1
The door to the throne room shut quietly enough, the minister bowing out humbly like any other that came before King Kuei. But the subservient smile melted from his face as soon as the door closed, replaced with a look of pure and utter terror. Park quick-stepped, then jogged and finally abandoned dignity and ran down the hallway, legs taking as long a stride as his robes would allow. He reached a tucked-away door, in an equally tucked-away building far from the palace centre, out of breath and red-faced. He slammed the door behind him and leaned heavily against it for support. His breath came in panic-riddled gasps. His associate looked up at the noise.
"Stones!" Park swore loudly. "Stones and scree! Kim, we are dead."
Life in Ba Sing Se palace was one of preternatural bliss. Bad things did not happen there. The impossible did not exist. It was said that in the palace all your dreams came true.
Of course, that bliss was ruled by an iron grip, and the impossible was destroyed from thoughts in a most clinical and frightening way. And dreams? Well. Dreams were manufactured to come true.
"I want a bear."
Park, titled as Ministerial Advisor of the Sciences but in truth the greatest magician alive, had blinked at the demand.
"A platypusbear, Your Majesty?"
"No."
"A Gopherbear, then?"
"No."
"…Armadillobear?"
"No!" the young King pouted. "I want a bear!"
It was then Park had felt the first trickles of sweat run down his neck. "Just…a bear, Your Majesty?"
"Yes, Park," His Majesty said with exaggerated patience. "Is that so hard?"
Park had to swallow the hysterical laughter bubbling up his throat. "N-no… Not at all, Your Majesty."
"A bear?!" Kim shouted. "Good grief, Park! Why didn't you just promise him the sun while you were at it?"
"And what was I supposed to say, Kim?" Park yelled back. "'No, Your Majesty'? 'It can't be done, Your Majesty'? We would be dead!"
He slumped to the floor and dropped his head into his hands. "Who am I kidding? We're dead anyway."
After a moment Kim came and joined him on the floor. They were in silence for a while, processing and wallowing in despair and terror in turns.
"A bear?"
"A bear."
"But…how are we supposed to-"
"I don't know."
"…*sigh*"
"*sigh*…"
"And when are we supposed to present this miracle?" Kim asked.
"On the King's birthday," Park moaned. "In three months."
Kim turned his head sharply to see if his friend was joking. His look of defeat said everything.
"Oh boulderdash. We are dead."
After a night of commiserable drinks, bouts of weeping, a full rendition of 'That Girl's Got my Bricks' (all twelve verses; the dirty ones sung about six times each) and a truly incredible hangover the next morning, Park and Kim decided to give the problem a proper go. After all, 'die trying' was supposed to be the in thing nowadays.
They soon discovered that, yes indeed, what their great and noble King asked for was impossible.
"The platypusbear gestation period is four months!" Kim pulled at his hair. "Four months! And that's the shortest available to us."
"How many 'bears do we have kept at the palace?" Park asked.
"Three Armadillobears, one gopherbear, four platypusbears and nine skunkbears," Kim read from a list.
"Nine skunkbears?" Park turned his head at the number. "Why do we have nine of them?"
Kim read down the list. "'Distributed to the Ministry of Cultural Heritage Preservation'."
"Oh." Park pulled a face. "Well, how many are pregnant?"
"The gopherbear and two of the platypus bears," Kim replied. "Furthest along is the gopherbear – seven months. The next is one month and the last is 2 weeks in."
"Scree," Park swore. "That doesn't give us much to work with."
"It gives us nothing to work with," Kim said crossing his arms. "Breeding takes years of work. We have three months, Park. The best we can hope for is to cut up a cub and make it look as bear-like as possible, whatever the scree that means."
"And have it die on the table as soon as the King puts his hand on it?" Park said. "No, we need a real one."
"There's no time," Kim said. "Even if we figure out what he means by 'bear', we can't breed one in time for his birthday."
Park was quiet for a moment, weighing his options. "There is one possibility."
Kim turned to him, trying to read the unspoken message on Park's face. "What possibility? You and I are both out of our league here, so unless you can pull a miracle out of your robe, we're…"
And then the same possibility occurred to Kim and he did not like it one bit. "Out of the question."
