Foundations
Pairing: 10.5/Rose
Disclaimer: I don't own it.
Note: Post Journey's End. Present tense. Angsty. Possibly (probably) multi-chaptered.
"Right," she says, "You can stay in the guest bedroom." She isn't awkward about the fact that they'll be living together. Why would she be? It'd be just like living on the TARDIS. Except for the being bigger on the inside part, and the time traveling and alien planets and the general greatness of it all. No, he reminds himself, this is what domestic feels like.
Secretly he's been hoping that she'd offer for him to move into her room with her, but he isn't expecting it. He'd learned a while ago that hoping and expecting were polar opposites.
They go to the guest bedroom and she notices the look of extreme disgust that flashes on his features. That expression makes her ache a little bit inside and wonder if he'd rather be somewhere else than with her.
"It's pink," he notes, and she smiles.
"Yeah, mum knows I like pink so she had the flat painted. Sorry 'bout that."
All traces of disapproval fade from his face as he looks at her. "I know you like pink." He says it more as an observation than a statement. It makes her smile.
She takes his hand in hers, lacing their fingers together, just like in the old days right before they'd go on a new adventure. "C'mon, let's get you some new clothes."
She knows that this life with him will be a new adventure indeed.
He hates shopping. It seems like he hates clothes in general. It must be part of the whole domestic thing, Rose thinks. He must really hate it.
Whenever she picks something out for him that she thinks he might like, he shrugs it away. He's looking for the perfect outfit.
He tries on this ridiculous pantsuit and Rose laughs. He seems offended, but then looks at the mirror and mumbles something about how this look never looked right for him. When he finds a certain scarf his face lights up and he dons it. Rose is even more amused by this choice of accessory than by his previous outfit.
"'Ey, Madame de Pompadour knitted me a scarf just like this…" he trails off as Rose looks away, pretending that some amazing object has suddenly caught her eye. "Nevermind, moving on!"
One patched coat, an umbrella scarf and a cricket outfit later, the Doctor finds a pinstripe suit much like his brown one from the other universe. Rose watches him try it on and it makes her smile and hurt at the same time. She always loved him in that suit.
Strangely, he doesn't seem to like it at all. Too tight, he complains. So she gets him a size larger. It's now the wrong color. And the pockets are all wrong.
She gives up eventually, gives him her credit card and goes off to the cosmetics section. She knows she probably shouldn't leave him all alone, but she feels like she needs a break.
Somehow this feels more like getting your teenage brother to wear something other than his greasy Led Zeppelin shirt than caring for your true love.
True love, she thinks, and blushes. It should fit, but it doesn't.
She's seen a few of her mates and talked with them. For a while she slips back into what she had previously thought was the worst life she could lead, but now it doesn't seem so bad. They talk about boyfriend troubles, the new Topshop that opened down the street and how SoHo has really dropped in standards. They ask her when she's going to come back to school, and she says that she doesn't know.
They leave and she sighs. She goes back to looking at the different mascara brushes.
"School, eh?"
She turns around and sees the Doctor standing there. She smiles as she always does when she sees him—a smile reserved for only him.
Then she notices what he's wearing.
A dark red jumper, jeans that are so dark they look black, boots, and to top it off a leather jacket that's just a little too big for him.
It makes her want to jump for joy and start bawling at the same time. She wants to laugh at how many conflicting emotions she's been having, but it all seems too ridiculous. She simply stares.
"Oh, you noticed? What, you don't like it? I decided to change here 'cuz that only suit I had needed to be eradicated. Why didn't you tell me that it smelled awful and looked bad to boot? I mean, it should be compacted or incinerated, but I did like the blue," he babbles, and then abruptly stops. "Rose, what's wrong?"
She simply stares.
"You look…I mean…" She shakes her head. She doesn't look at all like the big-eared northerner that she met so long ago. He still looks like the New New Doctor.
But sometimes when he talks, she thinks, she's reminded of her old Doctor, and it hurts. She's reminded of the Doctor in the other universe and everything they did together.
"I tried on everything I've worn previously but I really like this one. I feel trendy. Do I look trendy? Should I even be using words like trendy?"
"It's great. You look great," she says. And she means it.
She gets a phone call when she gets home and refuses to answer it, saying she doesn't feel like taking calls.
They decide to just hang out in the flat, and he tries making dinner because she tells him that she's rubbish at it.
It turns out he's worse.
The smoke alarms go off as the gas stove bursts into flames. They get it under control quickly and Rose decides that they should just go out.
