A Ghost Between Us
Inspired by & featuring lyrics from the Nightwish song "Ghost Love Score"
~We used to swim the same moonlight waters
Oceans away from the wakeful day~
Years before she met him; years before Sin ravaged her world she was a simple girl, playing in the surf off of Besaid Island. She grew up and longed for adventure. She longed for the part of her soul that was missing.
Sin brought her the adventure she sought. Sin brought her power over the elements. Sin brought her to him.
~My fall will be for you, my love will be in you~
In all this time, after all these years, she still couldn't admit she loved him.
~If you be the one to cut me, I'll bleed forever~
The world had changed. Sin was gone. He was gone.
Dead and gone.
But she'd always known he was never alive. She was the only one other than Tidus, who wasn't surprised when he finally revealed his most painful secret. She had her suspicions and gathered her evidence. She had pieced it all together months before that fateful night after Sin was reduced to an ocean of pyreflies and had confronted him about it. He neither confirmed nor denied the charges she laid at his feet. He just looked at her; one russet eye boring into her very being, probing for her secrets and darkest desires. Then he simply walked away. It was days before he spoke to her again.
He had his secrets and she would keep them, no matter how much it hurt.
~Scent of the sea before the waking of the world, brings me to thee. Into the blue memory~
Nights on Besaid were cool and lonely.
Each day just before dawn exploded over the horizon, she extracted herself from Wakka's strong embrace and wandered down to the beach. Sitting alone, bathed in the pre dawn shimmer, she recalled everything they said to each other.
So much left unsaid; too much left unexplored. She would give everything she had for one more hour in his company. Her heart longed for his presence. She wanted to learn about him, about his life, his likes, what made him happy. But she could never break down the walls he'd built up around his heart. She wasn't strong enough.
In the end his concern for the pilgrimage was all consuming, leaving her alone, drowning in a sea of emotion with no hope of rescue.
~Into the blue memory~
She tried desperately to be happy with her life; quiet, calm and inevitably boring. He had brought excitement to her life; a fresh mystery. She longed to be intrigued again.
~My fall will be for you, my love will be in you~
She loved Wakka. She couldn't deny it but somehow he wasn't enough. He'd never be enough.
~If you be the one to cut me, I'll bleed forever~
She felt that each day brought her closer to him, and yet further from his memory. The paradox was too much to bear at times. She knew that she would meet him again one day, in the Farplane, but that only brought her small comfort. She wanted more than just to be near him. She wanted to be with him, to feel him within her, to feel his intense touch - the one that kept her awake at night.
She'd felt his touch just once during their journey.
Bowing to Rikku's whines they had stopped at the inn halfway through the Thunder Plains. Once she had seen to it that everyone was settled, playing the maternal role as always, she slipped outside to revel in the storms.
Walking boldly out in the rain she stood for a few moments, relishing the delicious shivers the thunder brought to her. He scarlet eyes lit up with passionate fire in the brief flash of lightning. She felt alive. She walked farther into the plains and sought the shelter of one of the lightning rods. The only thing running through her mind was him, always him. Leaning back against the ancient structure, she sighed.
"What sadness burdens you, my Lady Mage?" a deep rumbling voice called. She looked about her, panicked; unsure of the position she'd placed herself in.
"Who's there? Show yourself!" she demanded, a fresh spell enveloping her clenched fists.
A soft rustle of fabric against steel came from her left and she turned to face whatever was coming her way. A flash of lightning revealed his face; the battle scarred right eye, the stoic expression; his rugged face that she longed to caress with a desire that was increasingly difficult to hide. Inwardly she gasped.
"It seems you felt the storm's pull as well," he said, his voice close to a whisper; a sensual whisper that she longed to feel against her pale throat.
"Yes."
"There is nothing to compare to its raw power," he said, looking off into the distance.
"But there's more to it than just power," she whispered.
"Such as?"
"Such as..." she began but feared her answer to be too juvenile for the legendary warrior.
