A couple steps were heard into the silence in the beckoning of a new day, before a gush of wind stepped onto the Cullen's roof to offer company.
"Following me ar'ya?" I asked staring at the horizon.
"Just seeing what the fuss is all about" said Edward. "You and Bella come here a lot"
"She's stalking me" I smiled to my brother. "Reneesme's still sleeping?"
"Yeah… what are you doing up here?" Edward asked a bit more serious after a moment's pause. "What's troubling you?"
"Wow, that was rude" I said turning to him. "I thought you had issues on reading people's minds" I smiled sarcastically and he smiled back.
"I've lived long enough to know when something troubles a woman, doesn't take much of a mind reader" I sighed. "What's wrong?" I stared into his eyes for a minute afraid he might read more than my thoughts, then decided to look away and not take that chance.
"It's nothing…I just…feel like…I've somehow invaded your lives"
"How do you mean?" he persisted a bit concerned.
"Look, I love our family, but somehow…I feel like I've been pacing after you, not really living or letting you live…like…"
"Think what you're saying. You aren't in any way an imposition on anyone" Edward turned to face me. "We care about you"
"Cause you have to" I added. "You don't get it, do you? You took me into your family because you had no choice. Bella feels guilty enough every time I mess up"
"That's not true…"
"Edward, I don't need gifts to tell me she does…I don't wanna burden her or anyone else in this family" I tussle her hair one side after the other.
"She means well, we all do"
"I know. I just don't know if I'm worth the trouble" I jumped back down without a second thought. Edward landed in front of me a second after.
"Wait, let's talk about this" Edward said grabbing my shoulders.
"I need a walk" I said wiping his hands off gently. Edward meant to stop me again grabbing me by the wrist. "I said I need a walk!" I pulled my hand free blowing an exploding shove at Edward's shoulder. His shirt got burned on the spot where it hit and he put it out with his palm quickly. "I…so sorry…I'll… see you later" I walked away as fast as I could without running, couldn't hide a tone of disappointment in in my voice.
Edward greeted the family as he walked into the living room. He told them the conversation he just had with me.
"I think maybe she just needs some space" said Carlisle. "From what I managed to see while she was…still a mortal, she's not used to be the center of attention in any way"
"Maybe this is a little overwhelming to her" added Esme. "Give her some time"
"What if she decides not to be like us?" Rosalie asked.
"We need to consider maybe the thirst is messing with her mind" added Jasper.
"We won…" started Edward.
"We'll have to respect her wishes. We cannot force anyone into our ways, we can only show them what we think is right" interrupted Carlisle. Everybody stood in silence. Bella and Reneesme came down for breakfast after a while. Esme just loved cooking for her; after all, this was about the only time they had an excuse to use the kitchen toys.
"What's with the long faces?" said Bella hugging her husband.
"Nothing. Sam got a little upset earlier" said Edward. He went on, filling her in on what they thought about my behavior.
Meanwhile, I walked through the forest occasionally throwing a big rock at trees. The last one hitting a familiar face…
"Is that your idea of a greeting?" said Jacob throwing the rock aside.
"I'm sorry, Roadkill, didn't see you there" I said apologetically.
"Redecorating are you?" he said smiling.
"Just…blowing off some steam" I said still pacing up and down. "What are you up to?"
"Was heading down to the cabins to talk about the Reservation"
"Still open I see"
"Yeah…so…are you gonna be alright? Or should I be on the lookout for helpless tourists? "
"Not funny"
"I'm not trying to be" said Jacob staring. "As far as I know, Carlisle thinks it's too soon to get too close to a lot of people, so why don't you head back home?"
"Who named you king of the world?" I said stepping in front of him daring him to give me a reason, begging even.
"Look, I don't want any trouble" I took a whiff at him and puckered.
"Your anger says otherwise. You reek of it, even worse than usual" I eyed him. Jacob fought hard to restrain himself.
"I promised Bella I'd give you a chance. Don't make me change my mind" he clenched his teeth.
"What are you gonna do…Roadkill?" I stared at his eyes very close to his face. Jacob had his fists clenched still trying to control himself, breathing hard.
Suddenly, something distracted me and I turned away. I felt so confused all of a sudden. Something had triggered a mass of memories in my head. Images came and go before my eyes and I fell to the ground. Jacob kneeled down beside me.
"What's wrong?" he asked, anger distracted from its purpose.
