I sometimes feel that life is unfair.
I feel angry with God, or whoever's in charge, for making it this way.
I didn't know, until now, that it was possible for things to change.
Maybe I shouldn't have found out.
A usual mission finished. Another day without any progress in my love life. Like always, he was silently pulling weeds or walking the dog (we did a countless number of missions today), while Naruto and I yelled at each other. It's not that my hopes were set high or anything, it's just that I feel like I'm leaving him out when we're all laughing and he's just standing there silently. I want him to somehow be able to join us, but I know it's impossible. That's what I hate about life, why can't he be happy like everyone else? He has the right to, just as anyone else on earth does. Then why is he the only one that has to be this miserable.
Before our team broke up I decided to make my usual call: "Sasuke kun? You wanna walk home together?"
"Asking again? What are you gonna do walking home with me? You know it's further for me to go your way anyway."
Not like I was expecting anything good. It still hurt me though. Like a thousand needles pricking me in my chest every time he said something like that. I gloomily walked my way home. I passed the construction site that had made no progress for about a month. Apparently some rich guy was rebuilding his house. I didn't know the details, but he kept on complaining and having them redo something, so it was taking twice as much time. Today they were hauling big metal bars up. I wasn't really paying much attention though. I was busy trying to keep the tears from coming out, which takes quite a lot of concentration you know.
I asked myself why he couldn't be a normal boy. Why he couldn't even do little things as friends, I mean, plenty of guys go out or walk home with girls as friends. And maybe if we did something fun he'd forget all the sad things happening in his life and look happy once in a while. I thought I heard a faint scream somewhere in the back of my mind: "Hey kid, look out!"
I ignored it. Then another scream followed, "Sakura!" That snapped me out of it. But the next moment there was a shove, a big clanging noise, and then I went blank.
I woke up in a hospital room. I felt a streak of pain all along my left side. When I looked at my left arm and left leg and saw that they looked pretty bruised. "Sakura chan!" A childish voice screamed.
I looked up to see the usual face of Naruto, looking relieved.
"Naruto, what happened? I don't remember anything."
Naruto was silent. I could sense that something wasn't right.
"What is it Naruto?"
"You know that construction site? Well, the rope that was hauling up a bunch of metal bars broke. You were under them, and you didn't notice so Sasuke ran up to you and shoved you out of the way. You were safe; one metal bare hit the left side of your body but missed your head and all. . . .Sasuke was crushed by the remaining ones."
I sat up straight. Sasuke kun? Crushed? "I, is he ok? Is he alive?"
"
They don't know. He's still unconscious, and the bars hit his head pretty bad."
About a hundred emotions swam through my head at once. Sasuke kun was half dead because of me. If I wasn't stupid and was just paying attention we would all be at home doing our usual thing. His life already is like a tragedy, what if it ends here because of me? No, no that isn't supposed to happen. He isn't supposed to die until he can somehow experience happiness, at least once.
I sprung out of bed without much thought. I forgot about my leg and the moment I put my weight on it a pain I'd never felt before shot through it. I collapsed on the floor but desperately tried to pick myself up.
"Sakura chan are you ok?"
"I'm fine. Lend me you shoulder, I need to see Sasuke kun."
We went down the narrow hallway of the hospital. Naruto silently took me into the room where Sasuke lay. He was unconscious, as Naruto told me, and had bandages all over him. Kakashi was leaning on a wall by the room.
"Kakashi sen . .."
"No broken bones, but the blow on the head was apparently quite fatal."
Naruto led me to the chair next to his bed. I plopped myself on it and stared into his face. He looked so calm, just lying there, when in reality he had gone through so much. I couldn't bear looking into his face. I hated myself for even being alive, being well, being an airhead all the time while other people were suffering. It was at that moment.
"Sasuke?"
I looked up. Sasuke kun had opened his eyes! I suddenly forgot about everything I was thinking before. All of the self-denial was drowned away by sheer happiness. "Sasuke kun your alive!" I cried clinging onto his neck.
He sat up. I noticed that he had a funny look on his face. Like it was puzzled, or more like confused. He stared at us all, and then finally at me and said the words that I'll never forget:
"Who are you?"
The words are still ringing in my ears, repeatedly, over and over again. At first I didn't want to believe that was what had happened. But when the doctors showed me the x-rays and all I decided that I had to believe it, because it was the truth. Sasuke kun had lost his memory.
"Who are you?"
"Sasuke kun?"
"Where am I? Who am I? I can't remember anything. . . Arrrghh. . .!"
"Sasuke kun, calm down." When I first realized all I could do was hold him in my arms. He was holding his head in his hands and screaming.
Sweat trickled down his forehead. I wanted to do something, but there's nothing an individual can do about someone's brain. I didn't want to admit it.
The doctor talked to us privately. He called us into the room where he'd posted up the x-rays of Sasuke kun's brain. "He needs rest," was the first thing he announced. "But you should never leave him alone. Loneliness sometimes drives them into madness, and make sure he's always comfortable. Victims can only remember things when they are relaxed."
