NIGHT OF ETERNAL FALLING TEARDROPS: DRACULA AND DRACULAS PROBLEMS
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IMPORTANT KNOWLEDGE: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS FICTIONAL OR REAL KONAMI MADE THEM AND SO DID BRAM STOKER BUT ONLY THE MAIN GUY DRACULA EVERYONE ELSE WAS MADE UP BY KONAMI BUT THEY MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEEN INSPIRED BY OTHER THINGS BUT THATS THEIR PROBLEM NOT MINE.
The moon cast a silver light through the blackened night sky, it was getting late. Dracula sat high atop his menacing and dangerous looking throne and brooded silently before saying "It's getting late" breaking the silence in the large room. This was the biggest room in Dracula's house and his favorite, it is so big that Dracula fit his whole bed behind the throne so it also serves as his bedroom but it's hard to see unless he shows it to you. becuase of his big red curtains in the way. Dracula crossed his legs furiously becuase his right leg fell asleep from waiting so long. He was waiting for his special guest his arch rival and enemy of time, Rick Belmont to arrive but he did not expect him to take so long and he was getting tired. Dracula quietly reviewed his lines and thought about other cool things to say to Rickter when he finally got there. "I should call him a poof!" exclaimed Dracula with much delight. Back then a poof was european talk for a big fucking fag. Basically Drapula was trying to call Rikter a big fukcing fag, even though dracula himself was bisexual so it was alright for him to use the word like how black people can say the N-word . You could tell Dracula was rellly pleased with himself becuase he had a large smile on his face and his pointy teeth were showing and the moon reflected off of them dangerously. Man oh man Richter was going to be really suprised and look really stupid when dracula says his lines!
The fatherly vampires happy thoughts soon dissapated as the minutes ticked by on his big monster clock by his bed. dracula looked over his shoulder to see the time becuase his clock is behind him his neck started to bother him. "ouch" he thought and said. Draula is much tougher than he looks but still its his neck man. The accursed master slumped down in the big red velvety dangerous throne and his mind began to wander. "This is taking so so longgggg" he sighed and his breath came out and you could see it, it was july but it gets cold over there. The frightening lord of this cassle took a long drag of his Marlboro Light Ciggarrette and told himself he has to quit and get back on the wagon, it was ok this time becuase his vampiric brain was beginning to stress himself out and he shit needed it right fucking shit now. "I wonder what the other bosses are doing?" He silently pondered. It was pretty late so they were probably sleeping or having sex if they were lucky enough to find someone nice he thought as he reached down and grabbed some Triscuits. Dracla loves these snacks as long as they are not the new Garlic Herb flavor becuase vampires and other nighttime monsters get sick when they eat it. The nighttime monster, Dralica grabbed his favorite NFL mug featuring the Boston Celtics and filled it up with extra person blood he had leftover from dinnertime. "Ahh he said" he said when he dipped the Triscuits in the red dark blood and feasted on them as the silver moonlight reflected off the blood and his now bloody fangs. "this is a real treat" he thought. Dracula leaned back and let out a really loud and demonic fart from his rear-end as his cape fluttered from the blast. Dracula laughed and smiled again dangerously as the loud fart and his laughter echoed throughout the cavernous bedroom of dralia. "Frankenstein and the other bosses would have really enjoyed taht!" he grinned, but it was very late. and draclu was still very alone...dracula stopped his grin.
He had began to realize that he hadn't seen his boss friends in a long time, no Frankenstine, no Medusa, no the libraian, no mummy. Not even death the grim reaper was around to share the fun times and battle Rick Belmann. Draiacl finished his deadly meal quietly chewing every few seconds- if you saw him you would be able to tell how he felt and that feeling was sad and meloncoly. Dracul stared off into space, he had almost completely forgotten that his antagonist R Belmon was still on his journey to fight him since he was the last boss. The last boss in his first form, Dracula was thinking about the party he had last weekend and none of the boss nighttime monsters even showed up. Only grim reeper and he could tell that he wanted to leave the whole time but was just being nice to the vampiric party aminal. Dracula worked really hard to throw a good party for his undead boss pals and even sent out clever invitation cards he hand delivered to all the monsters mailboxes in the castle. Nobody RSVP'd to the party but Dracula wasn't worried he knew that his friends would probably just show up. but they didnt. He ordered 5 extra cheese pizzas from Tony's Pasta City down the block and prepared many fun activities so he could prove to the other demons you don't need to drink to have a good time. Dracula never drank in his life since his father Buster died when he crashed his Mazda Miata into Tony's Pasta City down the block. It was obviously repaired since then and there is a new owner named Warren, but he decided to use the original name and keep the tradition alive. With only two people at his party there was no way they could eat all the food, and no way they could play 4-player Goldeneye even though Draclia spent all his paycheck on new N64 controllers so everyone could have a good time without drinking. Instead they played one board on Mario Party and then Grim Reaper said he had to go to the bathroom, he really left though. Dracula picked Donkey Kong and that was who Rim riepr wanted to be. Drakla lost his only friend. Elsewhere, but still pretty close by, Ron Belmant was steadily approaching the final climax between himself and Party Animal Dracula.
