Woot, me first ficcy ever!-v It's a bit too short, neh? And a bit crappy,
too...but I guess you'll be the judge of that...(runs under a table in fear of
being pelted by rotten veggies and porcupines)
Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl, or any of the other characters that are in the real book, and I don't own McDonald's either Oo;
Chapter 1: The Transfer
Fowl Manor
Artemis Fowl descended from the oak staircase with one hand on the smooth banister. His short vacation was over, and in a few days he would be shipped back to St. Bartleby's school for young gentlemen. A slight frown rested on his lips as he entered the living room area. He found St. Bartleby's too bland, bothersome and boring to his taste. He was given access to but a pathetic excuse for a computer center and the school staff had not raised his I.Q. even once in all their encounters ...
'Artemis, your mother's waiting for you in the dining room area', Butler announced, breaking Artemis from his thoughts. The large manservant had been trailing behind him silently enough to surprise.
'Hmm? Oh yes...' The former replied, staring blankly ahead at the Dining Room Area's large doors and strolling towards it.
'Is something the matter?'
'No, nothing's wrong, butler...But on the subject of returning to St. Bartleby's..."
The large doors before Artemis opened before he was give the chance to explain. Angeline Fowl stood behind them, resplendent in a pallid silk dress, smiling in anticipation. Butler nodded at Artemis and returned to the living room, as if prompted by his mother's appearance.
'Arty, darling, what took you so long?', his mother crooned, leading him gracefully to the lengthy dining table.
'Packing my wardrobe, mother,' he replied, sitting on a large wooden chair, 'boarding school beckons in two days.'
His mother glided to her side of the table, 'Yes, about St. Bartleby's...', she whispers thoughtfully, sliding onto her seat, 'Darling, your father and I..."
Your Father and I. Ideas that usually involve something that hindered Artemis from plotting dastardly deeds, his natural talent, often began with your father and I. This was not good for Artemis. Not good at all.
The latter swallowed the lump in his throat, 'yes, mother?'
'Yes, well, St. Bartleby's school for young gentlemen is a fine school, is it not?'
He had a great urge to enlighten her on the school's lack of technological advances, edible food and an intelligent staff, but had only managed to reply, 'reputably so.'
'Yes, and we're quite pleased with what a young man they have molded you into today...', She continued, raising a cup of Earl Grey tea to her lips and taking a sip, 'but...'
Angeline was clearly in a loss for words, and unless Artemis called for her attention, they would stay silenced all day, until she might have found the right words to say, which could take a while, taken from his previous knowledge.
'Mother?'
Angeline looked up from her thoughts, 'Ah yes... Arty, we're quite concerned with your behavior.'
Artemis couldn't help raising an eyebrow. 'My behavior? Mother, I assure you that my manners are perfectly polished-'
'...with women, Artemis. Your behavior with women.'
Artemis was taken aback at this statement. His mother never confronted him with these issues. The women of his life consisted of but a few people. Angeline, his mother, Juliet, who had left a few months ago, much to his distress, and...was there anyone else? He sensed there was another, but couldn't put a finger on it.
'Let me explain,' Angeline carried on, noticing the look of surprise illustrated on his face, 'We've received alarming feedback from the headmaster at St. Bartleby's concerning your behavior with the female teachers and counselors.'
Artemis chuckled to himself. Only the females? What about the rest of the staff that were stupid enough to believe they could outsmart him?
His mother sighed, 'Artemis, this is not a laughing matter. We've even heard from Butler of your actions towards the waitresses and tailors.'
Butler shared this with my mother, he thought. Quite unlikely of him to disperse this kind of information. We must talk of this matter later on.
'And should I add the incident at McDonald's?', she continued.
'Mother, I despise fast food chains. They're detrimental to my health, if I do say so myself.'
'I'm quite sure of that, but you must understand that Joseph Anderson is an old friend of your father's. Michael runs and owns most of the fast food chains here in Ireland. And it's not all the time your father brings you to meet up with his old colleagues.'
'The waitress suggested a preposterous variety of food for me to choose.'
It was an episode his mother often brought up. The long lines he did not wish to put up with were unbelievably exasperating, and the perky lass behind the counter suggested a Happy Meal for Artemis Fowl. It was the breaking point for him, unleashing a very witty, contemptuous and painful retort that his disarming father had witnessed. The girl's glitter mascara had covered most of her cheeks that she couldn't bear showing her less perky face to the customers, to put it blandly. His father was disappointed, and all the more for his mother.
'Happiness cannot be served in a cardboard box,' he continued, 'neither can it come in a form of beef drenched in overused cooking oil, filled with fat, calories and cholesterol, causing various heart complications.'
