Authors Note: The song Listen to your heart by Roxette has always been a personal favorite of mine and I've always wanted to do a ff of it. This is the result as I wanted a crossover. I couldn't think of a more perfect coupling than Catherine and Natalia.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own CSI: Crime Scene Investigation and CSI: Miami and I don't make any money from it.
Listen to your heart!
"I'm sorry Natalia, but really I can't do this. I can't continue this. I thought being with you was the right thing to do, but now I see that I was wrong. I'm sorry, I can't, I just can't…" Catherine stopped. She turned and started to walk away from Natalia that stood there in the burning sun looking after her with confused eyes.
"Catherine!" Natalia yelled after her, making her stop, still she didn't turn around. She stood like she was frozen into the ground, tears starting to find their way down her cheeks. She didn't dare to turn, she couldn't. She didn't want her to see her tears. She didn't want her to see her like this, not after what she had just said. Instead she stood there, letting her tears fall.
"Catherine!" Natalia called out once more, but it sounded more like a whisper, yet the strawberry blonde heard her load and clear. It was enough to make her turn and say, "What?"
"You can't just say that and walk away not letting me have my say. That's not how it works and you know it," Natalia said, her voice was steady, and she was using every power she had to hold her tears back. She had to be the strong one.
"What more is there to say, don't you get it, I don't want to be with you anymore, this is goodbye," said Catherine, looking right into the brunette's hazel eyes. She didn't want to do this; every fiber of her being was against it. Yet she knew she had to. In the end what other choice did she have? Was she going to continue this absurd romance with this woman? A woman that she loved more than anything, still she couldn't bring herself to do this.
"Catherine please, don't you love me?" Natalia's voice was shivering now, but she needed to know the truth. She needed to know if the other woman felt the same, that the last seven months hadn't just been a game.
"I thought I did," Catherine managed to get out. She couldn't deny it when that was how she felt.
"Then why is this goodbye. Why can't you be with me?" Natalia asked, looking right into her ocean blue eyes for an answer.
"Because it isn't right and we both know it. You're a woman," Catherine answered.
"So what?" Natalia asked. She didn't get this, If she loved her which she had just didn't get why Catherine would change her mind about their relationship all of a sudden.
"It's just wrong and I can't. Just forget it ever happened," Catherine whispered, again she started to walk away. Natalia called out for her once more, only this time the other woman didn't stop, she just continued to walk away. When Natalia couldn't see her anymore, but just a crowd of people she fell down to her knees, crying wondering how she could do this. How could she go from saying she was the best thing that ever happened to her to saying she regretted ever being with her. What was she missing? Slowly the middle-aged woman picked up the pieces of her broken heart and walked back into the crime lab and for once she wished she didn't have to work.
When Catherine got off the plan in Vegas she sank to the ground, it felt like she was choking. It was like she couldn't breathe at all and her heart was hurting more than it had ever done before. The pain she felt was unbearable and all she wanted was to get back on a plane to Miami and go back to Natalia.
Tears was steaming down her cheeks, she know that there were no way to stop them, no way at all. She was hurting deeply and it was all her own fault for ending it with the person she loved so deeply. And for what reason?
It had all started a little while back, the talk. The judgmental looks from her friends and coworkers because she was with a woman. She had been fine if it was only them, but when Lindsey, her own daughter her little butterfly had gone against her asking her if she was crazy it had become too much. It had led to Catherine sitting down to think it all through, suddenly feeling dirty and that she was doing something very wrong.
Shivering the strawberry blonde got up and started to walk towards the exit, still in tears, feeling really horrible about the whole thing. She knew she had to forget about Natalia, but how could she do that, when all she wanted was to curl up in her safe arms and feel at one with her.
Why did she have to be so stupid as to fall in love with her? More tears were flowing from her eyes as she got into a cab.
"Where to Ma'am?" the cabbie asked her, looking at her with worried eyes.
Catherine somehow between her heavy sobs managed to state her address so he started to drive before asking, "I know it's not any of my business, but are you okay?"
"Does it look like I am," Catherine almost spat at him, making him look out of the front window.
It had all started about seven months back when she as the head of the lab had to fly over to Miami to get help with a case. Horatio had met her at the airport and the two old friends had caught up as he drove her to the lab.
Back at the lab she had ended up hugging Eric and Calleigh as it had been a while since she saw them last. Calleigh had asked if she had anywhere to stay while she was there, and Catherine had answered that she would most likely take into a hotel when a female voice had said that she could stay with her as she had plenty of room.
The strawberry blonde had turned her head to see who made her offer, only to look into the hazel eyes of Natalia Boa Vista. She had to swallow hard before thanking her for the offer, but a hotel would be better so she wouldn't be any trouble. Natalia had declined and in the end Catherine had said yes.
