In Her Eyes
By Leanne Marie Drivas aka GinevraPotter
Chapter One - "Torn"
In the cold, dark basement of 12 Grimmauld Place, exhuberant Nymphadora Tonks and the tortured Remus Lupin sat across from one another at the scrubbed wooden table in the center of the kitchen, two half-empty bottles of butterbeer between them. There had not been such an odd silence in this room since the premises had been converted from a forgotten, old home of dark wizards to, ironically, the headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix. Tonks raised the bottle of butterbeer to her lips, and had to force herself to swallow even the smallest sip. She dared a glance at Lupin, who happened to look up at her at the exact same moment. Their eyes met with timid recognition and she felt the slightest hint of amusement in Lupin's dark brown eyes.
"What?" she questioned, looking at him quizzically. Lupin simply let loose his big, shining grin and a small chuckle.
"Your eyes, Tonks!" he exclaimed. "They just turned red, then back to blue, and now they are shocking pink!"
"What-!" she exclaimed, pulling a small mirror from her robes. "Oh my! I wasn't even trying to do that!" she exclaimed. This had only happened to her once before, after a particularly emotional scene with her best friend at Hogwarts. Her eyes had changed colors the day she had fallen in love with him.
His name had been Darvis Heathrow, and he was a small, thin young man with eyes of sparkling blue. His sharp, darting features and wavy black hair were still so vivid in Tonks' mind. They had met on the Hogwart's Express their first year and after the sorting, they found themselves in the same house, taking all their classes together, studying together, and finally, graduating together. But this is where their friendship would come to a sudden but complete end.
Darvis was muggle born, and before the end of his seventh year, his mother and father had both died in an unfortunate boating accident off the coast of France. His younger siblings were muggles, that is, they had no magic in them at all, and the burden of raising them was left on Darvis' shoulders. At once, Tonks said she would leave her family and the magical world altogether and go with him back to his muggle family to share this responsibility with him, but to her dismay, he refused. She had watched sadly as he passed through the barrier between platforms 9 and 10 for the last time, reentering the muggle world and leaving the magical world behind him forever.
After such a heartbreak and left with no plans for the future, Tonks headed back home that summer to bury herself in her studies. Always a good student, she continued her magical education and committed herself to becoming an Auror. Although she was terribly clumsy and often less serious than was considered proper for such a career, she did pass her exams, and she loved her work. When Dumbledore, the headmaster at Hogwarts, asked her to join him and the others in the Order of the Phoenix, she had not hesitated, jumping at the chance to do something truly worthwhile, and drawn secretly to the dangerous and adventurous aspects of membership in the Order.
There were other fringe benefits to being a part of the Order that were far more personal, though. Tonks had been quite smitten with a few of the Order's single gentlemen, namely Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. Only days after being introduced to the two of them, she felt herself being torn between her feelings for Sirius, who was very attractive though unkempt and harsh, and her feelings for Lupin, the misunderstood werewolf with a heart of pure gold. She spent every free moment dreaming up ways to be alone with one of them. Alas, when these moments did come, she would find herself unbearably tongue-tied.
Lupin had stood up from the table, obviously amused, and walked across the floor to where Tonks still sat, pink-eyed and visibly shaken.
"It's okay, we had a long day. You're body's probably just telling you to get some rest. Come on, let me walk you out." Lupin said quietly and tenderly. Tonks was not sure, but there seemed to be a curious look about him, like he was wondering something about her, but was afraid to ask.
"I suppose," she said, resisting the temptation to tell him exactly what was really bothering her, "... but I think it would be better if I spent the night here. Do you think Sirius would mind?"
Immediately, Lupin's face went white and expressionless. Tonks knew she had said precisely the wrong thing at precisely the wrong moment. "Sure he wouldn't..." Lupin muttered.
Lupin lead her up the narrow staircase up to the first floor. As she topped the stairs, she stumbled into the corridor, and fell into the wall, knocking over a large, snake-wrapped vase. It crashed to the floor loudly, startling the picture of Mrs. Black and sending shards of ceramic snakes all over the place.
"Reparo!" shouted Sirius from the top of the stairs, but his spell was barely heard over his mother's screams from the painting on the wall.
"Filthy, unnatural beasts! Unclean, disgusting animals!" bellowed Mrs. Black.
"Oh. I'm so sorry..." Tonks exclaimed, looking up at Sirius' bewildered face.
Lupin pulled the curtains closed around the painting, and stepped back to make sure she had fallen back to sleep. "Tonks was just coming to find you, Sirius," he said, pointedly.
"Ok..." Sirius said blankly, oblivious to Lupin's meaning. "Tonks?" he said, looking at her and nodding slightly.
"Uh... yeah I just wondered," she began, "if it was OK if I ... uh... I'm sort of, well, exhausted, and since the kids and Mrs. Weasley have gone, would it be too much of an imposition... if it is it's ok... I mean, I can go back home, but I wanted to see if it was ok if..." she stammered.
"Of course, you want to stay here, sure!" Sirius said brightly. "You too, Moony... I'd love the company, and there are several empty rooms." He patted Lupin on the shoulder, and turned to lead the way upstairs. "Just follow me!"
"No, I think I should be going. But Tonks will be good company until the morning meeting with Dumbledore." Lupin said, heading for the door. "I'll see you then. Goodnight."
Tonks paused slightly and looked hard at Lupin before saying her goodbyes and heading up the stairs behind Sirius. He lead her to the room Hermione and Ginny had shared during their Christmas stay, and he stood in the doorway watching as she turned back the bedding before closing the door behind her with a gentle click.
The next morning, Tonks woke up to the disgruntled muttering of Kreature, the old house elf. Not wanting to be in the company of such a miserable living thing, she bounded out from under the covers, and changed quickly into her robes. The sun was already casting an earthy glow about the room, and she knew it must already be time for the meeting with Dumbledore. She carefully crept down the stairs into the corridor, then through the narrow stairway, and finally into the basement kitchen. Sirius was already there, dressed, eating breakfast and sipping a cup of tea.
"Mornin', Tonks," he said, standing and crossing to the stove. "Breakfast?"
"Sure!" she said hungrily. Some breakfast sounded quite nice, in fact.
He served her bacon and eggs with toast and tea. They sat together quietly for a while before Tonks could think of something to say.
"You think Harry is doing ok back at school? You know what these visions must mean for him, don't you?" Tonks said, genuinely concerned.
"Harry has been through worse. I'm much more concerned about this Umbridge woman, really. She is going to make his life very difficult." Sirius said, glumly.
"He'll just have to stay on his toes with her." She said. "Poor kid. He doesn't even know why all this is happening to him, either."
"Yes," Sirius said through clenched teeth, "and believe me, I would have told him long before now if it had been up to me. But Dumbledore thinks he is still to young."
Just then they heard loud footsteps in the corridor above them. Someone from the order had evidently arrived early. Sirius bounded up the stairs and returned seconds later followed by Lupin.
"Breakfast?" Sirius inquired, looking at Lupin.
"No, but thank you." Lupin said, politely. "Dumbledore should be here soon enough. I'm going to go ready the drawing room if that's ok with you, Sirius?"
"Of course, I'm coming up too." Sirius replied. He glanced at Tonks, and she quickly stood to join them.
"Me too..." she said weakly.
After conjuring a table and several chairs out of thin air, the three of them retreated to the entryway to greet Dumbledore. Pretty soon, the drawing room was filled with members of the Order eager to hear the latest reports.
"I'm afraid I am unable to report anything good this time." Dumbledore began. "There are several things that some of you are already aware of that concern me gravely. First of all, is Potter. He is becoming more and more aware of the strength of his connection to Voldemort. Before, he has felt burning pain in his scar when Voldemort was nearby or getting stronger, but now that he has returned, Potter is actually witnessing events from Voldemort's own mind. The evidence of this was when he witnessed the attack on Arthur last month." He stopped and looked gravely at Sirius. "Harry saw the attack from the snake's point of view. If Voldemort was possessing the snake at the time, we all know what this means. Harry and Voldemort share more than the Prophesy we are working so hard to protect. In many ways, I expected something like this, but to the extent that Harry would be able to control it. However, he is a teenager, and telling a teenager to turn off their emotions is like telling a wizard to give up their wand. It will not work. I am, however, going to insist he try to learn occlumency. It is his only hope of closing his mind to Voldemort's thoughts."
The room sat still and quiet. Tonks was watching her own hands and making her nails change color and shape randomly in her lap. She found it very hard to concentrate on what was being said, but she was trying to focus, although she had already heard much of it from Sirius. She also knew from Hermione that Harry had been having nightmares all year, because Ron told her he heard him moaning in his sleep and reaching his hands out in front of him before waking up, very startled almost every night.
"We must continue to protect the Prophesy at all costs. I know I can count on you to do whatever is necessary to insure the protection of the Department of Mysteries. Now, if you will, " he stood up at the end of the long table and bowed, "I must be returning to Hogwarts. Good day!"
Dumbledore turned and walked out of the room, leaving the rest of the order to discuss amongst themselves the plans for the month's schedule.
"Tonks and Kingsley, you each have five shifts this month." Said Lupin. "Arthur is still recovering at home, and I think it best to cover for him another week or so. So I will take an extra shift too."
They continued to go over the calendar until every shift was covered and assigned. It was Sirius who retreated to the kitchens first, since he was trapped at Grimmauld Place and unable to protect anything but himself from the outside world. Tonks slipped away soon after, and helped him prepare sandwiches for those remaining who decided to stay for lunch.
"Sorry," she muttered, after setting Mrs. Weasley's hair on fire trying to light the stove.
"I can manage, really, Tonks!" she snapped. "Thank you."
"...I-ok..." she stammered, and left the stove. She scrambled away from Mrs. Weasley nervously, and kicked Sirius in the shin as she rounded the corner of the table.
"Oh! Sorry! Sorry! Oh no!" she exclaimed, covering her mouth with her hand, exasperated.
"I'm fine, don't worry about it." Sirius said. "Really." He turned his head sideways to look her in the face. "It's ok."
Tonks looked up and met his eyes, and she took a deep breath. Again, she felt the emotion rise up into her throat, and the intense stare he gave her confirmed her suspicions.
"Wow!" he exclaimed. "Your eyes-"
"What color are they now?" Tonks asked, opening her eyes a little wider.
"They went blue, then green, and now they are purple!" he said, impressed. "That must be the weirdest thing I've ever seen!"
She turned away, fearing he would be able to read the fear on her face. She was not happy to be called weird, especially by Sirius Black, but the eye-changing emotions pulsing through her veins were not associated with hurt or anger. For the second time in so many days, she felt like a schoolgirl again, Lupin's voice echoing in her ears, Sirius' face popping into her head. It was as if she held this secret between the three of them, but she was the only one truly aware of what her eye changing antics meant. This was love. She was in love with both Lupin and Sirius, and neither of them had any idea.
Chapter Two - "The Promise"
Early the next morning, long before dawn, Tonks awoke with a start to find a messenger from the Department of mysteries at the foot of her bed. Quickly, she stumbled into her robes, getting her foot caught in one of the hidden inside pockets before finally freeing herself with some difficulty, only to find the robes on backwards. After watching her struggle for a few minutes, the messenger cleared his throat loudly and began to speak.
"Nymphadora Tonks, it is my unhappy duty to inform you there has been a mass breakout of convicted Death Eaters from Azkaban Prison. Your help is needed immediately to investigate the breakout and begin the search. You are instructed to apparate immediately to the office of Kingsley Shacklebolt." The messenger read from a slip of parchment, and then disapparated.
"Yikes!" Tonks yelped emphatically. She fixed her robes, ran her fingers through her hair, and closed her eyes tight before apparating.
"Kingsley, morning. Sorry." She grumbled, finding herself in his toes. "Who escaped? Which Death Eaters?"
Kingsley closed his eyes solemnly, and shook his head slightly before answering. "All the LeStranges - Rodolphus, Rabastan, and Bellatrix, plus Augustus Rookwood and Antonin Dolohov," he said glumly.
"Oh my!" exclaimed Tonks, shuddering at the thought. "Bellatrix!" Suddenly her face turned pale, She tried to catch Kingsley's eye before she gave up on subtlety and pulled him by the arm to a quiet corner.
"Sirius!" she whispered. "Bellatrix knows where Grimmauld place is! We have to do something! He doesn't even know!" she said through clenched teeth.
"Grimmauld Place is very well protected, Tonks, you needn't worry about that. Dumbledore will have seen to it," he assured her, before searching her eyes and looking at her quizzically. "I let Dumbledore know already, and he is actually there right now letting the other Order members know what happened. Rest assured, Sirius is well protected in that house, so long as he stays there."
Tonks didn't feel much better about things, however. She found out quickly the Azkaban breakout meant much more time would be spent with her fellow aurors, many of whom believed Sirius Black was behind the entire thing. It was already hard enough to pretend she didn't know full well he had never been a Death Eater and the murder he had been convicted of had never happened at all. Now she would have to intensify her efforts even while her emotions when it came to Sirius were far more complicated and difficult to deal with.
For several weeks, Tonks was hardly able to return to Grimmauld Place at all. She popped in only once and met Lupin at the front door. He had come to keep Sirius company, and was off to the Department of Mysteries for guard duty. She wasn't entirely sure, but he seemed cool to her, more aloof, at least more so than usual. Sirius hardly noticed her while he screamed at that miserable house elf, Kreature. She left feeling more tired, more lonely, and far more anxious then she had arrived, and reasoned it would be best to keep her distance for now.
Tonks was surprised, then, to find herself only days away from Valentine's Day with no plans or hopes of making any. In a panic she quickly mounted her Comet Two-Sixty and flew straight to The Burrow in the hopes Mrs. Weasley would be available and willing to advise her.
"Well, dear, you seem to have a bit of a situation on your hands there," Mrs. Weasley said plainly, rising from the table after hearing of Tonks' eye-changing escapades. "You've lost your heart to a very good pair of men, I must say. Both Sirius and Lupin are very troubled but very good men."
"But how can I have lost my heart to them both and neither of them has a clue in the world?" Tonks asked, frustrated.
