Right, well after a few futile attempts at writing something (anything), I think i've come up with something worth sharing. I need to write something angsty for now, but I will probably include fluff in this story later on, because y'all know i love fluff. I hope to make this story my best one yet. I think it'll be different, but probably similar to something you may have seen. I hope to make it multi chapter and quite long.
Warning: graphic content, mentions abuse, violence, coarse language probably throughout the story, inference of rape/sexual activity
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, yadda yadda. Songbird by Fleetwood Mac will be mentioned in this chapter. I don't own that song.
P.S. This story is centered around season 2-3 (favorite seasons for me, namely season 2!)
For you, there'll be no more crying.
For you, the sun will be shining.
Wake up, Rachel told herself that morning.
She sat up slowly in her bed and looked around, realizing instantly where she was. Jesse's house, in his room, in his bed. She looked down at the dark gray sheets wrapped around her body and sighed. It happened again last night, she thought.
She swung her legs over the edge of the bed and looked down at her bare thighs. Dark, purple bruises could be seen near the edges of her underwear and all over the upper section of her thighs. She knew that wasn't the last of them, either. She would wake up and find new bruises from the nights he had with her, but with most of her bruises, she knew exactly how she got one.
One in particular was a hand shaped bruise on her upper arm. She knew it was there because along with the bruise came extreme shoulder pain. He had thrown her then, against the wall in his room. She had fallen onto the hardwood floor.
She was just glad Jesse chose easily hidden places to take his anger out on, because then she could cover it easily with sweaters or cardigans.
She got out of the bed and began to pull on her clothes from yesterday quickly, hoping that she still had time to get home to change before school. Luckily, she still had plenty of time and Jesse was out already. He had left her a note in his familiar scratchy writing.
Rachel,
Go home, change, and freshen up. And don't use that apple scented shampoo anymore. You know I hate apples. Wouldn't want me to get mad, would we? Don't go out tonight. I'm coming over because we need to talk. Don't think I haven't seen you cozying up to Finn lately. Think you're going to tell anyone? If you do.. you know what will happen.
With love, Jesse
Rachel almost scoffed at his parting words. With love. She frowned and crumbled the letter up, tossing it in the trash on her way out the door to her little car, waiting in the driveway. How could he love her and hurt her at the same time? He always told her he was just trying to protect her, but lately it felt more like he just liked seeing her cry.
Rachel drove home slowly, savoring the alone time she so rarely got. Sure, she loved spending time with her dads and her few friends at school, but being able to listen to her mix of favorite broadway songs in her car ranked high on her list of favorite moments of the day.
Once at her own home, she got out of her car and stared up at her house. She wanted to crawl in between the bricks and stay there, too tired to continue.
But continue she did, and once she had showered, not using the apple shampoo of course, and inspected her body top to bottom for new bruises or hurt spots, she got dressed in her usual attire of an animal sweater and a skirt, perhaps a little too short.
At school, Rachel stopped off quickly at her locker, hoping desperately not to run into Jesse before class. But there he was, striding toward her with his sick grin on his face.
"Hey there." He said quietly, smiling. "Did you get my note, pumpkin?" He asked, his voice sweeter than honey.
She saw right through the phony outside of him but nodded. "Yes, and I used the cinnamon one that you like." She said. Rachel hated the cinnamon shampoo, but because of him, she used it.
Jesse grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly. "Good, because we wouldn't want to upset me now, would we?" He asked, pressing his fingers into her palm, making her cringe.
Rachel shook her head. "No, and I promise I'll go straight home today and see you."
"Right, because it's me you want, right?" Jesse asked
Rachel nodded, "Yes, yes Jesse. But really I ought to get to class. I'll be late."
"No, you'll go when I say you will. Don't talk back to me like that." He said sternly, jerking her arm a little. Lucky for him, the hallway was mostly clear except for a few guys leaning against lockers and one girl who was grabbing a book from her own.
She nodded quickly and looked up at him, giving him a tense kiss. He finally released his grip on her arm and watched her as she headed toward the classroom.
She took her usual seat at the front of the class, but barely paid attention, her thoughts focusing heavily on what would await her at home. Learning about William Howard Taft was nearly impossible with the throbbing in her shoulder. Her grades in school had always been top notch, but now, she was lucky to get even low marks like Bs. She just couldn't focus on school anymore, and even though her dads had talked to her several times about it, there was nothing she could do about it. How could she focus on French and Algebra when her boyfriend wanted to kill her?
