I was just thirteen and I was dying, the day Dad found out that I was dying was the day that his heart broke, nothing or nobody could ever repair that. Olive was twelve when she complained to her dad about her legs, after two months of complaining, her Dad took her to the doctors to see what was the problem and the next thing she knew the doctor were talking about an infection in her legs, and the possible chance of her legs being amputated.
When Olive found out she didn't cry, she didn't care she was going to die, she soon adapted to the idea. She thought since her Dad was a single father that he would rather it this way, until he told me that he couldn't bear to watch me die. That was the day when I started to cry myself to sleep every night, and I didn't want to leave this world. My mum Mae died just after she left my Dad and started a new life with some guy called Tom. My sister Carmen didn't want to see her sister die, so she hardly came to see me. Now this world that I had not cared about leaving seemed like the only home that I would ever have.
I wondered what death would be like... but I didn't want to die anymore, to leave my family behind. It always made me upset whenever I thought about leaving this life behind. Now, after realising that this life was dear to me, I wanted to live. I wanted to stay alive for just a bit longer. No matter what, I wanted to live and watch as this world changed as I got older. I wanted to grow old.
The times when Carmen used to come visit me, she tried to convince me not to die, although she was older and she knew in time she would die, she thought however much she talked to Olive that she would get through to me and make me not die, but if she knew how much I was screaming inside for this thing, this pain to stop killing me I would. Carmen just didn't want to lose a sister, and My dad didn't want to lose a daughter.
I lay in the hospital bed. Just thinking what happens about death. Do you wonder around in eternal darkness? Go to heaven or some other afterlife? Or are you reborn after you die and begin a new, fresh life? I wanted to know but also did not want to find out. I looked out the small window, framed by light, dull blue curtains. The sky was covered in dark grey clouds. The rain would soon fall from those dark and mystic clouds that loomed over the hospital. Outside, there wasn't much to look at to take my mid of the pain that was screaming for my attention.
For the first time I craved for a joke, or sarcasm or something. I missed my sister, I wanted her here to joke, like she used when we were eating breakfast and she would say something and Dad and her would laugh and I would just sit there, I guess I took after my mum serious and ready for anything but I wasn't ready for the hospital whereas Carmen and my Dad were the same being idiots and immature, though I loved her and I loved my Dad. But soon I would not be able to start being like them and enjoying life, I would be dead six feet under or a pile of dust or would I rather be thrown into the ocean like a rag doll? I was asking these questions myself. There was my will to be thought of, though I didn't have anything worthwhile to give anyone, the only thing would probably be worth anything was the bracelet with my sisters name Carmen and my name engraved on it in a love heart. I would ask Carmen to give it to her first daughter that she had.
When Carmen next visited I would ask her of this. This was the only thing I wanted to happen when I was gone. If I moved on to the afterlife, I would watch over her and Dad. I would watch over them and wait for them there in the afterlife. However, if I was reborn into another life, I don't know what would happen. I would not be able to watch over them and I would be able to know what happened after I was gone. But no matter what happened or who I became, I know I will always love them. Yes, they could be idiotic at times... That is what I love about them. They could have fun, make jokes... and smile.
Soon the news that her father had dreaded came, Olive legs would have to be amputated and they didn't even know if that would help, but it was a chance that Olive had to be willing to take if she had even a one percent chance to live, her father asked her to think about this, Olive could wait and see if she would just get better having no legs would help her no way if she lived, no getting around, Olive loved her father but took the plunge.
She decide she would undergo the surgery that could possibly save her life. But if this didn't help she didn't know what would. A life without legs would be better than no life at all, she thought. Ther surgery was planned to take place in two days time. Her father held her hand in his as she made the decision; she gave him a small smile to try to comfort him. He looked stressed and worn out from the emotional toll it was taking on him. ''It`s ok Dad'' she said and he squeezed her hand gently. ''I know... I know'' He replied.
But then came the problem, Dad couldn't afford it, he asked his boss for more money, but his boss didn't believe he needed it for his daughter but for himself in addition from not getting the money Dad lost his job, the job he had loved. Dad cried, he couldn't tell her that he couldn't afford to save his daughters life.
Dad told me, tears escaped from his eyes. He was trying to hold buck but could not. My face was a mask. On the outside, it looked as if I was not surprised or upset, when, in fact I was devastated. I was screaming on the inside. The pain in my legs was excruciating, I wanted it to stop... and yet it wouldn't because there was no money to go towards the surgery. I looked out the window, hiding the tears I was trying to hold back and not let my Dad see, but he had his head in his hands.
The strongest pain killers I had asked for were taken away when the hospital found out Dad wouldn't be able to pay for my stay. I was now just a thing lying in a hospital awaiting my death. I couldn't bear the pain. My eyes were red with fury and pain, but I couldn't make my father any more sad and make him feel any more helpless than he already felt. But there was always the thoughts in the back of my head, why couldn't he sell something to get the money for the operation instead of being so selfish but then I seen him, and realise if there was something he could do he would have done it.
I felt like I had nothing to do here anymore, why? Why? How could they still keep me in this stupid bed, and not give it to some other girl who actually needed and could live.