"Dear, dear, " Mrs. Weasley began, "you can not expect men to understand their feelings - they just don't get it. The fact is, if they know what's good for them, they will act on their feelings long before they can tell you what those feelings are," she explained to her young guest. "Trust me, my dear, they probably both care for you as you care for them. But these are difficult times. Sirius is very preoccupied with Harry at the moment, and Lupin -" she stopped to look at the calendar, "- is probably very ill at the moment, and not in a state to sort out human emotions of any kind. Mind you, neither of them are what we would call a simple suitor."
Tonks nodded at this exaggeration. It was true, of course, that neither Sirius, who was hardly able to take her out to tea, nor Lupin, who was bound to his own torment each and every month, were going to be able to give her a quiet life of peace and tranquility. Although she hated to admit it, this unpredictability was probably a big part of why she was so drawn to the two of them to begin with. A quiet life was not what she had in mind for her future.
"Thanks, Molly. I don't know what I'm going to do, but this did helped me feel better." Tonks said, smiling. "Now tell me - " she leaned forward conspiring, " - should I send them Valentines or no?"
"Tonks!" Mrs. Weasley said, exasperated. "You are not a school girl, for goodness sake!" Molly put her face in her hands and shook her face slightly, "Send them Valentines, I ask you, where do you get these things from?"
"Yeah..." Tonks said weakly, trying to laugh along with Mrs. Weasley. "Sure... uh... just kidding!" she said, finally, even though she wasn't kidding at all.
Valentine's Day came and went, miserably. Tonks had guard duty for the order all weekend anyway, and she barely had time for a cup of tea at the Three Broomsticks before returning to work Monday morning. As the least experienced and most clumsy Auror in the department, she usually was relegated the duty of filling out paperwork and surveillance work. She was excellent at disguising herself, of course, being a metamorphmagus. Sometimes they would let her tag along on more important missions so she could be the lookout and help with the memory charms.
"Tonks, I need a moment please," said Arthur Weasley, or rather, said his head from the midst of her small fire in the fireplace.
"Sure, we're alone," she said, double checking the corridor for the other aurors.
"Dumbledore asked me to speak to you about Sirius. He wonders if you could... eh... help keep an eye on him. He's been restless since the Death Eaters escaped from Azkaban, and we're all taking turns having dinner there to keep him... eh... occupied I guess." He stumbled.
"I think he'd rather have you there then Mundungus and his friends," said Mrs. Weasley, appearing next to him.
"Sure," Tonks said a little too quickly, "I'll stop by tonight. Tell him to expect me, will you?" she said.
"No problem, and thanks again," Arthur said, head disappearing.
After finishing her paperwork and apparating home to change robes and hair color (she decided she needed a lift and went red), she apparated to the courtyard in front of 12 Grimmauld Place. She had only just raised the knocker to knock for Sirius when the door flew open and a large, black dog looked up at her, teeth bared.
"Sirius!" she exclaimed. "It's me, Sirius. Tonks." She looked at the dog, frowning.
The dog backed up, letting her step inside and close the door behind her before changing back into the human version of Sirius Black. He looked at her sheepishly.
"You caught me," he said glumly. "Go ahead, the fire's lit downstairs," he said, motioning toward the staircase leading to the basement kitchen.
"What for?" she asked, bewildered. "You want me to leave so you can go outside and risk being sent back to prison when you know how important you are to all of us? - " She stopped, blushing, " - and to Harry of course," she said quickly, "You're all he's got, Sirius. Thinks about him!"
"No, Tonks. I meant you could go down and tell Dumbledore. He'll be sure to put some sort of binding charm on me to keep me from leaving now," Sirius said, throwing himself into a squishy armchair and sighing deeply.
"Do you need that? Do you need to be restrained? Believe it or not, I am a qualified witch, and I can do it myself if you think it's really what you need," she said, now very angry. "Do you really think it will be that difficult to control yourself and stay safe here where you are? Is this really that much worse than starving in a cave somewhere with all these Death eaters loose? Not to mention you know who!"
"Whoa, Tonks!" Sirius said, standing and holding up his hands in defense. "Ok, Ok - I hear you," he said, "I only meant to take a little walk. This house just eats me alive sometimes. I'm sorry I even tried. And you're right about Harry." He choked back a tear. "Hermione just wrote me that he is going to have an interview published in the Quibbler. He has been through so much already- "
"Yeah, you're right about that," Tonks said simply. Their eyes met for a second, and Tonks realized she was very close to him. Standing here in the dimly lit entryway, breathing in his scent, looking into those endless beautiful gray eyes, she could imagine his kiss - strong and passionate with a hint of hesitation. The thoughts ran through her brain so quickly she thought they would overcome her senses, until his rough fingertips touched her cheek.
Her heart was pounding so hard she didn't even hear him speaking her name. His eyes were searching hers, and she was baring her soul to him without words. She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks and the blur that had been Sirius' face was coming back into focus. Tonks blinked and a grin spread eagerly across her lips.
"Sirius," she said, unable to summon more than a whisper. "I want you to promise me you will not try to leave again. At least for now."
"I promise," he whispered, "I promise."
Chapter Three - "Lupin's Secret"
After sharing a quiet dinner together, Tonks and Sirius sat across from one another in the drawing room, daring a look at one another every few minutes and sipping two half-empty bottles of butterbeer. Their conversations, although strained and somewhat forced, were overall pleasant. Tonks felt much better about spoiling his plans to romp around London as a dog after she had spent most of the evening keeping him entertained.
"Why did you change your hair again?" Sirius asked suddenly, almost as if he had just noticed the shocking red curls all over her head.
"Ah - you did notice, then?" she said, satisfied with herself. "I just felt like a lift this evening," she answered fleetingly. "You like?"
"Sure," he said easily. "But I always thought you looked perfect with the black hair you were born with." Sirius looked at her expectantly.
"Really?" Tonks said pensively. "I never cared for it myself. I felt so... normal."
"Let's see it. I can't even picture it anymore. Come on, for me," Sirius insisted.
"No problem." Tonks said, but her face told a different story. She and Darvis had argued relentlessly about the exact same thing. He had insisted she wear her hair black the way her mother wore it even when she complained it was just not how she wanted to look. Now Sirius was asking her to be normal too, as if he was one to talk.
"Here goes," she said, after stepping over to a large, elaborate mirror and squeezing her eyes shut. With a small "pop" her bright round curls turned into black waves, a few inches longer, and brushed back messily out of her face. "I suppose you want to see the whole thing, huh? Gray eyes and all?"
"Yeah. Wow that's much better, Tonks, really." Sirius assured her, noticing the unhappy look on her face.
She again squeezed her eyes shut and turned her eyes back to the original gray color they had been the day she was born, although not for very long, mind you. Now standing here looking from herself to Sirius she noticed the striking resemblance for the first time. All the blacks looked alike, of course, but she and Sirius had the exact same features, only his looks were somewhat sharper and much more aged and worn. It was as if she had forgotten he was her second cousin, and now, the fact came to her as an unexpected memory.
"I don't like this," she said, uncomfortably. "How about blue?" She "popped" her hair neon blue. "...And I think blue for the eyes too," and her eyes opened the exact same shade as her hair.
"Oh, well... uh... that is certainly original," a gloomy Sirius said, backing away from her and sitting in his squishy armchair again. Tonks felt bad that he was unhappy, but black hair was just not her cup of tea, and the image of the two of them side by side looking so similar was unnerving. She left Grimmauld place after a cold wave goodbye and returned home for some much needed rest.
It was much too early the next morning when she awoke hearing a quick succession of hard knocks on her small cottage's front door. Her home was unplottable, that is, only wizards and witches could find it if they knew just where to look, and muggles could not come calling. She quickly bounded from the couch where she had fallen asleep, still in her robes, and opened the door with a creek and groan.
"Lupin!" she exclaimed, seeing the exhausted man on her front stoop. "Remus, what has happened to you?"
His hair was tangled and full of small twigs and leaves. The collar of his shirt was torn and there were only three buttons left holding it closed. Lupin was dirty and he smelled of blood - and that was when she noticed his blood stained hands.
"I cut myself, Tonks. I'm ok, I just need to get these cleaned up." Lupin said, turning his hands over showing her the mangled remains of his fingers. The blood had already dried in some places, and she could see fresh wounds over old ones between his palms and fingertips. "Could you help me? Your place was closer than Grimmauld place, and I didn't want to risk traveling through muggle London all cut up like this."
"Of course," Tonks said, leading him to her own small, messy kitchen and over to the sink. She ran warm water into a basin and motioned for him to sit down in one of the red oak chairs tucked underneath the cluttered kitchen table. Overall, Lupin seemed extremely calm, considering his hands were nearly skinless and still bleeding profusely.
"Thank you," he said gently as she emerged his hands in the basin.
She found the ingredients she needed in her stores beside the cupboard, and crossed again to the stove where she pulled out a small, pewter cauldron and filled it with the contents of a small purple vial. She added powdered root of asphodel and a handful of porcupine quills before lowering the heat and pouring the contents of the cauldron into another large basin.
"These cuts will have to be cleaned," Tonks said, warningly. "This will hurt a lot."
"I know, but it's ok," Lupin replied. Sure enough, when he emerged his fingers into the purple, smoking wound-cleaning potion he hardly flinched at all. Tonks knew all too well the effects of this potion, and was shocked he could stand it for more than an instant. She finally had to pull his arms out for him because she couldn't stand watching the bubbling liquid a second longer, remembering how much it stung the last time she had to use it.
She crossed to the cupboard and reached for her own container of Dr. Ubbly's Oblivious Unction stored there. Tonks had several magical concoctions around to mend her many self-inflicted injuries.
"This should help," she said showing him the jar. "I use it all the time." Sure enough, half the container was already used.
"You are certainly prepared," Lupin said as she smeared a generous amount of cream on his poor torn fingers. "That feels much better."
Tonks smiled to herself, turning her back to him to wash out the cauldron and basins. It felt really good to be able to care for someone else's injuries for a change.
"Here," she said handing him a glass of pumpkin juice. "You should eat too. Do you like sausage or ham with your eggs?"
"Sausage. I must admit I haven't eaten in about a week. I am starving!" Lupin said, heartily.
"So what happened to your fingers?" Tonks asked, casually swishing her wand around, cracking eggs and turning sizzling sausages.
Lupin took a long drink of the pumpkin juice and wiped his mouth on his sleeve before answering her. "Left a small window unprotected in the basement. I must have broken it and... well... you see," he nodded to his hands. "The glass was really sharp. The window was far too small to get through, thankfully."
"You mean you've been in the basement for a week?" Tonks exclaimed, letting the sausage burn slightly. "All alone?"
"Have to. I can't make the Wolfsbane Potion myself, and Severus is too busy at Hogwarts to make it for me anymore," he said, scathingly. "So I lock myself in the basement so I stay put while I... change. The walls are all stone, and there is only the one very small window. I put an imperturbable charm on the door so I can't get out." He spoke so calmly it was as if this was as normal as making tea to him. Tonks supposed it was.
"Well that is just stupid!" she exclaimed, rescuing the quite blackened sausages and well-browned eggs. "I will hear nothing of the sort!"
Lupin stuffed a sausage in his mouth whole before he spoke. "I have to, Tonks. I won't let myself out to terrorize the countryside. I have no choice."
"Yes you do!" Tonks said, sitting next to him at the table. "I'll make it. The Wolfsbane Potion... I am excellent at potions. Severus didn't like it one bit, but I got in his NEWT level potions class and passed with flying colors," she said proudly. "You should have mentioned this a long time ago."
Lupin looked at her for a long moment before letting his face explode into a huge grin. "That would be... better. Much better." He looked at her seriously and she saw a glimmer of satisfaction cross his face. "It gets... lonely down there."
"Well, no more of that," Tonks said quickly. "You shouldn't be alone when you... well... change."
"You mean when I turn into a werewolf. It's ok. You can say it. It's not like I don't already know it," he said, laughingly. "But Tonks, are you sure you have time? I mean you are already so very busy."
Tonks shook her hear violently. "Never that busy, Remus. If it's up to me, you will never ever spend another night alone down in that basement."
He looked at her and smiled. She could see in his eyes a hint of recognition, like he was seeing her for the first time after a long separation. She was overcome with a need to touch him, comfort him. Knowing her feelings were again written in bold streaks across her face, she turned her eyes away and took a deep breath.
"Tonks," Lupin said softly. "Your eyes... they changed again."
"Yeah, I know. I felt it," she said, meeting his gaze once again. "Are they blue again now?"
"Purple," he answered. "I like them like that, though. Leave them?"
Tonks was overwhelmed with gratitude. Purple was her absolute favorite. "Sure. What color hair would go with them though?"
"I think... maybe silver?" he answered.
"Oh bless you!" she said, relieved. She scrunched her face in concentration and a small poof signaled the change was complete. "Check it out!" she said, posing as if modeling the new hairstyle. The long, silver, streamer-like tresses flowing around her shoulders glimmered in the sunlight streaming through the open window.
"Beautiful! Absolutely beautiful," he said. "You are really something, Nymphadora Tonks."
She was sure there was a tear in his eye when he lowered his head again to finish his breakfast.
Chapter 4 - "Unhinged"
The cold earth was beginning to thaw after the frigid winter passed. Early blooms were beginning to dot the landscape rather than snowdrifts and morning frost. Tonks had learned how to make a fine Wolfsbane Potion and was ready for the next full moon cycle. Lupin was very grateful, of course, and he set himself to bringing her fresh roses each and every afternoon when she arrived home from the ministry. Never did he bring the same rose twice, and she wondered where he could have found all the different types of roses, and why he was going to such lengths to begin with.
She enjoyed the attention, never the less, and the company. Remus was much funnier and easygoing then she had originally thought. She figured he must have relaxed more since being freed from his basement misery each month. Of course, there was also a fleeting chance that he brought the roses for another, more precious and important reason, and this was what young Tonks really wanted to believe.
However, one Monday evening in early April Tonks was working late at the ministry. She had just received a pile of back paperwork to complete that was taller than her. The other aurors had left for the evening except Kingsley, who she supposed was staying late because he had guard duty, and Dawlish, a short, gray haired man Tonks never liked much.
Suddenly, the office's fire popped and a messenger dropped to the floor right out of the flames.
"Minister Fudge needs your immediate assistance at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Meet him in the Headmaster's office," the messenger read quickly and was gone again.