And I feel that when I'm with you,
It's alright, I know it's right.
Finn's smile made her nearly fall on the floor. It was so bright, so pure and happy. And she smiled, her face surely paling in comparison to his. "Hi." She said quietly, smiling at him and leaning against her locker after class.
Even though they were broken up and life was kind of chaotic, Rachel still cared about Finn and she could tell he still cared about her. "Rachel. Hey, how's it going?"
Rachel shrugged and smiled a little, holding her books close to her chest. "Fine I guess. What about you?" She asked quietly as she glanced to her side only to see Jesse watching her closely from down the hall.
Finn smiled, "Good. Quinn and I.. we're dating again. So I guess I can't complain." He said.
Ouch. That felt like a knife in her bruised, sore back. "Dating Quinn? Wow.. That's.. I'm happy for you, Finn." She said, trying her hardest to paint a smile over her face.
"Thanks, Rach. How are things with Jesse? You two seem close lately." He said. "I'm glad it's all working out."
Rachel nodded a little. Clearly he didn't suspect anything. "Things are good, I guess, with Jesse. He's so..kind." She said, lying through her teeth. Her whole life, she'd prided herself on her acting ability, and she was glad she could make it work when she really needed to.
"That's good." Finn said, glancing down at Quinn when she appeared.
Quinn kissed Finn's cheek, the one that Rachel used to like to sprinkle with her soft kisses, and looked down at Rachel with a look that might have said 'Why are you talking to him?'.
"I'd better get going." Rachel said, gathering her books from her locker and giving Finn a small wave as she left.
Quinn's face as she turned to Finn was not a happy one. "So she's cozying up to you now, hm?"
"No," Finn said, shaking his head, "She was just saying hello. Besides, she's with Jesse." He said, glancing at Rachel and Jesse holding hands down the hall. If he was being particular, he would have said that Rachel looked a little more than uncomfortable.
"Well I'd prefer if you didn't talk to her.. She's unpredictable." Quinn said, traipsing back down the hallway to join up with the other members of her elite group of friends.
Finn, on the other hand, was too busy to think about food to comment back.
Glee club began quite the same as any other, with Rachel sitting quietly up front next to Jesse. He had his hand firmly planted on her leg, subtly ensuring that everyone in that room knew his claim to her.
Mr. Schuester walked into the room casually, setting a stack of papers on the piano and smiling at the group of students. "Hello everyone. Hope you've all had an excellent weekend." He said, passing out the papers to them. "We're focusing on a few things today, but mainly, the solos you've all been working on.. Who'd like to begin?"
One by one, the students volunteered, singing their hearts out, and even though she didn't want to, Rachel was called on last.
"And last but not least, Miss Berry herself. Let's hear what those vocal cords have worked up for us." William Schuester said, grinning. A communal groan could be heard throughout the classroom, including a quiet, yet noticeable groan from her very own boyfriend, Jesse.
To you, I'll give the world.
To you, I'll never be cold.
"Hello everyone," Rachel began, smoothing her skirt out over her legs. She gave a smal smile and stood in front of the microphone, clearing her throat. "I'll be singing Fleetwood Mac's "Songbird" today."
"Well let's get on with it, Berry." Santana said, rolling her eyes. "Fleetwood Mac is amazing, so don't tarnish it."
Rachel shook her head and smiled, "I hope not to. But let me know what you all think."
And with that, she began her song, her lovely voice filling the choir room with sadness and hurt as she sang.
"Songbird" Fleetwood Mac
For you, there'll be no more crying.
For you, the sun will be shining.
And I feel that when I'm with you,
It's alright, I know it's right.
To you, I'll give the world.
To you, I'll never be cold.
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you,
It's alright, I know it's right.
And the songbirds are singing, like they know the score.
And I love you, I love you, I love you, like never before.
And I wish you all the love in the world.
But most of all, I wish it from myself.
And the songbirds keep singing, like they know the score
And I love you, I love you, I love you
Like never before, like never before, like never before.
And at the end of the performance, the Glee club gave her an unenthusiastic round of applause and she could see a look of disapproval on Jesse's face. She knew that her high notes could have been a bit less shaky, but surely it wasn't that bad.
"Rachel," Mr. Schuester began, "That was really nice. Thank you for sharing with us." He said, smiling. "But, I'd like you to work a little harder next time to put a little more effort into really preparing a performance for us.. You're usually so interested in giving us a show. What happened this week?"
Rachel shrugged a little and gave a cautionary glance to Jesse, who gave her a careful and telling wink meaning something like 'Don't you dare say a word'.
