Elsie sat in her parlor thinking about what the last few months had held for the family. First Lady Sibyl, now Matthew. If she didn't know any better, she'd say there was a curse on the Crawleys. Lady Mary had never been her favorite girl but she wouldn't have wished this on anyone. To raise a child alone was a terrible thing… not that she'd be completely alone, of course, she'd have the family… but even if she remarried, which she was bound to do, it would never be the same. Memories of her own childhood started flooding her mind and she quickly decided to push them out of her mind. She put a kettle on her hot plate and willed it to boil quickly so she could have some tea and relax.

Her eyes fell on her clock and noted that it was 10:30. Was it that late already? No wonder she was so tired. As she stared at the clock, she realized that Charles hadn't come by. He usually called at 10 o'clock. What could be keeping him? Perhaps he was besotted with his own grief at Matthew's death, but if he was, all the more reason for him to join her. Perhaps they could grieve together.

In any case, it didn't seem like he was coming tonight. She went into her room and changed into her nightgown, slipping on her robe over top for warmth. The kettle whistled and she took it off the plate and made herself a cup of tea. She took it over to the settee and curled up, trying to clear her mind. She thought of everything and of nothing at the same time. She thought of her childhood, the family, the recent tragedies… the war, the staff… Anna and Bates… Ethel and Charlie… Mr. Carson…

She sat up, exasperated. It's never going to happen, you foolish woman. The sooner you put it out of your mind, the better, she thought… but the difficulty was that she'd been trying to put it out of her mind for over two decades. She got up and walked over to her teapot, empty cup in hand, determined not to waste any more time on frivolous thoughts tonight. No sooner had she set the cup down than she heart a faint knock on her door.

"Mrs. Hughes? Mrs. Hughes, are you still awake?"

She went over to the door and opened it to find Charles on the other side.

Taking note of what she was wearing, he realized that she was ready for bed and turned a deep shade of pink.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Hughes. I didn't realize how late it was. I'll say goodnight".

He turned to go.

"I wish you wouldn't… not yet, anyway. I could really use a friend tonight."

He turned back around and she opened her door fully so that he could come in. I should probably change, she thought but quickly put the thought out of her head. If nothing had happened for twenty years, nothing was ever going to happen so what was the use of putting on a corset and layers upon layers of clothes again for?

"Won't you join me for some tea? I'm having the most dreadful time getting to sleep tonight and I've got a pretty bad case of wandering mind".

He came in and she wandered back over to her cupboard, producing another cup and saucer for Charles. She poured two cups and put the kettle back on the hot plate. She handed him his tea and wandered back to her corner on the settee. They usually shared wine at the table but her back hurt and all she wanted to do was sit on something soft. She gestured for him to join her.

"Are you all right, Mrs. Hughes?" Charles said after a sip of tea. "Mmm. Delicious."

"Oh, I'm fine… don't worry about me. What about you? You're certainly up late."

"I… I couldn't sleep tonight either. I looked at the same page of my ledger for an hour before I realized that I was getting nowhere. Good God… what a horrible tragedy".

"I know… it's been keeping me up too. First Mr. Patrick… then Lady Sibyl… and now Mr. Crawley… oh, Charles, why is this happening to our family?"

He looked up at her. Our family, she had said. He had never once heard her refer to the Crawleys as her family; if anything, she had admonished him for doing as such.

"Perhaps I've no place to feel as such; I didn't lose a father today, or a son, or even a husband, but there's a hole in my heart. Everything was all right… everything was going to be okay, all of the bad times were finally behind us… it's so terrible that it can't be true."

She choked back a sob and hoped that Charles hadn't noticed. He did, of course, and offered a kind, warm smile.

"I'm sorry… I have a lot of things on my mind this evening".

"Might I ask what else is troubling you?"

"My heart is breaking for that child who will never know his father… and for Mrs. Crawley, who now has to bury her only son… and for Lady Mary, who had just…"

Another sob. Charles placed a warm hand on her elbow.

"The thought of seeing Mr. Branson and Lady Mary alone with their children… it reminded me of my own childhood."

She turned her head away from Charles and stared straight ahead at the coffee table in front of her.

If there was one thing he knew about Elsie, it was that she rarely talked about her past. He doubted that she had even been on the stage as he had but he got the feeling that it was a very dark past. They had known each other for twenty years and she had never mentioned her childhood even once.

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have asked—", he started.

"I was eight when she died… I'll never forget it. One day she was fine and the next… I think deep down I always knew it was him. They said it was her heart… oh, it was her heart, all right."

She paused to take a sip of tea.

"The beatings got worse after she died… went on for years, but what could we do… but then he forced himself on me one night".

Charles looked away, both embarrassed and enraged. She kept going.

"I was used to the beatings… we all were… but when he came into my room that night, I knew something terrible was about to happen. He was stronger than I was and twice my size… I closed my eyes and cried until it was over… and then I left."

She stopped and looked up at him.

"That was the night I left home… I took only the little bit of money I had and the clothes on my back and ran as fast as my legs could take me. I finally found where I was going but when I got there I felt ashamed"

"Where did you go?"