"Of course," Dawlish said cunningly, "Umbridge is sure to have caught Dumbledore for something. Let's go Shacklebolt. Now!" he ordered.
"Right behind you," Kingsley said, taking a pinch of flew powder between his fingertips. But after Dawlish disappeared in the fire, he turned to Tonks. "Wait for my word, Tonks. Stay here."
She sat motionless, not daring to move. The minutes passed very slowly, and although she tried to get back to work, she was unable to concentrate. After what seemed like hours, the two Aurors reappeared and Dawlish fell to the floor.
"What happened?" she asked, standing to help Shacklebolt put Dawlish in a chair.
"Dumbledore escaped... he was going to be arrested. Get me a drink." Dawlish said, looking at Tonks.
Tonks conjured a glass of tea and handed it to Dawlish who just looked at it, got up from the chair, and left the office promptly.
"Good," Kingsley said, "...and stay out!"
"What really happened, Kingsley?" Tonks asked, sure that it could not be true.
"Dawlish pretty much said it all. Harry and several other students had a secret illegal organization going. They fancied themselves Dumbledore's Army. Madame Edgecomb's daughter Marietta was part of the group until Umbridge convinced the little girl to tell her all about it. They were trying to expel Harry, which you know cannot happen right now. So I modified Marietta's memory and Dumbledore took the blame for the whole thing." Kingsley explained.
"Crimey!" Tonks exclaimed, "How did he escape?"
"Easy enough for him. He stunned us all and flew out the window. We looked for him everywhere, but Minerva told me he just grabbed that wonderful Phoenix of his and flew away."
"Wow!" Tonks said, engrossed in the story. "We should tell the others."
Kingsley nodded and they both disapparated, landing hard on the stone floor in the kitchen of 12 Grimmauld Place. Quickly and without making a sound, she dialed 74-6364-9 on the magical phone hanging next to the cupboard in the cold, dark kitchen. Speaking very clearly and loudly she announced the predicament to the rest of the Order.
"Dumbledore has left Hogwarts. He escaped two Aurors, Umbridge, and Fudge and flew out the window. Emergency meeting nine in the morning."
She paused while the echo of her own voice rang in her ears. Kingsley nodded to her that he had heard as well, and she replaced the receiver just as several people appeared in the room.
Mundungus Fletcher and Dedalus Diggle were already taking a seat at the table when Lupin and Sirius descended the stairs. Tonks was already very tired from a long day at the ministry, so she left Kingsley to tell the others exactly what happened. He was the one who was actually there anyway.
She started up the narrow staircase and into the foyer before noticing Sirius behind her.
"Leaving?" he said, leaning very close to her.
"Right... tired... you know..." but her heart was beating very fast and she suddenly felt wide-awake.
"Too bad..." he mused, "thought we could go through this old family album I found upstairs. Another time then?" he said, his breath acidic and something tinged with liquor. He left her standing there, once again deflated and exhausted. She closed her eyes, apparated to her bedroom, and fell to the bed without opening her eyes again until sunlight filled the room and bathed her in warmth.
Tonks continued to visit Sirius for dinner regularly, but usually with Lupin or Kingsley. One day in particular, she had just arrived when she heard a familiar voice in the basement kitchen.
"Is that Kreature coming downstairs?" Harry said.
"No," said Sirius, "It must be somebody on your end..."
"I'd better go!" Harry said, and disappeared before Tonks reached to foot of the stairs.
"Was that - aargh!" she said, running right into the scrubbed wood table and doubling over in pain. "...Harry?" she asked weakly.
Sirius laughed first and then said, "Yes, it was. He's a bit concerned with a memory he saw of Snape's." he said easily, still laughing.
"You ok?" said Lupin, crossing the room to check on her. He wrapped an arm over her shoulder and pulled out a chair for her to sit down.
"I'm good... but how in the world did he see a memory of Severus'?" she asked, perplexed.
"Severus put some particularly embarrassing memories in a pensive so Harry could not reach them when they were working together. Remember? Occlumency lessons?" Sirius explained.
"Harry must be pretty good if Snape went to the trouble of borrowing Dumbledore's pensive," Lupin commented.
"Well he won't get any better now, thanks to that sniveling little rat!" Sirius said angrily.
"Huh?" Tonks said, confused.
"Snape stopped occlumency lessons with Harry after he saw the memory in the pensive." Lupin explained.
"Does Dumbledore know?" she asked.
"Not yet, but I'm going to let him know as soon as I see him," said Sirius gruffly. "...and I'm not going to let Snape get away with this!" And with that he stormed loudly up the flights of stairs to the attic to continue his search for Kreature.
Lupin let out a low whistle and shook his head. "Severus was wrong," he said feebly. "I think Sirius was right to insist Dumbledore teach Harry himself. Now Harry's mind is more unprotected than ever."
"But you said he's already pretty good," Tonks said hopefully.
"You never got so good you don't need practice. Especially when your mind is being attacked by the most powerful dark wizard around." Lupin put a hand gently on her stomach. "Everything ok with you?"
"Sure. Just another bruise - no biggie," Tonks said, immediately aware of how close he was. He raised his hand to her face and twisted a lock of silver hair around his fingers playfully.
"I really like this, you know. Why don't you try gold?" he suggested. "Yeah... gold with green eyes!"
Tonks scrunched up her eyes and bit her lower lip in concentration. Lupin sat back, startled, after the gently pop and change of features.
"Bloody hell! I wish I could do that!" he exclaimed, "It's great!"
Tonks stood up and crossed to the mirror on the far wall across from the cupboard. Her eyes were deep green flecked with brown, and her hair was metallic gold, in small round ringlets all over her small head. She was impressed with the effect.
"Let's go somewhere, ok? Anywhere - you name it!" Lupin said, bounding out of his chair.
"Anywhere?" Tonks said grinning.
"Uh... yeah. Anywhere." Lupin assured her, tentatively.
"Well it just happens I have the inside track on a fabulous new store in Diagon Alley. Care to escort me there to have a look for myself?" Tonks said, grinning sheepishly and giggling.
"Where? I was just there yesterday and didn't notice anything new," argued Lupin.
"Relax. It's going to be great."
Chapter Five - "Diagon Alley"
The rain outside pelted the two adventure seekers as they slipped quietly out the front entrance of 12 Grimmauld Place and headed into the street, the puddles and mud slowing them enough to be seen from a hidden window up from the third floor. Tonks looked back, and only for an instant as the unplottable home was shrinking back in between numbers eleven and thirteen did she glance those gray eyes searching the pair of them. The eerie feeling was fleeting, however, as the cheer and good nature of her generous company stifled off the lingering doubts and guilt for being free to roam the streets. It certainly was not her fault Sirius could not leave the old mansion. Then again, neither was it his exactly.
Lupin darted forward, gesturing for her to hurry along. When they reached the underground station they found it strangely deserted - no one manning the ticket booth even, and not a train in sight. Thinking better of trying to walk all the way to the Leaky Cauldron, Tonks casually held out her wand hand signaling the Knight Bus. She and Lupin boarded the bus and tossed the young conductor handfuls of sickles for the ride south across town. Only when they reached the dimly lit entranceway did they dare to speak in more than a whisper.
"Is this place a secret?" Lupin asked, curiosity getting the better of him for the moment.
"No way! It's a public place. I've just known about it longer than you is all. Heh, heh, heh!" Tonks replied. She was enjoying this.
They walked up to the entrance to Diagon Alley easily, and tapped the bricks quickly to let themselves inside.
"It's just here, this way," Tonks said, skirting around the eager shoppers toward number ninety-three.
"We're not going down Knockturn Alley, are we?" Lupin questioned.
"Goodness, no! No, it's nowhere near there. Just here - see it?" she pointed to the storefront just ahead of them.
"There?" Lupin said, pointing to Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor.
"No, silly!" she exclaimed, "THERE!"
Tonks watched as the look on Lupin's face went from confusion to utter disbelief. "Weasley's? You mean to say -"
"Yep! The twins have their own premises. You know how Harry won the Triwizard Cup last year, right? Well, he gave the winnings to Fred and George. They told me all about it last summer, and they sent me a letter last week about their torture of that Umbridge person." Tonks stopped to let it all sink in.
They stepped inside and were greeted by one of the largest crowds in any one shop either of them had seen in ages. The shelves were practically empty, and even with both twins running registers, there were still long lines to pay for the jokes of choice in London. In a corner to the right was a small boy holding a wand that suddenly turned into a chicken. Tonks had to pull Lupin down with her to the floor to avoid colliding with a rather temperamental whiz-bang shaped like a three dimensional pinwheel of red and green sparklers.
"Lupin!" cried George.
"Tonks!" cried Fred.
"Get in line!" chorused the crowd.
Remus laughed heartily and pulled Tonks to a somewhat quieter corner behind a row of shelves full of Skiving Snackboxes. "You are incorrigible, Nymphadora Tonks!" he exclaimed wildly, holding her close to him, one hand on her waist, the other on her back. "What am I going to do with you?"
He did it so quickly she only just had time to take a breath before his lips pressed hers, not roughly, but not softly either. Her eyes automatically closed, and his hand moved up her back and through her golden curls, pulling ever so slightly, and fingering the tresses as if they were the finest silk. The hand around her waist tightened and he drew her even nearer to him.
Tonks could hear her heart beating like a fast, pulsing drum too loudly in her ears. She felt several tingling pops beneath her eyelids, and she knew her eyes were changing colors again.
The kiss seemed to last an eternity, but only for them, it seemed. When Tonks finally pulled away ever so gently, she opened her eyes to find Lupin watching her with a hungry and breathless look in his eyes.
"What color?" she asked him, opening her eyes for him to check.
"Blue," he replied. "Bright blue."
"Well that just won't do, now, will it?" she said playfully.
"Try brown like mine," he suggested. She popped her eyes closed, and back open, revealing a dark honey brown. "Nice!" he approved.
"Well, well, well," said George.
"What have we here?" said Fred.
After explaining badly to the twins what they were doing so closely embraced in a corner of their joke shop, the boys joined Lupin and Tonks for a late dinner at the Leaky Cauldron. They all enjoyed hearing about their recent escape from Umbridge's reign of terror at Hogwarts. Lupin was quite interested to hear all about the swamp they left in the school corridor, and the fireworks they had charmed to be practically unstoppable thoroughly impressed Tonks.
After saying their goodbyes, Lupin walked Tonks to the end of a small courtyard and turned to look at her.
"You know, this has really been a wonderful night," Lupin began. "You think we could do this again sometime?"
"Of course!" Tonks said brightly. "Very soon, and often."
They said their goodbyes, highlighted by a sweet kiss on the cheek and a hug.
Several long weeks went by, however, and neither of them was able to find time to get together. Tonks had only returned to Grimmauld Place once since leaving Sirius alone that night, and she dared not even look in his eyes. It felt like a betrayal, but how could it be, really. Sirius had never expressed anything but friendship and even though her feeling had grown strong and hot once, she had made her choice. Or so she thought...
Chapter Six - "Declaration of Love"
It was a soggy and dreary afternoon, and Tonks had been asked to take the day off, surprisingly. Kingsley assured her the time away had nothing at all to do with the fact that she accidentally turned her nose into a pig snout in front of a large group of muggle schoolchildren, but she had her suspicions to the contrary. Either way, it was nice to have a whole day to herself, and she chose to spend it cheering up Sirius who had been particularly miserable as of late.
Tonks walked up the stairs from the basement of Grimmauld Place where she had apparated and stumbled over the last step, sending the snake coiled vase crashing to the floor once again.
"I'm just going to move the thing," Sirius muttered. "What do you want?" he asked pointedly, looking like he would rather not be bothered. Tonks noticed a rectangular mirror with a worn wooden frame in his lap.
"Just came by to see how you are. Sorry to bother you. I can leave, if you'd rather-" she mumbled, gesturing to the mirror.
"It's a two-way mirror, Tonks. I'm not sitting here staring at my own reflection. You don't think me vain, do you?" he laughed a short laugh similar to the bark of a certain dog she knew.
"No, of course not. I got the day off and thought I'd come by earlier than normal is all," Tonks said, casually, stepping over the shards of ceramic snakes and entering the small drawing room.
"I gave the other mirror to Harry. He's never bothered using it, however. I wonder did he forget I gave it to him, because he took a risk visiting Lupin and I in the fire a few weeks ago," Sirius said, thoughtfully.
"Maybe it was confiscated by that Umbridge?" Tonks thought out loud.
"She'd have used it by now to try to contact me don't you think?" he countered. "No. I'm sure he forgot all about it."
"I used to use one with my best friend at Hogwarts when we were in out dormitories," she said, remembering. "My girlfriends used to think I was talking to myself under my covers late at night."
"Why would you talk to your friend so late at night? Wasn't this girl in your house?" Sirius asked, perplexed.
"No," she answered simply, "...and yes."
"Well..." Sirius said, coaxing her on.
"He was in my house. We were both in Ravenclaw," she said automatically and tonelessly.
"And you were just friends? Sounds like to me you were saying your goodnight wishes through those mirrors." Sirius said, deviously.
She looked at him coldly. "Whatever," she snapped.
"I had real friends at Hogwarts - the best friends ever..." Sirius said, a far away look in his eyes.
"I had real friends. Not everything always works out the way it's supposed to, and sometimes people get hurt. That's life," Tonks said angrily.
"You think I don't know that?" Sirius jumped at her. "My best friend is dead, another is a filthy lying traitorous two-faced rat who let me rot in Azkaban for twelve years for his murder, and the only one left is Remus, and we both know I am the last thing on his mind right now."
"What is that supposed to mean?" she said, bewildered.
"I saw the two of you, skipping through puddles like young lovers or something. But I know something else, too," he said, looking at her more intensely. "I know you feel the same way about me as you do about him. I saw your eyes, the way they changed, and unlike Remus, I grew up with a metamorphmagus and I know exactly what that meant."
Tonks stepped away from him and crumbled herself clumsily onto a tattered old sofa. She looked down at her fingernails and began changing the colors again, getting more creative and ending up with gold and red stripes to match her hair and robes. This was a conversation she really did not want to have with Sirius. Hadn't she already chosen Lupin? They had gone out on a real date, had kissed, and made plans to do it again. They were already involved. But why, she had to wonder, had she not gone to see him and come here to see Sirius instead?
