A/N: all characters in this belong to JKR, if they do not appear in the books/are not listed as characters, then they are just characters I threw in for the sake of the plot. If you liked it, please let me know!
-o0o-
"You've put your support in the right team!" shrieks a woman, while the man beside her nods so furiously his glasses slip off his face.
For the first time in his life, Oliver Wood looks a little ashamed of his Quidditch loving family. Only a little. But it's certainly enough for Fred and George Weasley to pick up on, and saunter over to him.
"Olly!"
"Jolly Olly!"
"Jolly Olly and his brolly!"
"Jolly Olly with his brolly in a trolley-"
"Alright! Shut your big gobs!"
Oliver, truly restraining himself from using all the words he'd learned from Peeves, scowls. He saw a pretty Hufflepuff prefect nearby and only hoped she hadn't heard it.
"Is there something you niffler brains want?" he asked, shooting glances to his left; his mother and father are shaking hands with anyone wearing the Puddlemere United colours, regardless of whether they know what Quidditch actually is. The muggles look downright terrified.
The twins grin at Mr and Mrs Wood, who wave back enthusiastically making their way over to the twins and their son.
"Oh, Merlin! Move! I mean it," says Oliver, looking nothing short of desperate, the twins shoot him curious glances. "They'll want to give me the same lecture they do everyday…Oliver, you must motivate yourself. Think of the Puddlemere boys and how wonderfully muscley they are!"
The twin wanted to stop him talking so that they could maybe get out of his iron grip, but Oliver has them in a headlock and continues his speech while dragging them towards the wall on their heels.
"Think of how they train in all weathers, and don't stop for hours," says Oliver in a low-pitched voice, presumably a badly garbled imitation of his father's voice. "It's why all the best Quidditch players have girlfriends."
At this point Fred and George are unsure how to react- they can either laugh, cringe, or wrestle Oliver back to his parents to hear this speech. But Oliver's many years of Quidditch have resulted in an iron grip tight enough to rival that of McGonagal's-
"Oliver, you're choking us!" says Fred, turning an unsightly shade of red as Oliver continues to drag the boys, talking in alternately high pitched shrieks like his mother and low pitched grunting like his father's. They bypass a cluster of gorgeous muggle girls, and as one of them raises her pretty hazel eyes she is confronted by the image of a tall burly brunette boy, holding the heads of red haired twins in the crook of his armpits while having a conversation with himself in changing squeaks and squorks. Oliver find nothing wrong with this, but the twins grumble a bit as the gaggle of girls burst into laughter.
"Oh Godric, look at Fred and George! Poor darlings, have Oliver's flabby biceps been suffocating you?" said Angelina Johnson, grinning ear to ear. Oliver glared at her momentarily, but was glad to see that both her and Alicia Spinnet were wearing their Quidditch robes.
"Ladies, good summer?" croaked Fred from under Oliver's arms.
"Splendid, thanks for asking- er, Oliver…If you don't let go of them, we've lost our beaters…" said Alicia, pointing at George who had been flapping his arms about in attempt to draw attention to his plight.
"Sorry, Weasleys."
Once he had released them, they had noisily gasped air while clutching their throats; Angelina and Alicia giggled. The twins were as red as their hair.
"So, Aaaaan-geeeel-eeee-naahhhh…" said George, striding over to her and slinking an arm over her shoulder. "What's this I hear about you and that Ravenclaw…what was his name, Freddie?"
Fred had popped up on her other side, and both were wearing mischevious grins.
"Ooh, it was something like…Buggins? No! Bibblewanger!"
"No, I do believe it was…ahh, Bartholomews, yes?"
Oliver looked round at her questioningly, and then gasped. Knowing on instinct what he would say, Angelina flipped her hair over her shoulder and said, cool as a cucumber, "He's not in the Ravenclaw Quidditch team, Wood. He's not out to ruin our team."
Oliver sighed with relief, but his eyebrows raised anyway.
