Looking back at the past three months I couldn't help but smile. Visiting my friend in Connecticut three months ago is easily the best thing that has happened to me this year. I just wish I would have gone earlier. Scratch that, if I went at any other time I wouldn't have met Dan. It was a complete chance encounter that brought us together, and just look where we are now.
As I lay in his bed Dan's small arms wrap around my body, holding me against him. Warmth radiated from his naked torso heating me up and causing me to throw the sheet off of our chests. If Babz walked in right now she would think we were naked. The weather was abnormally warm last night making us sleep in our boxers, but of course I didn't mind. Dan's arm was draped over me so I slid my fingers between his, holding his hand. I tune out everything else and I can feel his heartbeat against my bare back. I close my eyes and listen to his light breathing. I'm practically meditating to the motion of his heartbeat and sounds of his breath, but clanking pans in the kitchen break my serenity. Five minutes later I hear the popping of what could only be bacon, and the scent soon follows; but not even bacon could make me move from Dan's arms. I continue listening to his breath as the bacon scent consumes the whole house. I hear footsteps come towards the room. Babz leans in the doorway and finds me awake.
"Brian, I made your favorite sandwich." Her eyes widen noticing our naked torsos. She then scurried away, almost embarrassed to find us naked. I grab my phone to check the time: 10 am. Deciding I slept long enough, and slightly embarrassed Babz found us like this, I decide to get up. I released Dan's hand and slowly rolled out of bed, not wanting to wake him. I put my shorts on, and pull my shirt over my head as I walk out the door and head for the kitchen.
"Good morning," Babz says cheerfully.
"Morning," I say as I grab my bacon, egg and cheese sandwich. "By the way, we were wearing clothes. And we didn't…" I could not finish that sentence, and I could not be more awkward about it either. Talking about my sex life with her son, or lack thereof, was not appealing to me.
"Hunny I know you didn't. I live in this house too, I would know if you did," she says as she pours herself a cup of coffee, acting like it's no big deal. The fact that she doesn't seem fazed by this is one of the many things that makes Babz so cool. I glance over at Dan's bedroom watching him sleep. "I'm glad he has you," Babz says, making me turn back to her. "I can really tell you two love each other."
"We do. I do. But it's only been three months, it's not like someone has said 'I love you' yet."
"Why not? I'm not trying to intervene, but it sure seems like you want to say it." It's amazing how close I've already gotten to Babz. I wouldn't feel comfortable talking about this with just anyone.
"I just… I don't want to be the first to say it I guess. I don't know what I'd do if I put myself out there and he didn't return the feelings."
"My son is crazy for you, head over heels. I don't see why he wouldn't. Even I love you!"
"Thanks Babz," I say with a smile.
"You know, I got home after Dan that night you two went out on your first date. I found him lying on his bed, looking at the ceiling. After I found out you two went star gazing I figured he was pretending he was still there." I laughed at her comment and she continued, "I asked him 'so how was your date?' You know he said? 'I can't even deal right now Babz, he's flawless!' Dan continued to say it was amazing and one of the best nights of his life. I have never seen him as happy as he is when he's with you. Now don't tell me that boy doesn't love you." I smiled at the thought of him reliving the date and mostly the thought of him loving me back. She takes my large smile as my response and changes topics, "So what are your guy's plans for today?"
"I know Dan wants to go shopping, apparently there's a sale at J. Crew today. And I think we're staying in and having a movie night tonight." We continue talking as I finish my sandwich, but by 11:00 I decide to go wake Dan up. I walk in his room to find him on his back with the sheet completely off his body. My eyes scan over every part of his body, admiring everything, but ending on his lips. I crawled onto the bed and hovered my body over his, being very careful not to wake him. My hands crawl forward, and my arms hold me up in a push up position right above him. I slowly lower my body and touch my lips to his. He kisses me back placing his hands on my waist. He pulls me down, and I drop the rest of my weight on him. "Good morning," I say after breaking the kiss.
"Yes, it is," He responds and then gives me another kiss. "Well this is probably the best way to wake up," He pauses for a second, "You smell like bacon."
"So does the rest of the house. Babz made me a bacon, egg and cheese. There's some bacon left, you could make a sandwich too."