"I know I'm right, Tonks. You don't have to admit it. I just wish you would be honest with yourself!" he said angrily, and with that, left her alone and stomped upstairs to feed Buckbeak, banging a pail full of dead rats all the way up. Leaving her all alone with her thoughts was the worst thing he could have done. Now doubting her feelings for Lupin, she was unhappier than ever. She curled up in a quilt on the sofa and concentrated on her toenails. She switched them from blue to orange and finally to red with gold stars. Pretty soon, she was tired of thinking, and she let her mind free to relax. She was asleep before she knew what had hit her.
"Tonks... Tonks, wake up!" Sirius was standing over her, concerned. The sunlight that had illuminated the room was almost gone, leaving mostly shadows since there had been no lights on when she fell asleep. "I thought you had left, silly."
"Me too," she said smiling. "What time is it?"
"Quarter past six," he replied, "Remus was just here. He came by looking for you, and I told him you had gone this afternoon."
"Oh, ok," she said. Suddenly the words from the afternoon came back to her with a twinge of guilt. "I'm sorry, Sirius."
"For what?" he said incredulously.
"I do-" she stopped short. She stood up and faced him a few feet apart.
"What?" Sirius prodded.
"Love you," she uttered in barely more than a whisper.
Sirius looked at her for a long moment. "No, I was wrong, Tonks," he said finally, with some effort. "I was wrong to try and call you on it. You made your choice. I already knew you felt something for Lupin too. He told me what happened in the Weasley's Joke Shop. I was just-"
"No," she stopped him, "I do care for Lupin, but I chose to come here, Sirius. I chose to come here on my day free and not to see him-"
"Only because you feel sorry for me, Tonks. You worry that I will leave here again, and you are compassionate," he tried to explain to her.
"No," she said stubbornly. "I just told you I love you and you are trying to talk me out of it?" she said confused.
"Never," he said seriously, looking deeply into her eyes. "I would never ever dream of denying you my love if that was really what you wanted."
"It is," she said falling into his arms. He embraced her tenderly and the sparks between them flew like so much static electricity. He ran his long, bony fingers through her hair, grasping it a little to hard, and pulled her face toward his in a very passionate, deep kiss. Tonks automatically pulled away, but he kept her face buried in his chest, embracing her tightly after the short kiss.
"You are amazing," he said, passion making his voice deeper and much sexier. Tonks felt completely intoxicated and helpless in his embrace. The urgency of Sirius' kiss left her lips tingling with desire for more. Only a very loud screech from downstairs pulled her away.
"What was that!" she screamed.
"I don't know, but I am about to find out."
Sirius swept out of the room and down the narrow staircase to the small kitchen.
"Kreature!" he heard him scream, "You filthy lying two-faced urchin! Go, burn those horrible knobby hands on the stove, NOW!" he bellowed.
She was now at the foot of the stairs. She could see a head in the flames of the large fireplace, but a most surprising face looked back at her. It was the face of Severus Snape.
"He is coming after you, Sirius. He must've had one of his little visions and the Dark Lord showed him you there in the Department of Mysteries" Snape said.
"Well maybe these visions would have stopped by now if you had been successful at teaching him occlumency!" Sirius snapped at him.
"Maybe if your godson was not so unbearably arrogant he would have been able to learn more quickly," Snape, or rather, his head, said angrily. "If he had not been so nosy-"
"You have no right to talk about Harry's behavior. You take it out on him constantly, and I for one am sick of it. James was better than you will ever be in every way and you were always jealous. Let it go, Severus. He is not James."
Maybe she only imagined it, but she heard intense pain in his voice as Sirius said the words.
"Not now. I cannot help him. Call the Order," and Snape's head was gone.
Tonks crossed to the phone and dialed 74-6364-9 and spoke loudly into the receiver.
"Harry Potter on his way to the Department of Mysteries needs assistance."
Suddenly the room got more crowded. Lupin was there, walking out of the fire. Kingsley was there, crossing the room from where he apparated next to the cupboard. Alastor Moody was there, standing where he had apparated right next to Tonks.
"We'll all go then?" Moody asked.
"Now." Lupin said, "but where is Sirius?"
Chapter Seven - "The Battle"
There was no sign anywhere of Sirius, and the remaining Order members left very soon after for the Ministry of Magic. Tonks and Kingsley simply apparated to their office, but found the lifts were out of order and not cooperating for some strange reason.
"He must know Harry is on his way," Kingsley said, ominously.
"Don't say that!" Tonks spat at him.
They each pinched floo powder between their fingers and threw the dust in the flames before walking straight into the fire and saying clearly, "Atrium."
They each arrived in different grates, standing on either side of the large statue depicting the four most magical creatures and suggesting interracial cooperation that was ironically poised here where all the legislation keeping the other magical creatures at the mercy of wizards. Moody was entering the hall along with Lupin by the front entrance.
There was no one at the large help desk, nor was anyone else around for that matter. Tonks had never seen the Atrium so deserted and eerily so. The splashing of the water of the statue of magical brethren was the only noise filling the expansive room. It was a few minutes before they noticed Sirius was standing alone at the lifts.
"They are stuck," he said frustrated. "How do we get all the way down to the Department of Mysteries without the lift?"
"This is where working here should come in handy, but I'm afraid, I honestly don't know," said Kingsley, utterly bewildered. "There are no fires in the Department of Mysteries for security reasons. All the doors stay locked, although if Harry is there, I doubt he went behind himself relocking doors I have a feeling were probably left open for him to begin with."
"You all are so silly!" Tonks exclaimed, "The stairs!"
"Oh!" they all chorused.
Tonks lead them to a plain wooden door with a window cut into it. Inside, they were startled to find several circular staircases, all in dark green marble with golden handrails. Several staircases lead downward, and she read the signs carefully to pick the correct one.
"Just here," she said, pointing at one on the far right, "See? The Department of Mysteries," she read.
"This might take awhile," Sirius complained.
"Not my way," Tonks said, grinning. She tucked her robes between her knees and slid with shocking grace onto one of the golden handrails and slid down a full story and a half before she heard the others mounting the rails behind her. She reached the lower level first and read the sign on the door in front of her.
"Level Nine - Level Ten Access"
Lupin and Sirius were next to land with Tonks, followed seconds later by Kingsley and Moody. Sirius had already entered the corridor and was standing at the single door opposite the lift grate. Kingsley joined him and opened the door to a round room with several doors all around. As soon as Tonks closed the door behind her, the room began to spin, sending her toppling into Sirius, and knocking him to the ground noisily.
"Shhh!" said Lupin, listening at one of the doors.
"In here!" Sirius said, recognizing the voice of his cousin, Bellatrix LeStrange.
"Wands out!" Kingsley instructed.
The five of them flew into the room, Sirius in the lead. The room was some sort of classroom made up of many stone benches surrounding a large slab with an archway covered with a tattered curtain. Tonks only had a moment to react to her surroundings, as Lucius Malfoy was already raising his wand.
"Stupefy!" she shouted at him, knocking him away momentarily.
Bellatrix stepped up where Malfoy had been, and tried to return the favor with a stunning spell of her own, but Tonks ducked alongside a bench and shot several spells in her direction to keep her busy. Dolohov and Moody were battling fiercely, as were Sirius and a masked Death Eater. She shot another spell in Bellatrix's direction, and saw Dolohov hit Moody with a stunner to the chest. His head hit a corner of the bench behind him before he fell to the floor, bleeding, and his magical eye rolled across the floor.
Bellatrix had obviously resisted all of the jinxes she had thrown her way and was back on her feet, aiming right for Sirius. Tonks heard the curse loud and clear.
"Avada Kedavra!" Bellatrix bellowed, but Tonks had reached her in time, pulling her robes, and it threw off her aim. The bolt of green light narrowly missed Sirius, who was holding Harry's head down to avoid a stunning spell. However, Tonks hesitated a moment too long and the masked Death Eater hit her squarely in the chest with a stunning spell. The last thing she remembered, she was falling down the stairs from halfway up, hitting every stone seat all the way down.
The sunlight from the small, corner window filled the shockingly white room and hurt her eyes as Tonks woke up the next day. She squinted her eyes at the face of the person sitting in the chair beside her, holding her limp hand and brushing her curls away from her face. She expected to see Sirius there, but it was Lupin.
His robes were tattered and frayed, even more than usual. There were streaks down his cheeks and his eyes were bloodshot and bagged. Only his lips seemed alive, drawn into a small smile at the sight of her regaining consciousness. Her head was very sore, and her arms and legs felt extremely heavy.
"It's ok. You're at St. Mungo's. You were injured, but everything is ok now," Lupin assured her.
"What happened?" she asked.
"Harry and the others got out alive. Hermione and Ron were both seriously injured, but they are both recovering back at Hogwarts. Ginny broke her ankle and Neville broke his nose, but I think you, Moody and Sirius got the worst of it, overall," he said quietly.
"Sirius? Moody? Are they here?" she said, confused. She tried to lift her head to look around and see if they were there in the ward with her, but it hurt too badly.
"Moody is right over there-" he said, pointing to a bed on the other side of the room. "But Sirius... he didn't- I mean... he's not here. He fell through that archway, Tonks. He's gone."
"Where?" she said dumbly. "What is that Archway?"
"Death, Tonks. The Archway is a doorway to the... well, the other side. He cannot come back. He's gone," he said, brushing a tear away with his sleeve.
"Harry!" she gasped. "Oh how terrible!"
"Dumbledore told him everything after they returned to the school. Harry tried to go after Bellatrix himself. It was her stunner that sent Sirius through the archway. Dumbledore went after him, and Voldemort showed himself finally, in the Atrium in front of Fudge and everybody. Here," he said finally, handing her the morning's Daily Prophet. "It's all in there. Oh, and Voldemort didn't get the prophesy."
Tonks glanced through the paper but none of it sunk in. Sirius was gone, and only hours after she told him she loved him. She thought about the kiss they had shared and the passion she had felt, but it was like trying to remember a dream that was quickly fading into the darkness of her mind. Only her lips remembered, and she could feel it, even if she could not wrap her mind around it. A dull ache replaced the passion, though, and the urgency of Sirius' kiss was painfully tinged with the painful realization that he did not even appreciate the true urgency and desperation he was feeling as he had been unaware he had only a few short hours left to live. Did he somehow feel the need to share such powerful emotions because he knew it would be his last chance?
Lupin stood up from the chair next to the bed Tonks was resting in. He must have thought the pained expression on her face was because of the bright sunlight, and he closed the blinds to block her from it's rays. Silently, she wiped a tear from her eye, and pulled the blanket closer to her chest, wishing she had a pair of warm mittens because her hands were very cold.
"They went through so much for me," Lupin began wearily, "Both James and Sirius, and even Peter," he stopped and sighed. "Now all three of them are gone - Peter may as well be dead for the things he has done, James gone for so long now, and so tragically trying to protect his family, and now Sirius, trying to protect Harry."
Lupin returned to his chair and stared ahead, blankly. Tonks hear the ward's door open and several footsteps signaled the arrival of visitors. Minerva McGonagall walked into view first, limping heavily, followed by Dumbledore, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, and both Fred and George.
"Moody is still out like a light," said George.
"But this one's back in the land of the living," said Fred, grinning.
"How do you feel, Nymphadora?" asked Minerva, taking the chair Lupin offered her.
"Its just Tonks, if you don't mind," she said, stubbornly, "and I'm ok."
"Sounds like she's back to normal to me," said Molly, laughingly.
"Right you are," said George. "Even her hair looks like it's back to normal."
"What?" Tonks said, confused, "How-"
Molly held out a small compact mirror and Tonks gasped at her own reflexion. There she was, bandage on her forehead, but black hair behind it, long and wavy, and pulled away from her face. Her eyes, too, had changed back to "normal" and they were as dull and lifeless as she remembered - and gray.
The pained expression her face must have shown was evidently something of humor, as everyone was laughing at her. They must have thought she was so appalled at her appearance she was simply distraught. But it was the face looking back at her and the resemblance it bore to Sirius that upset her so.
It was unmistakable how much they looked alike, and the searing pain that shot up from her heart and into her throat almost made her gag. How could she have ever hated to look like him? She had played around so frivolously with her appearance with Lupin, and now as she stared at herself, it was abundantly obvious she had been foolish. Who cared about silver hair and purple eyes when Sirius was gone and could not see her ever again, not that he ever cared for anything but her black hair and gray eyes to begin with.
"Turn it pink," said Fred, still laughing.
"Leave her alone," said Dumbledore. Tonks had the strangest impression that he somehow knew the real reason behind her shocked and pained expression. "She is probably still very weak and needn't worry with her hair right now."
Tonks thought she would have to remember to thank him for that bit of kindness. She returned Molly her small mirror and pulled the blankets up to her neck.
"You look cold," Lupin said, "Be right back."
He turned and walked out of the room.
"We won't bother you any longer," Arthur said, stepping back and nodding to his sons. "Hope you feel better real soon, though."
"Yes, very soon," said Minerva, flowing the others out the door, leaving only Dumbledore at the foot of her bed.
"Tonks, you are aware I was reading your mind just then?" he asked.
"I thought so. Thanks," she said, looking down at her hands.
"You were close to Sirius. I probably should have guessed. Well, you know as well as anyone the heart chooses for itself who one loves," Dumbledore said, looking at the ceiling.
"But that's just it!" she exclaimed. "I chose Sirius after I chose Lupin, but he never knew and now Sirius is gone and- oh I just don't know how I feel!"
"Give it time, Nymphadora. You need to let it settle, my dear. You and Sirius were supposed to share what you shared, and it was right. But that does not mean you and Lupin are banned from ever being more than friends. Your heart is the only thing that will never lead you the wrong way. Trust your heart," he said soothingly.
Tonks could feel the words lifting her spirits.
"Oh, and one more thing," Dumbledore said, suddenly standing. "That hair must go! It is just not you, Nymphadora!"
"It's Tonks!" she said, stubbornly.
"Don't tell me who you are," Dumbledore said quietly, "Tell yourself."
He conjured a mirror out of thin air and handed it to her. "I think bubble gum pink and blue eyes would fit the bill nicely." And he was gone.