'You see? This is what I mean,' Angeline replied, pursing her lips to form a frown, 'You use your wit to an extent that you don't care of what the latter feels. You're like your father when he was obsessed with the Fowl empire. He bulldozed people with his sharp and witty tongue, and you take after this trait. But things have changed, Arty. Your father has changed.'
Artemis was silenced by this. It was true. Artemis Senior had gained a disarming personality overnight, something which Artemis had silently disapproved of. He wasn't even quite sure how this had happened. Every time he thought about it, it seemed more unreal and bizarre than the last time.
Angeline paused to throw her head back theatrically. 'Darling, your father and I have decided to send you to St. Cecilia's school for refined young men and women in London.'
Artemis was quite surprised at this announcement, staring blankly at his mother. He had already prepared for another repetitive term at St. Bartleby's and he wasn't ready for something like this. He couldn't find any words to reply, something that happened very rarely. After a few moments, though, he managed to answer. '...why?'
'Well, we've been entertaining this idea after the occurrence at McDonald's,' His mother explained calmly, taking another sip of her tea, '... and we've come to a conclusion that you need to be around more female peers and learn how to converse with them properly.'
Thinking it not wise to protest that his vocabulary could outmatch most veterans in their respected fields, he lifted the porcelain cup and took a deep sip of the warm tea. He wouldn't miss the school anyway, so there was no need of any complaints. 'And when shall I start?'
Angeline smiled at seeing her son's reluctance fade from his face. 'The same date planned for St. Bartleby's. Butler has booked you the tickets and will accompany you on your way over.' She paused as the new maid removed her empty cup and saucer in front of her, then stood up, walked over to Artemis and placed her hand on his shoulder. 'St. Cecilia's is a wonderful school, reputably so. It would be like St. Bartleby's but with young women in your class.'
Just like St. Bartleby's hung in his mind. It would be repetitive, just as he had foretold. But he felt slightly uneasy underneath. He couldn't quite put his finger on this feeling. The new maid must have added something different in the tea, he thought. I must inform butler of this.
Angeline kissed her son on the cheek as he stood up and walked with him out the imposing doors, 'Your father was like you before he entered my school. Quiet, witty... but I managed to shake him loose of his stiffness.' She threw her head back, her face radiated with joy. 'And who knows? You might find a girl who could do the same.'
Absurd as it may have seemed, Artemis didn't have the heart to break his mother's belief that he could find-dare he say?- a girl who could do the same.
'Hmm...', he muttered, scaling the oak staircase with his mother.
Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl, or any of the other characters that are in the real book, and I don't own McDonald's either Oo;
Chapter 1: The Transfer
Fowl Manor
Artemis Fowl descended from the oak staircase with one hand on the smooth banister. His short vacation was over, and in a few days he would be shipped back to St. Bartleby's school for young gentlemen. A slight frown rested on his lips as he entered the living room area. He found St. Bartleby's too bland, bothersome and boring to his taste. He was given access to but a pathetic excuse for a computer center and the school staff had not raised his I.Q. even once in all their encounters ...
'Artemis, your mother's waiting for you in the dining room area', Butler announced, breaking Artemis from his thoughts. The large manservant had been trailing behind him silently enough to surprise.
'Hmm? Oh yes...' The former replied, staring blankly ahead at the Dining Room Area's large doors and strolling towards it.
'Is something the matter?'
'No, nothing's wrong, butler...But on the subject of returning to St. Bartleby's..."
The large doors before Artemis opened before he was give the chance to explain. Angeline Fowl stood behind them, resplendent in a pallid silk dress, smiling in anticipation. Butler nodded at Artemis and returned to the living room, as if prompted by his mother's appearance.
'Arty, darling, what took you so long?', his mother crooned, leading him gracefully to the lengthy dining table.
'Packing my wardrobe, mother,' he replied, sitting on a large wooden chair, 'boarding school beckons in two days.'
His mother glided to her side of the table, 'Yes, about St. Bartleby's...', she whispers thoughtfully, sliding onto her seat, 'Darling, your father and I..."
Your Father and I. Ideas that usually involve something that hindered Artemis from plotting dastardly deeds, his natural talent, often began with your father and I. This was not good for Artemis. Not good at all.
The latter swallowed the lump in his throat, 'yes, mother?'
'Yes, well, St. Bartleby's school for young gentlemen is a fine school, is it not?'
He had a great urge to enlighten her on the school's lack of technological advances, edible food and an intelligent staff, but had only managed to reply, 'reputably so.'
'Yes, and we're quite pleased with what a young man they have molded you into today...', She continued, raising a cup of Earl Grey tea to her lips and taking a sip, 'but...'
Angeline was clearly in a loss for words, and unless Artemis called for her attention, they would stay silenced all day, until she might have found the right words to say, which could take a while, taken from his previous knowledge.
