"I need you to listen to me." the soft gasping noise he made as he spoke was raspy, and low made her want to cry. She struggled to apply more pressure onto his wound. He couldn't die she wasn't going to let him.

"No John."

"Joss I don't have a lot of time left, and I rather say what needs to be said before I lose consciousness." she dug her hand into his wound harder which he gasped at, but didn't make any other sound of pain. "You know what you need to do."

"You're right John I need to keep you alive long enough for the ambulance to get here." she fought the tears that threatened. She would fall apart later when she was alone, but right now John needed her attention. He protected her by taking a bullet to the gut thanks to her stubbornness. She should have listened to him when he yelled to stay down, but her mind had been on the stupid man that they had come to save. Now John was bleeding from a wound that was scaring her shitless.

"I am going to cause a distraction so you, and Mr. Bombay here can run out to get to your car."

"You think I'm leaving you?! You must be delirious from your gunshot wound because you are nuts to think I am going to leave you here." she tried to keep her tone angry rather then fearful. She couldn't leave him how could he think she would?

"I'll be fine."

"John this isn't funny these people outnumber us by four, and you are already injured. I won't leave you here to die."

"You have no choice Joss." he reached a hand up brushing his finger against her cheek. This was the second time he was forcing her to leave him to die in a matter of a few months. The first had been when a bomb was strapped to his chest, and now thanks to her he was bleeding profusely from a wound he wouldn't have gotten if she had just listened.

"Not to sound callous or anything, but we need to do something they are making their way over here." Joss shot a hateful glance at the stupid elderly man that they had come here to save. Why should he live, and not John? He lived a full life he was in his eighties, and yet here she was being asked to leave the man she cared for deeply to die while she saved his pathetic self. He was nothing more then a glorified criminal himself while John saved countless lives.

"There has to be another way out." she tried to figure out just how.

"I will not risk you being hurt Joss." he shoved her hand away from the wound, and he picked up his discarded gun sucking in ragged breaths. "On the count of three I am going to make a run for it in the opposite direction of the door while their eyes are on me you make a break for it."

"No."

"Joss." he bowed his head in agitation, and he was getting more and more pale which was scaring her. Joss's need to save him was overwhelming her choking the breath right out of her. "I don't have time to argue with you. Please do this for me."

"I can't." this time when the tears threatened they escaped. She couldn't walk away from him not again. The first time had been hard, but to do it a second time was just torturous.

"Yes you can." he whispered with a small smile on his face. "Because you have too when you can you'll come back for me."

"No." she shook her head snapping her eyes shut hating the tears that fell. She wanted to be strong, but she felt like she was dying inside. What he was asking her to do was impossible. "What if its too late John?" he didn't answer her just caressed her face with his soft blue gaze.

"One, two…" but before he could get to three she kissed him quiet. John laid beneath her shocked as she kissed him like their lives depended on it which it did. She cupped his cheeks, and pushed back staring at him deep in the eyes.

"Promise you'll come back John, or we'll die together." her eyes searched his allowing him to see she wasn't scared of dying by his side.

"Joss-"

"Promise me, or I'm not leaving you."

"I promise you Joss I will annoy you with dropping bodies again." she forced herself to be okay with that promise, and when he nodded his head at them getting to his knees she let him. He motioned for them to get ready. "Three." he got up and charged in the opposite direction. She could hear gunshots and male shouts as she, and Mr. Bombay ran in the opposite direction of where John went. She shot her gun at the two goons that decided to not fall for their ploy, and she clipped the one in the leg. They ran as fast as they could to her car hiding behind it when gunshots began riddling it. She sighed in heavy relief when the cavalry showed up. Finally! Joss stopped, and turned to fire some more at the man to allow Fusco a chance at getting out of his car to aim his weapon.

"Ms. Carter?"

"What Bombay?" she snarled not in the mood to listen to his voice at all. He was the reason they were in this shootout, and the reason John was inside the warehouse right now dying.

"I'm not sure if this is the right time to tell you or not, but the warehouse is set to explode."

"WHAT?!" he should have said something earlier. This old man let her leave John in a building that had a bomb inside?!