1
By Leanne Marie Drivas aka GinevraPotter
Chapter One - "Torn"
In the cold, dark basement of 12 Grimmauld Place, exhuberant Nymphadora Tonks and the tortured Remus Lupin sat across from one another at the scrubbed wooden table in the center of the kitchen, two half-empty bottles of butterbeer between them. There had not been such an odd silence in this room since the premises had been converted from a forgotten, old home of dark wizards to, ironically, the headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix. Tonks raised the bottle of butterbeer to her lips, and had to force herself to swallow even the smallest sip. She dared a glance at Lupin, who happened to look up at her at the exact same moment. Their eyes met with timid recognition and she felt the slightest hint of amusement in Lupin's dark brown eyes.
"What?" she questioned, looking at him quizzically. Lupin simply let loose his big, shining grin and a small chuckle.
"Your eyes, Tonks!" he exclaimed. "They just turned red, then back to blue, and now they are shocking pink!"
"What-!" she exclaimed, pulling a small mirror from her robes. "Oh my! I wasn't even trying to do that!" she exclaimed. This had only happened to her once before, after a particularly emotional scene with her best friend at Hogwarts. Her eyes had changed colors the day she had fallen in love with him.
His name had been Darvis Heathrow, and he was a small, thin young man with eyes of sparkling blue. His sharp, darting features and wavy black hair were still so vivid in Tonks' mind. They had met on the Hogwart's Express their first year and after the sorting, they found themselves in the same house, taking all their classes together, studying together, and finally, graduating together. But this is where their friendship would come to a sudden but complete end.
Darvis was muggle born, and before the end of his seventh year, his mother and father had both died in an unfortunate boating accident off the coast of France. His younger siblings were muggles, that is, they had no magic in them at all, and the burden of raising them was left on Darvis' shoulders. At once, Tonks said she would leave her family and the magical world altogether and go with him back to his muggle family to share this responsibility with him, but to her dismay, he refused. She had watched sadly as he passed through the barrier between platforms 9 and 10 for the last time, reentering the muggle world and leaving the magical world behind him forever.
After such a heartbreak and left with no plans for the future, Tonks headed back home that summer to bury herself in her studies. Always a good student, she continued her magical education and committed herself to becoming an Auror. Although she was terribly clumsy and often less serious than was considered proper for such a career, she did pass her exams, and she loved her work. When Dumbledore, the headmaster at Hogwarts, asked her to join him and the others in the Order of the Phoenix, she had not hesitated, jumping at the chance to do something truly worthwhile, and drawn secretly to the dangerous and adventurous aspects of membership in the Order.
There were other fringe benefits to being a part of the Order that were far more personal, though. Tonks had been quite smitten with a few of the Order's single gentlemen, namely Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. Only days after being introduced to the two of them, she felt herself being torn between her feelings for Sirius, who was very attractive though unkempt and harsh, and her feelings for Lupin, the misunderstood werewolf with a heart of pure gold. She spent every free moment dreaming up ways to be alone with one of them. Alas, when these moments did come, she would find herself unbearably tongue-tied.
Lupin had stood up from the table, obviously amused, and walked across the floor to where Tonks still sat, pink-eyed and visibly shaken.
"It's okay, we had a long day. You're body's probably just telling you to get some rest. Come on, let me walk you out." Lupin said quietly and tenderly. Tonks was not sure, but there seemed to be a curious look about him, like he was wondering something about her, but was afraid to ask.
"I suppose," she said, resisting the temptation to tell him exactly what was really bothering her, "... but I think it would be better if I spent the night here. Do you think Sirius would mind?"
Immediately, Lupin's face went white and expressionless. Tonks knew she had said precisely the wrong thing at precisely the wrong moment. "Sure he wouldn't..." Lupin muttered.
Lupin lead her up the narrow staircase up to the first floor. As she topped the stairs, she stumbled into the corridor, and fell into the wall, knocking over a large, snake-wrapped vase. It crashed to the floor loudly, startling the picture of Mrs. Black and sending shards of ceramic snakes all over the place.
"Reparo!" shouted Sirius from the top of the stairs, but his spell was barely heard over his mother's screams from the painting on the wall.
"Filthy, unnatural beasts! Unclean, disgusting animals!" bellowed Mrs. Black.
"Oh. I'm so sorry..." Tonks exclaimed, looking up at Sirius' bewildered face.
Lupin pulled the curtains closed around the painting, and stepped back to make sure she had fallen back to sleep. "Tonks was just coming to find you, Sirius," he said, pointedly.
"Ok..." Sirius said blankly, oblivious to Lupin's meaning. "Tonks?" he said, looking at her and nodding slightly.
"Uh... yeah I just wondered," she began, "if it was OK if I ... uh... I'm sort of, well, exhausted, and since the kids and Mrs. Weasley have gone, would it be too much of an imposition... if it is it's ok... I mean, I can go back home, but I wanted to see if it was ok if..." she stammered.
"Of course, you want to stay here, sure!" Sirius said brightly. "You too, Moony... I'd love the company, and there are several empty rooms." He patted Lupin on the shoulder, and turned to lead the way upstairs. "Just follow me!"
"No, I think I should be going. But Tonks will be good company until the morning meeting with Dumbledore." Lupin said, heading for the door. "I'll see you then. Goodnight."
Tonks paused slightly and looked hard at Lupin before saying her goodbyes and heading up the stairs behind Sirius. He lead her to the room Hermione and Ginny had shared during their Christmas stay, and he stood in the doorway watching as she turned back the bedding before closing the door behind her with a gentle click.
The next morning, Tonks woke up to the disgruntled muttering of Kreature, the old house elf. Not wanting to be in the company of such a miserable living thing, she bounded out from under the covers, and changed quickly into her robes. The sun was already casting an earthy glow about the room, and she knew it must already be time for the meeting with Dumbledore. She carefully crept down the stairs into the corridor, then through the narrow stairway, and finally into the basement kitchen. Sirius was already there, dressed, eating breakfast and sipping a cup of tea.
"Mornin', Tonks," he said, standing and crossing to the stove. "Breakfast?"
"Sure!" she said hungrily. Some breakfast sounded quite nice, in fact.
He served her bacon and eggs with toast and tea. They sat together quietly for a while before Tonks could think of something to say.
"You think Harry is doing ok back at school? You know what these visions must mean for him, don't you?" Tonks said, genuinely concerned.
"Harry has been through worse. I'm much more concerned about this Umbridge woman, really. She is going to make his life very difficult." Sirius said, glumly.
"He'll just have to stay on his toes with her." She said. "Poor kid. He doesn't even know why all this is happening to him, either."
"Yes," Sirius said through clenched teeth, "and believe me, I would have told him long before now if it had been up to me. But Dumbledore thinks he is still to young."
Just then they heard loud footsteps in the corridor above them. Someone from the order had evidently arrived early. Sirius bounded up the stairs and returned seconds later followed by Lupin.
"Breakfast?" Sirius inquired, looking at Lupin.
"No, but thank you." Lupin said, politely. "Dumbledore should be here soon enough. I'm going to go ready the drawing room if that's ok with you, Sirius?"
"Of course, I'm coming up too." Sirius replied. He glanced at Tonks, and she quickly stood to join them.
"Me too..." she said weakly.
After conjuring a table and several chairs out of thin air, the three of them retreated to the entryway to greet Dumbledore. Pretty soon, the drawing room was filled with members of the Order eager to hear the latest reports.
"I'm afraid I am unable to report anything good this time." Dumbledore began. "There are several things that some of you are already aware of that concern me gravely. First of all, is Potter. He is becoming more and more aware of the strength of his connection to Voldemort. Before, he has felt burning pain in his scar when Voldemort was nearby or getting stronger, but now that he has returned, Potter is actually witnessing events from Voldemort's own mind. The evidence of this was when he witnessed the attack on Arthur last month." He stopped and looked gravely at Sirius. "Harry saw the attack from the snake's point of view. If Voldemort was possessing the snake at the time, we all know what this means. Harry and Voldemort share more than the Prophesy we are working so hard to protect. In many ways, I expected something like this, but to the extent that Harry would be able to control it. However, he is a teenager, and telling a teenager to turn off their emotions is like telling a wizard to give up their wand. It will not work. I am, however, going to insist he try to learn occlumency. It is his only hope of closing his mind to Voldemort's thoughts."
The room sat still and quiet. Tonks was watching her own hands and making her nails change color and shape randomly in her lap. She found it very hard to concentrate on what was being said, but she was trying to focus, although she had already heard much of it from Sirius. She also knew from Hermione that Harry had been having nightmares all year, because Ron told her he heard him moaning in his sleep and reaching his hands out in front of him before waking up, very startled almost every night.
"We must continue to protect the Prophesy at all costs. I know I can count on you to do whatever is necessary to insure the protection of the Department of Mysteries. Now, if you will, " he stood up at the end of the long table and bowed, "I must be returning to Hogwarts. Good day!"
Dumbledore turned and walked out of the room, leaving the rest of the order to discuss amongst themselves the plans for the month's schedule.
"Tonks and Kingsley, you each have five shifts this month." Said Lupin. "Arthur is still recovering at home, and I think it best to cover for him another week or so. So I will take an extra shift too."
They continued to go over the calendar until every shift was covered and assigned. It was Sirius who retreated to the kitchens first, since he was trapped at Grimmauld Place and unable to protect anything but himself from the outside world. Tonks slipped away soon after, and helped him prepare sandwiches for those remaining who decided to stay for lunch.
"Sorry," she muttered, after setting Mrs. Weasley's hair on fire trying to light the stove.
"I can manage, really, Tonks!" she snapped. "Thank you."
"...I-ok..." she stammered, and left the stove. She scrambled away from Mrs. Weasley nervously, and kicked Sirius in the shin as she rounded the corner of the table.
"Oh! Sorry! Sorry! Oh no!" she exclaimed, covering her mouth with her hand, exasperated.
"I'm fine, don't worry about it." Sirius said. "Really." He turned his head sideways to look her in the face. "It's ok."
Tonks looked up and met his eyes, and she took a deep breath. Again, she felt the emotion rise up into her throat, and the intense stare he gave her confirmed her suspicions.
"Wow!" he exclaimed. "Your eyes-"
"What color are they now?" Tonks asked, opening her eyes a little wider.
"They went blue, then green, and now they are purple!" he said, impressed. "That must be the weirdest thing I've ever seen!"
She turned away, fearing he would be able to read the fear on her face. She was not happy to be called weird, especially by Sirius Black, but the eye-changing emotions pulsing through her veins were not associated with hurt or anger. For the second time in so many days, she felt like a schoolgirl again, Lupin's voice echoing in her ears, Sirius' face popping into her head. It was as if she held this secret between the three of them, but she was the only one truly aware of what her eye changing antics meant. This was love. She was in love with both Lupin and Sirius, and neither of them had any idea.
Chapter Two - "The Promise"
Early the next morning, long before dawn, Tonks awoke with a start to find a messenger from the Department of mysteries at the foot of her bed. Quickly, she stumbled into her robes, getting her foot caught in one of the hidden inside pockets before finally freeing herself with some difficulty, only to find the robes on backwards. After watching her struggle for a few minutes, the messenger cleared his throat loudly and began to speak.
"Nymphadora Tonks, it is my unhappy duty to inform you there has been a mass breakout of convicted Death Eaters from Azkaban Prison. Your help is needed immediately to investigate the breakout and begin the search. You are instructed to apparate immediately to the office of Kingsley Shacklebolt." The messenger read from a slip of parchment, and then disapparated.
"Yikes!" Tonks yelped emphatically. She fixed her robes, ran her fingers through her hair, and closed her eyes tight before apparating.
"Kingsley, morning. Sorry." She grumbled, finding herself in his toes. "Who escaped? Which Death Eaters?"
Kingsley closed his eyes solemnly, and shook his head slightly before answering. "All the LeStranges - Rodolphus, Rabastan, and Bellatrix, plus Augustus Rookwood and Antonin Dolohov," he said glumly.
"Oh my!" exclaimed Tonks, shuddering at the thought. "Bellatrix!" Suddenly her face turned pale, She tried to catch Kingsley's eye before she gave up on subtlety and pulled him by the arm to a quiet corner.
"Sirius!" she whispered. "Bellatrix knows where Grimmauld place is! We have to do something! He doesn't even know!" she said through clenched teeth.
"Grimmauld Place is very well protected, Tonks, you needn't worry about that. Dumbledore will have seen to it," he assured her, before searching her eyes and looking at her quizzically. "I let Dumbledore know already, and he is actually there right now letting the other Order members know what happened. Rest assured, Sirius is well protected in that house, so long as he stays there."
Tonks didn't feel much better about things, however. She found out quickly the Azkaban breakout meant much more time would be spent with her fellow aurors, many of whom believed Sirius Black was behind the entire thing. It was already hard enough to pretend she didn't know full well he had never been a Death Eater and the murder he had been convicted of had never happened at all. Now she would have to intensify her efforts even while her emotions when it came to Sirius were far more complicated and difficult to deal with.
For several weeks, Tonks was hardly able to return to Grimmauld Place at all. She popped in only once and met Lupin at the front door. He had come to keep Sirius company, and was off to the Department of Mysteries for guard duty. She wasn't entirely sure, but he seemed cool to her, more aloof, at least more so than usual. Sirius hardly noticed her while he screamed at that miserable house elf, Kreature. She left feeling more tired, more lonely, and far more anxious then she had arrived, and reasoned it would be best to keep her distance for now.
Tonks was surprised, then, to find herself only days away from Valentine's Day with no plans or hopes of making any. In a panic she quickly mounted her Comet Two-Sixty and flew straight to The Burrow in the hopes Mrs. Weasley would be available and willing to advise her.
"Well, dear, you seem to have a bit of a situation on your hands there," Mrs. Weasley said plainly, rising from the table after hearing of Tonks' eye-changing escapades. "You've lost your heart to a very good pair of men, I must say. Both Sirius and Lupin are very troubled but very good men."
"But how can I have lost my heart to them both and neither of them has a clue in the world?" Tonks asked, frustrated.
