Luggage
A/N So, I know I have a ton of other stories I should be updating...but this one wouldn't leave me alone. I hope you enjoy it. There are some minor spoilers here and there, nothing like Red John's identity...which I'm still mad about, but eh. I still have Jane and Lisbon!
Lisbon glanced around the dimly lit room once more, from table to table, and then up at the clock on the wall. Just ten minutes until it started.
"Remind me one more time why you're making me do this."
"Because. I want you to be happy. You deserve this. You are a good person, but that doesn't mean there isn't someone out there who could make you an even better person." Grace VanPelt spoke in a monotone, her chin resting on her palm, with the look of someone who chose to be bored instead of losing her patience. She had reassured her friend with the same words at least ten times throughout the day.
But Teresa Lisbon was not convinced.
"I just feel completely stupid. I'm a federal agent. This is the very thing I would tell single, naive women not to do. It reeks of desperation and…I'm not desperate." Lisbon threw her hand up to catch the attention of a passing waiter. "Glass of red wine, please. Whatever is cheap and readily available."
A man at the table beside theirs hooted loudly. Lisbon groaned and flushed bright red. VanPelt rolled her eyes.
"Look, if you really want to skip this, that's okay with me. I'm only here for moral support. But if it helps, I'd appreciate a girls' night out. The baby kept me up all last weekend…" she trailed off, tilting her head. If Lisbon wouldn't do this for herself, she'd do it for someone else. That was part of the reason why VanPelt was so intent on doing this. Lisbon cocked an eyebrow.
"I know what you're doing. Jane rubbed off on you a little, huh?"
"Do me a favor and don't think about Jane tonight, okay? This is about you - I mean me. Me and my selfish need for girl time. So are you ready for this?" VanPelt smiled encouragingly as the waiter arrived with Lisbon's wine. She immediately thanked him and brought the glass to her lips. Almost as if on cue, a voice came over the loudspeaker.
"Okay, ladies and gentlemen! We are about to begin. You will find a copy of the rules on each table. Please take the next five minutes to read over them carefully. After that, we ask that you silence your cell phones, put down the heavy liquor, and prepare yourselves to fall in love!" The squeaky female voice was too much for Lisbon. She downed the wine in two gulps.
"I will never, ever go out with you again. We're not friends anymore." Lisbon grumped. VanPelt only smiled wider.
"Okay, let's look at the rules one more time." She grabbed the laminated card on their table, looking like it had never been touched. Maybe no one else at this place had ever followed the rules, but she knew Lisbon. She would obey them to the very last word. "Number one…you get ten minutes with each person. After that, the light on your table will go out, and the people wearing roses will move on counterclockwise to the next table. Number two…no heavy drinking after the dates start. It says 'you want to be yourself when you meet your soul mate.' And the last one says…enjoy yourself. Look at that. The person who made this must have known you were coming."
Lisbon sighed. She thought about ordering another glass of wine, but then she heard the bell. It was time.
"I'm going to move now. And Lisbon…Please try to loosen up, okay? I want you to…to have what Wayne and I have, that's all." VanPelt reached out and briefly touched her friend's hand, then stood up and moved six feet over to her own table. One empty chair sat across from her. She left her wedding ring on, thoroughly intending to ignore her speed-dates in favor of eavesdropping on Lisbon's. She didn't have a rose, and neither did Lisbon, so they would be staying at the same tables all evening.
The voice came over the speaker again. "Everyone with a rose, please take your first seat. And remember, you must switch to a new table at the end of ten minutes, when you hear the bell ring. Enjoy your evening, everyone!"
The bell dinged again, and people with roses began taking seats at small round tables with people who didn't have roses. A man sat down in front of VanPelt, and another sat in front of Lisbon.
VanPelt introduced herself, then flashed her wedding ring. The man looked disappointed. But Lisbon looked alarmed.
A very attractive, broad-shouldered, dark-haired man sat across from her. He was in his late forties and tanned as though he'd lived on the beach. He smiled, and perfectly spaced white teeth gleamed at her. Gorgeous.
"Hello, I'm Gerouge. What is your name?" He had an accent, but Lisbon couldn't immediately place it.
"I'm Teresa. I'm - I'm new to this."
"Ah, me too. First time?" He leaned forward and crossed his arms on the table. His cologne smelled a bit strong.
"Yes. I came as a favor to a friend." Lisbon glanced over at VanPelt, whose date looked very unhappy. VanPelt made every effort to look like she wasn't listening to Lisbon's conversation.
"How nice of you. She shy?"
"No, not shy. Married." Lisbon grew impatient very quickly. This whole thing was stupid. The guy across from her was bound to reveal his fatal flaw at any moment.
"Oh? Married? And I suppose you are too? I see no ring." He leaned even closer, and something about him made Lisbon lean back into her chair. There was something very off-putting in his demeanor.
"No, I'm not married. I wouldn't be here if I was." She cocked an eyebrow, and the man grinned, finally sitting back.
"So, I guess you won't think too highly of me. My wife is at home this very minute. She's a good woman, but…I don't know. Ten years married makes for very boring…conversation, Teresa." And there it was. Lisbon sighed.
"That's a shame. I'm sure your wife must be very disappointed that she married such a boring man." Lisbon crossed her legs, satisfied. Gerouge's face contorted into a confused grimace at first, then after a few moments, he figured out that she'd insulted him, and he had the good sense to look scandalized.
