A Valentine for Mary

For my friend Mary B., who left us far too soon.

It was three days before Valentine's Day, and Billy was razzing Deaq about some woman. Van was not really paying attention as the two traded shots about roses, chocolate and… well he certainly wasn't going to listen to that!

"What about you, Van?" Billy asked when she realized that her other cop was miles away.

"What?" Van focused on his boss.

"What are you getting that special someone for Valentine's Day ---or is it someones this year?"

"Nobody, I don't…don't do Valentine's Day." Van muttered as he walked away from Billy's office.

"Hey V, everything alright?" Deaq asked his partner twenty minutes later when he found him pounding the bag. Van ignored the man – or maybe he just didn't hear. Deaq was starting to get concerned. His usually lively partner had been quiet all day, and he seemed to always like all the made up special days – so his reaction to Billy had been off.

"Van." Deaq called again as he grabbed hold of the bag. Van looked up when he realized the bag had stopped moving.

"What?"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Van's head was down, and he turned away from his partner.

"Not buying it. You want to talk about it here or at the beach." Deaq had learned that there were some things Van would talk about only by the water. He wasn't sure why, but he knew the harder something was for Van, the more likely he would hear about if they were at the beach.

"Nothing to talk about."

"Get changed and meet me at the car in ten minutes. And don't make me come looking for you." He ordered, as Van continued his way out of the ring.

They drove to the beach in silence. Deaq finally turned on the radio because he was uncomfortable in the quiet that hung between them. At the beach they went down just above the water line and started walking.

"What is it about Valentine's Day that upsets you so much Van? You're usually the instigator on these days. Bad memory, broken heart?" He tried teasing.

Van stopped and looked at his friend's face. Then he sighed and continued walking. After another 10 minutes, he moved up above the tide line and sat down in the sand. Deaq sank beside him.

"Her name was Mary." Van whispered softly, and shook his head.

"I got all day V." Deaq said gently as he rubbed his shoulder against Van's.

"She was a good friend, a co-worker. Mary was a spitfire. She was all of 5'3", curly dark hair and full of life. She was always taking care of us, our unofficial den mother. And you better be doing the right thing – because if you were working too late or not eating right – she would be the first one to call you on it."

Van's voice was soft and low. His arms were hugging his knees to his chest, and he was gently rocking. "She got sick the first time her freshman year in college – she was at West Point. The Army never knew what a great general they lost when she had to go home. I always wondered if she stood on tiptoe to meet the height requirement." Van smiled to himself at the thought, and Deaq just let him go on; keeping his shoulder against his partner's.

"Funny thing was, if you didn't already know she had cancer, you never would have guessed it. She worked every day she could, always on time, never left early, and never asked anyone to help do her work, never. Mary was the toughest person I have ever met. And through it all – and at the end it was all experimental shit that you knew had to hurt – she never showed it. I don't think I ever heard her complain…not about the hurt, not about the unfairness of it all.

She lived more in her 28 years then most of us will if we live to be 100. I guess she knew she wouldn't have the luxury of time so she made up for it the best way she could – by getting every second out of life."

"She sounds special Van." Deaq said softly several minutes later as he watched out of the corner of his eye as tears moved slowly down his partner's cheek.

"She was Deaq. At the end of 2001, I ended up in ICU – and who do I get a note from a couple of days later but Mary. And she is telling ME that she is going to have to keep a closer eye on me to make sure I take better care of myself." Van shook his head and snorted softly. "She was sure we all needed careful looking after, but she wouldn't let us look after her. Oh no, any effort, no matter how smart and sneaky we thought we were being – she called us on it.

"She was supposed to get married the summer of 2001, but she wouldn't because she had lost most of her hair from the latest treatment, and she informed us all – dead serious – that she was not getting married without her own hair. Man, we tried so hard to talk some sense into her, but she was stubborn.

It was so unfair Deaq, she would go through a bout, and they would tell her it was all gone, and then it would come back. I remember the last time she told me that it was back. I don't know how she did it. I think I would have curled up in a corner…I wanted to cry, but you just couldn't with her because she wasn't going to let any one feel sorry for her – she wouldn't stand for it.

She got married in August of 2002, by the beach. That was the day I finally knew what a fairy princess really looked like. You should have seen her, I swear she floated down the steps in her white dress and tiara. She was so beautiful and so happy. We couldn't get over how well she looked, because when she left the office a week before she could barely stand up straight due to the most recent treatment…but to look at her that day…" Van stopped, his head falling to his knees, and Deaq put a hand on his back and began rubbing it in gentle circles.