"Dear, dear, " Mrs. Weasley began, "you can not expect men to understand their feelings - they just don't get it. The fact is, if they know what's good for them, they will act on their feelings long before they can tell you what those feelings are," she explained to her young guest. "Trust me, my dear, they probably both care for you as you care for them. But these are difficult times. Sirius is very preoccupied with Harry at the moment, and Lupin -" she stopped to look at the calendar, "- is probably very ill at the moment, and not in a state to sort out human emotions of any kind. Mind you, neither of them are what we would call a simple suitor."
Tonks nodded at this exaggeration. It was true, of course, that neither Sirius, who was hardly able to take her out to tea, nor Lupin, who was bound to his own torment each and every month, were going to be able to give her a quiet life of peace and tranquility. Although she hated to admit it, this unpredictability was probably a big part of why she was so drawn to the two of them to begin with. A quiet life was not what she had in mind for her future.
"Thanks, Molly. I don't know what I'm going to do, but this did helped me feel better." Tonks said, smiling. "Now tell me - " she leaned forward conspiring, " - should I send them Valentines or no?"
"Tonks!" Mrs. Weasley said, exasperated. "You are not a school girl, for goodness sake!" Molly put her face in her hands and shook her face slightly, "Send them Valentines, I ask you, where do you get these things from?"
"Yeah..." Tonks said weakly, trying to laugh along with Mrs. Weasley. "Sure... uh... just kidding!" she said, finally, even though she wasn't kidding at all.
Valentine's Day came and went, miserably. Tonks had guard duty for the order all weekend anyway, and she barely had time for a cup of tea at the Three Broomsticks before returning to work Monday morning. As the least experienced and most clumsy Auror in the department, she usually was relegated the duty of filling out paperwork and surveillance work. She was excellent at disguising herself, of course, being a metamorphmagus. Sometimes they would let her tag along on more important missions so she could be the lookout and help with the memory charms.
"Tonks, I need a moment please," said Arthur Weasley, or rather, said his head from the midst of her small fire in the fireplace.
"Sure, we're alone," she said, double checking the corridor for the other aurors.
"Dumbledore asked me to speak to you about Sirius. He wonders if you could... eh... help keep an eye on him. He's been restless since the Death Eaters escaped from Azkaban, and we're all taking turns having dinner there to keep him... eh... occupied I guess." He stumbled.
"I think he'd rather have you there then Mundungus and his friends," said Mrs. Weasley, appearing next to him.
"Sure," Tonks said a little too quickly, "I'll stop by tonight. Tell him to expect me, will you?" she said.
"No problem, and thanks again," Arthur said, head disappearing.
After finishing her paperwork and apparating home to change robes and hair color (she decided she needed a lift and went red), she apparated to the courtyard in front of 12 Grimmauld Place. She had only just raised the knocker to knock for Sirius when the door flew open and a large, black dog looked up at her, teeth bared.
"Sirius!" she exclaimed. "It's me, Sirius. Tonks." She looked at the dog, frowning.
The dog backed up, letting her step inside and close the door behind her before changing back into the human version of Sirius Black. He looked at her sheepishly.
"You caught me," he said glumly. "Go ahead, the fire's lit downstairs," he said, motioning toward the staircase leading to the basement kitchen.
"What for?" she asked, bewildered. "You want me to leave so you can go outside and risk being sent back to prison when you know how important you are to all of us? - " She stopped, blushing, " - and to Harry of course," she said quickly, "You're all he's got, Sirius. Thinks about him!"
"No, Tonks. I meant you could go down and tell Dumbledore. He'll be sure to put some sort of binding charm on me to keep me from leaving now," Sirius said, throwing himself into a squishy armchair and sighing deeply.
"Do you need that? Do you need to be restrained? Believe it or not, I am a qualified witch, and I can do it myself if you think it's really what you need," she said, now very angry. "Do you really think it will be that difficult to control yourself and stay safe here where you are? Is this really that much worse than starving in a cave somewhere with all these Death eaters loose? Not to mention you know who!"
"Whoa, Tonks!" Sirius said, standing and holding up his hands in defense. "Ok, Ok - I hear you," he said, "I only meant to take a little walk. This house just eats me alive sometimes. I'm sorry I even tried. And you're right about Harry." He choked back a tear. "Hermione just wrote me that he is going to have an interview published in the Quibbler. He has been through so much already- "
"Yeah, you're right about that," Tonks said simply. Their eyes met for a second, and Tonks realized she was very close to him. Standing here in the dimly lit entryway, breathing in his scent, looking into those endless beautiful gray eyes, she could imagine his kiss - strong and passionate with a hint of hesitation. The thoughts ran through her brain so quickly she thought they would overcome her senses, until his rough fingertips touched her cheek.
Her heart was pounding so hard she didn't even hear him speaking her name. His eyes were searching hers, and she was baring her soul to him without words. She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks and the blur that had been Sirius' face was coming back into focus. Tonks blinked and a grin spread eagerly across her lips.
"Sirius," she said, unable to summon more than a whisper. "I want you to promise me you will not try to leave again. At least for now."
"I promise," he whispered, "I promise."
Chapter Three - "Lupin's Secret"
After sharing a quiet dinner together, Tonks and Sirius sat across from one another in the drawing room, daring a look at one another every few minutes and sipping two half-empty bottles of butterbeer. Their conversations, although strained and somewhat forced, were overall pleasant. Tonks felt much better about spoiling his plans to romp around London as a dog after she had spent most of the evening keeping him entertained.
"Why did you change your hair again?" Sirius asked suddenly, almost as if he had just noticed the shocking red curls all over her head.
"Ah - you did notice, then?" she said, satisfied with herself. "I just felt like a lift this evening," she answered fleetingly. "You like?"
"Sure," he said easily. "But I always thought you looked perfect with the black hair you were born with." Sirius looked at her expectantly.
"Really?" Tonks said pensively. "I never cared for it myself. I felt so... normal."
"Let's see it. I can't even picture it anymore. Come on, for me," Sirius insisted.
"No problem." Tonks said, but her face told a different story. She and Darvis had argued relentlessly about the exact same thing. He had insisted she wear her hair black the way her mother wore it even when she complained it was just not how she wanted to look. Now Sirius was asking her to be normal too, as if he was one to talk.
"Here goes," she said, after stepping over to a large, elaborate mirror and squeezing her eyes shut. With a small "pop" her bright round curls turned into black waves, a few inches longer, and brushed back messily out of her face. "I suppose you want to see the whole thing, huh? Gray eyes and all?"
"Yeah. Wow that's much better, Tonks, really." Sirius assured her, noticing the unhappy look on her face.
She again squeezed her eyes shut and turned her eyes back to the original gray color they had been the day she was born, although not for very long, mind you. Now standing here looking from herself to Sirius she noticed the striking resemblance for the first time. All the blacks looked alike, of course, but she and Sirius had the exact same features, only his looks were somewhat sharper and much more aged and worn. It was as if she had forgotten he was her second cousin, and now, the fact came to her as an unexpected memory.
"I don't like this," she said, uncomfortably. "How about blue?" She "popped" her hair neon blue. "...And I think blue for the eyes too," and her eyes opened the exact same shade as her hair.
"Oh, well... uh... that is certainly original," a gloomy Sirius said, backing away from her and sitting in his squishy armchair again. Tonks felt bad that he was unhappy, but black hair was just not her cup of tea, and the image of the two of them side by side looking so similar was unnerving. She left Grimmauld place after a cold wave goodbye and returned home for some much needed rest.
It was much too early the next morning when she awoke hearing a quick succession of hard knocks on her small cottage's front door. Her home was unplottable, that is, only wizards and witches could find it if they knew just where to look, and muggles could not come calling. She quickly bounded from the couch where she had fallen asleep, still in her robes, and opened the door with a creek and groan.
"Lupin!" she exclaimed, seeing the exhausted man on her front stoop. "Remus, what has happened to you?"
His hair was tangled and full of small twigs and leaves. The collar of his shirt was torn and there were only three buttons left holding it closed. Lupin was dirty and he smelled of blood - and that was when she noticed his blood stained hands.
"I cut myself, Tonks. I'm ok, I just need to get these cleaned up." Lupin said, turning his hands over showing her the mangled remains of his fingers. The blood had already dried in some places, and she could see fresh wounds over old ones between his palms and fingertips. "Could you help me? Your place was closer than Grimmauld place, and I didn't want to risk traveling through muggle London all cut up like this."
"Of course," Tonks said, leading him to her own small, messy kitchen and over to the sink. She ran warm water into a basin and motioned for him to sit down in one of the red oak chairs tucked underneath the cluttered kitchen table. Overall, Lupin seemed extremely calm, considering his hands were nearly skinless and still bleeding profusely.
"Thank you," he said gently as she emerged his hands in the basin.
She found the ingredients she needed in her stores beside the cupboard, and crossed again to the stove where she pulled out a small, pewter cauldron and filled it with the contents of a small purple vial. She added powdered root of asphodel and a handful of porcupine quills before lowering the heat and pouring the contents of the cauldron into another large basin.
"These cuts will have to be cleaned," Tonks said, warningly. "This will hurt a lot."
"I know, but it's ok," Lupin replied. Sure enough, when he emerged his fingers into the purple, smoking wound-cleaning potion he hardly flinched at all. Tonks knew all too well the effects of this potion, and was shocked he could stand it for more than an instant. She finally had to pull his arms out for him because she couldn't stand watching the bubbling liquid a second longer, remembering how much it stung the last time she had to use it.
She crossed to the cupboard and reached for her own container of Dr. Ubbly's Oblivious Unction stored there. Tonks had several magical concoctions around to mend her many self-inflicted injuries.
"This should help," she said showing him the jar. "I use it all the time." Sure enough, half the container was already used.
"You are certainly prepared," Lupin said as she smeared a generous amount of cream on his poor torn fingers. "That feels much better."
Tonks smiled to herself, turning her back to him to wash out the cauldron and basins. It felt really good to be able to care for someone else's injuries for a change.
"Here," she said handing him a glass of pumpkin juice. "You should eat too. Do you like sausage or ham with your eggs?"
"Sausage. I must admit I haven't eaten in about a week. I am starving!" Lupin said, heartily.
"So what happened to your fingers?" Tonks asked, casually swishing her wand around, cracking eggs and turning sizzling sausages.
Lupin took a long drink of the pumpkin juice and wiped his mouth on his sleeve before answering her. "Left a small window unprotected in the basement. I must have broken it and... well... you see," he nodded to his hands. "The glass was really sharp. The window was far too small to get through, thankfully."
"You mean you've been in the basement for a week?" Tonks exclaimed, letting the sausage burn slightly. "All alone?"
"Have to. I can't make the Wolfsbane Potion myself, and Severus is too busy at Hogwarts to make it for me anymore," he said, scathingly. "So I lock myself in the basement so I stay put while I... change. The walls are all stone, and there is only the one very small window. I put an imperturbable charm on the door so I can't get out." He spoke so calmly it was as if this was as normal as making tea to him. Tonks supposed it was.
"Well that is just stupid!" she exclaimed, rescuing the quite blackened sausages and well-browned eggs. "I will hear nothing of the sort!"
Lupin stuffed a sausage in his mouth whole before he spoke. "I have to, Tonks. I won't let myself out to terrorize the countryside. I have no choice."
"Yes you do!" Tonks said, sitting next to him at the table. "I'll make it. The Wolfsbane Potion... I am excellent at potions. Severus didn't like it one bit, but I got in his NEWT level potions class and passed with flying colors," she said proudly. "You should have mentioned this a long time ago."
Lupin looked at her for a long moment before letting his face explode into a huge grin. "That would be... better. Much better." He looked at her seriously and she saw a glimmer of satisfaction cross his face. "It gets... lonely down there."
"Well, no more of that," Tonks said quickly. "You shouldn't be alone when you... well... change."
"You mean when I turn into a werewolf. It's ok. You can say it. It's not like I don't already know it," he said, laughingly. "But Tonks, are you sure you have time? I mean you are already so very busy."
Tonks shook her hear violently. "Never that busy, Remus. If it's up to me, you will never ever spend another night alone down in that basement."
He looked at her and smiled. She could see in his eyes a hint of recognition, like he was seeing her for the first time after a long separation. She was overcome with a need to touch him, comfort him. Knowing her feelings were again written in bold streaks across her face, she turned her eyes away and took a deep breath.
"Tonks," Lupin said softly. "Your eyes... they changed again."
"Yeah, I know. I felt it," she said, meeting his gaze once again. "Are they blue again now?"
"Purple," he answered. "I like them like that, though. Leave them?"
Tonks was overwhelmed with gratitude. Purple was her absolute favorite. "Sure. What color hair would go with them though?"
"I think... maybe silver?" he answered.
"Oh bless you!" she said, relieved. She scrunched her face in concentration and a small poof signaled the change was complete. "Check it out!" she said, posing as if modeling the new hairstyle. The long, silver, streamer-like tresses flowing around her shoulders glimmered in the sunlight streaming through the open window.
"Beautiful! Absolutely beautiful," he said. "You are really something, Nymphadora Tonks."
She was sure there was a tear in his eye when he lowered his head again to finish his breakfast.
Chapter 4 - "Unhinged"
The cold earth was beginning to thaw after the frigid winter passed. Early blooms were beginning to dot the landscape rather than snowdrifts and morning frost. Tonks had learned how to make a fine Wolfsbane Potion and was ready for the next full moon cycle. Lupin was very grateful, of course, and he set himself to bringing her fresh roses each and every afternoon when she arrived home from the ministry. Never did he bring the same rose twice, and she wondered where he could have found all the different types of roses, and why he was going to such lengths to begin with.
She enjoyed the attention, never the less, and the company. Remus was much funnier and easygoing then she had originally thought. She figured he must have relaxed more since being freed from his basement misery each month. Of course, there was also a fleeting chance that he brought the roses for another, more precious and important reason, and this was what young Tonks really wanted to believe.
However, one Monday evening in early April Tonks was working late at the ministry. She had just received a pile of back paperwork to complete that was taller than her. The other aurors had left for the evening except Kingsley, who she supposed was staying late because he had guard duty, and Dawlish, a short, gray haired man Tonks never liked much.
Suddenly, the office's fire popped and a messenger dropped to the floor right out of the flames.
"Minister Fudge needs your immediate assistance at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Meet him in the Headmaster's office," the messenger read quickly and was gone again.