"You are quite bitter, Teresa. You need someone to sweeten you up." He reached across the table to take her hand, and she withdrew.
"Yeah, you probably shouldn't touch me. I'm with the FBI. And this whole thing is a drug sting. So." She gestured around the room, eyeing a few people who actually did look like they may be involved in drug trafficking. Her instincts kicked in, and she reached under the table to put one hand on her gun. For comfort purposes, as you do.
Gerouge's mouth popped open and Lisbon knew he was done trying to get in her pants. Thankfully, the heart-shaped lamp on their table went dark, and a bell dinged overhead. Gerouge nearly leapt from his seat and moved to sit opposite VanPelt, but not without casting a few incredulous glances back at Lisbon.
The whole night passed in the same way. Date number two was also married. Dates three and four were just looking for quick hookups. Date five was a woman, and Lisbon just wasn't ready to give up on men yet. Date number six was a man who also hadn't given up on men yet. They had a pleasant conversation about shoes and Ricky Martin. Lisbon promised he'd find the right man someday.
After twelve unsuccessful dates, date number thirteen sat down. He was the last one of the night. Lisbon was tired and irritated. And despite what VanPelt had asked, with each new person who sat down across from her, she'd imagined what Jane would say. How he would joke about what she was doing, about her individual conversations with these strangers. He'd tell her to loosen up and have fun. He'd say she was being too critical, that no one found their soul mate by being an unseemly curmudgeon.
It was about two minutes into her last date before she realized she hadn't spoken, and neither had Mr. Thirteen.
"Oh. I'm so sorry. I'm Teresa. Did you say your name? I missed it."
"Nope. Didn't say it. I haven't said a word since I sat down."
Lisbon sat up straighter, surprised. She gave Mr. Thirteen a once-over. He looked perfectly average. He was probably about six feet standing up, with dark hair that was slightly receding. He had a nice square jaw and square shoulders. Not particularly muscular, but he looked healthy and comfortable with himself. His eyes were warm and brown, and his clothes were brown…and his shoes were brown. He was very brown. Shallow crows feet branched out from the corners of his eyes, so she guessed he was in his late forties. He needed a little chapstick, and he had a five o'clock shadow…yes, he was Mr. Average Joe.
"What is your name, then?"
"Joe."
"Hah. No, really."
"It's Joe. It might as well be, anyway. I've been watching you a little, and on my last date I could hear you telling off Mr. Incredibly Oversexed over there." He jerked his thumb toward the man who had just left Lisbon's table and who was now trying to get VanPelt to go home with him. She showed him her wedding band for the fifth time.
"Oh. Well…I…don't have an excuse, actually. I really don't want to be here. I think this whole thing is stupid, and desperate." Might as well be honest. That's what Jane would say.
"Me too. I'm just here as a favor to a friend." He almost looked like he was going to yawn. Lisbon felt a little insulted for some reason.
"Really? So am I."
"No, I'm stupid and desperate." He grinned out of the corner of his mouth, and it reminded Lisbon of Jane. She shook her head.
"Are you making fun of me?" She leaned forward and put her elbows on the table, finally finding herself intrigued with one of her speed dates.
"Of course I am. Don't dish it out if you can't take it."
"If I tell you I can take it, will you tell me your real name?" It was worth a shot. This was the most brain activity she had experienced all evening. She'd at least like to know his name. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, making a show of scratching his chin and looking off into the distance as if in deep thought.
Then he smiled again and offered his hand for her to shake. Lisbon accepted it, unable to stop herself from grinning back.
"Hi. My name is Joe."
For six months, Teresa Lisbon was quite happy. She had gone and gotten herself a boyfriend. She still tactfully avoided answering whenever someone asked her where she'd met him, but she was still proud of herself. A boyfriend. A nice one. Ten points for Lisbon.
Jane, of course, was wildly jealous and made every attempt to alienate Lisbon at work. He chose to team up with Fischer or Cho whenever possible. Given the choice, he would ask Wiley to lunch instead of his old partner. Lisbon thought he might even be pouring his tea on the ficus in her office -it looked pretty much near death, and smelled like Earl Grey.
It was at the end of that sixth month that Lisbon's happiness reached its end. Joe got a job offer in Honolulu. He would be Joe, the fabulous divorce lawyer, divorcing Honolulu's wealthiest, in just three weeks. And Lisbon would be in Texas until the end of time.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" Fischer asked, noting the change in Lisbon. She appreciated the offer, but didn't know Fischer well enough to trust her with details about the downfall of her relationship.
"Her boyfriend is moving. Far away, would be my guess. Lisbon would never be able to deal with a long-distance relationship." Jane appeared at just that moment, and as Lisbon had feared, he had figured out everything. And he was happy about it.
"Oh no. I'm sorry to hear that. He seemed to make you really happy."
Lisbon stacked some paperwork neatly on her desk and placed it on the edge, very near to where Fischer stood. She hoped she'd see the pile of forms and let her get back to work.
"Of course he made her happy. He was a perfectly normal, average Joe. Just what Lisbon always wanted." Jane said it in a sing-song voice, sipping his tea and grinning at Lisbon over the rim of his cup. Somehow, when he called Joe 'average' it sounded like an insult. Not the comforting, familiar thing that it was.
