In Stocks and Bonds
Takes place after the events of Mail Call Three where Klinger has fainted in the officers club after a few too many drinks. Who was there to help him home? (It helps to have seen the episode.)
Klinger/Winchester
Rating: T for teen
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Charles sipped at his water, knowing it was necessary to avoid a future headache and yet still wishing it were a fine wine or brandy. He had sobered up quite a lot in the two hour interim since the rest of the MASH crew had left the officers club, but he had a long ways left to go.
He was currently occupying a table with very unexciting company; Maxwell Q. Klinger, who was still unconscious from passing out earlier. With the help of BJ and Hawkeye, Charles had propped Klinger up in the chair, promising to watch over him. Klinger may have said his wife troubles were over, but that didn't mean he wouldn't do something stupid.
A few more gulps of water disappeared, and he began to admire Klinger's dress. It was a nice one, and a lot less gaudy than his usual get ups were. He was starting to get a little bored now that his drunken stupor had worn off.
"We're closing up soon."
Charles glanced up at the bartender and nodded. He and the unconscious Klinger were the only patrons left in the bar. "We shan't be long."
The other man nodded. "You want a refill on your water?"
"I would." Charles handed him his glass. "And one for Klinger, for when he wakes up."
The bartender took the glass and slunk away, looking a little tipsy himself. Charles turned back to Klinger, thinking that he had been resting long enough.
"Klinger," he ordered, grasping the smaller man by the shoulder and shaking him hard. "Wake up."
Klinger snorted and batted his hand away sleepily. "Back off, Morty."
Charles frowned. Apparently Laverne and her new boy-toy were not far from Klinger's mind after all. He continued to shake him. "Wake up, Klinger. The bar is closing."
With an undignified snort, Klinger jerked awake. "What!?" he exclaimed angrily.
"The bar is closing," Charles explained patiently.
"Oh," Klinger yawned and rubbed at his eyes. His drunken black out had turned into actual sleep somewhere along the line. "Why're you here then?"
"I was granted the dubious pleasure of escorting you home, as I was the only one not in possession of enough of my senses to agree not to do so." The bartender returned and deposited their drinks.
They both picked up their drinks and sipped them. Klinger balked in disgust. "Water? Where's your good stuff?"
The bartender frowned and glanced at Charles, who frowned back. "The bar closes in five, you guys better get going."
Still muttering, Klinger chugged his water and rose unsteadily to his feet. Charles followed suit, offering the bartender a few pennies to tide him over until the bar tab could be paid.
Charles had to help Klinger to the door, and he did so without comment. Once they were outside the cool night air seemed to wake Klinger up a bit, and the two of them parted enough for Klinger to walk unhindered.
"You know," Klinger said thoughtfully. "Being Korea's most eligible bachelor ain't all it's cracked up to be."
"Indeed." Charles started to go on, but Klinger stumbled and he shot out a hand to catch him. He hoisted Klinger to his feet and Klinger leaned heavily against him.
"I mean," he went on, seemingly unfazed by his near fall. "I don't get to go home with beautiful women on my arm. Instead I get you."
"Thank you, you are too kind." Charles said sarcastically.
Klinger began to drag him down, and Charles wondered if he was doing it on purpose or if he really had had that much to drink. They walked a little slower to compensate. "You're lucky."
"Am I?" Charles just wanted the night to be over and Klinger deposited in his own bunk so that he could get to sleep.
"Sure. You're a bachelor, and you're rich."
"Only in stocks and bonds."
Klinger pulled to a dead stop, staring at Charles with wide eyes. Charles had to stop as well, a little irritated. "What?" he asked in exasperation.
"You're rich in stocks and bonds."
"Yes, that's what I just said."
He pulled back completely from Charles to contemplate the situation. Charles frowned, wishing Klinger would just take himself home. He wasn't really that out of it anyway.
"Do you find me attractive?"
"What?" Charles spluttered. "What do you mean?"
"Like, physically. Mentally too, I suppose, since you're into that sort of thing."
Charles shook his head. Klinger must have been a lot more intoxicated than he originally though, to be spewing such nonsense. "You are an… interesting character." He said diplomatically. "I'm sure you'll have no trouble attracting another woman."
"I mean you. Specifically."
Charles felt himself caught between a rock and a hard place. Klinger was a strangely attractive man, even as he stood there in his knee length dress and stockings. But he couldn't very well admit anything of the sort; it could be misconstrued to mean exactly what it did mean. On the other hand, there was enough alcohol involved to successfully blame later.
"Yes," he said finally. "I suppose I do."
Klinger broke into a huge grin. Stepping forward he pulled Charles into a strange, life altering kiss. Charles felt himself reeling at the sensation of Klinger's lips on his, and came very close to kissing back. When Klinger pulled away, he was still smiling.
"Charles," he said. "I think this is the start of a beautiful relationship."