"I'd prefer a Brian sandwich," as soon as he finishes his sentence he rolls over on top of me and kisses my neck. His warm lips on my neck make me forget everything except for him. After several seconds he returns to my lips to give me a passionate kiss. My hands explore every inch of his bare back and quickly find their way to his ass. His kiss literally takes my breath away and I have to pull back.
"I've never seen you this alive in the morning. Usually you wake up and don't want to move for an hour," or more. Dan's really lazy when he first wakes up.
"Well someone got me a little excited!" He explained. I let out a mischievous laugh and then gaze into his beautiful blue eyes, picking out the multiple shades of blue that make his eyes so perfect. "What?" He asks smiling.
"I… I just really like your eyes. They're a little darker than usual." I originally wanted to say 'I love you,' but I chickened out.
"Dan?" We hear Babz say from the kitchen.
"She's still here?" Dan asked me in a whisper.
"Yeah, why wouldn't she be?"
"I guess I was just hoping to have you all to myself," he responded, then spoke louder for Babz to hear, "Coming!" He quickly pulls on some shorts and a t-shirt and we follow Babz's voice to the kitchen. "What?" He asks, annoyed that she interrupted us.
"Well I'm glad you're up before noon. I made you breakfast," she glances at me, "Brian already ate." She returns her gaze to Dan to finish her thoughts, "You should try to get up a little earlier; if you did it would only give you two more time to hangout."
"I think I woke up at the perfect time," he says jokingly, but I can tell he means it because of how he woke up.
"Well I just wanted to tell you I've got that party to go to tonight, so I'll be out really late."
"I like how you're going to a party and we're staying in tonight," Dan says, and then continues jokingly, "Are you going to get drunk?"
"Probably not. If I did I would make you come get me, or just stay with Rosalie." Dan looks at me with excitement realizing we will be alone tonight. I don't see why he is so excited, Babz has left us alone many times before, unless…
Shortly after Dan eats his bacon we get in his car and head for Target so he can get his coffee. Once he has his iced Americano we drive to the mall, and get there a little after noon. It takes a while to find a parking spot because the parking lot is packed.
"It's Wednesday, what is this?" He asks, commenting on the full parking lot. We finally found a spot in the back and walk towards the doors. As we walk through the mall we start to realize why it is so busy: there are a lot of sales today. "Brian I might have to check out all these sales."
"Might? I know you're not going to pass up an opportunity buy."
"This is true." He looks over and see's Hollister even has sales going on today. "Let's go to Hollister first, then J. Crew, and then… everywhere else," he pauses then says, "Let's hope I don't spill my coffee on you this time."
"Well you spilling your coffee on me the first time we went shopping was the reason we went shopping. Just think, if it wasn't for that we might not have met."
"I probably would have tracked you down if I hadn't run into you." Dan says.
"What do you mean?" I ask, confused. "We never met before that."
"True, but…" I wait, sensing some kind of story. "I don't know if I ever told you… well you know you were in the background of that video from the day before. Later that day when I was editing, when I got to that part of the video your eyes seemed to stand out from everything else. Usually when I notice people in the background they glance at the camera and then turn away. You were looking at me though, and you kept looking as if you knew me. You were just some person in the background but I felt like… it's weird to explain. I felt like I had to meet you, like our paths were supposed to cross somehow."
"I know what you mean," I smiled, happy that the strange feeling of fate was mutual. "It is strange, but I had that feeling of 'there's a connection here, even if I can't see it.' That's why I was so happy to run into you the next day." I smiled at him, happy that I have him in my life.
We end up hitting eight different stores and Dan easily buys twice as much as I do. We were basically in the mall all day, so we ended up eating lunch in the food court. After hours of shopping and trying on clothes Dan and I make our back to his house to pick out a movie for tonight.
"What movie do you want to watch?" I ask as he flips through his binder of movies.
"I don't know! Maybe 'The Proposal' or 'The Devil Wears Prada?' I haven't seen those in a while!" Between his excitement of being alone later, and wanting a movie we've seen multiple times, I'm pretty sure I know what he really wants to do tonight.
"Let's find 'The Devil Wears Prada' then." He flips through the pages of movies and finds it easy enough. By the time we have our movie picked out Babz is getting ready to leave. She walks out of her room fastening her necklace.
"Oh, hi boys! I didn't hear you come in. You two have good timing don't you? I'll be leaving in the next few minutes. So did you get a lot at the mall?"