"You said it yourself, Kim," Park argued. "We are out of our league here."
"If you are thinking of what I think you are thinking, Park," Kim smartly replied, "then stop thinking it. It does not bear thinking."
Kim considered what he said and then added: "No pun intended."
"Well unless you would prefer to be buried quietly under a mountain, we have no choice," Park replied. "We need her help."
The 'her' in question arrived almost a week later. Slim and severe in her Water Tribe blues and black hair pulled back in a scalp-tearing bun, it seemed when the door opened for her that a cold gale wind followed.
Kim gulped audibly at her entrance and shifted uncomfortably. It was left to Park to scurry over and greet her.
"Welcome, Sun," he said, a nervous creak in his voice. "I can't thank you enough for agreeing to come. Our circumstances are dire and we are in sore need of your expertise. Why, we've been-"
"Enough bootlicking, Park," Sun broke in with a voice in stark contrast to her appearance. Despite its callous tone it was like honey on the ears. "I've come to help you fix your mess and I'd rather we'd get through this as quickly as possible. To spend another minute of unobligated and unpaid for time in both your company would surely kill me."
"Pay?" Kim called from his hiding spot.
"Yes, Kim, 'pay'." She shoved her bags, both enormous and heavy, into Park's arms and strode into the room. "You will be paying me for my services, starting from today."
She marched to the blackboard and studied their so-far efforts, back to both of them. Before Kim could explode into a likely impending fit of rage, Park broke in. "Usual rates then, Sun. Half the percentage of our commission."
Sun's head whipped back to Park and she gave him one of her infamous icy smiles. "Oh no, boys. If you're in anything close to the trouble I expect you're in, then I expect more. Equal shares."
The silence that followed was broken only when Park dropped the bags to the floor.
The problem with Sun was that technically she was on the payroll of the King. Technically. It wasn't really considered proper for a woman to be studying the sciences in the Earth Kingdom. Spirit's forbid she got paid for doing so. But Sun's mother was Water Tribe and so when her waterbending manifested it was decided that she would study in the North. In their outlandish ways of letting their women benders study science and medicine, it was discovered that Sun was very good at animal sciences. Very good. So good, in fact, that the North quite happily shipped Sun back to Ba Sing Se with a please and thank you that she never come visit again.
Of course, the rumours went around as to how and why exactly she was kicked out of the North. Mutilating the Chief's polardog or creating a mutant nightmare tigerseal monster were the top contenders among the betting folk.
Needless to say, certain members of Ba Sing Se's ministerial staff thought they could do with a mad scientist in their employ. Even if she was a woman.
Park had previously asked for Sun's help on only two occasions. The first time had been through simple correspondence; 'what would you suggest I do with such-and-such if this-and-that were already in place?'. Her advice, though slightly avant-garde, had been hugely helpful and had ensured that Park kept his position as miracle-maker extraordinaire to the King. On the second occasion, Park had asked for Sun's help in person.
Problems ensued.
It quickly became undeniable that the rumours of her genius were true. However, at the same time several other rumours turned out to be true as well. By silent agreement Park and Kim did not speak of that time. For days afterward Park heard Kim gibber in his sleep about 'those chickenpigs, those poor, poor chickenpigs.' Perhaps the most difficult part about that time was that Sun undoubtedly helped Park succeed in his project. Indeed, without her he would have failed.
Just as he would now if he turned her away.
"Alright, Sun," he told her finally. "Equal shares."
Her smile widened and she turned back to the board. "Excellent. Let's get started then. I see you decided to define the problem of 'bear' beforehand."
"It seemed like the best place to start," Park replied as he stepped nearer to the board.
"You are not wrong there. But I see once again both of you are being sandfooted about the topic." Sun frowned at the board. "How many 'bears do we have at our disposal?"
Kim sighed as he took up the list. "Three Armadillobears, one gopherbear-"
"Bring them all in," Sun cut in. "What better way, gentlemen, to note differences in anatomy and physiology than going to the source?"
She turned to Kim "After you acquire the 'bears prepare the autopsy room."
Kim's face blanched and he walked away stiffly. As he passed by Park heard him mutter to himself "The chickenpigs".