"Lulu," he said, "what else is there?" he demanded, taking a step towards her.
"Romance," she replied weakly. Inwardly she cringed, waiting for his harsh response. He wasn't cold hearted, she knew that was far from the truth, but she still couldn't help but think he would find her answer ridiculous.
"Hmm, there may be something to what you say," he rumbled, then beyond any rational explanation he laid a battled hardened hand on her cheek, slowly caressed her face and throat, then turned and left with no further explanation.
She stood, stunned, and watched his lithe form stride across the plain and back into the inn. Even now, years later, that single memory still burned brightly in her mind. Some nights she could swear she could feel his touch.
~A siren from the deep came to me, sang my name, my longing~
A fayth came to her in a dream, one night, long after he had left her alone. She sang to the mage, telling of a great love that knew no bounds; a love that even Death himself could not conquer. The siren fayth revealed no names but the mage knew in her broken heart it was him she sang of; and that her desire for him had reached the realm of the fayth.
"Bring him back," she pleaded.
"We cannot. Not yet."
"When?"
"We cannot say. Be ready."
She awoke from the dream, tears already flowing. Dawn had already broken and she immediately recognized Wakka's loving arms embracing her. She wished that she could return his love in the spirit which he so freely gave it. She was all too aware he knew she was holding herself back from him; but he didn't know the reason. He thought it was he honouring the memory of his long dead brother, Chappu, who died years before their pilgrimages. But it was to another dead man she held her heart back. It was something he would never understand; and she couldn't explain it. Ever.
~Still I write my songs about that dream of mine, worth everything I may ever be~
The same fayth visited her in her dreams regularly. She began to fear sleep.
She spent her waking moments in a sort of daze, outwardly performing her duties as a wife and villager but inwardly battling the confusion and despair she felt within. Wakka noticed she was slipping from him but didn't know how to help her. He had no idea what was happening to his wife.
There was more life had to offer her but all she wanted was him. She wrote her feelings down and hummed the melodies they created. Secret songs for secret longings; another burden for her to bear.
She knew she was hurting Wakka and part of her mind railed against it, but she was too far gone, too lost in the private world she'd created for herself. There was only room for her and the ghost that haunted her, and until she got over him or joined him, nothing would change. Slowly he began to encompass her entire world.
~The Child will be born again, that siren carried him to me~
In her dream one dark tempestuous night the fayth handed her a baby boy.
"He is yours. Yours and his."
"Mine and Wakka's?" she asked.
"Yours and his. A child born of longing."
"His? But what about my husband? Will he suspect?"
"The child you see is the inner being. He will not look as he does now when he is born."
For the first time she looked at the child in her arms. Dark, midnight hair shone in the fayth's light, full lips and when he opened his eyes she caught her breath at the sight of the russet coloured spheres that gazed back at her. It was his child, the resemblance was uncanny.
"But how?"
"As we told you," the fayth replied, her silvery voice echoing in the chamber, "a child born of longing."
The fayth reached across and took the child back; she did not fight it, knowing that she would see it again.
She woke with tears of joy gently trailing down her cheeks.
"Lu? What's wrong?"
"I am going to have a child," she answered with a smile. She couldn't help but be happy at the prospect of bearing his child, knowing that Wakka would claim it as his own. Another secret she was glad to keep.
"Ya? Really Lu?"
"Really."
"Oh wow! I'm gonna be a father!" Wakka shouted as he leapt from bed and danced her around the room. It was one of the rare moments of pure joy the couple felt, albeit for separate and in her case, very private reasons.
Watching her overjoyed husband running out into the village square to bellow his news to anyone who would listen, she laid a gentle hand on her flat stomach and hummed her tuneless song.
~First of them true loves, singing on the shoulders of an angel, without care for love n` loss~
When she first married Wakka she was not so obsessed with his memory. She was seemingly happy with her partner in life. He was thrilled with her. He would wake each morning and gaze lovingly at her while she slept; raven braids resting on pale, milky, porcelain skin; skin softer than he had ever imagined. There was nothing in the world that could bring him down. He was wrapped in the gossamer embrace of true love, and he couldn't be happier.