They go to a local restaurant that she likes and goes to often. He wonders if they'll run into anyone she knows.
They sit down at a booth and order. The beers come, and then the food.
It's quiet.
Rose looks down at her burger and extra chips instead of looking up at him. She eats hungrily, looking up once at a while. He's eating too.
After a few more beers they start talking. The Doctor tells Rose about meeting Shakespeare. She laughs, and says she wishes she could have been there. She means it.
They discuss what name he wants to take. She's thinking John Smith, but now he decides it's the time to be creative. He picks James McCrimmon, the name he used when they met Queen Victoria.
"Jamie?" she teases, and a sad smile crosses his features.
"Nah," he drawls. "Just James. Jamie is someone else entirely."
Rose thinks he's comparing himself to his other self in the other universe. He's not.
"So, what's this about school?" he asks. "I was there for the end of that conversation. Sorry 'bout that."
"It's no problem," she tells him, and then doesn't say anymore. She's thinking. "When I got here…I joined Torchwood. But as much as I knew about aliens, I didn't know things like math or history and I wasn't good at computers and I couldn't even pass the physical exercises they made us do. And I didn't want to carry a gun," she looks up at him and he smiles at her. "So I decided to go to college. My dad bought me in easily enough. I went to Oxford. Not the New College or anything, just Magdelene, but it was a good school and it an amazing experience. I realized how much I loved learning." She looks up, right into his eyes and continues. "I knew how much you'd love me to learn."
"Fantastic," he says, and she's not smiling anymore.
"Yeah, a fantastic life…I tried," she says, remembering.
He smiles. "Doesn't look too bad. You have friends and money and school. Sounds nice."
"Yeah," she says, agreeing with him. He knows that it wasn't the same without him so she doesn't say it again. Secretly she doesn't want him to think that all she did was pine for him, because she knows that's what it'd sound like.
"Rose!"
Rose turns and sees Sophia and Tajira come toward her table. She greets her mates friendly.
"Mind if we join you?" Sophia says. Rose does a little bit, but lets her friends join her. They are almost her best mates, except for the alternate Shareen, who Rose made sure to seek out as soon as she got settled.
"And who's this?" Tajira says, looking at the Doctor with a coy smile.
"Oi, Taj, Rose'll introduce us to him in good time. No need to be nosy," Sophia says, but Rose notices that she's looking at the Doctor just as inquisitively.
"This is the Doct-" she starts, but then remembers that she can't just introduce him as "the Doctor." "This is Doctor James McCrimmon," she says, and the Doctor looks proud.
"Nice to meet you," he says, sticking his hand out. Taj looks at him and then takes his hand cordially, as does Sophia.
The Doctor notices that Sophia is giving Rose a slightly disapproving look, while Taj is raising her eyebrows.
Sophia whispers to Rose, "Explain." Rose shakes her head.
"Later," she tells her.
Tajira takes this as their cue to leave, and she nudges Sophia to go with her.
"I think that went well. It's nice to meet your friends," he says, and Rose nods.
"Yeah," she says. "Great."
She doesn't want to introduce him to all her friends, but she doesn't tell him that.
"You gotta tell him, Rose. I saw the way you were looking at him. It's just not fair."
Rose almost hangs the phone up on Sophia. "Listen, it's none of your business."
"You're my friend and Owen's my friend and if you're planning on shacking up with this Doctor guy then it is my business because it's gonna hurt some people."
Rose groans and leans back on her bed. The Doctor is in the other room, watching the new DVD boxed set of "Spaced" that came out. He hates the DVD player, but says that this show is pure genius and goes along with it.
"I know, Soph, but…I just…"
"Is this the guy?"
"What do you mean?"
"That guy. The one that you'd mention and then completely drop and we'd ask about and you'd avoid. That guy."
"Oh."
"So?"
"Yeah. Sort of."
"Wow, an enigmatic answer. What a surprise."
Rose wants to throw the phone against the wall. There's too much going on for her and she doesn't need to have to deal with friends imposing. "Listen, I'm still trying to figure everything out so can you just chill and leave me alone?" she says with a little more spite than she wanted to let on.
Sophia, confident in her opinions, seems a little put out but otherwise unfased. "Fine, but you should think of what to do soon." She hangs up.
Rose does the same and does end up throwing the phone, but not at the wall, simply on to the floor.