"They had been setting up a bomb when you, and Mr. Reese came to save me."

"So John's injured, in a damned gun fight inside the warehouse we saved you from, and it's set to explode in any moment?"

"Yes."

"I am going to kill you myself!" John was inside that building still, and panic bubbled up inside her. She had to get to him, and get him out of there. She wasn't going to let him die he wasn't going to get away from her that easily!

"Fusco the building is going to explode, and John's still inside!" she desperately had to get back to John. She stood up, and shot the man that had been firing at them straight in the chest. He screamed as he fell to the ground. "Watch Bombay!" she didn't stop to take a breath, or listen to the shouts from Fusco as she ran towards the warehouse where John was still at. She had to get to him she just had too! John needed her, and he had always been there for her. But before her very eyes the building exploded, and the giant boom sent her flying off of her feet crashing to the ground flat on her back as flames engulfed the warehouse.

"JOHN!" she screamed…

Joss sat up straight in bed screaming her head off as her body shook uncontrollably. She hurriedly got up off the bed stumbling forward needing to head to the bathroom. She just made it before she retched violently as the images of her nightmare continued to haunt her behind her eyelids as she got sick again, and again. She laid her head on the cool porcelain toilet seat with her eyes squeezed shut lifting her hand to flush the toilet. When she wasn't in danger of getting sick again she weakly got to her feet moving to the vanity. She turned the faucet on, and splashed ice cold water on her face. She continued to shake, and tremble as the terrible nightmare that had been plaguing her for days now preyed on her mind. John was still M.I.A, and she was scared that he was really gone. He promised her he would be alright. They had found most of the remains of the men that had been in the warehouse with him at the time it went off, but not a single sign of John which kept her hope alive.

Harold had promised to call her the moment John might call him. She was hopelessly optimistic. She wasn't going to believe he was dead he promised her he would make it out, and John never broke his promises. Joss shut the faucet off, and dried her hands staring at her reflection in the mirror. Her face was gaunt from not sleeping, and not eating as all her energy had been on finding John. Harold, Fusco, and herself had searched the surrounding areas where John might have run off too when the building exploded. But not a single sign of John appeared, and they had gone home without any lead as to where John was located at. Her kid was worried about her, and she couldn't even tell him why she was so upset. She couldn't not when her son had lost so much in his life, and experienced so much disappointment in his short sixteen years of life. How could she explain to her son who had come to really like John that he had been shot, and she left him in a building set to explode? Oh god it was all her fault, and bile rose up as she dropped to her knees in front of the toilet again vomiting all over again. John was shot, and missing because of her. She didn't listen to him she always thought she knew better, and John paid the price for it.

She trembled as she finished getting sick slowly flushing the toilet before once more splashing cold water on her face, and slurping some much needed water to spew it out cleansing her mouth. She turned the faucet off again shutting the light off, and exited the bathroom. Joss was in John's loft she needed to come here for some reason, and she had gotten Finch to tell her where John lived thanks to some alcohol. Poor Harold he had looked like he lost his brother rather then a friend it was like he was giving up hope that John was still alive. Joss slowly walked unevenly into the giant room of his loft. It was all connected which made it feel roomy, and she could imagine John stalking this place with his giant strides. She had laid on his bed silently weeping wishing he was here, and pissing her off with his flippant disregard of her rules until she must of finally fell asleep which lead to that nightmare of that fateful day all over again. Joss stopped to stare out the window into the night's sky before she walked back over to where John slept at night.

Joss noticed a lone suit jacket of his on the floor which meant he was in the hurry at some point flinging it off not caring where it fell. She squatted down picking it up feeling an unknown emotion fill her as she stood up lifting it to her nose inhaling softly. The tears slid down her cheeks falling quietly onto the suit jacket as his scent clung to the jacket. His cologne, and natural male scent only John possessed filled her nostrils making it almost impossible to breathe. She never felt an ache like she did at this moment at the thought of never seeing him again. What if she never got to see those haunting blue eyes that expressed his emotions so easily when the rest of him was a closed book? What if she never got to see one of those rare smiles he only reserved for those closest to him?

