A/N: Okay, here's my first ever HH fanfic! Hope you like! Credit for the plot goes out to the author of Night Terrors, Vanessa Sgroi. If you have any suggestions on grammar and punctuation, please let me know, for I live in fear of such errors. :)

LeBeau put down a big pot of something or other in front of the crew. Hogan rubbed his hands together, anticipating his favorite cook's next meal installment.

"What have you got for us today, LeBeau?" the colonel asked.

LeBeau didn't look very happy; his brow was furrowed and his mouth was twisted in a scowl.

"Chili." he snapped ungraciously. Hogan cocked an eyebrow and Kinchloe frowned.

"Chili? LeBeau, Don't you think that that's a little beneath you?" Kinch questioned.

LeBeau huffed and crossed his arms. "Well, so is cooking for the krauts to keep them busy every time you need to go somewhere! I give them the finest French food and they gobble it down like a pack of wolves. That's beneath me!"

"Eh, what brought this on?" Newkirk asked with a slight grin; he was taking delight in LeBeau's frustration. Carter stood up and craned his neck to see the bubbling chili in the soup pot.

"What? Did you run out of ingredients?" he queried. Hogan laughed.

"Oh, come on Carter! When have we ever run out of ingredients?" he demanded, thinking such a thought to be quite amusing. LeBeau popped his CO's bubble.

"Ever since Klink started putting a guard on the kitchen!" he said curtly. Hogan got serious. "A guard on the kitchen? Why?"

"Maybe old Klink caught on to our cooking operation?" Kinchloe suggested.

Newkirk shook his head. "Aw, do you think he'd notice if three sacks of potatoes went missing from his kitchen? He's probably planning some special meal for one of his dates."

Hogan smirked. He was thinking, "What dates?"

"Well, there's got to be some reason for it. I better go ask him." Hogan concluded, announcing the latter in a very tongue-in-cheek way.

"Well, go ask him later, soup's on!" LeBeau snapped, still unhappy about having to stoop to prepare such a meal.

Carter was the first to shove his bowl forward and got a big helping of chili slopped into his bowl. Some of it splattered onto the sergeant's face and he blinked.

"Thanks." he muttered.

Hogan served himself and gave LeBeau a reassuring pat on the back.

"Don't worry, LeBeau, we won't hold this against you." he said with a grin.

As the colonel went to sit down, LeBeau made a face at him. Kinch caught the look and smirked.

"Dig in!" LeBeau declared, still very unhappy.

Carter took a big spoonful and slurped it up. He savored it for a moment, and then his expression changed in a nanosecond. He started jerking and he looked around for a glass of water. Hogan saw this, got up, and poured him a cup of coffee. Carter snatched it away from Hogan and gulped it down. When he was done, he started breathing heavily.

"Jeeze, what did you put in that?" he demanded outrageously.

Before LeBeau could answer, Kinch and Newkirk got up and scrambled for the coffee pot.

Kinch grabbed it and hastily poured himself a cup of coffee. Newkirk snatched the pot away from him and also poured a cup. They chugged it down thirstily and gasped for breath when they were done.

"Blimey cor! What'd you put in that swill?" Newkirk demanded angrily. Kinch nodded in agreement. "Come on, I've tasted a lot of bad food, but that! That was the worst pot of Chili I've ever tasted!"

LeBeau snorted. "What do you expect? I'm a Frenchman, not-"

"So you've told us." Hogan interrupted with a sigh. "Well, we had a big lunch. We should probably hit the sack anyway. Tomorrow, I'll go see what Klink is up to. There's got to be some reason for him guarding his pantry."

All the men reluctantly got into their bunks, but not before stealing nasty glances over at LeBeau, who returned their glares.