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A Part of Your Life

Jo was standing at the nurse's station attempting to work on charts, but she was too distracted to concentrate. Her mind was with Alex in the board meeting. He should have given his speech by now. They should have already made their decision. Why didn't he come find me? Jo wondered. She turned back to the chart in her hands when she suddenly saw Bailey turn the corner. She looked happy, really happy. "Crap!" Jo moaned and quickly handed the chart off to a nurse. She paged Stephanie as she rushed to the locker room to change clothes.

Stephanie was already sitting on a bench in the resident's lounge when Jo got there. "Jo, what's wrong? What do you need?" Stephanie asked taking in Jo's upset demeanor and hurried actions.

"I need you to cover my patients for the rest of the shift. I have to go find Alex," Jo was throwing on her street clothes and grabbing her purse out of her locker.

"Jo what is going on?" Stephanie questioned further.

Jo just rolled her eyes at her and tossed a, "Thanks, I owe you," over her shoulder as the door shut behind her.

"Oh, ohhh," Stephanie mouthed as she caught on to what this must mean.

Jo sped home as fast as she dared. She crossed her fingers and hoped there were no cops in her path. She breathed a sigh of relief when she pulled into the driveway, first because Alex's car was there and second because she hadn't gotten pulled over. She gathered up her purse and quietly let herself in the house. She could see Alex sitting on the couch with a beer. His suit jacket and tie were crumpled up on the cushion beside him and the top two buttons of his dress shirt were open. His hair was standing up as if he had run his hand through it a few times and he just had a dejected look on his face as he stared straight ahead at nothing.

"Oh, baby," Jo breathed out as she pushed his cast aside clothes onto the floor. She scooted in close to his side laying her head on his chest and wrapping her arms around his waist and she just held him. They stayed like that for a long time before Jo finally spoke up, "Talk to me Alex." She looked up at him and brushed her hand down his cheek.

Alex didn't move he didn't even turn his eyes. "There is nothing to say. I don't have the seat on the board, I don't have a job, I don't have anything," he replied flatly dropping his empty beer bottle on the coffee table.

Jo flinched as if she had been physically struck and pulled her hand back from Alex's face. That hurt. She got up and went into the kitchen to get herself a beer and to hide the tears that threatened to spill out of her eyes. Those words really hurt, worse than a physical blow would have Jo was sure. She spent a couple of minutes collecting herself and then returned to the living room. She handed Alex another beer and then sat down next to him on the couch leaving an obvious space between them. "Alex, I know you are hurt and upset, but," Jo started only to be interrupted.

"I don't know why I ever thought I had a chance," Alex talked over her in a discouraged voice. "I mean Bailey is… well Bailey, and what have I ever done, right?" He took a swig of his beer and let his head fall back on the couch.

Jo's heart broke all over again hearing his words. "No, Alex, you are amazing," she argued trying to catch his eyes. "You set up the whole Africa program, Alex you have changed those kid's lives, you have given them hope and a chance to actually live. You are an incredible surgeon, you save lives every day…"

"You mean I did, when I had a job," Alex snarled.

Jo rolled her eyes and continued, "You're innovative, you find workable solutions for your patients, and you are determined you never give up on those kids. And you may try to hide it sometimes but you are compassionate and kind. All the kids love you, Alex, you are a great doctor." Alex had finally looked at Jo. She smiled at him and chuckled, "You can be a pretty good teacher when you want to too."

Alex smirked and wrapped an arm around Jo, "Well, I am glad to know I still have one person on my side."

"I will always be on your side Alex. And I know it's not much, but you still have me," Jo said quietly with a shaky voice fighting back tears once again.

Alex recognized the hurt in Jo's voice and replayed their conversation. He could kick himself when he realized what he had said. "Jo, I didn't mean that. I didn't mean that you aren't important."

She took a deep breath, "It's fine, Alex, I know you're upset," Jo responded.

"That doesn't make it okay for me to hurt you. I am sorry, Jo," Alex said pulling her closer and kissing the top of her head when she laid it on his chest. They stayed like that in silence for a while Jo snuggled into Alex's chest and his arm around her playing with her hair.

Jo sighed and closed her eyes, "I miss you Alex."

"I'm right here. I haven't gone anywhere."

"Yeah physically you are here, but you aren't letting me in. You didn't let me in on the board stuff or the stuff with Butthole and you are spending all your time with Dr. Grey. If we are going to do this, if you want to be together, Alex, you have to let me be a part of your life. I can't just be the stupid naked girl in your bed. I won't," Jo wiped away a tear that had escaped.

"Jo, I don't mean to leave you out. It's just me and Meredith…" Alex stated to explain.

"I know, you and Meredith have been friends forever and she is going through some stuff. She needs you, but I am trying to say I need you too. I don't care if you help her through her stuff that's great, but Alex, I get to help you through yours. Let me be here for you and you be here for me," Jo pleaded looking into Alex's eyes as a few more tears slipped out.

Alex reached out to brush Jo's tears away. "Okay, you're right, I'm sorry. But you have to know I really am trying. I don't mean to hurt you or push you away, Jo. I love you and need you here with me. It's just hard for me to let someone in but I am working on it," he leaned in and gave Jo a tender kiss.

"Thank you, Alex," Jo whispered.

Just as they were settling back into the couch they heard the front door open. "No," Jo groaned standing up. She met Meredith in the entryway, "No, not tonight," she told the older woman with an edge to her voice.

"I…" Meredith started trying to side step around Jo.

Jo held up her hand and blocked Meredith again, "No!"

"I need to talk to Alex," Meredith demanded.

"You can talk to him tomorrow," Jo ground out through clenched teeth. "Good night, Dr. Grey," she said pushing her superior towards the door.

Meredith huffed looking back at Alex who just had a smirk on his face. She stepped outside and Jo slammed the door behind her. "We are seriously changing the locks!" Jo spat out going back to the living room.

"Ballsy," Alex approved with a nod as Jo sat down on the couch next to him.

Jo buried her face in her hands rethinking what she had just done, "I am so screwed at work tomorrow," she whined.

"Nah, you never know she may respect you for putting your foot down like that," Alex consoled rubbing Jo's back. She gave him an incredulous look. "Okay, you're right, you're screwed," Alex chuckled as Jo groaned.

"You are kicking her out next time!" Alex just laughed and pulled Jo in close. She snuggled under his arm and asked, "So what's next?"

"I really don't know," Alex sighed. He wrapped his arms tighter around Jo. The only thing he did know was that whatever was next for him didn't mean anything if he messed up and lost her. He kissed the top of her head and buried his nose in her hair breathing in her scent. He knew that whatever the future held for him she had to be a part of his life.