"And when did this happen, exactly?" he asked, feeling that familiar big brotherly urge to smack this 'Buggins' boy round the head.
"Summer!" said Alicia, "right after he decided to Floo right into her house," both her and the twins laughed loudly.
"Huh? What's so funny about that?"
"Because my dad is a muggle. My house doesn't have a fireplace to Floo into. He nearly blew the house apart-" she turned sharply to Lee Jordan, who had now joined them, "And yes, Lee. That is the only thing that he blew apart."
"Took the words right out of my mouth, Angie." Said Lee with a wink.
3 years with these immature idiots had made her a mind reader.
"Shall we go through the wall then?"
"Might as well," Oliver, ever the leader, insists they go through following the formation he had taught them. The twins grumble that it makes them look like grounded geese.
"We have to go find our mum anyway, we'll catch you in a bit."
"Mummy's boys!" calls Angelina after them.
"We might even find Buggins on the way!" they call back.
"No need to tease them Angie- Oh, Merlin's bum fuzz- move quickly! My parents are coming over here- Alicia, go! Go!"
Too late, they've spotted the little team.
"Oliver! Who are these people? Are they your friends? Where is Percy, I've always liked him!" says his father, he towers over Lee Jordan, who muttered a quick 'Hello' and flounced off in search of the twins, presumably to warn them that their brother Percy has a fan.
"Ooh! A girl!" says Oliver's mum, looking at Angelina and then Alicia, "Two girls! I told you that quidditch would pay off! Look, look at them, Darren!" she says shaking her husband's arm. "They're gorgeous! Oh! Oliver finally gets to lose his-"
Before the girls could say more than 'Quidditch' Oliver had pushed them through the barrier, onto platform 9 ¾ . He blushed so furiously, you could have mistaken him for a tomato.
"Sorry about that," he said gruffly, clearing his throat. "My parents are, ahh, keen that I follow the life of a professional Quidditch player…that includes the…erm, sex life and-" he trailed off uncomfortably. Angelina looked at Alicia. Alicia looked at Angelina. Both of them looked at Oliver. All three of them burst out laughing.
"Maybe we should help you get a girlfriend then?" Joked Lee, popping up unnoticed.
"Good Godric, man. Why must you show up from nowhere?"
"If people noticed me, then they'd notice this-" he gestured to a large trunk he had, it was rattling.
"Ooh, go on Lee, give us a look!" said Alicia, eagerly. Lee opened the lid a little and something poked out a hairy leg. Oliver let out a girlish skriek.
"Forget that last idea, we should find you a boyfriend instead."
Oliver punched him in the arm, and Lee threateningly opened the lid of the trunk again.
"Alright, you lot get on the train. I'm going to go and say bye to my parents."
As Oliver sauntered off, Lee rounded on the girls.
"He's in fifth year now, right?" They both nodded.
"And still no girlfriend?" They shook their heads.
"I think it's time we took matters into our own hands, don't you?"
"What?" Asked Alicia, Angelina grinned, at Lee.
"Like you're of any use, you can't even get a girl yourself," she teased.
"No, no, my dear Johnson. It's just you I can't seem to get,"
"And for good reason…" she muttered under her breath, but threw her arm around his shoulders. "What's the plan, then? How do we find Oliver a woman that will match his standards and will still want to go out with him?"
"Better wait for the twins, while we attempt to figure that out." Said Alicia, knowing those two could think a suitable method for trapping- no, luring a young beauty in to be Oliver's girlfriend.
"I'll go find them, it's been ages since I've seen little Ginny, anyway." Said Angelina, she waved them off.
Alicia and Lee boarded the train when Oliver came back, looking thoroughly disgruntled.
"What crawled up your quidditch robes and bit you?" asked Alicia. Lee looked at her flatly for the phrase, to which she grinned and shrugged. "I thought it described his mood perfectly." They found an empty compartment and plunked down into the seats.