"Well Dan bought everything he laid his eyes on."
"I saved move than I spent. I think that is a very successful shopping trip!" Dan showed off some of the shirts he bought to Babz and she asked if he was going to make a haul video out of it. "I suppose I could. I didn't think about that." Babz ran off to grab her purse, and then started for the door. As she grabbed the handle she turned to us with one last comment.
"Oh! I bought stuff for chicken parmesan if you two want to make that for dinner. I really have to leave now!"
"Have fun!" I say.
"Get wasted!" Dan says just as the door closes. "So do you want to start cooking now?" He asks me. "The chicken will take about thirty minutes. We could probably have it all made by 6:30, eat and then put the movie in."
"Sounds like a plan." Dan cooks up the chicken while I boil water for the spaghetti and cook the sauce. Once we finishing cooking we sit down at the table and eat, chatting about anything and everything. One thing I don't mention, but keep thinking, is the conversation I had with Babz this morning and the fact that she left us a romantic meal and time alone. She was already going to be out late tonight before our conversation happened though, so it had to be coincidence. Dan's cooking was delicious as always, and once we were finished we both went to clean up the kitchen. I got a washcloth and wet it down to wipe down the counters as Dan began washing pans in the sink. I decide to have some fun and twist the washcloth, whipping it at his ass. He lets out a small, surprised scream.
"You better watch it!" He jokes, "I have the sprayer!" He pulls the sprayer out farther pointing it at me. Like he would actually spray me with it though!
"Just wash your dishes," I say smiling, calling his bluff. Of course, ten seconds later I hit him with the washcloth again. I didn't have the best timing, because he already had the sprayer in his hand this time. All he had to do was turn around, and the water sprayed all over my shirt and pants.
"Oops, I got you all wet!" He says as casually as possible.
"You're such a dick," I say with a smile, unable to even pretend to be mad at him. I give him a kiss and then look down at my wet clothes. "So are you going to let me borrow some sweatpants or something, or am I supposed to be naked while we watch the movie?"
"Naked." Whether he meant it or not, I knew that he would answer with that. "You don't have any?"
"I didn't plan on getting my underwear wet,"
"You should," Dan said. We walk into his room and he opens a drawer, "Do you really want sweatpants or just boxers?"
"Boxers will work," I say as he pulls out a pair and hands them to me.
"I'm going to go put the DVD in." Dan walked out of the room and I quickly changed into his boxers and a dry t-shirt, wanting to go cuddle up with him on the couch. I walked out to find him sitting on the couch and skipping through the previews. I sit to Dan's right and gravitate towards his body. I put my arm around him and he moves even closer to me, resting his head on my shoulder. He originally held my hand when the movie started but a little later he starts playing with my fingers and overlapping them.
"What are you doing with my fingers?"
"Playing with them," he says looking up at me.
"It feels weird!" I say half laughing. About forty minutes into the movie he turns his head and kisses my neck. Out of the corner of my eye I see him look at me, so I return the gaze and plant a soft kiss on his lips. Dan kisses back, but this time more aggressively. Dan repositions himself on the couch so his body faces me and deepens the kiss, pushing me down to the couch. My legs follow my body into a lying down position, and Dan straddles my right leg. As our passion grows we completely forget about the movie. His tongue runs through my mouth and his left hand pushes my shirt up half way and explores my chest. It only takes him a second to decide my shirt is in the way so he sits up and removes it. He swoops down to give me a five second French kiss, and then kisses my collarbone. He continues kissing my naked torso, moving a little lower every time. I can hear the fast beating of my heart as his kisses move down my torso, making every part of me relax, but at the same time exciting every nerve in my body. He gets lower and lower; reaching the top of my boxers he looks up at me to see me just waiting for it. He then kisses my stomach and continues back up my chest. He's back at my lips and I jokingly say, "You tease." He just gives me a smile and slight laugh, and returns to my lips once more. He presses his lips to mine and explores the depths of my mouth with his tongue. Somehow each kiss seems better than the last. Suddenly I pull away and look into his mesmerizing blue eyes.
"What? What is it?" He stares into my eyes, wondering why I broke away.
"I love you," I say, letting down all my walls and completely surrendering myself to him. He stares back into my eyes and gives me a smile.