"I'm not sure, Mr. Schue." she said, "I have just been so.. Tired." She said, "Yes, just tired. My dads have been out of town and.." She sighed. "I just have been tired is all."
"Well, I'd just appreciate a little more thought next time." He stated, "But overall, great performance, Rachel."
Glee ended and so did the school day, and Rachel was dreading more and more having to return home. She got into the front seat of her little car and looked down at her hands, which were visibly shaking. How could she go home to where she knew she would get hurt? She had to, though. If she didn't go home and if she avoided Jesse, who knows what would happen to her. He would track her down and hurt her even more. He was like that, maniacal and possessive.
She stood in the driveway of her home, staring up at the bricks once again and knowing she was no more important than the mortar between them. She didn't feel that important. She had been feeling so useless lately that even singing "Songbird" today had not made her feel the same feelings she had once a long time ago.
She changed into something comfortable, but yet something she knew Jesse wouldn't mind her wearing. He was so particular these days about how she dressed and what she looked like, always critiquing her choices and decisions. She sat on her bed solemnly and waited, knowing her dads wouldn't be home until after Jesse had finished his 'talking to', as he liked to put it.
And then he was sitting on her bed and her face was pale and she felt so cold all she wanted to do was lie in her bed and not wake up.
"I just don't understand why you are so infatuated with him. He's not even attractive, Rachel. You're lucky I'm with you. I mean, sure, you've got a unique beauty to you, but you really aren't a looker yourself. You should consider yourself lucky." He said coldly.
Rachel shook her head and stared blankly at the floor.
"You should really listen to me, Rachel." He said sternly, moving his hand to a firm grip on the back of her neck.
"Jesse.." She said softly, "That hurts. You're hurting me."
"I don't want to hurt you, Rachel. You make me do this. I just want you to know how much I love you." He said, tightening his grip on her neck.
"Jesse!" She yelled, pulling away from him quickly in pain.
And with that, he was in a rage and pushed her forcefully onto the floor. She reached to touch her face and felt blood on her lip and sighed, knowing he wouldn't be happy about that either.
"You had really better work on covering that up tomorrow. I'm not having you questioned." he said, "And get up. Now."
Nodding, Rachel stood up, her gaze on the floor as she began to sob silently. He absolutely hated seeing her cry, and not even in a caring way. He hated crying in general. "I'm so sorry, Jesse. Please, just let me lie down. My head is pounding.."
Jesse shook his head, "Rachel, I really wish I could let you do that, but we aren't done with our talk, see." He sighed, "You really upset me. And today in Glee.. Your voice was so shaky. Rachel, I told you to practice that song more." He said, frowning. "It just goes to show how worthless you are!" He said, his voice raising.
Rachel nodded, unable to keep her tears from flowing freely. "I.. I practiced, Jesse. I swear I did."
"How could you practice and still sound like that?" He asked incredulously, rolling his eyes. "So you're worthless and a liar. Hm." He said, pushing her again, standing up in front of her. "You know what happens to liars?" He asked.
Rachel held her hands up defensively and shook her head, swallowing hard. "No, please. Jesse, Jesse please."
His fist came down hard on her ribs and she felt the wind instantly knocked out of her. She fell back onto the bed and held her ribs gently, shaking her head. "Jesse, my dads will be home soon! Please." She said, shaking her head. "I will practice tonight. I will stay up late and practice for next week. I won't talk to Finn unless I have to, okay?"
Jesse nodded and crossed his arms over his chest and took a deep breath. "You know I hate doing that to you, Rach. I just have to. You need discipline. But I suppose I can let you off easy tonight. And I hate the way you did your hair today. Please, for the love of God, don't do it like that again, okay?"
With a small nod, Rachel led him back to the door and reluctantly kissed him, watching him leave with a relieved expression. She still had to clean her lip up before her dads came home, unless of course she wanted to explain, which she didn't.
So she found herself standing in the bathroom, meticulously cleaning her face up from her sobbing and bleeding and looked over herself. It looked like perhaps she had a small cold, but after the makeup, she looked relatively normal. No one would notice unless they were looking very hard at her, which she was grateful for.
And after she spoke with her dads for a little while, she retreated to her bedroom and crawled in between the sheets and covered herself with the thick blanket, feeling like as long as she laid there, no harm would come to her.
And I love you, I love you, I love you
Like never before, like never before, like never before.
Okay friends! So here's this chapter. I guess I'm going to continue this one. Let me know what you think please please!