Revealed feelings
He never thought it would come to this. And he had never regretted doing something so badly. Why the hell he messed up like that?
Watanuki was ashamed of himself. He couldn't believe that he actually was hiding in some shady street – and even more – crying while hiding his head to his arms. He didn't even remember when he cried last… Must have been a long time ago, he thought. But actually, wasn't it kind of weird? The fact that he didn't cry was a small miracle. Some guy could have committed suicide in his position – after all, he was orphan with no parents or relatives, lived alone, was haunted by spirits, had no close friends or a passion for something… In a way, he was all alone in this world and with nothing to do. Watanuki wasn't depressed, he did enjoy his life and was good at something, too, but at a time like this he really felt extremely lonely. There was no one he could talk to. Or, to be more specific, there was no one who he would want to talk to. Yuko would surely want to know what happened and wouldn't mind listening, but there was no way he would want to open for her. After all, she drank a lot, made fun of him all the time and was a very mysterious and unreliable person. Domeki was about the same, so he didn't want to talk to him either. And Himawari… Well, there was no doubt that she didn't even want to see him right now. That made Watanuki cry even harder and he felt absolutely horrible. But in a way, she was the reason Watanuki was crying in a shady street.
It had happened on a normal day. The cherry blossoms were in full bloom at it was a beautiful, sunny day, but otherwise, it was an exremely normal day. But Watanuki's mood was something really different – not normal at all. He felt really confident and happy that day. And when he arrived ro school, he became even happier. He saw Himawari before the class started and talked about weather and other trivial things. Then he heard Yuko's words in his head: "Why don't you make your move on her?" It had been one of those moment he complained to Yuko how extremely annoying Domeki was and how Himawari paid too much attention to the archer. Watanuki didn't remember, what he had answered to Yuko, but surely not "What a great idea, I'll do that right away!" But in that moment, it actually had seemed like a very good idea. He had no idea why, but he decided to do it right after school. He knew, that Himawari could say no, if he asked did she like him that way, but still he thought that it would be the best to be open about his feelings. And Himawari surely wouldn't turn him down roughly, since she was always so nice to everyone. Of course, Watanuki didn't think how bad it would feel it that actually would happen he only thought that she had said "We're compatible!" while reading some magazine's horoscope section. Who knows, maybe she did like him? The thought made Watanuki even more confident and soon he couldn't wait the schoolday to end.
Watanuki heard a loud bang and quickly lifted his head. He was about to ask: "Who's there?" but noticed that it was nothing but a cat which had knocked over a trash bin. He sighed from relief. And put his head on his arms again. Why? What in the world had convinced him to confess Himawari? Wasn't he happy about the things in the way they were? He spent time with Himawari, although Domeki always tagged along, and they all were happy. But still he had ruined everything, with a single sentence.
"Himawari-chan… I like you." He had said. Himawari had turned her haid and said:
"Eh? Oh, I like you too, Watanuki. You're a great person." And then she had smiled in the way she always did. She didn't realise that Watanuki was actually confessing something deeper that just love that close friends share.
"No… I mean…" Watanuki said, with his eyes on the ground.
"What?" Himawari asked cheerfully.
"…I love you." He said. I said it! I finally said it! Watanuki thought. He had been blushing. Himawari had been speechless for a moment, and stared Watanuki with a puzzled look on her face. Even at that moment, Watanuki didn't regret what he said. He had just waited for the girl to answer, eyes still locked to the ground.
"…Oh." Himawari had finally said with a bit blush on her face. "…Is that so."
Since she still hadn't answer in the way Watanuki had wanted her to, he said:
"So… How do you feel about me? Do you…" Watanuki had not finished his sentence nor lifted his gaze from the ground. He had been sure that Himawari had realised what he meant. But she still hadn't said anything, for a minute or so. Watanuki had waited patientally for her to asnwer. And finally, she had said:
"…I'm sorry, Watanuki… I don't think I can return your feelings."
Watanuki ran out of tears, but he still could've cried if it was possible. He felt so sad, so ashamed and so lonely that he could've cried a river. And he was filled with regret. What the hell was I thinking? He thought, grasping the sleeves of his school uniform. Did the cherry blossoms cast a spell on me or something? Just when he was about to start crying again, he heard footsteps. He lifted his head again. There was someone in the shadows. He wanted to stand up and run away, but he couldn't move his legs. Instead, he just watched how the person slowly walked towards him. Finally, after a painfully long moment, the person stepped into light and Watanuki was able to see who it was.
"Yo."
It was Domeki.