"Then everything's perfect." His lips returned to my chest, only taking him three kisses to get to my boxers, except this time he removed them and kept going. I'm shocked he didn't say it back, but his mouth and hands do a good job of distracting me from my thoughts.
We woke up in Dan's bed the next morning. Thank god Babz is still gone, we may have moved to the bedroom but our naked bodies lay on top of the sheets. I woke up on my left side, facing the wall rather than Dan. I feel his lips brush against my skin and kiss my shoulder. I roll over on my back, then turn to face him.
"Good morning," I say leaning in and planting a soft kiss on his lips. "What time is it?"
"Ten. I guess Babz ended up staying as Rosalie's last night, because I haven't heard her walking around."
"I had a hunch she would stay out," I say thinking of my conversation with her yesterday morning. Remembering this conversation reminded me what had happened last night. I have to go back home later today so I knew I should talk to Dan about why he doesn't love me. I hate to think of it that way, but that's what happened. I'm about to say something but Dan gets up and walks over to his dresser to find a pair of boxers.
"Are you hungry?" He asks casually, pulling on a pair of black boxers.
"Yeah, I could eat." I walked out to the living room to find the boxers he had let me wear last night and pulled those on. Neither of us cared to put a shirt on. "Should you text Babz and see when she's coming home?" I say as we walk out of his room and towards the kitchen.
"She's probably on her way. When do you have to go home?" He gives me a look that says he wants me to stay.
"I have to get on the 7 o'clock train."
"What are we going to do all day?" Dan asks sensually, leaning in and closing the space between our lips. I feel the warmth of his breath as he gets closer; his lips are just millimeters away. Loud music blasting from his phone stops us and he pulls his cell phone out of his pocket. "Hello?" He answers, and then sits there in silence for a minute. "Can't you get someone else? I'm sorry I…Well, no….Yeah. Okay, I'll be there as soon as possible." He glances at me, "I have to go to work. Someone called in sick and apparently I'm the only one that can fill in." He was obviously annoyed about the situation, and so was I. I still need to talk to him. He turned to his room to get his work clothes.
"Wait," I say grabbing him by the arm. "There's something I need to talk to you about." He looked at me with concern.
"What is it? Did I do something last night you weren't comfortable with? You're scaring me."
"No, it's… it's not what you did. Last night, I told you I love you." I wasn't quite sure what response I would get, but I clearly was not ready for what he was about to say.
"I know. I heard you." Okay, ouch.
"You know I meant it, right?" I am actually starting to get mad at him now. "I didn't just say it because we were having sex! I thought you felt the same way," my anger started to subside and was replaced with sadness, "but obviously not." I swiftly moved into his room and threw all my things into my bag.
"Brian, where are you going? You said it yourself, you're train doesn't leave until 7. I might have to go, but you can stay here. You've stayed at the house while I was working before."
"I don't want to be here right now." I said, secretly wiping a tear from my face. I started walking for the door.
"You don't have a car here. I picked you up at the train station. Brian, just stay here and I can take you to train station later." I can't handle this right now; I just want to get away from here. I open the door, take a step out and nearly run into Babz.
"What's going on?" She asked, seeing my eyes begin to fill with tears.
"You were wrong." I say to her and then storm out.
*Dan's POV*
"Dan, what happened?" Babz asked staring me down.
"I don't have time to talk about it. I got called in to work, I have to go." I grabbed my red and white striped shirt and quickly pulled it on, along with my black work pants.
"Dan!" She yells to make sure I hear her. "Brian doesn't have a car where is he going?"
"I don't know, but I have to go!" I was worried about him too, but if I had to work I didn't want to think about this, customers aren't very pleasant when you aren't either. On my drive to TGI Friday I find myself glancing out the window, hoping to see Brian. I felt like I was looking for a lost dog. Each person I saw walking on the sidewalk I thought was him, but it never was. Suddenly I felt like a part of me was missing and a gaping hole appeared in my chest. "Pull it together Dan," I say to myself, not wanting to think about it. I get there soon enough and my manager assigns me to a section.