Joss hugged the jacket to her body crushing it to her wishing he was inside him holding him telling him the things she had held inside her for so long because she was scared. She was scared of feeling too much for him, and she was scared to admit to herself that she thought of him in ways that weren't purely platonic. She had allowed her pride, and fear of being hurt to strip away her confidence in herself costing her something far richer, and more fulfilling then just his friendship. Joss didn't want to feel the overwhelming sorrow anymore so instead she got angry. She got angry with herself, and him. Damn it he promised her!

"You promised John!" she shouted listening to her voice echo throughout the cold, and empty loft her eyes on the ceiling above her. "You promised me you would be alright I wouldn't have left you alone if I thought for one minute you wouldn't come-" she couldn't finish the words. She bit her lower lip harshly as it quivered. "Help me find you." she whispered brokenly to the empty room wishing he could hear her. She jumped when her cell phone rang, and she didn't feel like answering it. She pulled it out of her pants pocket, and eyed the blocked number. This had to be Harold.

"Hello." her voice cracked sounding like she had something in her throat.

"Detective?" the slurred speech was definitely Harold's.

"What?"

"He called Mr. Reese is alive!" Joss felt herself sink to the floor unable to hold herself up as pure elation so quick, and so keen stole her ability to even think.

"Where is he?" she would travel to the ends of the earth to bring him home safely.

"He's on his way to the loft right now he asked for me to pet Bear for him then for me to get some sleep, and to get sober." she felt a smile grow on her lips.

"Where has he been?"

"I don't know detective, but he sounds ill take care of him for me."

"Will do." she wasn't going to let him out of her sight until she was a hundred percent sure he was alright. There was a sound at the door. "I think he's here." she hung up with a tipsy Harold before putting down his suit jacket she had been clutching to her like her life depended on it. The door to the loft swung open, and he filled the doorway even though she knew he was coming her breath hitched, and tears of joy filled her eyes. She ran towards him quickly surprising John she was there in his loft. He flicked the light switch on filling the room with the soft light.

"Joss?" his voice was hoarse as if he hadn't used it days. Pure unadulterated joy filled her heart that he was alive as she ran over towards him, but the closer she got to him her joy faded to worry. John didn't look so good. His face was almost a grayish color, and his lips were so very pale. John's pale skin shined with a thin sheen of sweat she noted the beads of sweat on his forehead, and upper lip. Harold was right John was very ill. Joss couldn't resist the urge to throw her arms around him needing to touch him to truly know he was alright.

"This is real right? Oh god please tell me you are real, and that my mind isn't conjuring you up John." she sobbed as she trembled in his arms. He was trembling himself.

"I'm here." he whispered his one arm that was wrapped around her waist while he kept the other still at his side. The hand that was wrapped around her was splayed across her lower back rubbing in circles to soothe her. She pushed back out of his arms needing to attend to him, and not to her own selfish needs right now. Her sharp gaze dropped to the arm he was holding to him protectively where he had been shot. Joss tenderly grabbed his arm pressed inward to his body, and he allowed her to move it.

"Let me see John." she soothed hating the small whimper he made. Never in her life had she heard him make such a sound, and it formed a lump in her throat all over again. John was hurt because of her, and she was going to take care of him even if he didn't want her too. His arm stayed to the side as she gently pushed his suit jacket out of the way gasping softly looking at the same crimson stain on his shirt as she had before, but this time instead of it wet and sticky like it had been it was now dried. She made quick work of his shirt deciding he had a billionaire friend who could buy him a new shirt as she tore it apart. John didn't even make a joke about it as he continued to just sway back, and forth on his feet watching her with hooded eyes.

Joss hid her worry when she saw his wound leaning in close to his body peering at it. He had done something to it to close it which spoke to her of the years of his training in the military, and in the CIA.

"What did you do to your wound John?" she knew the bullet had been deep, but it hadn't gone straight through. She prayed he hadn't left the bullet in there, but the idea of him pulling the bullet out alone wherever he had been left a bitter taste in her mouth.

"I closed it better then a doctor could with stitches." she didn't argue with him that a doctor would have made sure it was sterile cause clearly the surrounding area of his wound was swollen. It was clearly infected.