It wasn't until a few months later he noticed her slipping from their shelter in the pre dawn hours. He worried at first, but honoured her privacy. Then the dreams started. She would wake up crying, sobbing or shaking. Then without an answer to his worried questions she would walk out of the tent and down to the beach. He followed her the first few times, fearing the worst. But he only ever saw he sitting on the beach, watching the waves. Endlessly watching and waiting.
~Bring me home or leave me be~
She stopped visiting people. When she first returned to Besaid, after Sin was vanquished, she expertly filled the missing role of village nurse and midwife. She tended to wounds, illness and maladies of all kinds. She delivered many children and felt a pang of regret each time she placed a child in its mother's anxious arms. For the first few months, her work kept her busy and satisfied.
Now, with his memory haunting her day after day, she stayed at home. She even stopped her pre dawn journeys to the ocean. There was nothing left to hope for. Her child would have to fill the gap he left in her life. He would have to be enough.
~My love in the dark heart of the night~
The fayth brought a new twist to her dreams, but she couldn't tell if their intent was to torture her or bring her hope.
They brought him to her. She stood and watched as he walked up towards her, hand in hand with the child-like fayth. Her heart stopped at the sight of him. He stood silently, holding the fayth's hand and said nothing, just gazed at her. The heat of that gaze would warm her for many nights to come.
She cried.
She demanded to know what reason the fayth could have for such torture.
"To bring you hope. He is here to remind you of what awaits you."
"But when can I be with him? Is he coming back to me or do I have to wait until Death joins us?"
"Too many questions," the fayth replied.
Turning to go the fayth led him away and she watched as they both disappeared into the mists, his trademark red coat flowing behind him as he walked.
For a fleeting moment, she felt his touch once again.
Then nothing.
She woke and ran down to the ocean. Then and only then, surrounded by nothing but waves and wilderness, she gave voice to her torment. She did not know she'd been followed.
"Why? Why show me what I cannot have?" she screamed to the ocean.
"Lu?" a soft voice called.
She whirled around, instinctively conjuring up a spell as she faced her attacker. There was no threat, only Wakka.
"What is it?" she asked, her voice dangerously close to unhinged.
"Nothing, ya? Just wanted to see if you were alright."
"I'm fine. Go home, Wakka."
"Not yet. We need to talk about this."
"About what?" she demanded. She knew he was hurting but at that moment her pain and despair trumped his.
"About the ghost between us," he replied sadly.
"What?"
~I have lost the path before me, the one behind will lead me~
"You cannot keep living in the past. He's gone."
"He's not gone! I will find him again!" she said no longer caring if she hurt him.
"Lu, Chappu's gone," Wakka said gently. He was convinced that confronting her was the only way. "We have our life together and now there's our child to consider. You need to accept that the past is dead and gone; we have the future to look to."
"Chappu?"
"He's gone. I'm sorry. I miss him too, ya?"
She now understood how lost Wakka was. He still laboured under the assumption that she still loved and mourned for his brother. In truth, she had barely loved him in the first place. He was a placeholder. She couldn't love so simply, so openly.
She had to let Wakka off the hook.
"I'm the one who's sorry. Let's go home," she said, slipping her arm under his. Silently they returned to the village.
She promised herself to hold on to the hope the fayth were bringing her. She threw herself into her work, using the discipline and training she gained from the pilgrimage. She let her past self become the face she showed the world.
She now had two faces. One for the world and one for dark places.
~Take me~
~Cure me~
~Kill me~
~Bring me home~
Months went by and outwardly she was a model citizen, wife and future mother. She glowed and shone with the love she received and the hope she kindled within. His child stirred within her and she knew joy once again.
It was to be short lived.
Illness found her and in her fevered dreams she pleaded with the fayth to end it all.
"Either cure me or kill me. Don't leave me lingering like this, please!" she cried out to them.