"I think you might be right for once, best to go back" I said trying to shake the hive of thoughts away. Jacob walked me back to the house.
"What's happened?" said Edward hearing my confusion.
"You were fighting again?" said Bella crossing her arms. "Jacob, you promised me"
"She's the one that started" he defended himself.
"I don't even want to hear it" Bella said following me up to my room. "May I come in?" she asked after knocking a couple times.
"I don't think it's a great idea, but do come in" I answered. "My head's just gonna blow!" I said exasperated.
"Try to calm down. Tell me what happened" said Bella sitting by the desk.
"I…there was a…scent. Something I remember but…can't quite put my finger on it" I dropped on the bench near the window and growled in anger.
"Let me put my shield on you, maybe it'll help calm your thoughts" I immediately stood up and walked back, away from her.
"Keep away" my hands trembled. "Don't think I can control myself right now"
Carlisle came into the room and walked slowly towards me. "I think we need to go hunting. Maybe that'll help?" he suggested taking my hands. "Esme and I'll go with you" still looking rather menacing, I trailed after him.
After a couple hours, I felt well fed and my anxiety seemed to go down at a slow rate. Carlisle could tell I was still overflowing with aggressiveness and that troubled him. They couldn't let me harm anybody, not here anyway, not in their town.
Upon return, Edward offered to help me clear my mind by making out what I was thinking; help me deciphering it all if you will.
"Just try to focus on the scent you picked up on" he said sitting in front of me. I nodded. "Is it a person? Someone from your family perhaps? Wow, your train of thought is maddening!" he took my hand. "Try to focus on one thing first…something from when you were alive… not your family… pleasant memories… mixed feelings from years ago…slow down…will find you…don't wanna go back… scared… over the edge…harm us…slow down, Sam!"
"What's happening?" asked Alice. "What can we do?"
"I have an idea, but it's risky" said Jasper.
"What is it, Jasper?" asked Esme.
"Fight her. That is the most effective way to get rid of aggressiveness"
"You're right. It's risky. Don't want anybody harmed" said Carlisle.
"It's idiotic" I said. "I won't attack any of you!" They stood in silence. Jacob considered the idea for a moment before speaking.
"What about me?" heads turned to face him. "I can take it"
"I don't doubt your strength, Jacob, but it could still be dangerous for you" said Carlisle.
"If her anger keeps growing, soon she won't be able to control it" Jake added to everyone's stare. Carlisle considered this for a moment, but at the lack of any better ideas, ended up agreeing. They would all be close in case things seemed to be getting out of hand.
They found a clear big enough to do it, somewhere where the damage would be close to nothing. Jacob came closer to me and I immediately started to feel his anger running inside me like boiling water. I punched him hard on the chest sending him away. He landed on his feet and prepared to attack, I stood where I was still feeling everything in my head surging up and down. I ran to meet him and punched the hell out of him, he only blocked my punches for a while, but after a moment when the pain began to be too strong to hold, he threw me on my back, where I got up quickly and scratched him like mad, Jacob was having a hard time receiving the heat so he transformed to everybody's surprise. After that, our fight began to rise and things got out of hand quicker than anybody had anticipated. Jacob tried to bite my head off and I wounded his arm to my satisfaction. I was ready for my next blow sure to finish him when I felt somebody restraining my arms back, I broke loose but before I could reach Jacob on the floor, two more had me by the arms and chest. Carlisle came in front of me and put his palms to my face.
"It's OK. Look at me! You're safe…it's over. Look at me" he stared into my eyes and I felt so weary, I looked down. All I could think about was where we were, and why we were here; it all seemed ridiculous now. My mind had run out of thoughts. Emmett and Jasper let go, not walking too far, still unsure I would need to be restrained again.
"I'm sorry. I'm OK" I said to them to their comfort. Alice ran and gave me a hug. Carlisle helped Jacob with his arm, putting it back in the socket before he transformed back. I walked towards him as he stood up cradling his injure, my teeth marks. "Thank you" I said humbly and so ashamed.
"My pleasure" he said sarcastically with a smirk.
"I really do appreciate it, sorry if I…"
"Don't worry about it" he said now more convinced of his own words. "I guess I owed you one" I tried to smile, but it was painful. I hadn't meant to hurt him like this. I guess we both realized just how many issues we had unsolved and had kept to ourselves till now.