"He wasn't average where it counted, Jane. You could learn a few things from him." Lisbon bristled, putting a bit more venom in her words than she'd meant to. Oh well. He'd been an asshole for months, and he was rubbing salt in her new wounds. What kind of friend was he anyway?
Fischer's eyebrows shot to the top of her immensely high forehead.
"You mean he was good in bed?"
"What? No! I mean…well yes, but…that's not what I meant. I simply meant…he was very easy to talk to…and kind, and not afraid to talk about his emotions."
"His mother around?" Jane asked suddenly, leaning against an unused desk.
"Well, no. She died when he was very young."
"There it is. He's got issues, Lisbon. Deep-seated emotional ones. Run away while you can."
Lisbon felt her temper flare, but to her credit, she maintained her composure. To Fischer's credit, she completely ignored Jane.
"Have you thought about…you know, transferring? To the Honolulu office? I mean, I know you've only been with this guy for six months, but…if it were me, I wouldn't need much of a reason to move to Hawaii, anyway." Fischer laughed shortly, and Lisbon decided she liked her a bit more. She had actually given the idea of moving a thought. Or two. But Jane…
"Lisbon would never leave me. The separation would kill her. She needs me to put some excitement into her life." The blond man crossed the room to Lisbon's desk and sat his teacup on her pile of paperwork. For some reason, she felt this was the perfect metaphor for how Jane saw her and her career. His teacup, carelessly placed on her task for the day. Somehow, it snapped her last little modicum of control.
"Actually, Fischer, I think that's a reasonable idea. I've never been to Hawaii. And it's like you say…even if Joe and I don't work out…I'll still be in a beautiful place. I could live like an islander. I could learn to like pineapple." She was getting a little crazy. Her eyes locked on her dying ficus, and then on Jane's face. He looked slightly shocked, which meant he was completely blown away.
Fischer looked a little proud of herself, and even a little concerned for Lisbon.
"I mean, it's not a decision you should make on a whim-"
"Yeah, Lisbon. You know how high the cost of living is in Hawaii? It's outrageous. And you complain about how much gas costs here. You'd have a conniption in Hawaii, the very first time you filled up the Lisbonmobile. Not to mention how badly you'll stick out around all the muscular, toned island people-"
"Fischer, if you'd like to accompany me, I think I will see if Abbott is in his office. I'd like to put in a transfer request as soon as possible."
"Oh…okay. If you're sure that's what you really want." Fischer looked from Lisbon to Jane, and took a step back. The tension between them was so thick, it could've been mistaken for Jane's ego.
"You're not going to move." Jane said it, but it sounded sort of like a question.
"I am. Joe is a nice man. He loves me." Lisbon said it, but it sounded like she was defending herself.
"The FBI will never let you. They want me, and one condition for me to work here is that I work with you."
"You did work with me…for a few months. You should've been more specific about the time frame on that request, Jane. The FBI held up its end of the bargain. And I never made one…and it's my life." That was enough reasons. If Jane really thought the only reason she was even here was because the FBI wanted to make him happy, well…he was right, and that pissed her off. Lisbon nodded at Fischer, and the two walked off together. Lisbon didn't look back.
Why did it have to get weird? Where had any of that come from? She hadn't seen it coming. For months, Jane had all but ignored her. It was on her last nerve. For some reason, having him address her like a normal person was just upsetting. A tiny voice in the back of her mind told her she wasn't running toward Joe, but away from dealing with Jane. But she had been running away from Jane for a long time in her mind. Now she was going to do it with her heart.
"I have no doubt that you've thought this through, Agent Lisbon, but can I ask…are you doing this over a man?"
Lisbon swallowed. Actually, she hadn't thought this through. Not really. But she would be damned if she would risk looking stupid by backing out now. "No. This is for myself. I want to see new places, experience new things."
"I understand. Well, I'll be sad to see you go. You and Jane have certainly given our solve rate a boost. The Honolulu office would be lucky to have you. I assume Mr. Jane will be requesting a transfer as well?"
"No," Lisbon blurted out quickly, "he won't. And if he does…can you…would you ask him not to?" It sounded suspicious and a little pathetic, but she was all about getting the hell out of Texas. And soon enough, she wouldn't be seeing Abbott anymore. She could live with the shame for five minutes.
Abbott's jaw tightened, and he focused intently on her face. He smoothed his hands over the transfer papers in front of him.
"Agent Lisbon…if you are moving because you can no longer work with Mr. Jane, I need to know. If his behavior or work ethic is making this office an undesirable place to work-"
"It's not him. Well, part of it is. I can't help feeling…that the only reason I'm here is because of him. I know you'll tell me that's only partly true. But I feel that I need a fresh start, in a new office…where people don't know about Jane. Or how I got this job." She felt her face grow hot, and she cleared her throat. Fischer stood just off to one side of Abbott's office, looking out the window, but no doubt listening with ravenous ears.
"I won't lie and say that your feelings are unwarranted. He is a large part of why you're here. And if you feel that you'll only be comfortable working for the FBI in a different office, then I will approve your transfer, granted they have room for you in Honolulu. I will also advise Mr. Jane that he is most needed here, but only because that is true. Honolulu has several consultants they work with. None of them compare to Jane, but nevertheless, they've got them."
Lisbon knew Abbott would never let Jane go, no matter what happened. Jane made Abbott and the entire Austin division look like heroes to the public. Every other FBI office across the country was vying for Jane, but Abbott's connections ensured that the consultant would stay put. Lisbon, however, wasn't nearly as valuable. She would probably even be replaced in a week.