"To my mother's sister. She wasn't a sister by blood but they worked at the same house for twenty years before my mum ran off and got married… my mum used to have us call her Aunt Isobel. I think she might have realized she'd be the victim of foul play in the end… I remember her telling me one day that if anything were ever to happen to her that I was to go to Isobel and she'd keep me as her own. Isobel never liked him… any way, I knew I'd be safe there. She took me in and told me she'd keep me safe, that she knew that he'd done it… that she knew he'd killed her."

Another long pause.

"He showed up about a week later, looking for me and I hid under a few loose floorboards until he'd gone and given her a black eye in the process. We left Argyle for England the next day, to stay with her sister… her husband had passed and she was left all alone on a farm with three small children… all the while mysister Sarah was still with him. I got word that she escaped a few years after I did, but I don't think she'll ever forgive me for leaving her."

She paused and took a long sip of tea. When she put the tea cup down on the table, he took her hands. She met his kind, warm gaze for a moment and then looked down at the table again, leaving her hands in his.

"Mrs. Winters treated me well but raised me hard, saying that if I worked hard, I could head my own farm someday." She smiled. "I always thought that would be my life. It's hard work, a farm, but rewarding… though I could never stomach the butchering of my newest pet." She chuckled and took one of her hands to get a sip of tea. When she'd finished, she gently put her hand back in Charles'.

"The years went by… I couldn't remember how many if I tried. We all got older, people came and went. The children all grew up and Aunt Isobel died… after that, Mrs. Winters decided to sell the farm. She told me that it was now my turn to decide where I went… I could either stay with her or she could help find me a post in a house somewhere. Of course, I wanted to stay with her… she was the only family I had left since I hadn't had news of Sarah for years. She gave me reference for a post in Berwickshire… a friend of a friend or something or other… anyway, I turned it down to stay with Mrs. Winters, but she died in her sleep that very same night. It seemed like the universe was telling me to go home… and so I went after the funeral."

She stared at her tea cup, now empty. Charles poured her another cup, which she immediately cradled in her hands.

"Forgive me", she said, "I'm feeling quite the chill this evening". She set her tea down and folded her hands in front of her. Charles reached over once again took them in his. His smile warmed her from the inside out and she decided to keep telling her story.

"They were a good family, the Armstrongs. I was a house maid and moved up to Lady's maid about one year later… and then I met Joe."

Charles stiffened at the sound of Elsie's former beau but said nothing. Elsie noticed this slight change and a smile formed on her lips.

"He was a farmer… is a farmer. He would supply the cook with all of the freshest and best produce and animals he had. He was the first man I wasn't afraid of… the first to be kind to me and treat me with respect. He was always a good man. The housekeeper, Mrs. Robertson, knew that we were walking out but she told me to think carefully before I chose that path. She'd seen me go from house maid to Lady's maid in a short time… she said I had potential to be a great housekeeper and run an estate one day."

She gave a short chuckle before continuing.

"And then I took the post here at Downton –"

"And everything changed", finished Charles.

"Yes… it certainly did. He proposed when I told him I was coming back to England and I told him I needed time to think about it. His life was there, in Berwickshire… he couldn't just up and leave. He said, "Elsie, you're going to go and meet a footman or valet and fall madly in love and never think of me again"… I assured him that that wouldn't be the case but he was heartbroken nonetheless. I was happy with Joe but I couldn't shake what Mrs. Robertson said. I felt like I needed to give myself a change… I was a farmer's daughter, Mr. Carson… I knew that life already, and while it wasn't a bad one, I was interested to know what life would be like in a great house."

She stopped and looked at him.

"So you turned him down…"

Elsie nodded slowly.

"It was a difficult decision but I felt that it was the right one… and anyway, the years went on and he met someone else, married, and had children… and, well, you already know the rest".

"Indeed I do".

They sat in silence for a bit, hands still joined, each lost in their own thoughts.

"What was the real reason you turned him down the second time?"

She looked up at him, into his eyes, and felt her heart start to pound. If it pounded any harder, surely he would see it. She grabbed her hands back and clutched them in front of her, looking away. Because I couldn't stand the thought of never seeing you again, she thought. I couldn't stand the thought of never looking into your eyes again or hearing the sound of your voice.

Charles looked at her intently. Perhaps it wasn't right to put her on the spot. Did he really expect her to confess to a secret love for him? That was child's nonsense… still, he found that his heart ached when she answered.

"I told you years ago, Mr. Carson… I've changed. I'm not that farm girl anymore".

Charles nodded and she reached for her tea again, almost knocking it off the table. He had known her long enough to know that he had struck a nerve. She was suddenly very nervous. She wouldn't be nervous if she wasn't hiding something.

She moved the tea cup closer to the middle of the small coffee table so that she wouldn't risk knocking it over again. Charles took her hands a third time and stared into her brown eyes.

"Was that the only reason?" he asked slowly.

Their eyes were locked and she found herself frozen in time, unable to speak. She opened her mouth and barely got out a hushed "No." before his mouth was on hers, his lips parting hers and engulfing her in a sweet kiss.