Dracula knitted his brow in a doleful and generally pitiful manner. He grabbed his hand mirror off the TV tray and gazed into it sourly. "Nobody wants you..." he said to his reflection which wasn't supposed to be there. The twighlight lord of evil looked down at his crotch and punched himself in his ancient dick and balls twice. "No one would ever want you!" Draclia screamed at his morbid genetails. Drafala thought about drinking and takeing some drugs but before he oculd take any of the drugs the grim reeper materialized in the silver moonlight. There was an awkward moment of silence, but you know why that was unless you just skipped ahead to this part. You should probably go back and read taht part now so you understant the dynamic of the characters interacting or just for fun. "hey" said Grim repair. "..hey" said dramica. "whats up" they both said at the same time to each other, kind of over lapping eachothers speech, then they did it again but said different things- Dracula said "not much.." and Grim reper said "nothing really man". Dracula was still upset with grey remper but he was willing to forgive and forget if he would just apologize. Dracula folded his old white arms and tucked them into his fancy vest pockets. "So, what are you and all the other bosses doing tonight?" Grim reper could sense the dark master of moonlights hostility towards him in his voice so he played it cool. "I think me and wolfman are going to just stay in tonight and play cards- Medusa just got seasons one and two of FRIENDS so we all might go over and watch them on her crystal ball if you want to come..." Dracula cut reaper off even though he finished his sentence already. "No, nope no I'm sorry! I have some verrrrry ummm important work to do right now very very busy!" Dracula sneered as he obnoxiously examined his fingernails in an arrogant and pompous way of doing it. He did this to show GR and the other nighttime adversaries that they couldn't push him around and ignore him. "You guys don't even fucking pay rent..." he said out loud but probably meant to just think it to himself. "whatever man." grim reaper said seeing he was not going to win this war of words with dragon. "fuck you, we dont even have a kitchen in this place man" Grim reaper vanished just as quickly and he appeared in the silvery moonlight that was still there. Dracula tried to stand up and stop him knowing that he really blew it and grif reepa would probably tell the other monster guys what he said, but Dracla legs fell asleep again and he almost fell out of his dangerous throne. The terrifying controller of this place carefully leaned back to keep his legs from cramping. As his vicious butt fell back into the chair he had realized that he shit his pants earlier when he farted really loud, not so much but enough to where you have to change your clothes. Dracula knew that Bellman would have to pay for this.
It was late thought Simon, "It's late" he said. Richter Belmont had finally made his way up through the big house of dracula by defeating all the monsters and getting all the special items from the candles. He now faced the final staircase leading upwards to draculas bedroom/throne room. Richard snapped his whip in anticipation as purple lightnight roared above lighting up the dark clouds in the silverlike light form the moon. Rickers blood boiled and his dick got big, Richer has a big dick. "Lets end this now Dark Lord of the Nighttime DRACLUA!" Richter screamed as he started up the stairway. Rict was careful though as there were no rails on the sides of the staircase and he did not want to lose any of his special items becuase then he would have to go all the way back down. Meanwhile, Draculu had just enough time to change his pajama pants into his black work pants..he pondered if he had enough time to clean his supernatural asshole with baby wipes and get a quick work out in to make his muscles look bigger- but just then... Richardo Belmont arrived on the scene! Dracula pulled back up his pants as fast as he could and tried to look cool.
Richter Belmont approached Dracula Belmons throne as Dracula casually crossed his legs again- he made sure to pull the big red curtain close so Richer would not see dracuas bed and clock. He did not want richtr to take his possessions or look at his journal. The blue man Roger approached the throne again just a little closer this time. His stood up straight with his back turned sidways for some reason and tightened his muscular caucasian arms. He looked really stupid when he stood that way Dracula thought, Dracula wondered if he had MS but didnt want to be rude and ask. Ricter decided to say something first becuase he was tired of looking at dracla.