"Sir," Kakashi sensei interrupted. "That would sort of be impossible. You see, he doesn't have a family."
The doctor was silenced. He lifted an eyebrow at Kakashi sensei and started looking at his notes while sighing loudly at it. "Um. . ." I said, unable to contain myself. "I think I'd be able to look after him for a while."
The three heads turned to me at once. It feels weird when people do that. "Well, it's just that. It was my fault in the first place and, I feel a lot of responsibility towards it."
The doctor smiled and said, "that's good, it'll be easier for him to remember by a friend rather than being with a stranger." He jotted down a few notes and got up. It was decided.
"Sakura san?"
"Huh?"
I still wasn't used to him putting a "san" at the end of my name. It sounded so formal, not like the conceited Sasuke kun that would usually call me "hey you" or something like that.
"I just wanted to thank you again, for all your doing. I understand that Sasuke must have been an important person to you, I'll try to remember things as soon as possible."
I just stared at his face. We were walking to my place with his change of clothes and a bunch of other stuff. Why was he so polite? It made me feel kind of weird, to have someone with the same face and appearance being so different. I wasn't quite sure if I felt comfortable about it or if I didn't like it. But I still had to remember that this was a different person. The real Sasuke is temporarily gone.
"It's ok. I hope you remember too," I said, making an effort to smile. The funny thing was that he smiled back. It was so strange that I didn't know how I felt.
The night proceeded at this rate. We ate, talked, and went to bed early. I sat up on my bed with my book open, but I was really just staring at the wall thinking. I hadn't told him about the Uchiha tragedy. I decided that was the last thing he needed to know. It just killed me how he was so different just by missing that fact. Not knowing he had a tragic past made him a whole different person. Someone who could smile, talk, be polite. I decided not to think too much on the topic. It's the end if I fall in love with the new Sasuke.
"Sakura san?"
"Huh?"
I still wasn't used to him putting a "san" at the end of my name. It sounded so formal, not like the conceited Sasuke kun that would usually call me "hey you" or something like that.
"I just wanted to thank you again, for all your doing. I understand that Sasuke must have been an important person to you, I'll try to remember things as soon as possible."
I just stared at his face. We were walking to my place with his change of clothes and a bunch of other stuff. Why was he so polite? It made me feel kind of weird, to have someone with the same face and appearance being so different. I wasn't quite sure if I felt comfortable about it or if I didn't like it. But I still had to remember that this was a different person. The real Sasuke is temporarily gone.
"It's ok. I hope you remember too," I said, making an effort to smile. The funny thing was that he smiled back. It was so strange that I didn't know how I felt.
The night proceeded at this rate. We ate, talked, and went to bed early. I sat up on my bed with my book open, but I was really just staring at the wall thinking. I hadn't told him about the Uchiha tragedy. I decided that was the last thing he needed to know. It just killed me how he was so different just by missing that fact. Not knowing he had a tragic past made him a whole different person. Someone who could smile, talk, be polite. I decided not to think too much on the topic. It's the end if I fall in love with the new Sasuke.
He came along on our missions anyway, why I did not know. Probably because pulling weeds didn't need much skill. That day we were picking up garbage in a lake. Yes, the mission I hate more than anything. Even more than picking up the dog poop on a walk or some kind of top-secret mission (which I've only experienced once).
Then I suddenly heard a squeal. Naruto was tripping. "I said you should be careful of your balance stu. . ."
The next moment I felt a tug on my arm. The blond boy pulled me into the water with him while making effort to stop himself from falling. I screamed and we both found ourselves covered with dirt and garbage. "Naruto you are such an idiot! Look at us now, we're covered in mud and garbage!" I let inner Sakura free. That was the moment I heard voices laughing.
One was that of Kakashi Sensei, which sort of irritated me, and the other was someone unexpected. Sasuke kun had slumped down and was holding his stomach from laughter. The sounds of his voice filled the air and silenced everyone. It seemed as though it was the only thing that could be heard in the forest.
That night Sasuke kun and I were sitting on the roof of my house staring at the stars. It was romantic, I'd have to admit, and the thing that's even funnier is that he invited me up there. "Aren't they great," Sasuke kun said with a smile on his face. He looked mesmerized by the stars.
"Sasuke kun," I started. He looked at me and that made my heart skip a beat. "It was strange seeing you laugh today. I'd never seen you laugh before."
Sasuke kun's eyes narrowed, in a good way. I didn't know why, but for some reason his cold black eyes looked warm for a moment. His hand reached out and touched my hair. My heart was like a bunch of tribal drums, I could hear them beating in my ears. I imagined that my face must have been as red as a tomato by then. "The old Sasuke must have been a sour puss never to laugh for you," he chuckled. Then he suddenly put his forehead on mine (I made a squeak) and whispered softly, "Do you think you'll be able to like me more than him?"
The kiss was soft and light. But then it became deeper. It was my first kiss, seeing that I used to be friendless, boyless "dekorin" during my childhood. My mind was floating away, I felt like I was in a different world. He held me in his arms and I could feel his heart beating in his chest. I wished that it would always be this way. I wished that it would never end. I was in love with the new Sasuke kun.