"John did you dig the bullet out?"

"Mmmmhmmm." he mumbled when she slowly pulled on his good hand so she could shut the door. Once she had him fully inside she shut the door locking it, and lifted a hand to his forehead. Her eyes widened in shock at how he was burning up. His skin looked clammy, and he was shivering slightly.

"With what?"

"It was something I found Joss I don't remember." no doubt with his infection he was growing lethargic. She was getting more and more concerned. She needed to get it under control maybe she could get him to a hospital under one of his aliases. But knowing how John was she wasn't going to get him out of the front door let alone to a hospital. Joss had to concentrate on lowering his fever before she could cleanse his wound. She licked her lips as she pushed his shirt, and suit jacket off his shoulders which he allowed to happen. They fell to the floor without any resistance at all from him. His chest was now slick with sweat too, and his body was shuddering violently now. She grabbed his hand of the arm that wasn't pulled protectively to his body forward towards his bathroom.

"Where we are going?" his eyes looked towards his bed.

"We need to lower your fever John."

"No I'm tired Joss I want to go to sleep."

"Later John you need to get in a lukewarm shower. We need to try to break your fever." he shook his head stopping.

"You can leave now Joss I'll be fine."

"No." she tugged on his hand not listening to him. The last time she did he was alone taking on like six guys with his lone pistol bleeding, and she had been safe saving an old man that let her leave John inside with a bomb ready to go off. He wasn't going to be alone when he needed someone now. She tugged on his good hand hard not about to take his direction, and he actually allowed her to lead him to the bathroom. He wasn't resisting or talking back to her, and he was stumbling a little bit which was worrying her. She flicked the light on pushing him against his vanity to turn his shower on waiting till she had a decent temperature. It wasn't cold, but it wasn't warm either.

"Now what?" he watched her.

"Get undressed John."

"You first." the flirty comment would have made her happy had he not been delirious from his fever, and his infection which meant that most likely he wasn't going to remember this conversation in the morning.

"John, you need to get in the shower okay."

"Only if you join me." she exhaled roughly getting fed up with his sexy comments since she wasn't sure if she could trust them or not. Well if he wasn't going to get in the damned shower the easy way well then there was always the hard way. She wasn't going to let him die from infection because he was so damned stubborn. She walked over to him, and began unbuckling his belt as her eyes remained on his. His blue eyes were dilated a bit which worried her, but the half smile was encouraging that he was still with her. His arms hung at his sides allowing her to undo the belt. "My dream come true."

"You dreamt of me taking your pants off?" she whispered as she undid the button before lowering the zipper. She didn't want to let him know that she had dreamt of taking his pants off herself, but in a very different capacity. "Lift your foot John." she commanded as he did she squatted down to push his dress shoe off the lifted foot, taking his sock off. Damn even his feet were sexy. She needed help thinking this way about a man that was very ill. He put it down, and lifted the other so she could do the same for his other foot before she got back up. She pushed his pants down his slender hips, and they pooled around his ankles leaving him in his dark colored boxer-briefs. Well now she finally got an answer to her question of whether, or not John wore boxers or briefs it was a little of both.

"I dream of you in my bed Joss." the soft spoken confession curled around her heart. It was good to know he thought of her much the same way she thought of him.

"John get in the shower."

"Nu-uh I told you only if you join me." she was having a hard time resisting his smile, and words. But when he violently shook uncontrollably it reminded her of why he was acting like this. She reached down hooking her fingers beneath the elastic of his underwear wishing she could handle where this was going, and pushed them down. She tried not to stare at a completely naked John Reese, but she couldn't help it. John was so devastatingly gorgeous. His body was built like a damned Adonis all sleek, smooth, and muscular. His cock was long, thick, and powerful looking. She ignored the fact that he was growing erect since it was only natural for a man to get excited being undressed by a woman. She forced her gaze away knowing she was taking advantage of his state of mind, and pulled him to the shower. She opened the shower door, and pushed him in before following him inside fully clothed. John gasped at the cold feel to the water on his overheating skin. She felt bad for him when he tried to take a step back, but with her body in the way he couldn't avoid the pelting water on his skin.