"Valentine's Day 2003 was her husband's birthday, and it was the last day she was ever at work. I had helped get her a reservation at an Indian place – cause that was her husband's favorite. She was so excited. They had a great night. She got sick the next day, ended up in the hospital and…she was in the hospital for almost a month and a half before she went home to die. Even from there she would call and make sure that Dre remembered his anniversary or that I had my monthly report in.

I talked to her every day until a day or two before she died, and I helped her husband with funeral arrangements, paperwork, whatever I could think of. We'd left her black jacket on the back of her chair the whole time. I don't think any of us could really accept the fact that she wasn't coming back to us. And the day she tried to tell me she wasn't – I wouldn't let her…and we both ended up crying. It was the only time I ever heard her cry.

She had all these things she needed to do before she left us. She had to make sure her husband was taken care of, and finish her thank you notes for the wedding. Mary was very determined to do it her way. I got a thank you note about three days before she died, and I still remember shaking my head and laughing at the fact, because it was just so Mary."

The lighter tone of voice dropped off as he continued. "Her funeral was the same day as a major bust, so most of us couldn't go. I really hated that day – and the bust almost got derailed - which made me so angry. It just wasn't right to be at work. Some days, the important things in life are so crystal clear… Her husband told me that I was doing what Mary would have expected us all to do – our jobs - and that she would have been the first one to tell us so. He was right, but I still regret not going. Somehow I feel I never had the chance to say goodbye, I guess." Van stopped again for a while and just sat rocking gently and staring at the water.

"You know I'm not outwardly religious, I have my beliefs – but there are days, still, when I know that Mary is with me. The day of the funeral was one of them. I know you will think I am more nuts then usual, but there are days I can hear her plain as if she was in the room with me. Usually it's when I need a good swift kick…" Van laughed softly and stopped.

"Then she must be with you every day!" Deaq said with a playful punch at Van's shoulder.

"Mary was the strongest person I've ever met. And she was the best person I will probably ever meet; even if her favorite song was Garth Brooks' 'I've got friends in low places,' which she liked to sing at karaoke bars, after a few beers." Deaq joined Van in a shared groan.

"She loved daisies, cold white wine, was an amazing cook, and made us all homemade chocolates at Christmas. Believe me, she could have given Martha Stewart a run for her money."

"Van, from what you've told me, and from what I know about you, you were a good friend to Mary. Why are you having so much trouble now?" Deaq asked, his face turned to his partner.

"I don't know Deaq. I guess even now I feel like there is something else I need to do, but for the life of me I don't know what. And I don't know why the feeling is so strong."

"Have you ever gone to visit her grave?" Deaq knew that going to Dre's grave, while painful, had been the only way he had been able to finally find some peace over his brother's death, but he was not willing to share all that information with his partner, at least not today.

"No," the green eyes found Deaq's, "I've thought about it, but…."

"It might help." Deaq responded.

"I don't know man…" Both of their pagers went off ending the conversation, and they got up and jogged back to the car after reading the messages.

Three days later, Deaq picked Van up at his hotel. Van thought they were headed for work, and was talking about their latest take down, until he realized they were headed in the wrong direction.

"Um, isn't Billy expecting us at work today?" He asked after checking the time on his watch.

"We have something we need to do first." Deaq responded, keeping his eyes on the road and the traffic.

"Are you going to give me a clue?"

"Nope."

For another 45 minutes they drove in silence. Van flinched when Deaq pulled into the hilly cemetery. Deaq carefully steered the car through the narrow roadway. When he stopped at a small turnoff he finally turned to his partner. "Come on," he ordered as he got out of the car. He went to the trunk while Van waited nervously by the passenger door.

When Deaq rounded the car holding a bouquet of daisies and a bottle of white wine, Van's face softened. He followed his partner, without speaking, across the vast expanse of grass and grave stones, until they found what they were looking for. Deaq handed the flowers and the wine to Van and smiled. "I'll be in the car."

Van watched him walk away before turning back to the head stone. "Hey Mar, it's been a long time." He carefully placed the daisies in front of the granite tribute, and sat down crossed legged in the grass.

Half an hour later, green eyes still red, he made his way back to the car.Deaq got out when he saw his partner, watching the body language carefully. He started to smile when Van, as though he knew he was being watched, picked his head up and caught his eyes.

Van stopped in front of his partner for a moment before taking a step into his space and pulling him into an embrace. "Thanks Deaq." He whispered softly before starting to step back.

Deaq held him a moment longer. "Anytime partner."