After the day was over the two ladies had driven to Natalia's house, and Catherine had ended up gasping over the size of it, she couldn't help but wonder how Natalia could afford that on her salary. She however didn't ask about that, but it had come up in a later conversation they had about their pasts. The brunette had given her a room with a bathroom where she could stay and told her where her own was in case there ever was anything and that she was free to use every inch of the place as she wanted. Catherine had nodded to that and thanked her for her hospitality.
She had stayed there for about a week and during the time she couldn't help but feel drawn towards the other woman, during that time period nothing had however happened other than friendly talking and joking around about different subjects.
When Natalia however had driven her to the airport by the end of the week she knew there was something more than friendly feelings on both account as the brunette had leaned in and kissed her almost desperately before she got out of the car saying that she hoped she would see her again soon as she had ended up having feelings for her. Catherine had at this point admitted that the feelings were mutual before leaning into kiss the other woman a couple of more times before leaving the car.
It hadn't taken Natalia more than a second before she ran after her, dragged her into the nearest bathroom stall and continued her actions there. When they again were dressed Catherine had looked at her rather shocked as she had never done anything like that, not even with a man. Natalia had admitted that neither had she; she stroked some hairs away from Catherine's face before leaning in for one last kiss before leaving her to check in.
After that they had continued the relationship seeing each other whenever they had the chance until earlier that day when Catherine had ended it.
She had hardly gotten inside the house before Lindsey threw herself at her hugging her. When she had let go Catherine had looked at her with shocked eyes saying, "I thought you were at school."
"No have today and the rest of the weekend off so I thought I would come home to welcome you home, so how was the trip, did you two have fun or…?" Lindsey stopped seeing the stained of mascara running down her mother's cheek.
"Yes and no, it's over," Catherine answered with a heavy sigh, not bothering to go into details.
Lindsey looked at her with shocked eyes saying, "But why I thought you loved her."
"I did, I mean do, but the reactions from you and the rest… it became too much," said Catherine with a sigh, wondering why her daughter didn't seem happy about this considering how against it she had seemed.
"So you are saying you ended a perfectly good relationship because of what I and the others thought of it?" Lindsey asked, hardly being able to believe it.
"And you are saying you are not happy about it?" asked Catherine, thinking, 'What have I done?'
"I wouldn't say happy, but I was starting to get used to the idea about the two of you, mom you really shouldn't have done that," said Lindsey in a very soft tone.
"And it never occurred to tell me this sooner," said Catherine, a tad annoyed.
"How was I supposed to know you would end it, you have to fix this," Lindsey demanded.
"I can't…and either way it's too late now," said Catherine with a heavy sigh.
"Not if you love her like you say you do it's not," said Lindsey.
"Leave it be, besides this is what you wanted wasn't it," said Catherine.
"No, I wanted for you to be happy," said Lindsey.
"As I said it's too late," said Catherine, before she stormed upstairs to her bedroom, again in tears, while Lindsey shook her head. She had never even considered that her mother would end it with this woman. After all even if she hadn't been too happy about their relationship, her mother had seemed crazy about this woman.
She sighed, suddenly she was feeling bad about how she had acted about the, and knowing she was one of the causes it was over she knew she had to fix it, but how?
It was then she saw it, her mother's cellphone lying on top of the dresser. Slowly an idea started to for in the head. She grabbed it and searched for Natalia's number. She sighed as she found it wasn't stored under her name, which would be too easy. What now?
Call-log. Horatio, her and there it was, stored under, 'My darling sweetheart princess Natalia.'
Lindsey wrinkled her nose as she pushed the call sign, hoping she would pick up. She knew that that was a long shot all things considered, but it couldn't hurt to try. Ring…ring…ring…then Natalia's voice saying, "What do you want, haven't you caused enough pain today?"
"Uhm Natalia, this is Lindsey, Catherine's daughter, I was hoping that maybe you would hear me out as there has been…well a misunderstanding," said Lindsey, thinking it sounded really stupid.
She heard a sigh and the other woman say, "Go on."
"Well I don't think mom wanted to break it off with you as she loves you, I think she did it because of me and what the guys at the lab has been saying. I think she figured it was easier to end it that has everyone on her neck," said Lindsey with a heavy sigh.
"Oh Lindsey," Natalia said, but it was more like a whisper.
"I…I never meant to cause you two any trouble you have to believe me, it's just you're a woman and well it took a little getting used to that's all. I never wanted her to go and end it," said Lindsey honestly, her voice was quivering.
"That is understandable and I know you didn't," said Natalia.
"If she wanted would you be willing to…." Lindsey stopped.
"I really don't know, her words were pretty harsh," said Natalia honestly.
"I can imagine they would have been, well I just wanted you to know that's all," said Lindsey.
"I really appreciate it," said Natalia, just as she heard someone at the lab call her name and said, "I have to go, thank you for calling, and Lindsey."
"Yah," said the young girl.