"Of course," Dawlish said cunningly, "Umbridge is sure to have caught Dumbledore for something. Let's go Shacklebolt. Now!" he ordered.
"Right behind you," Kingsley said, taking a pinch of flew powder between his fingertips. But after Dawlish disappeared in the fire, he turned to Tonks. "Wait for my word, Tonks. Stay here."
She sat motionless, not daring to move. The minutes passed very slowly, and although she tried to get back to work, she was unable to concentrate. After what seemed like hours, the two Aurors reappeared and Dawlish fell to the floor.
"What happened?" she asked, standing to help Shacklebolt put Dawlish in a chair.
"Dumbledore escaped... he was going to be arrested. Get me a drink." Dawlish said, looking at Tonks.
Tonks conjured a glass of tea and handed it to Dawlish who just looked at it, got up from the chair, and left the office promptly.
"Good," Kingsley said, "...and stay out!"
"What really happened, Kingsley?" Tonks asked, sure that it could not be true.
"Dawlish pretty much said it all. Harry and several other students had a secret illegal organization going. They fancied themselves Dumbledore's Army. Madame Edgecomb's daughter Marietta was part of the group until Umbridge convinced the little girl to tell her all about it. They were trying to expel Harry, which you know cannot happen right now. So I modified Marietta's memory and Dumbledore took the blame for the whole thing." Kingsley explained.
"Crimey!" Tonks exclaimed, "How did he escape?"
"Easy enough for him. He stunned us all and flew out the window. We looked for him everywhere, but Minerva told me he just grabbed that wonderful Phoenix of his and flew away."
"Wow!" Tonks said, engrossed in the story. "We should tell the others."
Kingsley nodded and they both disapparated, landing hard on the stone floor in the kitchen of 12 Grimmauld Place. Quickly and without making a sound, she dialed 74-6364-9 on the magical phone hanging next to the cupboard in the cold, dark kitchen. Speaking very clearly and loudly she announced the predicament to the rest of the Order.
"Dumbledore has left Hogwarts. He escaped two Aurors, Umbridge, and Fudge and flew out the window. Emergency meeting nine in the morning."
She paused while the echo of her own voice rang in her ears. Kingsley nodded to her that he had heard as well, and she replaced the receiver just as several people appeared in the room.
Mundungus Fletcher and Dedalus Diggle were already taking a seat at the table when Lupin and Sirius descended the stairs. Tonks was already very tired from a long day at the ministry, so she left Kingsley to tell the others exactly what happened. He was the one who was actually there anyway.
She started up the narrow staircase and into the foyer before noticing Sirius behind her.
"Leaving?" he said, leaning very close to her.
"Right... tired... you know..." but her heart was beating very fast and she suddenly felt wide-awake.
"Too bad..." he mused, "thought we could go through this old family album I found upstairs. Another time then?" he said, his breath acidic and something tinged with liquor. He left her standing there, once again deflated and exhausted. She closed her eyes, apparated to her bedroom, and fell to the bed without opening her eyes again until sunlight filled the room and bathed her in warmth.
Tonks continued to visit Sirius for dinner regularly, but usually with Lupin or Kingsley. One day in particular, she had just arrived when she heard a familiar voice in the basement kitchen.
"Is that Kreature coming downstairs?" Harry said.
"No," said Sirius, "It must be somebody on your end..."
"I'd better go!" Harry said, and disappeared before Tonks reached to foot of the stairs.
"Was that - aargh!" she said, running right into the scrubbed wood table and doubling over in pain. "...Harry?" she asked weakly.
Sirius laughed first and then said, "Yes, it was. He's a bit concerned with a memory he saw of Snape's." he said easily, still laughing.
"You ok?" said Lupin, crossing the room to check on her. He wrapped an arm over her shoulder and pulled out a chair for her to sit down.
"I'm good... but how in the world did he see a memory of Severus'?" she asked, perplexed.
"Severus put some particularly embarrassing memories in a pensive so Harry could not reach them when they were working together. Remember? Occlumency lessons?" Sirius explained.
"Harry must be pretty good if Snape went to the trouble of borrowing Dumbledore's pensive," Lupin commented.
"Well he won't get any better now, thanks to that sniveling little rat!" Sirius said angrily.
"Huh?" Tonks said, confused.
"Snape stopped occlumency lessons with Harry after he saw the memory in the pensive." Lupin explained.
"Does Dumbledore know?" she asked.
"Not yet, but I'm going to let him know as soon as I see him," said Sirius gruffly. "...and I'm not going to let Snape get away with this!" And with that he stormed loudly up the flights of stairs to the attic to continue his search for Kreature.
Lupin let out a low whistle and shook his head. "Severus was wrong," he said feebly. "I think Sirius was right to insist Dumbledore teach Harry himself. Now Harry's mind is more unprotected than ever."
"But you said he's already pretty good," Tonks said hopefully.
"You never got so good you don't need practice. Especially when your mind is being attacked by the most powerful dark wizard around." Lupin put a hand gently on her stomach. "Everything ok with you?"
"Sure. Just another bruise - no biggie," Tonks said, immediately aware of how close he was. He raised his hand to her face and twisted a lock of silver hair around his fingers playfully.
"I really like this, you know. Why don't you try gold?" he suggested. "Yeah... gold with green eyes!"
Tonks scrunched up her eyes and bit her lower lip in concentration. Lupin sat back, startled, after the gently pop and change of features.
"Bloody hell! I wish I could do that!" he exclaimed, "It's great!"
Tonks stood up and crossed to the mirror on the far wall across from the cupboard. Her eyes were deep green flecked with brown, and her hair was metallic gold, in small round ringlets all over her small head. She was impressed with the effect.
"Let's go somewhere, ok? Anywhere - you name it!" Lupin said, bounding out of his chair.
"Anywhere?" Tonks said grinning.
"Uh... yeah. Anywhere." Lupin assured her, tentatively.
"Well it just happens I have the inside track on a fabulous new store in Diagon Alley. Care to escort me there to have a look for myself?" Tonks said, grinning sheepishly and giggling.
"Where? I was just there yesterday and didn't notice anything new," argued Lupin.
"Relax. It's going to be great."
Chapter Five - "Diagon Alley"
The rain outside pelted the two adventure seekers as they slipped quietly out the front entrance of 12 Grimmauld Place and headed into the street, the puddles and mud slowing them enough to be seen from a hidden window up from the third floor. Tonks looked back, and only for an instant as the unplottable home was shrinking back in between numbers eleven and thirteen did she glance those gray eyes searching the pair of them. The eerie feeling was fleeting, however, as the cheer and good nature of her generous company stifled off the lingering doubts and guilt for being free to roam the streets. It certainly was not her fault Sirius could not leave the old mansion. Then again, neither was it his exactly.
Lupin darted forward, gesturing for her to hurry along. When they reached the underground station they found it strangely deserted - no one manning the ticket booth even, and not a train in sight. Thinking better of trying to walk all the way to the Leaky Cauldron, Tonks casually held out her wand hand signaling the Knight Bus. She and Lupin boarded the bus and tossed the young conductor handfuls of sickles for the ride south across town. Only when they reached the dimly lit entranceway did they dare to speak in more than a whisper.
"Is this place a secret?" Lupin asked, curiosity getting the better of him for the moment.
"No way! It's a public place. I've just known about it longer than you is all. Heh, heh, heh!" Tonks replied. She was enjoying this.
They walked up to the entrance to Diagon Alley easily, and tapped the bricks quickly to let themselves inside.
"It's just here, this way," Tonks said, skirting around the eager shoppers toward number ninety-three.
"We're not going down Knockturn Alley, are we?" Lupin questioned.
"Goodness, no! No, it's nowhere near there. Just here - see it?" she pointed to the storefront just ahead of them.
"There?" Lupin said, pointing to Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor.
"No, silly!" she exclaimed, "THERE!"
Tonks watched as the look on Lupin's face went from confusion to utter disbelief. "Weasley's? You mean to say -"
"Yep! The twins have their own premises. You know how Harry won the Triwizard Cup last year, right? Well, he gave the winnings to Fred and George. They told me all about it last summer, and they sent me a letter last week about their torture of that Umbridge person." Tonks stopped to let it all sink in.
They stepped inside and were greeted by one of the largest crowds in any one shop either of them had seen in ages. The shelves were practically empty, and even with both twins running registers, there were still long lines to pay for the jokes of choice in London. In a corner to the right was a small boy holding a wand that suddenly turned into a chicken. Tonks had to pull Lupin down with her to the floor to avoid colliding with a rather temperamental whiz-bang shaped like a three dimensional pinwheel of red and green sparklers.
"Lupin!" cried George.
"Tonks!" cried Fred.
"Get in line!" chorused the crowd.
Remus laughed heartily and pulled Tonks to a somewhat quieter corner behind a row of shelves full of Skiving Snackboxes. "You are incorrigible, Nymphadora Tonks!" he exclaimed wildly, holding her close to him, one hand on her waist, the other on her back. "What am I going to do with you?"
He did it so quickly she only just had time to take a breath before his lips pressed hers, not roughly, but not softly either. Her eyes automatically closed, and his hand moved up her back and through her golden curls, pulling ever so slightly, and fingering the tresses as if they were the finest silk. The hand around her waist tightened and he drew her even nearer to him.
Tonks could hear her heart beating like a fast, pulsing drum too loudly in her ears. She felt several tingling pops beneath her eyelids, and she knew her eyes were changing colors again.
The kiss seemed to last an eternity, but only for them, it seemed. When Tonks finally pulled away ever so gently, she opened her eyes to find Lupin watching her with a hungry and breathless look in his eyes.
"What color?" she asked him, opening her eyes for him to check.
"Blue," he replied. "Bright blue."
"Well that just won't do, now, will it?" she said playfully.
"Try brown like mine," he suggested. She popped her eyes closed, and back open, revealing a dark honey brown. "Nice!" he approved.
"Well, well, well," said George.
"What have we here?" said Fred.
After explaining badly to the twins what they were doing so closely embraced in a corner of their joke shop, the boys joined Lupin and Tonks for a late dinner at the Leaky Cauldron. They all enjoyed hearing about their recent escape from Umbridge's reign of terror at Hogwarts. Lupin was quite interested to hear all about the swamp they left in the school corridor, and the fireworks they had charmed to be practically unstoppable thoroughly impressed Tonks.
After saying their goodbyes, Lupin walked Tonks to the end of a small courtyard and turned to look at her.
"You know, this has really been a wonderful night," Lupin began. "You think we could do this again sometime?"
"Of course!" Tonks said brightly. "Very soon, and often."
They said their goodbyes, highlighted by a sweet kiss on the cheek and a hug.
Several long weeks went by, however, and neither of them was able to find time to get together. Tonks had only returned to Grimmauld Place once since leaving Sirius alone that night, and she dared not even look in his eyes. It felt like a betrayal, but how could it be, really. Sirius had never expressed anything but friendship and even though her feeling had grown strong and hot once, she had made her choice. Or so she thought...
Chapter Six - "Declaration of Love"
It was a soggy and dreary afternoon, and Tonks had been asked to take the day off, surprisingly. Kingsley assured her the time away had nothing at all to do with the fact that she accidentally turned her nose into a pig snout in front of a large group of muggle schoolchildren, but she had her suspicions to the contrary. Either way, it was nice to have a whole day to herself, and she chose to spend it cheering up Sirius who had been particularly miserable as of late.
Tonks walked up the stairs from the basement of Grimmauld Place where she had apparated and stumbled over the last step, sending the snake coiled vase crashing to the floor once again.
"I'm just going to move the thing," Sirius muttered. "What do you want?" he asked pointedly, looking like he would rather not be bothered. Tonks noticed a rectangular mirror with a worn wooden frame in his lap.
"Just came by to see how you are. Sorry to bother you. I can leave, if you'd rather-" she mumbled, gesturing to the mirror.
"It's a two-way mirror, Tonks. I'm not sitting here staring at my own reflection. You don't think me vain, do you?" he laughed a short laugh similar to the bark of a certain dog she knew.
"No, of course not. I got the day off and thought I'd come by earlier than normal is all," Tonks said, casually, stepping over the shards of ceramic snakes and entering the small drawing room.
"I gave the other mirror to Harry. He's never bothered using it, however. I wonder did he forget I gave it to him, because he took a risk visiting Lupin and I in the fire a few weeks ago," Sirius said, thoughtfully.
"Maybe it was confiscated by that Umbridge?" Tonks thought out loud.
"She'd have used it by now to try to contact me don't you think?" he countered. "No. I'm sure he forgot all about it."
"I used to use one with my best friend at Hogwarts when we were in out dormitories," she said, remembering. "My girlfriends used to think I was talking to myself under my covers late at night."
"Why would you talk to your friend so late at night? Wasn't this girl in your house?" Sirius asked, perplexed.
"No," she answered simply, "...and yes."
"Well..." Sirius said, coaxing her on.
"He was in my house. We were both in Ravenclaw," she said automatically and tonelessly.
"And you were just friends? Sounds like to me you were saying your goodnight wishes through those mirrors." Sirius said, deviously.
She looked at him coldly. "Whatever," she snapped.
"I had real friends at Hogwarts - the best friends ever..." Sirius said, a far away look in his eyes.
"I had real friends. Not everything always works out the way it's supposed to, and sometimes people get hurt. That's life," Tonks said angrily.
"You think I don't know that?" Sirius jumped at her. "My best friend is dead, another is a filthy lying traitorous two-faced rat who let me rot in Azkaban for twelve years for his murder, and the only one left is Remus, and we both know I am the last thing on his mind right now."
"What is that supposed to mean?" she said, bewildered.
"I saw the two of you, skipping through puddles like young lovers or something. But I know something else, too," he said, looking at her more intensely. "I know you feel the same way about me as you do about him. I saw your eyes, the way they changed, and unlike Remus, I grew up with a metamorphmagus and I know exactly what that meant."
Tonks stepped away from him and crumbled herself clumsily onto a tattered old sofa. She looked down at her fingernails and began changing the colors again, getting more creative and ending up with gold and red stripes to match her hair and robes. This was a conversation she really did not want to have with Sirius. Hadn't she already chosen Lupin? They had gone out on a real date, had kissed, and made plans to do it again. They were already involved. But why, she had to wonder, had she not gone to see him and come here to see Sirius instead?