"Oh nothing, if you don't count that my mother has just asked Primrose Parkinson to go out with me!" he raged. Lee's face contorted as he tried his hardest not to laugh. Alicia looked horrified. "She had Puddlemere colours on, and just decided it would be a good idea to proclaim my love for her!"
"Urgh! You corrected her, right? Told her that nasty snake like her wasn't suited to a Gryffindor?" she asked anxiously.
"Oh, of course I did. But not before Parkinson said yes! All I said was 'you've got a face like a pug, and I'd rather not snog you'… Now her gang of Slytherin gargoyles is after me."
"Merlin's beard," said Lee, "We really do need to get you a girlfriend to protect you. Lest the Slytherinettes rape you in your sleep and-"
"What in the name of Helga Hufflepuff are you lot on about? Sleep rape? Slytherins?" asked Fred looking disgusted.
"If this is an idea for a prank, Lee, I'd rather not take part." Said George, looking equally sickened at the thought.
"No, we need a great prank to get revenge, on the Slytherins," explained Alicia, "In case they sleep rape Oliver."
Still looking mightily confused, the twins nodded. "We keep spare plans for occasions just like these." Said George, tapping his nose and grinning.
"Yeah, don't you worry, Woody boy. We've got your back." Agreed Fred.
"Nevermind that now though, guess who we saw!"
"Angelina's new boyfriend? I think we've all caught a glimpse of him now." Said Lee pointing to where Angelina and said boyfriend were enthusiastically kissing outside their compartment.
"Ew, no… we've just met Harry Potter." Chorused the twins.
The whole group looked up sharply. Lee looked up so quickly his dreadlocks smacked Oliver on the face.
"Argh! You tit, I think you've blinded me!"
"Blinded by Lee's hair. Wonderful way to start the year, Wood."
"But on to more important matters than Lee's hair blinding the captain…Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived, is sitting with our ickle Ronnie."
"Why is that important?" asked Alicia, completely disregarding Oliver, lying across two seats in a foetal position and clutching his eye.
"The last thing I saw with this eye was Fred's bottom." He said in a feeble voice.
"Shut it," she smacked him sharply on the head. "Harry Potter and your baby brother. What of it?"
"Don't you see? It guarantees he's going to be in Gryffindor." Explained George.
"Who, Ron or Potter?"
"Both?"
"Both." Confirmed Fred. "We Weasleys are known Gryffindor spotters. We have the Gryffindor Touch." To prove his point he poked Oliver, who was still in his foetal position. Oliver sat up, and blinked.
"I'm healed!" he announced, "I can seeeee!" he looked so amazed, despite the fact that his eye was still bloodshot and merely looked as though he'd been crying.
Alicia and Lee gasped, looking from Fred and George to Oliver.
Angelina had joined them now, looking rather ruffled and had a grin on her face.
"Ahh, Angie. Looks like you need the Gryffindor Touch too." Said Fred, reaching a hand out to her to give her a poke.
"She's been touched enough for one day, Freddie." Joked George. This earned him a flick to the head from Angelina and her sharp nails.
"I heard something about 'Harry Potter' and 'seeing Fred's bottom' in here," she said, sitting down beside Alicia. "I sincerely hope you haven't scarred that boy anymore than he already is, Freddiekins."
"Oi! My bottom is a glorious thing to behold! It also has the Gryffindor Touch, and so would heal Potter's-"
"Moving on!" said Oliver, already feeling sorry for Potter, who he hoped would not be subjected to Fred's bottom or the Weasley Touch, as both things sounded rather…disturbing.
"Err, moving on from that. Have you two thought of any plans? Regarding what I mentioned earlier?" asked Angelina with a significant look around the room, the twins remembered vaguely about getting Oliver a girlfriend. They shook their heads.
"Don't worry, we have all year." Said Lee, getting comfortable.
Oliver didn't want to hear it. He wanted to discuss winning the Quidditch cup. He doubted that any of their pranks were at all important.
Oh, if only they knew the damage that would be caused in the course of the year….