"We cannot. Not yet. Hope for the future, it is not time now."
The fayth finally released her from illness. She opened her eyes and found she was lying in the temple.
"Wakka?" she called.
"Lu? You alright?"
"Yes. Why am I in the temple?" she asked, fearing the answer.
"You almost died, ya? I was so worried!" he cried. She could see the tracks of his tears down his honest face. She felt guilt wash over her for wanting to abandon him. She was about to give it all up without a thought for him. She was mortified at her own callousness.
"I'm sorry, Wakka."
"Sorry for what?"
"Just sorry," she replied offering him no further explanation. "Take me home, love."
~Every way, every day, I keep on watching us sleep~
She did her best to block the fayth from her dreams. She was ready to throw away her childish and selfish desires to find him again. She would see him in the end and that was enough. She wanted to live a simple life with Wakka and her child. It had to be enough.
Months passed and finally her child was born. She kept her eyes closed at first when the old woman held him up for her inspection. She suddenly doubted the fayth's promise to mask his appearance.
"My Lady?" the old woman asked, "do you not wish to see your son?"
"What colour is his hair?"
The old woman was taken aback by the strange question.
"It is red, my Lady. Red as flame, just like his father's."
Lulu opened her eyes a little to gaze at the squalling infant. The old woman was right. An unruly red hair crowned her son's head. She held out her arms and the babe was laid in them. For hours, she cuddled and cooed to her child, unaware of the passage of time.
Eventually, after Wakka had been introduced to the child, exhaustion crept over both mother and child.
Slipping into the familiar landscape of her dreams, Lulu walked forward into the mists, cradling her yet unnamed son in her arms. Before long she recognized two shapes ahead of her; the young fayth and him. She boldly walked up to them and showed them the child.
For the first time, he spoke.
"Take care of my son," he said gently. His voice brought her shivers, but she relished in them. It was the first real emotion she'd felt in months.
"I will. He will be named after you," she announced. It was something she had thought about often, but never spoke aloud.
"Let him carry my name in your heart alone. For the rest of the world must know him by the name his father chooses."
"But you are his father," she protested.
"Not as far as he is concerned. Wakka is the boy's father."
"Please," she begged, but was unsure what she was asking for. He moved quickly forward and gripped her shoulders. It was only the second time he had touched her with such purpose. Gently he leaned forward and brushed her full lips with her own.
"Try to understand."
The mist swirled and clouded her vision. She could no longer see his image, but she could still hear his voice, pleading with her to trust in him.
"Goodbye."
~Relive the old sin of Adam and Eve, of you and me~
~Forgive the adoring beast~
The birth of the boy, named Vidina by his "father" brought great happiness to them both. She was increasingly content and distracted by motherhood but every once in a while her mind drifted back to him. She still longed to be with him, to feel more than a fleeting touch now and then. She no longer wanted to imagine what it would be like. Her longing was growing strong once more. Too strong.
She showed her dark face to the fayth and they obliged her. Letting her control where the dreams would take them. She consummated another marriage. For the first time in her life she revelled in true passion.
She did her best to forgive Wakka for being there first. She loved her life with him and her son but she lived for her life in her dreams. Days melted into months, months into years and years into decades. His memory walked with her wherever she went but now she had power over it and it could not torment her.
~Redeem me into childhood, show me myself without the shell~
Facing old age alone did not scare her. Wakka had passed away years ago and still she went on. He son had grown up, moved on, married and fathered several children. She saw him rarely but loved him for his inner self. His strength and honour flowed in the young man's veins. She still remembered the flare of pride she felt when her son told her that her first grandchild would carry his true father's name.
Old age brought her memories. She remembered things she had long forgotten. She remembered that she had laid eyes on him years before the pilgrimage.
He was the young, virile dark haired man who delivered Yuna into her protection. A powerful warrior. Thick dark hair tied back in a ponytail, strong features, muscular body barely concealed by his red coat and laughing russet eyes. He struck her then as the epitome of all she desired and despite her young years she felt a stirring in her soul as though she had always known him. His russet eyes sparkled as he spoke to her and learned of her future as a mage.