"Hi, my name is Dan. I'll be your server today. Can I start you off with some drinks?" I say to a family of four. Out of the corner of my eye I see Emily, one of the hostesses, seat a mom, dad and baby in my section. It's not going to be one of those days is it? I get their drinks written down and move on to the couple with the baby. As I talk to them I notice the baby has really blue eyes, it reminds me of Brian's eyes. No, stop it. I need to focus. If I start thinking of Brian I will turn into one hot mess. I get yet another family with a baby, and a couple hours later someone brings their baby twins. I guess it's one of those 'let's see how many babies we can fit in Dan's section' days. I walk over to one of my tables and at first glance I thought the man was Brian. They did have similar lips, but I don't know why I originally thought this guy looked like Brian. By 5 o'clock the babies are out of my section, so it gets a little quieter. Around 5:30 two men sit across from each other in a booth in my section. One of them even resembles Brian slightly, his hair was similar and he had the same small frame and jaw line.
"Hi, I'm Dan. I'll be your server today. Can I get you two some drinks?"
"I'll have water," the man resembling Brian says.
"I'll have a Dr. Pepper," the other man responds. That's what Brian and I usually get. Crossing over to another one of my tables I look up so see someone waiting to be seated, wearing the same navy blue shirt Brian stormed out of the house in earlier. Well this whole 'don't think about him' thing clearly is not working. I check the time on my phone, 6:00. I get off in half an hour. I don't know if I'll even make it to the train station in time, but I have to try. Brian means too much to me to lose him over something as stupid as this. The second the clock changes to 6:30 I clock out and quickly get in my car.
I can assume Brian has been waiting at the train station for a while, I don't know where else he would have gone. I may have been speeding but at this point I don't care. I can't leave Brian the way I did. I'm cutting it close; I finally get to the train station and park 5 minutes before his train is supposed to leave. I get out of my car and start running for the train doors; I need to get to him before the train leaves. Three minutes. Where is he?! After thirty seconds of looking around for him I decide that my looking isn't doing any good.
"Brian!" I yell for everyone at the train station to hear me. "Brian!" I glance in the train; he must already have a seat. "Brian!" Someone walks to the door and steps out.
"I have to go," Brian says coldly.
"Brian, why are you being like this? I didn't do anything wrong."
"No, you just made it pretty clear that you're not into this relationship as much as I am."
"It's not like that," I said sincerely, still not sure how to explain it. "I don't…" I took a short pause and he interrupted before I could finish.
"You don't love me, I get it."
"I don't want to say it." This took him by surprise and he finally stopped interrupting to listen. "I don't want to say it unless I know I mean it. Last night, I was all yours. And I was completely infatuated with you. You don't understand how much I like you. I love everything about you, your looks, your sense of humor, your smile, your laugh, the way you make me feel when I'm around you, and your amazingly blue eyes. Sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky. I just want to know I actually love you before I say it. I would much rather wait to say it than say it when I don't truly mean it. I want to give you every part of me, if you'll still let me."
"Well how can I not after that speech?" Brian says, giving me a sincere smile. He leans forward to give me a soft kiss.
"I'll see you in two weeks," I say.
"In two weeks," he smiles, "I love you." The train is about to leave any second, so he climbs back on and watches me through the window. Staring back at his eyes I know I have found someone I'm truly happy with, and I know he's going to be here for a long time. I text him during his train ride, and we end up texting back and forth for nearly three hours. At ten o'clock he says he finally made it home. He tells me he has to go so he can take a shower, but said he would call me before he went to bed. Thirty minutes later my phone rings and I pick up, excited to talk to him even more.
"Hey babe," I say answering the phone. I can tell Brian is already tired, so we probably will only get to talk for an hour. Just thirty minutes into our conversation I can hear him yawning.
"You did enjoy last night, right? I really hope I didn't ruin it for you with the whole 'love' thing…" I say, making sure everything is okay.
"Dan," he responds, "Last night was absolutely amazing. Are you okay? I didn't realize you were a screamer."
"Well it was my first time! And I wasn't screaming I was just… very loud. I probably won't be that loud next time."
"I guess we'll find out," he pauses to yawn yet again.
"Are you going to fall asleep on me?" I ask.
"I'm literally lying down with the phone between my head and my pillow, trying to stay awake."
"It doesn't sound like that's helping with your plan to stay awake." It takes him a few seconds to respond, I can tell he's falling asleep.
"You're probably right."
"Stop it sleepy," I say, thinking he's asleep by now. He doesn't respond, proving me right. I lie down in my bed, enjoying the pillow talk. "Goodnight Brian. I love you."