The door creaks open and the Doctor peeks his head in, a sweet smile on his face. "Everything okay? I heard disgruntled groaning. Of course, all groaning is disgruntled, but you know what I mean."
Rose gives a half smile back. "Yeah, everything's great. I'll join you in a few minutes, okay?"
He nods and closes the door. She groans again, this time quieter in case he was listening, but with the same amount of vigor as the previous groan.
She has to do something.
She finally decides to introduce him to her boyfriend.
Friend, she says, but he gets the gist. This guy is her boyfriend.
His name is Owen Harper. He's shorter than the Doctor is, and in his personal opinion not anywhere near as handsome. But the way he looks at Rose and snakes his arm around her waist and kisses her—well, the Doctor knows that this Owen guy (as he's dubbed him in his mind) feels strongly for her.
And he's a doctor. They met while saving the world.
The Doctor tries not to mind. Of course Rose would get on with her life in the alternate world, just like he told her too. And he shouldn't care too much about this Owen guy. She came to find him, after all.
But that's the thing, he thinks. He's not the man she went to find. He's just some guy she's stuck with.
And he notices that when she's around Owen there isn't any of the awkwardness there is when he talks with her. She laughs louder than she ever has before and she touches him, hugging him and putting her hand on his arm and all the things that he used to do with her.
He feels jealous. He told her he loved her. He still does. She lets him live with her. But ever since that day on the beach, she's treated him simply as a good mate, not a boyfriend or whatever he wants to be or what he used to be to her.
Now he realizes that she's been doing that because she already has a life here and she's trying to figure out where he fits in it.
He decides that he'll try to make it easier for her, and leaves the party on his own.
"But I love you!" she screams. "I want to be with you!"
This is their first major fight. She came home to find him packing and groaned. She expected it to be like this. She hoped he'd take it well, but she expected that he wouldn't. And he didn't.
They're now in the foyer where the TV is, standing in front of the couch and screaming at each other. She's reminded of her first fight with Doctor, when she saved her dad. It's just like this, except more frustrating, because she's not sure that he'll come back if he leaves.
"No you don't, you already have a life. Were you just bullshitting me when you told me you crossed dimensions to get back to me? Or is the fact that the man you wanted isn't here right now?" He swears again, and Rose realizes just how human he's become.
"I meant what I said on the beach, that day when I said goodbye to you for the first time. I love you. I have since we meant. You're everything to me," she states, and he shakes his head.
"He's everything to you." They both know who he's talking about, and it isn't Owen. "You want to be with him and for some reason, although I look and sound and think like him, I'm not good enough."
"I never said anything like that!" she protests, and she's starting to cry from frustration.
"Rose, I get back here and you neglect to mention the fact that you have a whole other life? I mean, I'm brilliant and should have guessed it, but you waited two weeks to tell me that you were seeing someone. I feel like I'm a burden. I know I'm a burden, and I just want to leave so I can make it easier for you. I'll keep in contact, I just don't want you to have to fucking spoon feed me! I'm not a pet or sick or…or…" he trails off. "You get the point."
She's full on crying now, because most of what he's saying makes sense, but she still protests. "I want…I want you. So bad. I need you. It's not the traveling or the alien parts…I love those, but I want you." She looks up at him, her mascara dribbling down her cheeks in black streaks. His heart, singular, breaks because he never wanted to make her cry like this again.
"I just…I have to leave," he says, and turns around. He already has a plan for where to go and figures that a fast break is the best. He doesn't want to drag this fight out.
She grabs his arm forcefully and pulls him back. "Don't you leave me. I have to…it's my job to…" she doesn't know how to continue.
"That's just it!" he yells and manages to laugh at the same time. "You were entrusted with me. You don't even want me here, Rose, I can tell—" He's cut off by Rose pushing him on the couch, straddling him and crashing her mouth down on his. He tries to pull away but he finds himself reacting to her kiss just as passionately.
They eventually make it to Rose's bedroom and they don't make love like she imagined their first time would be. They fuck, and it's hard and wet and intense but so full of emotion and so unbelievably human.
When Rose wakes up in the morning, the bright light peeking through the blinds and highlighting her bed, she finds that he's gone.
He's at the UNIT base with his small duffel. He looks at the armored guards and thinks, this was my brilliant plan? But it's all he's got so he walks up to one of those guards and says, "Hello, I'm the Doctor, you might've heard of me."
It's lame and he knows it, but it's all he's got.
Thanks for reading. Please review. Criticism is welcomed. Posted on LJ.