"You're really a great kid, don't let anyone tell you otherwise," said Natalia before hanging up.
"I love you too," she whispered with a little smile, putting the phone aside, before going up the stairs to try to talk some sense into her mother.
In Miami Natalia put her phone aside only to look at Ryan that had just asked her something regarding a result. Her mind was however distracted by what Lindsey had said. So that was the reason to why Catherine didn't want to be with her anymore, others opinions.
Natalia sighed heavily as Ryan looked at her with worried eyes saying, "Are you okay?"
"No, Catherine broke it off this morning and I just learned the reason as to why," said Natalia with a heavy sigh.
"She did and why?" he asked in a concerned tone.
"She couldn't take the reactions from Lindsey and the others around her anymore, it's really a shame though as I really…" she stopped, not liking to share her emotions.
"You know you are almost as bad as she is," he said.
"What makes you say that?" she said looking at her with confused eyes.
"As you are not fighting much against her decision, if I were madly in love and my woman broke it off I would be in the first plane convincing her that she was wrong," he said.
Natalia looked at her friend, knowing he was right in what he said. She also knew what she had to do so she said, "Tell Horatio I'm taking two days off, and I have to fix this."
"I will and good luck," he said and smiled at her.
"Thanks and thanks for the advice," she said and gave him a light peck on the cheek before heading towards the elevator, hoping to catch the next flight to Las Vegas.
It was the same night that Catherine was inside a crowded nightclub. She was making her way through the crowd trying to find Nick, Sara and Greg. They were out to celebrate Greg's birthday.
As the strawberry blonde was trying to maneuver to the bar the song coming through the speakers changed to an upbeat version of listen to your heart. Catherine froze in less than an instant in the sea of dancing people around her.
'Listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye,' the lyrics sang, hitting her hard. She hadn't done it, not at all. She had denied her true feelings, doing what she thought was best, and she had been dead wrong.
"Natalia," she whispered, turning around, gasping, as right there a few steps apart from her were Natalia. Catherine fought her way to her, only to find it was someone else. Again she turned seeing what she thought was her lover, but again she was wrong.
As she slowly made her way to her team the song went on repeat. Was it to torture her?
"I…I have to get out of here," she shouted to Greg.
"Catherine, what's wrong?" he asked, looking at her with concerned eyes.
"I see her everywhere, I'm going insane, I know I am," she said, hurrying out of there in tears.
"Would this be a good time to tell her that she's not going insane and that she really saw Natalia and she was the one paying the club owner to play that song twice?" asked Sara.
"No, leave it be, where is she either way?" asked Greg, looking around the crowded club.
"I don't know, probably keeping an eye out for her woman," said Natalia, spotting Catherine by the exit, being detained from leaving as the doors got closed in front of her.
"That's just cruel," said Nick, not really caring for this game.
"No, what's cruel is that you three are some of the reason for her to end it with me," they heard Natalia's voice from the side.
"What are you talking about?" asked Greg with a frown, wondering how she would even know.
"To my knowledge you have been talking about us behind our back and I will not have it anymore. I love her more than anything and I have only treated her good in opposite of what others have. I will not abandon her nor hurt her and that is what you should think about," said Natalia in a serious tone.
The three others looked at her like three misbehaved children, quietly nodding at her words, knowing she was right. What they had done had been childish and stupid and she and Catherine deserve better and they knew it. Neither of them spoke, mostly because they didn't know what to say.
Natalia sighed as she made her way over to a frustrated Catherine. All she wanted was to get out and go home, sadly that didn't seem like an option, not at all. Tears were threatening to become visible as the middle-aged woman made her way to what she felt was the nearest exit, the toilets.
Natalia that had in the sea of people lost track of her, cursed mildly, also she heading in the direction of the bathroom, mostly because she had to more than anything else.
'Fantastic,' she thought seeing the line that ended outside the crowded toilet. As she was standing there she saw young girls, some women in their thirties, and some that clearly were too young. Suddenly she was feeling so old, and as she stood there trying there, tripping a little, trying to think of something else than that she had to go, it occurred to her that this was not her place of scenery at all.
Too crowded and too noisy, all she wanted was to find Catherine and get out of there. She sighed as she slowly moved forward in the line, wondering what her woman was doing this very moment. What she was thinking other than of course she was going insane.
Natalia sighed in relief finally getting into a stall, pulling up her dress and down her panties before sitting down on the seat. As she was sitting there she heard a too familiar voice from the stall next to hers say, "Great, just great."
Natalia smiled a little saying, "Catherine?"
"Yes," the strawberry blonde answered, not being able to make out the voice in all the noise.
"What's the matter?" Natalia asked in a concerned tone.
'I'm talking to a complete stranger for one,' she thought as she slowly got out of the stall, not giving more answers. As she washed her hands she could hear a too familiar voice ask, "Do you want to tell me or do I have to guess?"
