Author's Note: Just something I wrote instead of sleeping. It's a bit dark so beware!
Disclaimer: I don't own House or the song Hello byEvanescence
Playground school bell rings again
Rain clouds come to play again
Everyday is more or less the same. The one thing that could sometimes let a little light into my life was Wilson. Sometimes, a very, very rare sometimes, I can almost forget. Forget that my life sucks. Forget that my leg is ruined and can never be whole. Forget that in one moment of anger I ruined everything. The Vicodin makes me able to function, able to pretend that I don't care. Makes it seem to the outside world that the man on the outside is the man on the inside as well.
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
The patients used to be enough, the thrill of figuring out what was ailing them. That's been gone for a while now. If there is some all powerful deity, it sure made a mistake giving the ability to solve the hardest case to me. It used to be fun, now it's just a job, a thing to do to fill up time. To keep from thinking too hard about the truth. There doesn't seem to be a point anymore, if there ever was. So I'll take more Vicodin and get drunk to try and forget everything.
Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to
Hello
I can barely tell the difference between reality, hallucinations, and dreams. I know I need help, but who is there for me to ask? Anyone who used to be there is gone now. The only time I talk to Wilson is when one of my patients ends up having cancer. Even then that's all we talk about. Medicine. He always used to tell me that one day I would push too far, that I would cross the line. Guess I finally did. Even now, I still want to think that Wilson is coming to save me. That everything that's happened is only a nightmare. I'll wake up and everything will be alright. That I never ran the car into Cuddy's house.
If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Whenever I dream of that, I always know. Some horrible part of me will never let me forget. It won't let me forget anything, no matter how wasted I am. And all it ever says, chants "You ruined everything, it's your fault"
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken
As much as I'd like to pretend that everything is alright. I know it's not. No tape or glue can put a person as messed up as I am back together. Too many pieces are gone.
Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide
Don't cry
So the broken part is hidden carefully away. As soon as I wake I don the mask that hides what I feel inside. I can't let anyone know how much it hurts when, I see how they avoid me, how they shoot me looks of pity, or hatred.
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
Everyday is the same. It's not a nightmare, never has been. No matter my wishing. I remember something Wilson told me once. He said "Dying's easy; it's living that's hard!" I never told him how right he was. The part he forgot, however, is that each moment we live leaves us slipping ever closer to death. To the choice that leads us to death. I never meant to hurt anyone. I would have rather died then have things end up the way they are now.
Hello, I'm still here
All that's left of yesterday
I'll suffer on, even though I've lost everything. I feel almost invisible now. The ghost from the past, who for whatever reason, is stuck in the present. One day maybe they will stop noticing me; I'll be just a memory instead of fact. Maybe then I can live life with a purpose again. And I won't have to be a ghost saying hello any longer.
Another Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed! Please Review :)