The next day Naruto was more hyper than he usually was. He was running around and screaming. Konohamaru had appeared from nowhere so they started their little games. I chuckled and said Naruto was so childish. The next second Naruto bumped into a woman carrying a bunch of eggs. The eggs flew through the air and landed in the middle of the road, broken of course.
"Naruto, you're such an idiot!" I screamed running to help the lady clean them up.
"Didn't your parents teach you any manners," muttered Sasuke kun who joined me to help.
"I don't have any parents," whispered Naruto. A look of depression suddenly overtook his face.
"Naruto. . ." I said softly. But the next words I heard were far too shocking for me to bear.
"So that's why. Without your parents you can do whatever you want. You must have a great life," Sasuke kun was sneering. I couldn't believe it. The words were almost like exact replicas of what I'd said to him about a year ago. My face felt red. I don't know what got me into it, but I slapped him.
"Sakura san?" He said looking puzzled.
"Your not Sasuke kun! You're not anyone I know!" I hated him. I hated everything at that moment. I ran down the street to a field where I sometimes went to read. It was calm there and made me relax, but not today. I was so filled with anger towards fate. I hated how he couldn't just become a normal happy kid, but still have the understanding heart that he had.
I stood at the edge of a slope I used to climb down as a kid. It was a shortcut to the ninja academy and quite high and steep. I remembered it used to be my hiding place when some of the kids chased me around. There was a tree root where I could sit, visible to no one, for hours on end, and I would stay there until I'd calmed down a bit. That was where I felt like going now; I needed to escape. I took a step forward to descend the weedy slope, but the dirt was soft and I couldn't exactly place my foot anywhere. I slipped.
"Aaagh!" I said as all of the dirt below my feet slid to the ground. I grabbed onto a nearby tree, but it was thin and would break within minutes. I was dangling from an edge, and right below me all I could see was the rocks I used to use as steppingstones to go down. If I fell I would get seriously injured, if not killed.
"Sakura san!" I heard the familiar voice. Sasuke kun approached me, "Are you ok? I'll help you." It was strange, I knew that if I fell I would die, but a voice in my head kept on screaming, "don't let him touch you! Don't let him touch you."
It didn't do anything though. But the next second, as Sasuke reached out and grabbed my hand some more dirt started crumbling. The next second we were both falling down, I was in Sasuke kun's arms when I woke up. He had blood running from his head. "Oh no! Sasuke kun!" I screamed in tears. I didn't know what else to do, I began to carry him on his back to the hospital. I couldn't tell the difference between the sweat and the tears that were flowing down my face. All I cared about was getting Sasuke kun to a doctor, not letting him die because of me. It was about half way to the hospital when I suddenly heard, "Sakura. . ."
It came from the figure sitting on my back, but his tone of voice was different. "Sakura, put me down," he continued.
I was too tired to move on anyway, I obeyed. "B, but Sasuke kun," I stammered as I sat myself down in front of him. "You're hurt."
"I know," he said coldly. I understood. He was back.
"Sasuke kun," I whispered, just to make sure. "Is it really you?"
He looked up at me and I was positive. His eyes were cold again. "What? Did you like the new Sasuke better? Well I'm sorry I guess I'm here to stay." He said irritably.
I made a long sigh. Then I felt the tears burst out, one by one they wouldn't stop coming. I tried to stop them, I knew that he would take them the wrong way, but they wouldn't.
"Well I guess I was right then," he said picking himself up. "I can go to the hospital alone.
"No," I whispered to stop him. The sun had gone down and I was slouching on the dark path with my back to him. "No! I didn't like him more than you. Maybe I did consider wanting him to stay about once or twice, I'll admit that, but. . ." I stood up and turned around. He was looking at me, he quickly turned away to have his back facing me again. "He wasn't you. He looked exactly like you but he just wasn't you. Sasuke kun, you know it's not just you appearance I'm attracted to, I love you as a human being. Sure the 'New Sasuke' was nice, but it just wasn't the same. He didn't have the heart that you have. I know that you're heart is mostly made up of revenge, but it has a kindness that no one else possesses."
He finally turned around again, I stared straight into his eyes. "The only thing is, he was happy. Now that I saw you happy, I know that you CAN be happy. You can become someone who can laugh and play like any other 13 year-old. Then what I want to ask is, what WILL make you happy? Isn't there anything I can do to bring light into your eyes again? Like they were before?"
He stared straight at me, and then after approaching me he put his arms around me. I buried my eyes into his shoulder and continued to cry. "Sakura," he whispered into my ear. "Why do you have to worry so much about me. I guess I'm just not used to having someone acting like this towards me. Sakura," he continued pulling me away so I could look into his face. "Right now there is too much hatred in my heart. So much hatred that I don't think I could love someone as much as I want to. But someday, someday I know this hatred will be destroyed, and I will need to find a light that can replace this darkness. When that happens will you help me find it Sakura?"
I squeezed him and replied, "of course I will."
He may not be happy, he may not be able to smile like most kids, but someday he will be.
-THE END-