indignantly as they all went out and each started gathering fireworks.
"Still that doesn't change the fact that we forced them into a confrontation." Sotoko pointed out worriedly. "Oh boy. I'm getting nervous."
Nishida laughed out loud. "Jeez, people! It's Christmas, a time for forgiveness and love! Let's all quit worrying and just celebrate shall we?"
They all looked at each other, and shared a laugh with Nishida.
Right, Christmas.
Omake 2:
"Um… I'm in trouble." Chihaya said in a scared voice as she straightened up, her gaze turning outside as an excuse to avoid his gaze, making it seem that her attention was captured by the fireworks once more.
Taichi looked amused as he placed his hands on her waist – making her squirm that he smiled to himself inwardly – to adjust her position on his lap. "Do I have to be worried?" He teased, and she looked down to her hands as she faced him once more.
"You have a gift for me, but I… Kami-sama, I don't have any for you." She saw his stunned expression that she grew increasingly worried and words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them. "I-I'm sorry! You know how for me we're really not together anymore, and I came here and I don't know you'd be coming so – "
She was cut off with Taichi's laughter, eyes glowing with mirth and shoulders shaking with the force of his laughter.
"Wha- I-It's not funny!" She exclaimed indignantly, watching him try to gather himself as she remembered other pressing details. "A-And those people! They didn't tell me anything about this, they planned to get us here unknowingly and – oh they're so going to be dead – "
" – To be fair, I also didn't know you'd be here." Taichi intervened in a placating tone, trying to calm his upset girlfriend – it's a relief to be able to call her that freely once more – and rubbing his thumb in circles on her waist. "They're just trying to help. It's still thanks to them that we were able to talk."
Chihaya looked confused for a moment, not knowing if she should agree with him on that or not. "That maybe so, but they still forced us into this."
"And I'm glad they forced us into this." He pointed out, ever the logical one. "We were able to patch up. And there's the more pressing matter of missed presents…" he trailed off mischievously, effectively distracting Chihaya from thoughts of strangling their friends.
"I-I'm sorry." She murmured in a small voice, twisting her fingers together, an adorable gesture Taichi always had a weakness for – secretly.
His lips curled into a grin that Chihaya had to swallow nervously. She knew she was in trouble when he grins like that. "I know how you can make it up to me." Saying so, his arm slipped around her waist as he pulled her closer to him that her cheeks were already fiery red in embarrassment.
"H-How…?" She ventured to ask, feeling trapped with those eyes. Dammit, those eyes are going to be the death of her.
"Kiss me."
Her eyes widened of their own accord. "But that's… should you really…?"
His gaze darkened with desire that she was left breathless. "Kiss me, Chihaya. Or I will."
"T-Taichi-"
And Chihaya found herself scooped once more into his arms, as he sealed her lips once more in a kiss making her wrap her arms around his neck without any resistance, not finding it in her to even think of resisting. She missed him, as she knew he also did, so she was going to give him back everything he was giving her now tenfold.
She was thankful to the Kami that they were in a room.
So that really is the end of the fic. Haha. Hope you liked it. I was actually planning to write a sort of m-scene there, but… oh well. If you guys wanted me to write one, then PM me or please, pretty please, leave a review. Those things keep me going.
Thanks for reading!
PS: for those who were wondering what the hell those rock oysters are about, look up Taichi's profile online and you'll understand why. Hahaha.
'Till the next fic, dear readers! Lovelots!