These characters are not mine.
Steve/Bucky slash. Songfiction. Bucky and Steve are reunited and, slowly but surely, Bucky is rehabilitated from his Winter Soldier days. The song "She" by Elvis Costello is the English adaptation of "Tous les Visages de l'Amour" by Charles Aznavour.
He
Steve whimpered as his face rested against Bucky's dark curls, the sweet smell of his lover heightening the waves that he felt crashing within him. Bucky was alive. He hadn't been killed in the fall from the train. He was with Steve again.
Steve knew that this would not be an easy journey for them, that Bucky's years as the Winter Soldier would plague him for many years to come. He had been in confinement and reintegration for weeks already since the Avengers had caught him and only now had he wanted Steve to hold him, had he become more like his old self before that horrible day. Steve was just relieved now that he no longer had to wait to hold him, that Bucky nestled into the embrace with equal urgency. He would think about Bucky's challenges later; now they just had each other after too many years.
The beautiful face that he had known since they were just children, that he thought he would never see again, that teased him and comforted him, that he had come to know in the depths of brainwashed fury, was now buried against his neck and shoulder. Bucky was home.
Steve had known that there would be flashbacks and night terrors, that he had to do his best to comfort Bucky and bear with him through those dark times. But it hurt nonetheless. It was still a shock to experience it in the flesh.
They had to replace the living room mirror several times and replace the couch and the sofa after one of Bucky's outbursts. The screaming and cursing must have scared a lot of the neighbors, but fortunately Steve had warned them in advance. Still, Steve was amazed that none of them had called the police.
"Thank god I'm bigger and stronger! I don't know how I'd cope if I was still the smaller one," Steve had mused once while he had pinned Bucky to the floor, restraining him until he could bring him back from his waking nightmare. Bucky had seen his reflection in the mirror; Steve knew that he must have seen himself as the Winter Soldier, as the gaunt assassin who killed people who were practically innocent of crime.
"I'm so sorry, Steve~! I'm sorry for putting you through this-!" Bucky whimpered into Steve's shouder after a semi-public episode where somebody glanced at Steve and Bucky as they walked past on the street: a young couple who slightly resembled two of the Winter Soldier's victims. That the woman was pregnant nearly made Bucky collapse then and there; the victim that she resembled had been the wife of the Winter Soldier's intended target and their toddler son was also killed in the attack.
"Shhhh…" Steve crooned as he stroked Bucky's hair, "You don't have to be sorry for any of that, Bucky."
"God, how weak am I?" Bucky muttered, trying to calm himself.
"You're not weak, love. You're in pain," Steve hugged him as tightly as he could without hurting him, "You're doing the best that you can."
"And do we belong here, Steve? Do we belong in the 21st century?" Bucky murmured, "Was I meant to remain the Winter Soldier?"
Steve was speechless for a moment before he found his voice, "Bucky, I'm doing the best that I can to make this easier for you and I want for this to work for us. Don't say those things because I wanted to die when I saw you fall. I wanted to die when I crashed Schmidt's airship, so that I could be with you again…! It hurts me as just as much that you're like this… I love you and I want you to heal. I want it more than I can say…! I know that you're scared; I'm scared for you when you have your nightmares, when you have flashbacks. Just… please hold on. I almost lost you twice and I don't want to lose you again…!"
The pain and frustration in Steve's eyes had been enough to goad Bucky's determination to deal with his past and continue with life.
Steve could see the change. Slowly but steadily, Bucky was becoming more like his old self with each passing day, it seemed. While he still had moments where he had that haunted look on his face, he laughed more often now. Steve had to laugh with him; Bucky's laugh was music to his ears and he'd missed the sound of it so much.
The crew at SHIELD noticed the change too, and they enjoyed coming to know the new addition to their team. Tony laughed in surprise when he found that Bucky's sharp tongue matched his own and Clint was glad to have found a fellow prankster. Pepper and Natasha rolled their eyes at these antics, but they also had to smile.
None of them could be as happy as Steve was. They could see it on his face as he watched Bucky, whether Bucky was trading sassy remarks with Tony or training with Natasha and Thor. Steve's eyes often turned glassy, but he practically glowed.
"It's good to see you so happy, Steve," Maria commented as she sat with Steve while Bucky trained for SHIELD, "Bucky's made such amazing strides."
"Yes…!" Steve murmured, his face tender as he watched his lover, who winked at him, making him blush, "It's been hell to see him suffer, but as long as I have him with me again I don't care…"