"Natalia, it was you, what are you doing here?" Catherine asked in shock, not answering her question.
"Trying to win my woman back," said Natalia with a half-smile, washing her hands.
"We need to…can we get out of here please," Catherine said.
"Gladly," said Natalia, taking her arm and dragging her out of the crowded place.
"So you made them play that song and not let me out?" Catherine asked, once they were home at her place.
"Yes, I wanted you to think about your actions," Natalia answered.
"And here I thought you wanted me to listen to my heart," said Catherine with a heavy sigh.
"I do and what does it tell you?" asked Natalia, looking at her with calm eyes.
"That the break was the worst mistake I ever made, that I shouldn't have done it because we belong together, I know that you are my other half and the one I want to spend the rest of my days with. Oh Natalia I love you so much, can you forgive me for acting foolishly?" she asked, looking at her with tender eyes.
"I can yes, on the condition that you do not repeat your actions as I don't care much for them. You should have talked to me instead of reacting the way you did," said Natalia in calm tone.
"I know, but I didn't know to address it or bring it up, I felt caged. They made me feel dirty like I did something wrong, it was like I committed a crime. However leaving you it felt like I was being torn between my heart and my mind, coming back I felt crushed all I wanted was to go back to you, and hold you in my arms, I wanted to hide curled up in you and never let you go. I just couldn't bring myself to do so knowing I hurt you," Catherine whispered as little tears were starting to fall from her eyes.
"Oh sweetheart," Natalia said, as she slowly wrapped her arms around the older woman. She didn't need to say more, those two words said more than enough. Catherine hid her head in her shoulder as she continued to cry. Natalia just held her, enjoying the feeling of having her so near.
The two women would later that night find themselves in Catherine's bed, tightly wrapped up in each other, the strawberry blonde were gently nuzzling Natalia's neck, kissing it lightly from time to time before she asked, "So are you glad you decided to skip work and came over to find me."
"Very much so," said Natalia with a sigh of great satisfaction.
"When do you have to go back?" asked Catherine, looking at her girl with lazy eyes.
"Tomorrow," said Natalia honestly.
"Already, maybe I should take some days off and come with you," said Catherine.
"Don't you have to work and didn't Linds have that dance thingy the day after tomorrow?" asked Natalia.
"I can take time off for you and you're right, she does," said Catherine with a heavy sigh, there was always something.
"I can have someone tape it for you if you really wish to go with Natalia. I mean it's only rehearsal, the real thing isn't before the end of next month, but you are both coming right," they suddenly heard Lindsey from the door, wondering when she had sneaked in.
"Are you sure, butterfly?" asked Catherine.
"I am, but you will come right?" the young girl asked again.
"Wouldn't miss it for the world," said Catherine and smiled at her.
"Me neither, I'm looking forward to it already," said Natalia, smiling as well.
"Cool, well I'm off to bed, so goodnight to you both," she said, walking over to give both a hug before leaving.
"She's accepting you," said Catherine, smiling at Natalia.
"Something I'm very grateful for, you know I always wanted a little girl," said Natalia a giggle, although she initially wanted to be there from the start, but still.
"And I someone that treated me right, so when are we leaving tomorrow?" asked Catherine.
"Plane leaves at six," Natalia answered, as she had booked the earliest flight she could find.
"That means we still have plenty of time to fool around," said Catherine, suddenly not feeling all too tired anymore. As for Natalia she decided to humor her as she was to be honest randy as hell.
It wasn't until two the next afternoon the couple found themselves making out heavily in the elevator at the Miami Dade Crime lab. Natalia was pushing Catherine's hand away as it was sneaking under her dress and between her legs. This was not the time and place to get caught doing just that. Catherine stopped to look at her with questioning eyes.
"I want you, I just don't want to get caught like that here," Natalia panted.
"I understand, then you better slow down the panting, you look a little flushed," said Catherine with a giggle.
"Cute, so are you going to hang out with me here or wait for me at home," said Natalia as the doors open.
"I'll stay here, I might be at help," said Catherine, following Natalia to her office, making sure Natalia was one step ahead so she could eye her from behind. She was perfect, just perfect. And inside the strawberry blond her heart went, 'Natalia, Natalia, Natalia.'
Natalia turned only to look into Catherine's eyes whispering, "Coming, sexy Cat?"
"Yes princess," said Catherine, letting her hand slide into Natalia's as they entered the DNA lab. As Natalia bent under the lab table to take up some case folders she could feel her heart racing like crazy, every beat going, 'Catherine, Catherine, Catherine."
As she slowly got up she could feel her lover's hands wrap around her from behind and her head lean on her shoulder, peacefully resting there as the brunette got ready to work, both listening to the sound of their heart, not minding the world around them, as all that mattered was the two of them.
Feedback always welcome and very much appreciated :o)