Then a thought occurred to her.
"What if Jane says he'll quit if I move? I wouldn't put it past him." The thought fed her ego just a bit, but then she tamped it down. This was the very thing she was distancing herself from.
"He can't. The conditions of his freedom include that he work for the FBI. We gave you a position here and fulfilled Mr. Jane's requirement, for a time. We have no control over your desire to move to a new office, and I have no desire to deny you the change of scenery. If Mr. Jane should renege on this bargain, the charges against him will be reinstated immediately and he will be taken into FBI custody, tried and most likely convicted of a long list of charges, one of them being murder, if you recall." Abbott spoke very matter-of-factly. Lisbon marveled at how Abbott could praise Jane's talents and contributions to the FBI one second, and be completely prepared to throw him to the wolves the next. Jane was on a tighter leash than he realized.
"I understand, sir. When will I know if they can take me in Honolulu?"
"Shouldn't be more than a few days. I'll send the request over to the director there today."
"Thank you, sir." Lisbon stood, and Fischer finally stopped staring out the window. She stood by Lisbon's side and offered a friendly, I'm-supporting-you-with-my-face look. Lisbon nodded at Abbott, and turned to leave.
"Agent Lisbon? For what it's worth, you more than proved yourself here. Regardless of how you got this job, you deserved it."
She let Abbott's words sink in. A genuine look of respect met her gaze. She felt a warm, glowing pride radiate throughout her body, and smiled awkwardly.
"Thank you, sir."
She meant it.
"Joe Masters."
"Hi Joe, it's Teresa. I'm calling from work. I have some news about my transfer request…"
"Yeah? What did they say? Hang on, let me move to where I have a better signal. I'm trying to pack the last few things in the garage…"
"Oh? How much do you have left?"
"Very little, just some tools…so what did your boss say? Did you get it?" He sounded like he was trying not to be excited. But she could hear it in his voice.
"I did! There's not exactly an opening, but they're creating a new job for me. Abbott really talked me up to the director in Honolulu. He said they can't wait to have me. I'll have my own office!" This was a small victory. She hadn't had her own office in Austin. She'd missed having that one room all to herself, like she'd had at the CBI. Privacy was key.
"That's amazing! I'm so glad for you! And for me, obviously. What's the job?"
"Assistant Director of the Criminal Incident Response Group." She said the title with reverence, enunciating carefully.
"Sounds fabulously bogus and I'll never say it correctly when I introduce you to people. I'll just call you my big-time cop girlfriend." His deadpan voice always made her laugh. She giggled into the phone, and he laughed back.
"So…guess it's a good thing I sprang for the bigger apartment." She loved how he sounded just the tiniest bit uncomfortable talking about serious things in their relationship. For some reason. Even though it was kind of a red flag.
"Yeah. Being five-foot-four, I need tons of space."
"I love that you're short. Means I have endless ways to tease you and make you feel bad about yourself."
"I love that you make me laugh while trying to make me feel bad about myself."
There was a short silence, and then Joe said, "I love you."
Lisbon choked. He'd never actually said it. Now, on the phone, he was saying those three little words. And he said them very seriously.
Lisbon glanced around at who was listening. Oh, how she would relish in her private Honolulu office, overlooking the Pacific.
Jane was standing just beside his couch, not quite out of earshot. His back was turned to her. She lowered her voice.
"I love you too, Joe."
Jane heard. She knew by the way he didn't look like he'd heard. She knew by the way he looked perfectly deaf to everything. He'd heard her, and she was glad.
"I'll see you tonight. We'll celebrate your ridiculous made-up title. Come by here, okay?" Joe sounded as happy as she'd ever heard him. Jane turned enough that she could see he was lifting his cup of tea to his lips. How many cups was that today? Not that she cared.
"Okay. I'll see you." Lisbon hung up on probably the longest conversation she'd ever had at work and immediately felt guilty. This was the FBI. She couldn't be using the phones to make personal calls.
"Of course you can. You'll never get a signal in here." Jane appeared suddenly, startling her. She hadn't even noticed him approach her, reading her thoughts all the way.
"Hey, Jane. How are you today?" she asked coolly. With one flick of her wrist, she grabbed the small cardboard box she'd collected from the mailroom and began packing the few personal items on her desk. This wasn't her last day, but she wanted Jane to see that she was serious about leaving right now, for some reason.
"I'm doing well, dearest Lisbon. I assume you're leaving us for the grand old state of Hawaii?"
"You assume correctly." She didn't look at him. Her hands were a little bit shaky, and he probably noticed. She made a point to quickly shove all his little origami animals (there were only three. He hadn't made many in the past few months) into her box. She felt satisfied at the hurt look on his face.
"You know, this whole thing is just…unusual. First, you meet this guy at a speed dating party. Then you decide you're going to leave your job for him, and move across the ocean to be with him. And he's a lawyer. A divorce lawyer. He hates love, Lisbon. Are you sure you want to be with someone who hates love?" He propped himself against her desk, nearly knocking over her travel mug and framed photo of her and Joe together.
Jane picked up the photo, and Lisbon blanched. Reaching out for it and trying to speak, Jane beat her to it.