'Mother?'
Angeline looked up from her thoughts, 'Ah yes... Arty, we're quite concerned with your behavior.'
Artemis couldn't help raising an eyebrow. 'My behavior? Mother, I assure you that my manners are perfectly polished-'
'...with women, Artemis. Your behavior with women.'
Artemis was taken aback at this statement. His mother never confronted him with these issues. The women of his life consisted of but a few people. Angeline, his mother, Juliet, who had left a few months ago, much to his distress, and...was there anyone else? He sensed there was another, but couldn't put a finger on it.
'Let me explain,' Angeline carried on, noticing the look of surprise illustrated on his face, 'We've received alarming feedback from the headmaster at St. Bartleby's concerning your behavior with the female teachers and counselors.'
Artemis chuckled to himself. Only the females? What about the rest of the staff that were stupid enough to believe they could outsmart him?
His mother sighed, 'Artemis, this is not a laughing matter. We've even heard from Butler of your actions towards the waitresses and tailors.'
Butler shared this with my mother, he thought. Quite unlikely of him to disperse this kind of information. We must talk of this matter later on.
'And should I add the incident at McDonald's?', she continued.
'Mother, I despise fast food chains. They're detrimental to my health, if I do say so myself.'
'I'm quite sure of that, but you must understand that Joseph Anderson is an old friend of your father's. Michael runs and owns most of the fast food chains here in Ireland. And it's not all the time your father brings you to meet up with his old colleagues.'
'The waitress suggested a preposterous variety of food for me to choose.'
It was an episode his mother often brought up. The long lines he did not wish to put up with were unbelievably exasperating, and the perky lass behind the counter suggested a Happy Meal for Artemis Fowl. It was the breaking point for him, unleashing a very witty, contemptuous and painful retort that his disarming father had witnessed. The girl's glitter mascara had covered most of her cheeks that she couldn't bear showing her less perky face to the customers, to put it blandly. His father was disappointed, and all the more for his mother.
'Happiness cannot be served in a cardboard box,' he continued, 'neither can it come in a form of beef drenched in overused cooking oil, filled with fat, calories and cholesterol, causing various heart complications.'
'You see? This is what I mean,' Angeline replied, pursing her lips to form a frown, 'You use your wit to an extent that you don't care of what the latter feels. You're like your father when he was obsessed with the Fowl empire. He bulldozed people with his sharp and witty tongue, and you take after this trait. But things have changed, Arty. Your father has changed.'
Artemis was silenced by this. It was true. Artemis Senior had gained a disarming personality overnight, something which Artemis had silently disapproved of. He wasn't even quite sure how this had happened. Every time he thought about it, it seemed more unreal and bizarre than the last time.
Angeline paused to throw her head back theatrically. 'Darling, your father and I have decided to send you to St. Cecilia's school for refined young men and women in London.'
Artemis was quite surprised at this announcement, staring blankly at his mother. He had already prepared for another repetitive term at St. Bartleby's and he wasn't ready for something like this. He couldn't find any words to reply, something that happened very rarely. After a few moments, though, he managed to answer. '...why?'
'Well, we've been entertaining this idea after the occurrence at McDonald's,' His mother explained calmly, taking another sip of her tea, '... and we've come to a conclusion that you need to be around more female peers and learn how to converse with them properly.'
Thinking it not wise to protest that his vocabulary could outmatch most veterans in their respected fields, he lifted the porcelain cup and took a deep sip of the warm tea. He wouldn't miss the school anyway, so there was no need of any complaints. 'And when shall I start?'
Angeline smiled at seeing her son's reluctance fade from his face. 'The same date planned for St. Bartleby's. Butler has booked you the tickets and will accompany you on your way over.' She paused as the new maid removed her empty cup and saucer in front of her, then stood up, walked over to Artemis and placed her hand on his shoulder. 'St. Cecilia's is a wonderful school, reputably so. It would be like St. Bartleby's but with young women in your class.'
Just like St. Bartleby's hung in his mind. It would be repetitive, just as he had foretold. But he felt slightly uneasy underneath. He couldn't quite put his finger on this feeling. The new maid must have added something different in the tea, he thought. I must inform butler of this.
Angeline kissed her son on the cheek as he stood up and walked with him out the imposing doors, 'Your father was like you before he entered my school. Quiet, witty... but I managed to shake him loose of his stiffness.' She threw her head back, her face radiated with joy. 'And who knows? You might find a girl who could do the same.'
Absurd as it may have seemed, Artemis didn't have the heart to break his mother's belief that he could find-dare he say?- a girl who could do the same.
'Hmm...', he muttered, scaling the oak staircase with his mother.