"Stay there John for a few minutes let the lukewarm water work on your fever."

"Its so c-cold."

"Its only cold to you because of your fever John." Joss was standing behind him so she took the opportunity to gaze at him without his knowledge. He had a nice ass, but he had so many scars on his body which told her he had been tormented, and tortured before. She knew it, but seeing them made it hit closer to home of all that John went through in his life which just made her want to take care of him even more. Once she was satisfied he had stayed under the spray of lukewarm water for several minutes did she reach around him and turn the water off. She began taking first her shoes, socks, and pants off before whipping her blouse over her head leaving herself in her bra and panties. They were damp, but not as wet as the rest of her clothing was thanks to his body being in front of hers. John turned around and his eyes were on her body.

"B-beautiful." his body continued to shiver. She stepped out the shower first looking for a towel producing one from the cabinet under the sink. John followed her out, and he looked ready to fall over in exhaustion. Once she got him dried off, and back in some clothing she was going to get him to lay down after taking some aspirin, and she was going to cleanse his wound. Joss lifted the heavy towel up plopping it on his head, and began running it through his hair before bringing it down his body dabbing at the droplets of water. She took great care of not pressing to hard on his wound, but even the small amount of pressure she applied to swipe at the wetness gathered on his wound made him make a soft moan of pain. Joss watched his eyes for a moment hoping the cool shower helped break the fever that was setting in on him.

Joss couldn't help, but react to his body as her eyes dropped down subconsciously to his manhood poking her in the belly. She licked her lips feeling her desire for him grow even though he was injured and ill. She ignored her growing desire wrapping the towel loosely around his hips silently cursing herself. Lusting after a hurt man was deciding wrong in her mind.

"You can finish drying off while I go get you something clean to wear." she kept her eyes from his as she escaped out the bathroom hurrying over to the dresser in the corner nearest his bed. She went through looking for a pair of boxers finally finding them for him. When she went to run off to give them to him she plowed right into him thanks to him being right behind her earning a grunt of pain from him, and she made a soft noise in the back of her throat reaching out to steady herself. She saw the towel was still around his hips, but the knot was loose ready to fall apart leaving him naked again.

"Put these on." she commanded. He smiled softly at her.

"Aye aye captain." he pulled the knot apart at his right hip and towel fell to the floor, and grabbed the boxers she held out to him. She smacked a hand to her eyes wishing he would stop getting naked in front of her. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"Giving you some privacy since you obviously don't seem to want to give yourself any."

"You can open your pretty eyes now Joss." his voice was growing heavy slurring as if he was barely awake. She peeked through the cracks of her fingers taking note he was indeed in his boxer-briefs. Joss put her hand down allowing him to slowly make his way to his bed.

"John don't go to sleep yet." she demanded when he pushed the covers back.

"No more showers."

"No I promise no more showers. But hopefully the one you took will break the fever, and here take some aspirin to help." Joss hurried back to the bathroom opening his medicine cabinet finding the ibuprofen quickly. Joss made her way back out getting him a glass of water before she walked back to him with the glass, and two pills. He took them without any fight, and he laid down without another word. He was sound asleep in minutes. Joss pushed the covers down exposing his wound for her. It was inflamed and she needed to cleanse it.

Joss walked back to his bathroom forcing open his medicine cabinet, and pulled out some gauze he kept on hand, some bandages, and some ointment. Joss carried her supplies with her to where John laid in bed sound asleep. He looked slightly better, but not much. She dumped the stuff she was going to use on him on the bed beside him so she could lean her forearm across his forehead. He still had a fever, but his forehead didn't seem so hot to the touch. Joss needed something to wear because goosebumps ran up her arms from it being cool in his loft, and since her clothes were still wet from the impromptu shower she joined she was stealing one of his shirts. Joss found his closet, and she rummaged through it looking for something to wear until she found one of his dark colored dress shirts. She pulled it on, and buttoned it up feeling engulfed in it as the sleeves hung over her hands, and the hemline reached her mid thighs. It felt soft on her skin, and she decided she was keeping it for herself no matter if her shirt dried soon or not. His shirt was now hers.