"A framed photograph. On your desk, at your place of work. Tsk. Lisbon, this isn't like you. You're ill. He's drugged you. Don't worry, I'm with the FBI. We'll get you a new name, a new social security number, anything you need-"
"Jane, stop!" Lisbon said firmly, raising her voice just enough that the people nearest her turned to look. She snatched the frame from Jane's hands and tossed it in the box. This was her payback for packing her things in front of him. He knew she was doing it to hurt him. "I don't need you to make a scene right now, okay? Besides, it's normal for a woman to have a photograph of her boyfriend on her desk. What's with you?"
"What's with me?" he asked angrily, standing up and glaring down at her. Shocked, she abandoned the box. He rarely lost his temper like this. "You keep saying that all this is normal. Well, for some people it is. But you aren't normal, Lisbon. You're the opposite of normal. You're better than normal, and you're settling for average. Average isn't a good look for you." He wasn't making good sense, and he seemed to realize he didn't have much of an argument, but he plowed on. "You won't be happy in Hawaii. There are tidal waves and volcanoes and earthquakes all the time. Do you want to die?"
It had officially crossed the line into preposterous.
"Jane…I'm done. I can't listen to this anymore. You're losing it."
More people had turned to look. Lisbon really didn't want this. She wanted a nice quiet exit from this place, into a land of beauty and fresh beginnings. Absolutely in no way did she want to reinforce the idea that she and Jane were sleeping together…and this definitely made it look like they were. She grabbed her box and her car keys and walked away from her desk, passing Fischer's and Wiley's and avoiding meeting their eyes. Fischer's mouth was slightly ajar, probably wondering how long she should wait before getting friendly with Jane.
She nearly walked right into Abbott, who glanced from her to Jane in complete understanding of the situation.
"Sorry…I didn't see you…"
"It's fine, Agent Lisbon. Mr. Jane, I need to see you in my office. Now." He looked at Lisbon again, a knowing expression on his face. Lisbon couldn't meet his eyes. Of course she was moving because of a man, and Abbott had to know it.
"Can this wait? Lisbon and I-"
"Are no longer working together. She needs these last few days to prepare herself for her transition to a new office." He turned his attention to her. "Agent Lisbon, it's been a pleasure working with you. All of us wish you success in your new position. Keep in touch."
He had dismissed her. It was kind of him, really. He had to know how awkward working there would be for her, after it was announced she was moving to a better position. Everyone surely thought Jane had something to do with it.
Lisbon glanced behind her at her desk, trying to mentally catalogue everything in it, and if she needed to take anything else with her. She supposed the rest was FBI property.
"Thank you, sir. I've appreciated this opportunity."
Without a look at another soul, she walked straight out the door, toward the elevator, and pressed the "down" button.
Well, so much for a quiet exit.
It was a depressing thing to realize that she didn't have many personal belongings to pack. As soon as she got home, she gathered all the moving boxes she'd saved from months before, when Jane had coerced her into uprooting her life in Washington. It would only take a day or two, and everything would be ready to ship to Hawaii. Oh, she was ready.
She grabbed her phone and was just about to dial Joe's number when the screen lit up with Jane's. Lisbon nearly growled in frustration.
"What do you want, Jane?" she grumbled into the phone. All the pent-up frustration was coming out. What a weird, unpleasant end to this…relationship, or whatever it was. Whatever it could have been.
"I want to talk. I just got out of my meeting with Abbott. Do you know he had the gall to deny my request to relocate to Hawaii? What gives him the right?"
"He's the director of the Austin division…" Lisbon threw a couple things into a box, with no regard to whether they were breakable. She would start on her collection of ten DVDs in a minute.
"I know that. But he knows my requirements-"
"Your requirements? Jane, are you an idiot? He owns you. The FBI as a whole, owns you. You're…you're kind of their bitch, okay? They humored you for a few months, they gave in to your silly demands for a partner and a couch. But really, how long did you think you could play this game with them? Anything with 'federal' in the name, and you can forget getting a one-up. This is insane." She couldn't believe how many books she owned. And then there was the box with Jane's letters.
For a moment, she eyed the garbage can. She picked up the letter box and carried it over to the trash, stomped on the pedal to raise the lid….
"Lisbon, I need you to hear me out. Okay, I know I don't control the FBI. I just thought…maybe…"
"You controlled me? You thought I'd never get tired of this?" She stood there, one hand holding her phone to her ear, the other dangling the box of letters precariously over a garbage bin. It would be so easy to throw them out, and the symbolism would be nice for her tired heart.
"No, Lisbon. I've never controlled you. You've always been in complete control of me."
Lisbon snorted, loudly and unattractively. Thank God Jane wasn't there to see it.
"Would you let me in? It's actually cold out here. Texas is letting me down."
Of course, he would be outside her door already.
Lisbon hesitated a moment, then set the box of letters on the counter above the trash can. She fought an internal battle with herself for a few seconds, and no doubt Jane knew. In the end, her lesser self won, and she opened her front door to a man who looked pleased with himself and absolutely morose at the same time.
Only Jane could pull it off.
He didn't say anything, and she was instantly mad again.
"Speak. Or leave." Lisbon realized she was still holding her phone to her ear, and she quickly hung up. She tucked the phone under her arm and stuck her chin out, daring him to comment.
"Can I come in? Like I said, it's cold." He made a show of rubbing his arms. Lisbon felt the warm breeze against her face. It had to be ninety degrees outside.