"DIE MONSTER! YOU DONT BELONG IN THIS WORLD!" Screamed Belmond right in Dracula face. Wow thought Richkerrt he just screamed in dracula the last bosss face.
"IT WAS NOT BY MY HAND THA I AM ONCE AGAIN GIVING FLESH. I WAT CALLED HERE BY HUMANS WHO WISH TO PAY ME TRUBUTE." Dracula calmly responded- Dracula was lying to himself and richter but Dracula didnt want the vampire slayer to know that he didnt have any friends so he fibbed.
"TRIBUTE! YOU STEAL MENS SOULS AND MAKE THEM YOURE SLAVES!" fired back Dougg! Dracula was severley cought off guard by this! Dracula was now embarrased becuase he only told a few people he was bisexual and gay. Dracula moved uncomfortably around in his dangerous chair getting shit all over the insides of his black work pants desperately trying to come up with an disincriminating rebuttal to get off the subject.
"PERHAPS THE SAME COULD BE SAID OF ALL RELIGEONS..." Dracula had saved himself from coming out of the closet publically with his quick wit and speed thinking skills. However Dracula was even more furious than ever despite his collected demeanor. Rigfer also seethed in front of the dark master, he had heard enough.
"YOUR're WORDS ARE AS EMPTY AS YOU'RE SOUL! MANDKIND ILL NEEDS A SAVIOR SUCH AS YOU!" Richter growled. Richter readied his special items and looked around for some more candles knowing full well that Dracula wanted to punch him as hard as he could. Instead he saw the smug face of dragala looking down at him, swirling his blood around in the NHL mug. Dracula grinned a fang filled grin at Roger.
"WAT IS A MAN!" Draccula dropped his favorite mug and it smashed on the ground next to richters foots. "A MISERABLE PILE OF SECRETS! BUT ENOUGH TALK...HAVE AT YOU!" Dracula was ready to punch Richter now.
Dracula teleported 5 feet down so he was no longer in the backround of the screen. He opened his flowing cape like a ravens wing or back if it was ripped off and unleashed a volley of slow moving meteors and three little fireballs. Richter jumped and ducked unter the 1st and 2nd meteors respectively becuase he practiced at home with his Uncle Kratos. He spun his metal chain whip around really fast and destroyed the small fireballs. These are the only moves Dracula knows so he kept doing them over and over while teleporting. Robert threw some holey water into Dravens face, it was still in the bottle too so it hurt even more when it didnt break. The lord of nightmares and unholy memories held his nose and tears where running down his face, but the battle was still on there was no time for a doctor to come check it out for him. "Sorry" said richtard and he pulled out the cork and gently dumped it all over draculo and made steam shoot out all over draculas work clothes and face so it burned him I guess. "A-A-A-ARRRRGH!" stammered Drakalo, it was strange that he could stutter while screaming but Drakla has many mysterious qualitys. Richter stood back as Dracula rose up again visibly enraged. "FUCK YOU" said Dracula, "NOW TASTE MY TRUE POWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!" Draculas voice began to distort as he went through puberty. Draculas body also went through dramatic changes as he grew 8 3/4 feet taller and his skin became green and slimy. This was Dracul final form as a dinosar. Bateman alarmed, gazed up at his new adversary and armed himself with his holy cross item by pressing select a few tiems. Dinosaur Dracula jumped up into the air and began to breath fireballs all over Ricther as he dodged left and right. Ricters energy bar was almost empty, he was keeping an eye on it for a while but he remained vigilant in his quest to end the dark night monsters reign of evil. Just as Dinosur Dragma was about to finish off Randy, he summoned a huge cross from the heavens and it ruined Draculas day forever and he fucking lost. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Screamed the dinosaur monster but this night nobody was the winner. Suddenly Dracula, Rigger and draculas bed all became a photograph and was set on fire. No really. Drawulas soul would spiral for an eternity of unending regret when he realized that he forget to call Ricter a poof. This was how Draculas Big Day ended.
Shortly after, Draculas son Arnold came to draculas house to do laundry and drop off a carton of ciggarrets but he wound up fighting Draculas personal trainer Shaft.
The End