"I wish you luck, my Lady Mage", he said with a charming smile.
It was a nickname she would hold dear to her heart. One that she would not hear until many years later; on that night in the Thunder Plains. She never forgot him but assumed that he had forgotten about her. She didn`t blame him, she was just a child after all and he was a man of 25. How could she expect him to return her childish affection?
~Like the advent of May, I`ll be there when you say~
The fayth came to her once again and told her she only had days to live.
"You will be together soon."
"I understand. I am ready," she whispered.
Waking from her dreams she found no tears. She only felt the blossoming hope that the news brought to her.
Hearing she was ailing, her son rushed to her side. She spoke to him about her dealings with the fayth, about the life they were granting her after she passed on. She also unburdened herself about his parentage.
"You are not your father's son. You were given to me by the fayth, fathered by another, more powerful man. The Legendary Guardian," she told him. She still couldn't bring herself to utter his name aloud.
The young man smiled as she spoke but in his mind he ignored her ramblings, thinking only delirium was the cause.
"I am content with my father and who he was Mother. It is enough for me."
"But your real father was the Legendary Guardian, the most powerful warrior in all of Spira. I knew him, I travelled with him," she said, he voice becoming hoarse with the effort of speaking.
"I know about your journey with the High Summoner. I know all about the Guardians you travelled with, including him. I named my first born after him, I admired him so much," he explained, speaking slowly and clearly, as though to a confused child.
"You don't understand. Your child is named after your true father," she said, pleading with him to understand. Exhaustion overcame her. Her son did not understand or believe her but it was too late. She could speak no more. She could hear the fayth calling to her.
Her son held her frail hand as she slipped away; a hand that could once conjure the most deadly magic in all of Spira. He waited as she slept, hoping her end would be peaceful.
She died in her sleep.
~Time to never hold our love~
Slipping from life into death was a simple journey. Slowly as she walked into the mists, she felt her age sliding away, as though shedding a skin. She felt her old power and strength return to her. Her youth and beauty were returned to her.
Soon she saw the fayth bringing him to her. Smiling for the first time in years she stood, waiting. With extreme reverence, the fayth child grasped both their hands and brought them together. The touch was electric and both gasped in awe.
"Choose," the fayth said.
"Choose what?" she asked, suddenly fearful her journey was not over.
"Choose eternity together now, or another life in Spira."
"Will we be together this time? Can we return here afterwards, and remain together?"
"Yes," the fayth replied. "The sacrifices you have both made in your lives have earned you a second chance."
She looked at him and he at her. Without a word, they had decided.
~My fall will be for you~
~My love will be in you~
Somewhere in a far corner of Spira, in the same village, in the same hour, two babies were born. A girl with raven hair, scarlet eyes and pale moonlit skin; a strong boy with dark hair and piercing russet eyes.
Years passed and they grew up together and grew to love one another. Neither one could remember their previous lives; they listened with the same awe as the other children as the stories of the Legendary Guardian and the mysterious Lady Lulu, Black Mage were told.
They only felt that they needed to be close together. Eventually, when they were old enough, they married and together brought forth four healthy children who turned out to be surprisingly well adept at swordplay and magic.
They lived a long happy life together with a bond that was so strong that even death could not keep them apart; they died as they were born, on the same day, within the same hour.
~You were the one to cut me~
~So I will bleed forever~
Somewhere in the eternal mists of the Farplane, Auron and Lulu can still be found close together, both happy and content at last.
~Fin~
A/N: OK I've never really given this pairing much thought, so this one took me somewhere I didn't expect, but I hope you like it anyway.
Please read and review, but no flames please...I'd rather you remain silent if you don't like it.
Nightwish lyrics are in italics...I didn't use every single line – some were just too far removed from the story.
Now that this is finally out of my system, I can concentrate on my main story...just one other oneshot is struggling to get free...but it's going so s l o w l y...