"Are you on drugs?" Lisbon stepped back and allowed him inside, despite the urge to slam the door in his face. She was so close to escaping without some horrible emotional blow-up between them. As it was now, they could possibly maintain a polite email relationship. That reminded her of the letters, and she jerked her head toward the trash can.
Jane saw them, too. The box at the very edge of the counter. Obviously she'd been about to throw them away.
To her horror, he actually opened the lid and took a letter out. She recognized it immediately as one of her favorites. It was heavily creased and smeared (she'd cried a little…every time she'd read it) and Jane unfolded it in awe.
"How many times did you read this, Lisbon?" he asked softly.
Lisbon simply stood, staring at him, agape. She leaned heavily on the door, trying to muster the strength to deal with this time-bomb that was her life.
3, 2….1.
"Listen to me…I read it a few times, out of concern for your safety. I thought…maybe you were trying to tell me in code where you were. And I wasn't going to throw them away," she added quickly.
"Yes, you were, but there's no sense in arguing about it. You'd have done it if I hadn't shown up." He knew it, and said it, so it must have been true. Lisbon straightened up as Jane walked toward her, his eyes on the letter.
"I remember writing this like it was yesterday. You know…I don't blame you for distancing yourself from me. There's not even a scrap in here that would give you a reason to think I'd ever come back. Even if you read between the lines, there's no guarantee there." He sounded sad, and disappointed in himself, and wistful. Lisbon could hardly breathe.
With half of her body, she wanted him to tell her he loved her. That he just couldn't stand to see her go because he would miss their friendship, her quirks (he'd pointed them out often), their propensity for catching the bad guys together.
The other half of her wanted this damned aggravating, heart-wrenching person as far away from her as geographically possible before she died of unrequited…whatever.
Besides…maybe she didn't love Joe as much as she cared about Jane. But she did love him enough. The rest would come with months and maybe even years of companionship, just as it had with Jane. Given time, feelings would grow.
Jane hadn't spoken. He stood not three feet from her, rereading the same letter over and over, much as she had done. It was a prickling, odd sensation. She almost felt like he was intruding on something special, until she realized he had written all those special words. He was the author of those paragraphs that had kept her awake, wondering. Missing him, and hoping he was healthy, and happy, and starting a new life beyond Red John. Even if she wasn't in it.
"Can I ask you something?" he said abruptly, placing the letter in his jacket pocket. Lisbon really would need that back. His face was so desperate though that she didn't speak. "I want you to answer honestly."
"I will," she said, her voice strained.
"If you had gotten a letter from me, asking you to come to wherever I was, would you?" He stepped forward once more, and Lisbon stepped back.
"Yes. Then, after a while, I would have left. I think."
Jane looked intrigued.
"What do you mean?" He lowered his head so that his eyes were level with her own, and shoved his hands deep in his jacket pockets.
"I would have come to make sure you were okay. To see how you were. And you were obviously doing very well…so, I would've left. I need to make my own decisions in life. I need to be my own person." She didn't look him in the eye, because she didn't feel true conviction. Yes, she needed to make her own decisions. But six months ago, all her decisions would have involved Jane in some way. Regardless if he'd stayed gone two, or five, or ten years.
"Lisbon, you seem to be under the impression that I'm telling you what to do. But you've always been the one in charge. Yes, I have my own way of solving cases. Yes I've disobeyed you. But when it comes to what matters-Lisbon-" His eyes grew wide and he stepped toward her again. She subconsciously stepped back…and her back met the door. She swallowed.
Her palms were sweaty and a bitter wave of nausea washed over her.
"I wrote you letters for two years, Lisbon. I came back because I met a woman on a beach who reminded me that no woman on any continent could stop me from missing you. I refused to work with the FBI unless I could have you. I would have gladly gone to jail, rather than work this job without you. You're my partner," he whispered, his voice breaking. He stepped even closer, and finally, Lisbon snapped.
"And what about Joe? You-had-YEARS-to do this! Why are you doing this to me? You have barely spoken to me in months-" her voice withered to nothing, and she clamped her lips shut to avoid sobbing outright. Jane moved back a few inches.
"Forgive me, Lisbon-he's not me. He never will be. Are you going to be okay with that?"
"That's such a horrible, Jane thing to say." Lisbon felt the tears coming, and she couldn't stop them. A hot, hard ball of grief knotted in her throat. She swallowed it down, but it kept coming back up, like bile. Her eyes started to burn, and Jane's face became a blur of tanned skin and blond hair.
"I'm asking you because it's something I've said to myself, every time I've looked at another woman. I have to ask myself if I'm willing to settle for someone I'll always compare to you. And I won't." He moved back toward her, closing all but the last space between them, his breath hot on her face. "I won't ask you not to go. I just want you to let me come with you."
It was as close to a declaration as she was going to get. She just had to decide what to do with it.
She looked at Jane's face, and knew she loved him. He had been such a huge part of her life for over a decade. There was no way she could not love him.
"What if…you're just doing this now because I'm with someone? And tomorrow, you'll realize you just didn't want anyone else to have what you didn't?" Lisbon was calming down. Sensibility had returned.
"Of course that's why I'm doing this now." He pounded the door with his palm very near her head, and she flinched. "Lisbon, we were supposed to figure this out in our own time."