"I know I'm right, Tonks. You don't have to admit it. I just wish you would be honest with yourself!" he said angrily, and with that, left her alone and stomped upstairs to feed Buckbeak, banging a pail full of dead rats all the way up. Leaving her all alone with her thoughts was the worst thing he could have done. Now doubting her feelings for Lupin, she was unhappier than ever. She curled up in a quilt on the sofa and concentrated on her toenails. She switched them from blue to orange and finally to red with gold stars. Pretty soon, she was tired of thinking, and she let her mind free to relax. She was asleep before she knew what had hit her.
"Tonks... Tonks, wake up!" Sirius was standing over her, concerned. The sunlight that had illuminated the room was almost gone, leaving mostly shadows since there had been no lights on when she fell asleep. "I thought you had left, silly."
"Me too," she said smiling. "What time is it?"
"Quarter past six," he replied, "Remus was just here. He came by looking for you, and I told him you had gone this afternoon."
"Oh, ok," she said. Suddenly the words from the afternoon came back to her with a twinge of guilt. "I'm sorry, Sirius."
"For what?" he said incredulously.
"I do-" she stopped short. She stood up and faced him a few feet apart.
"What?" Sirius prodded.
"Love you," she uttered in barely more than a whisper.
Sirius looked at her for a long moment. "No, I was wrong, Tonks," he said finally, with some effort. "I was wrong to try and call you on it. You made your choice. I already knew you felt something for Lupin too. He told me what happened in the Weasley's Joke Shop. I was just-"
"No," she stopped him, "I do care for Lupin, but I chose to come here, Sirius. I chose to come here on my day free and not to see him-"
"Only because you feel sorry for me, Tonks. You worry that I will leave here again, and you are compassionate," he tried to explain to her.
"No," she said stubbornly. "I just told you I love you and you are trying to talk me out of it?" she said confused.
"Never," he said seriously, looking deeply into her eyes. "I would never ever dream of denying you my love if that was really what you wanted."
"It is," she said falling into his arms. He embraced her tenderly and the sparks between them flew like so much static electricity. He ran his long, bony fingers through her hair, grasping it a little to hard, and pulled her face toward his in a very passionate, deep kiss. Tonks automatically pulled away, but he kept her face buried in his chest, embracing her tightly after the short kiss.
"You are amazing," he said, passion making his voice deeper and much sexier. Tonks felt completely intoxicated and helpless in his embrace. The urgency of Sirius' kiss left her lips tingling with desire for more. Only a very loud screech from downstairs pulled her away.
"What was that!" she screamed.
"I don't know, but I am about to find out."
Sirius swept out of the room and down the narrow staircase to the small kitchen.
"Kreature!" he heard him scream, "You filthy lying two-faced urchin! Go, burn those horrible knobby hands on the stove, NOW!" he bellowed.
She was now at the foot of the stairs. She could see a head in the flames of the large fireplace, but a most surprising face looked back at her. It was the face of Severus Snape.
"He is coming after you, Sirius. He must've had one of his little visions and the Dark Lord showed him you there in the Department of Mysteries" Snape said.
"Well maybe these visions would have stopped by now if you had been successful at teaching him occlumency!" Sirius snapped at him.
"Maybe if your godson was not so unbearably arrogant he would have been able to learn more quickly," Snape, or rather, his head, said angrily. "If he had not been so nosy-"
"You have no right to talk about Harry's behavior. You take it out on him constantly, and I for one am sick of it. James was better than you will ever be in every way and you were always jealous. Let it go, Severus. He is not James."
Maybe she only imagined it, but she heard intense pain in his voice as Sirius said the words.
"Not now. I cannot help him. Call the Order," and Snape's head was gone.
Tonks crossed to the phone and dialed 74-6364-9 and spoke loudly into the receiver.
"Harry Potter on his way to the Department of Mysteries needs assistance."
Suddenly the room got more crowded. Lupin was there, walking out of the fire. Kingsley was there, crossing the room from where he apparated next to the cupboard. Alastor Moody was there, standing where he had apparated right next to Tonks.
"We'll all go then?" Moody asked.
"Now." Lupin said, "but where is Sirius?"
Chapter Seven - "The Battle"
There was no sign anywhere of Sirius, and the remaining Order members left very soon after for the Ministry of Magic. Tonks and Kingsley simply apparated to their office, but found the lifts were out of order and not cooperating for some strange reason.
"He must know Harry is on his way," Kingsley said, ominously.
"Don't say that!" Tonks spat at him.
They each pinched floo powder between their fingers and threw the dust in the flames before walking straight into the fire and saying clearly, "Atrium."
They each arrived in different grates, standing on either side of the large statue depicting the four most magical creatures and suggesting interracial cooperation that was ironically poised here where all the legislation keeping the other magical creatures at the mercy of wizards. Moody was entering the hall along with Lupin by the front entrance.
There was no one at the large help desk, nor was anyone else around for that matter. Tonks had never seen the Atrium so deserted and eerily so. The splashing of the water of the statue of magical brethren was the only noise filling the expansive room. It was a few minutes before they noticed Sirius was standing alone at the lifts.
"They are stuck," he said frustrated. "How do we get all the way down to the Department of Mysteries without the lift?"
"This is where working here should come in handy, but I'm afraid, I honestly don't know," said Kingsley, utterly bewildered. "There are no fires in the Department of Mysteries for security reasons. All the doors stay locked, although if Harry is there, I doubt he went behind himself relocking doors I have a feeling were probably left open for him to begin with."
"You all are so silly!" Tonks exclaimed, "The stairs!"
"Oh!" they all chorused.
Tonks lead them to a plain wooden door with a window cut into it. Inside, they were startled to find several circular staircases, all in dark green marble with golden handrails. Several staircases lead downward, and she read the signs carefully to pick the correct one.
"Just here," she said, pointing at one on the far right, "See? The Department of Mysteries," she read.
"This might take awhile," Sirius complained.
"Not my way," Tonks said, grinning. She tucked her robes between her knees and slid with shocking grace onto one of the golden handrails and slid down a full story and a half before she heard the others mounting the rails behind her. She reached the lower level first and read the sign on the door in front of her.
"Level Nine - Level Ten Access"
Lupin and Sirius were next to land with Tonks, followed seconds later by Kingsley and Moody. Sirius had already entered the corridor and was standing at the single door opposite the lift grate. Kingsley joined him and opened the door to a round room with several doors all around. As soon as Tonks closed the door behind her, the room began to spin, sending her toppling into Sirius, and knocking him to the ground noisily.
"Shhh!" said Lupin, listening at one of the doors.
"In here!" Sirius said, recognizing the voice of his cousin, Bellatrix LeStrange.
"Wands out!" Kingsley instructed.
The five of them flew into the room, Sirius in the lead. The room was some sort of classroom made up of many stone benches surrounding a large slab with an archway covered with a tattered curtain. Tonks only had a moment to react to her surroundings, as Lucius Malfoy was already raising his wand.
"Stupefy!" she shouted at him, knocking him away momentarily.
Bellatrix stepped up where Malfoy had been, and tried to return the favor with a stunning spell of her own, but Tonks ducked alongside a bench and shot several spells in her direction to keep her busy. Dolohov and Moody were battling fiercely, as were Sirius and a masked Death Eater. She shot another spell in Bellatrix's direction, and saw Dolohov hit Moody with a stunner to the chest. His head hit a corner of the bench behind him before he fell to the floor, bleeding, and his magical eye rolled across the floor.
Bellatrix had obviously resisted all of the jinxes she had thrown her way and was back on her feet, aiming right for Sirius. Tonks heard the curse loud and clear.
"Avada Kedavra!" Bellatrix bellowed, but Tonks had reached her in time, pulling her robes, and it threw off her aim. The bolt of green light narrowly missed Sirius, who was holding Harry's head down to avoid a stunning spell. However, Tonks hesitated a moment too long and the masked Death Eater hit her squarely in the chest with a stunning spell. The last thing she remembered, she was falling down the stairs from halfway up, hitting every stone seat all the way down.
The sunlight from the small, corner window filled the shockingly white room and hurt her eyes as Tonks woke up the next day. She squinted her eyes at the face of the person sitting in the chair beside her, holding her limp hand and brushing her curls away from her face. She expected to see Sirius there, but it was Lupin.
His robes were tattered and frayed, even more than usual. There were streaks down his cheeks and his eyes were bloodshot and bagged. Only his lips seemed alive, drawn into a small smile at the sight of her regaining consciousness. Her head was very sore, and her arms and legs felt extremely heavy.
"It's ok. You're at St. Mungo's. You were injured, but everything is ok now," Lupin assured her.
"What happened?" she asked.
"Harry and the others got out alive. Hermione and Ron were both seriously injured, but they are both recovering back at Hogwarts. Ginny broke her ankle and Neville broke his nose, but I think you, Moody and Sirius got the worst of it, overall," he said quietly.
"Sirius? Moody? Are they here?" she said, confused. She tried to lift her head to look around and see if they were there in the ward with her, but it hurt too badly.
"Moody is right over there-" he said, pointing to a bed on the other side of the room. "But Sirius... he didn't- I mean... he's not here. He fell through that archway, Tonks. He's gone."
"Where?" she said dumbly. "What is that Archway?"
"Death, Tonks. The Archway is a doorway to the... well, the other side. He cannot come back. He's gone," he said, brushing a tear away with his sleeve.
"Harry!" she gasped. "Oh how terrible!"
"Dumbledore told him everything after they returned to the school. Harry tried to go after Bellatrix himself. It was her stunner that sent Sirius through the archway. Dumbledore went after him, and Voldemort showed himself finally, in the Atrium in front of Fudge and everybody. Here," he said finally, handing her the morning's Daily Prophet. "It's all in there. Oh, and Voldemort didn't get the prophesy."
Tonks glanced through the paper but none of it sunk in. Sirius was gone, and only hours after she told him she loved him. She thought about the kiss they had shared and the passion she had felt, but it was like trying to remember a dream that was quickly fading into the darkness of her mind. Only her lips remembered, and she could feel it, even if she could not wrap her mind around it. A dull ache replaced the passion, though, and the urgency of Sirius' kiss was painfully tinged with the painful realization that he did not even appreciate the true urgency and desperation he was feeling as he had been unaware he had only a few short hours left to live. Did he somehow feel the need to share such powerful emotions because he knew it would be his last chance?
Lupin stood up from the chair next to the bed Tonks was resting in. He must have thought the pained expression on her face was because of the bright sunlight, and he closed the blinds to block her from it's rays. Silently, she wiped a tear from her eye, and pulled the blanket closer to her chest, wishing she had a pair of warm mittens because her hands were very cold.
"They went through so much for me," Lupin began wearily, "Both James and Sirius, and even Peter," he stopped and sighed. "Now all three of them are gone - Peter may as well be dead for the things he has done, James gone for so long now, and so tragically trying to protect his family, and now Sirius, trying to protect Harry."
Lupin returned to his chair and stared ahead, blankly. Tonks hear the ward's door open and several footsteps signaled the arrival of visitors. Minerva McGonagall walked into view first, limping heavily, followed by Dumbledore, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, and both Fred and George.
"Moody is still out like a light," said George.
"But this one's back in the land of the living," said Fred, grinning.
"How do you feel, Nymphadora?" asked Minerva, taking the chair Lupin offered her.
"Its just Tonks, if you don't mind," she said, stubbornly, "and I'm ok."
"Sounds like she's back to normal to me," said Molly, laughingly.
"Right you are," said George. "Even her hair looks like it's back to normal."
"What?" Tonks said, confused, "How-"
Molly held out a small compact mirror and Tonks gasped at her own reflexion. There she was, bandage on her forehead, but black hair behind it, long and wavy, and pulled away from her face. Her eyes, too, had changed back to "normal" and they were as dull and lifeless as she remembered - and gray.
The pained expression her face must have shown was evidently something of humor, as everyone was laughing at her. They must have thought she was so appalled at her appearance she was simply distraught. But it was the face looking back at her and the resemblance it bore to Sirius that upset her so.
It was unmistakable how much they looked alike, and the searing pain that shot up from her heart and into her throat almost made her gag. How could she have ever hated to look like him? She had played around so frivolously with her appearance with Lupin, and now as she stared at herself, it was abundantly obvious she had been foolish. Who cared about silver hair and purple eyes when Sirius was gone and could not see her ever again, not that he ever cared for anything but her black hair and gray eyes to begin with.
"Turn it pink," said Fred, still laughing.
"Leave her alone," said Dumbledore. Tonks had the strangest impression that he somehow knew the real reason behind her shocked and pained expression. "She is probably still very weak and needn't worry with her hair right now."
Tonks thought she would have to remember to thank him for that bit of kindness. She returned Molly her small mirror and pulled the blankets up to her neck.
"You look cold," Lupin said, "Be right back."
He turned and walked out of the room.
"We won't bother you any longer," Arthur said, stepping back and nodding to his sons. "Hope you feel better real soon, though."
"Yes, very soon," said Minerva, flowing the others out the door, leaving only Dumbledore at the foot of her bed.
"Tonks, you are aware I was reading your mind just then?" he asked.
"I thought so. Thanks," she said, looking down at her hands.
"You were close to Sirius. I probably should have guessed. Well, you know as well as anyone the heart chooses for itself who one loves," Dumbledore said, looking at the ceiling.
"But that's just it!" she exclaimed. "I chose Sirius after I chose Lupin, but he never knew and now Sirius is gone and- oh I just don't know how I feel!"
"Give it time, Nymphadora. You need to let it settle, my dear. You and Sirius were supposed to share what you shared, and it was right. But that does not mean you and Lupin are banned from ever being more than friends. Your heart is the only thing that will never lead you the wrong way. Trust your heart," he said soothingly.
Tonks could feel the words lifting her spirits.
"Oh, and one more thing," Dumbledore said, suddenly standing. "That hair must go! It is just not you, Nymphadora!"
"It's Tonks!" she said, stubbornly.
"Don't tell me who you are," Dumbledore said quietly, "Tell yourself."
He conjured a mirror out of thin air and handed it to her. "I think bubble gum pink and blue eyes would fit the bill nicely." And he was gone.
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