Joss eyed him as he slept without awakening, and she climbed onto the bed on the same side where his wound was. She flicked the lamp on to get a better look at it shaking her head. John had done a good job at closing it up. She could clearly see his skin burned meaning he had used something extremely hot to cauterize the skin shut. She brushed her fingers across his cheek knowing that had to have caused him a lot of pain, but it was most likely the only way to stop the bleeding.

The wound appeared to be healing, but it was too swollen in the area surrounding it meaning he had to have an infection. She needed to clear it out somehow. She sighed scooting off the bed going to his kitchen finding a dull knife. She ran his faucet to get super hot water, and began washing the knife as best as she could with hot soapy water. She needed to sterilize this somehow she quickly shut the water off making her way back to where he laid unmoving snoring softly. Joss needed to make a small incision just enough to allow some of the infected fluid to evacuate his body. She brushed a light finger across his cheek as she climbed back onto the bed.

"Forgive me John." she whispered bringing the tip of the knife to his skin before just so lightly pressing the tip into the wound. His cry of pain made her want to cry like a baby for hurting him, but she needed to help him.

"Shhhh its okay." she whispered to him as she prodded the area pushing earning a gasp out of him. She took some gauze and swiped at the area that produced blood, and fluid out of his wound. She continued to do this for a while trying to get as much of the infected fluid out of his body while John's body was stiff, and his eyes were open pain radiating out of them. "I'm going to put some Neosporin on this." he looked at her nodding his head without speaking. Joss picked it up, and felt bad when she spread a generous amount across his wound knowing it was stinging. He didn't even flinch from it. Joss grabbed some gauze taped it across his wound, and added a bandage on top of it.

"Go back to sleep John I'll wake you up in a few hours to eat, and drink something." she whispered and his eyes were half open but remained on her.

"You kissed me."

"Excuse me?" she laid down beside him on his bed. She needed to stay awake, but the days leading up to tonight had been hard on her. She hadn't slept more then a few hours in like three days.

"You kissed me in the warehouse. Why?"

"Go to sleep John we can talk about that when you are feeling better."

"Kiss me again." his voice was so quiet she almost missed his words. His eyes were barely open, but he was refusing to go back to sleep. John needed rest to get better, and she had to wake him up in a few hours to change the bandages, and to keep him hydrated.

"If I kiss you will you go to sleep." his head barely nodded up and down. She leaned over him brushing her lips against his ever so lightly. She pulled back wanting it to be a real kiss, but not with an ill man. She smiled when his eyes shut totally, and fell asleep once more unable to hold out any longer. She eyed him as his chest rose and fell as his breathing evened out falling into a deep sleep once more.

When he was feeling better they were going to have a very long talk about what had happened to him during those few days after the explosion, and then about what was going on between them. She was tired of pretending they weren't anything more then just friends. It had been easier for them both by ignoring whatever it was between them pretending they were just friends. Joss knew he felt it too, and they had both without acknowledging why they did it kept distance between them after those harrowing days of him being in Rikers, and his situation with the bomb vest. She had wanted space from him afraid of her emotions, but now she couldn't stay away even if it was for the best. Joss couldn't fight this anymore she was so tired of fighting it, and it was high time they confronted what they were feeling for one another regardless if John wanted to or not.

Author's note: Well this was supposed to be an one shot, but it grew too long, and too big of a story to keep as just a mere one shot so it expanded to a two shot. It almost could become a full length story but I forced myself to limit it since I have too many projects going on right now as it is lol.

The next chapter will be posted soon like Monday night Tuesday the latest depending on what I have to do tomorrow hahahahahaha. Now forgive me since I am clearly not a doctor, and I'm sure I took a lot of creative liberty with this, and so I apologize if its not true to form lol. I just love writing where John is hurt, and his lady love can save the day I don't know what its about having John all hurt, and vulnerable :) :)

Anyways I hope you enjoyed the first chapter, and I appreciate everyone who reads/reviews my stories it makes me write more(I swear I have a never ending list of ideas for these two its a borderline obsession lol)though not sure if that's a good thing or not but either way I appreciate all your support nonetheless :)