"What? Jane…it's been years. A person can't wait forever. It's not…healthy." She swallowed the bile down again. This all felt wrong. This wasn't how she wanted things to happen. She wasn't even sure what she wanted to happen anymore.
Lisbon decided to throw caution to the wind. It was time to be finished with the nonsense.
"Can you just say it? You know what I mean. Or is it still too soon for you?" she asked, jerking her head pointedly at his wedding ring. Maybe it was mean and selfish…but so was Jane, for asking this much of her.
He didn't respond. He only stood quietly, knowing he'd lost.
"I think you should go now, Jane," she whispered. Her voice betrayed how upset she was. Jane looked at her then, and he had such an odd look on his face that Lisbon stared back in awe.
"Okay." The word broke the spell, and Lisbon looked away. She took a deep breath, because knowing Jane, this could be the last time she ever saw him.
"Be safe, wherever you are," she rasped, stepping away from the door, and opening it without looking at him again. He didn't move, but she wouldn't meet his gaze. After a moment, he silently walked out.
That was all. Lisbon waited until she heard his car start and drive away before she could close the door. She didn't lean against it and cry or beat her fists against the wall. She gathered her purse, her keys, her phone, and a few overnight essentials. Then she headed to Joe's.
He opened the door with a warm smile on his face.
"Hey, Reese. You're early…something happen?" As she walked inside, his face fell. Obviously she wasn't good at hiding how miserably she felt. He reached out to touch her, but she pulled away.
"We need to talk. Can we talk?"
"Of course…are you…did someone die? Is it Jane?"
Lisbon's head snapped up at Jane's name.
"Why would you ask if it was Jane? Where did that come from?" She let Joe guide her to his couch, where she sank down wearily beside him. He reached one long, firm arm around and pulled her closer.
"Well, you talk about him a lot. I just assumed you guys were close. Or do we hate him now?" he grinned at her. His attempt to cheer her up would normally work right away, which was why he was having trouble understanding that this was no ordinary bad mood.
"I guess I didn't realize I talk about him so often." Lisbon leaned against Joe, pursing her lips. He smelled nice. Like leather and shampoo. Clean. Average.
He didn't speak for a moment. Lisbon sniffed, realizing she'd gone all snotty from her near crying-fit on the way over.
"You're not coming to Hawaii, are you?" he said, sounding sure.
"No! I'm coming…" Lisbon said, sitting up and facing him. The words she said next just tumbled out. "I just think I need to go alone. I mean, I don't think we should go together. I don't want this to be about me running away from my problems, or moving for a guy. It's not like me. I want this to be about me, starting over in an entirely unknown place. I need…me time. Because for a really long time, it's been…about someone else." She blushed, but held his gaze. He deserved the truth. "It's been about Jane for years. So many years it's embarrassing. I need this for myself."
Joe nodded, smiling a straight, half-smile at her.
"I get it. So…are we going to see each other in Hawaii? Or are you going to a different island?" he winked, nudging her.
"I'd like to see you. In time. Right now…I'm confused and nervous about restarting everything. Once I get settled, then I'd love to meet you, for…coffee, or…dinner." She smiled, widely, for the first time all day. This was what she wanted. She wanted, for once, not to make a decision based on a man.
This new chapter would be hers, and hers alone.
"Dinner would be great. I know you too well to be bored with coffee talk. Just give me a call whenever you're free, okay?" Lisbon nodded quickly, sniffing again, but this time feeling lighter than she'd felt since she'd made the decision to move.
Joe lowered his eyes to her lips just before he gently kissed her, cradling her jaw with his hand. He pulled away, clearing his throat.
"I'll, uh, miss you. Even though you sing Spice Girls in the shower. You should probably not ever mention that on a speed date again, because it's a huge turn-off." He grinned again, unable to stop himself from picking on her.
"I'll see you," Lisbon said, reaching to hug him. "If it helps, you were number thirteen. We were doomed from the start."
"I knew it. Still…you had a cute ass."
That night, Lisbon stayed in a motel. Just in case Jane came back to her place. Nothing was going to change her mind now.
As surely as she'd known she would, all her things were packed in just a few hours. The furniture would stay behind. She'd buy new things in Hawaii…maybe something with a tropical print. And of course, VanPelt had already mailed her a grass skirt. She could barely contain her excitement as she glanced around her empty rental home once more, noting how glad she was that she'd listened to Jane and not bought the place (he'd assured her he would find her something better one day, and she'd be glad she hadn't bought this fixer-upper).
The taxi honked its horn outside.
She grabbed the very last box - a small one, filled with her ten DVDs, two books, and the stuff from her desk at work.
She walked out the front door, locked it, left the key in a loose stone the realtor had described, and turned to get into the taxi.
Lisbon took a shocked breath - it wasn't the taxi. It was Jane's car.
He was standing outside of it, leaning against it, arms crossed. When he saw her, he dropped his arms and stood up straighter. She heard him clear his throat.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, her voice accusing.
"I wanted to wish you luck on your trip." Jane smiled, but Lisbon couldn't tell if it was genuine. "You know you can't leave without saying goodbye anyway. You'd never forgive yourself, Lisbon." Jane stopped short just in front of her, his hands in his jacket pockets. His smile softened. "And I wouldn't be able to forgive myself, either."
"Jane…my taxi will be here any minute. I don't have time to-"
"Lisbon, we've waited years. You can spare twenty minutes, don't you think?" He reached out and took her box from her, and as he did so, she saw his ring finger was bare. Jane gently sat the box on the ground. Lisbon crossed her arms tightly against her chest, in an attempt to prevent her heart from beating a hole through it.
Jane straightened, and placed his hands at her elbows, not pulling her toward him, but holding her steady.
"Lisbon…look at me."
She lifted her gaze to his. His eyes took in every feature, every shadow and contour. He probably knew what she was thinking in less than a second.
"No, I'm not going to kiss you. I want to talk." Lisbon let out a deep breath, trying to ignore the sting of disappointment.
"What is it you want to talk about?"
"Let me come with you. That's what I want to talk about. Change your mind about this. Or tell me what I have to do to to change it." His voice was even and low, and gentle. Lisbon stared at him.
"Why do you want to come, Jane? So we can keep up this game where we politely ignore each other unless contact is absolutely necessary? Because I'm done with it. You'll go back to giving me the silent treatment until I start dating someone else, and then we'll go through this all over again." Despite the Texas heat, Lisbon felt miserably cold inside. Jane released her arms.
"So…you and Joe…?" he asked, sounding despicably hopeful.
"We aren't together. I wanted to be sure I wasn't doing this for him. Or you, for that matter." She felt herself blushing with a mixture of embarrassment and pride. Jane noticed.
"So you're moving thousands of miles away because you need some time to yourself, without your old baggage tagging along."
Lisbon nodded. Jane looked angry, but only for an instant. He nodded his head, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.
"Well, that makes sense. Very well, Lisbon. I wish you the best in your new life." Jane stuck out his hand to shake hers, and she took it. Puzzled, Lisbon didn't protest when he pulled her toward him, embracing her. Then, so quietly she almost missed it, he whispered, "I'll miss you."
Her heart twisted painfully. She would miss him, too. Every single day. But as a testament to her firm decision to try new things, she decided to take a leap. She knew of one thing that would make missing him a little easier.
Lisbon turned her head just enough that Jane's lips were inches away. She looked at them, anticipated how they would feel. Then she made the mistake of looking into Jane's eyes.
If she kissed him now, he'd never let her leave. She could see it in his face. A deep line marred his forehead, and the slight frown on his lips made him look more determined than she'd ever seen him. It would be harder for her to wonder what it would have been like, but she couldn't do that to him. No matter how much she wanted it.
She thought he must have seen her change her mind, because he didn't let her get very far.
Jane all but crashed his mouth against hers, squeezing her into his body with one arm and cradling her head with his other hand. She literally couldn't move. His lips were hot and smooth; Lisbon's heart thrilled with adrenaline. Warm blood filled her face, and she couldn't feel her legs.
She finally kissed him back, opening her mouth just enough to taste him. Her arms wound around his neck of their own free will. The only sounds were their breathing and the blood pounding through their veins.
Jane pulled away first. His lips were parted slightly, and his warm, quickened breath washed over Lisbon's face.
"I'll find a way around Abbott. You know I will. That's why this decision is so easy. You know I'll follow you." He said it with such conviction that Lisbon could do nothing but believe him. "You'll never get rid of me, Lisbon."
The taxi arrived then, and Lisbon delicately untangled herself from Jane. His shirt and jacket were wrinkled and his hair was even messier than usual. She could only imagine how she looked, bending awkwardly to retrieve her box.
"I need to go now, Jane. My flight-"
"Yeah, I know. You don't want to be late." He smiled.
Lisbon smiled back.
"Yeah." And knowing it was the truth, she said, "I'll see you. Really soon."
Jane's grin stretched across his entire face, brilliant and perfect.
"You read my mind, Lisbon."
She turned, trying to contain her joy inside herself. Once she was in the taxi, she placed her little box beside her and looked down inside it. The box of Jane's letters was there, safe. She turned her gaze back to Jane, who hadn't moved from where he had just kissed her for the first time since they'd met so many years before. His hands were in his jacket pockets, his eyes squinting against the afternoon sun.
"To the airport, ma'am?" the driver asked, and Lisbon thought her face would nearly split in two with her smile.
She thought of how Jane had compared himself to her old luggage, as though it was a bad thing. She'd often heard people say they had baggage they couldn't get rid of, but she wondered how that could be right. Didn't most people carefully pack their bags with essentials? And no one was ever happy to find their luggage missing or damaged. It was the only thing tying them to familiarity, to home. Yes, Jane was her baggage. That was just fine with her.
"Yes. The airport."
The car moved forward, and Lisbon watched Jane as long as she could. He lifted his arm to wave, and then disappeared around a curve in the road.
Lisbon let out the breath she'd been holding.
Then, she reached into her pocket for her phone. She didn't know why, but for some reason she wanted to make sure it was there. It wasn't.
Lisbon froze for a moment, feeling instead a piece of paper in her pocket. She grasped it in her fingers and withdrew it to find a small origami frog.
She loved Jane. But she was also going to kill him for making her miss her flight.
"Sir? I need you to turn around," Lisbon said, staring at Jane's creation. Her heart swelled, and tears pricked at the corners of her eyes.
"Everything okay?" he asked, already making a U-turn.
"Yes," Lisbon answered. "I just forgot my luggage."
A/N If you liked it or didn't, review it. And also tell me why you-know-who being Red John was a bad idea, so I'll feel validated and important. :)