After Harry gets tired of the Wizarding public's flip-flop attitude towards him, he hires a PR firm to fix his public image. This leads to him unintentionally becoming the absolute ruler of Britain.

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Bang! Bang! "I now call the first ever annual meeting of Potter Survivors to order."

Putting doing the gavel, the mediator surveyed the small basement room. It was filled to capacity. Clearing his throat he began the meeting. "Welcome to the first ever meeting of survivors, thanks goes to Jeremy for letting us use his mother's basement." Jeremy stood up and waved at the group.

"We are all here today because we, unlike hundreds of unfortunate wizards have survived the Potter menace."

"He took my daughters!" A faceless individual in the unruly crowd cried out.

"The blighter ruined my wife!" A rather plain looking man shouted before he started muttering about stupid women rights movements giving his missus ideas.

"He….he stole me fish'n chips!" sobbed a rather potbellied individual.

"Silence!" Bang! Bang! "I said, SHUT IT!" Banging the gavel once again the mediator glared at the group. Brandishing a long, glowing, fuchsia, ostrich feather, he growled "Only the holder of this EPIC, magical ostrich feather can speak!"

"As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted," he paused to glare at the vocal individuals in the faceless crowd.

"We have all survived the Potter menace. This support group has been formed to share our experiences and to hopefully help heal and forget the atrocities we have suffered at the hands of the Potter."

The first speaker to stand and receive the magical ostrich feather was a tall overgrown, greasy, bat like individual. "Hello, my name is Severus Snape, and I'm a Potter Menace survivor. "

"Hello Severus Snape," replied the group.

"I used to be a respected Potions Master. I shaped and molded young minds," he ranted. "And then that Potter brat came to Hogwarts, and ruined me!"

"James Potter's evil spawn ruined me!" he blubbered.

It was all Snape managed to get out before he broke down completely and collapsed in his chair, rocking himself back and forth murmuring, "Damn Potter, stupid Potter, arrogant Potter, can't find me here, can't find me here, safe, safe, stupid Potter…"

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After it became apparent that Snape was not going to recover the mediator gingerly patted Snape on the back, and takes the ostrich feather from his grasp, "While Mr. Snape recovers control of himself, perhaps someone else would like to share their experience."

Stepping into the light from the shadowy underbelly of the corner, Ernest Macmillan pushed back the hood of his cloak.

"Hi, my name is Ernest Macmillan, and I'm a P-P-P Potter Menace survivor." Taking a quick breath to calm himself, he continued, "I've spent the last ten years in Azkaban."

"Didn't they get rid of the Dementors years ago?" asked a person in the back.

"Yeah, ah 'erd they replaced them wif supermodels an' fo'mer Playwitch gals."

The comments from the peanut gallery forced Ernie to experience vivid flashbacks. He wept bitterly as he remembered suffering a decade long torture of looking but not being able to touch, and the laughter and mocking he had to endure when he showered or changed clothes.

Just as the mediator was going to take the feather back from him, he was able to push the horrible memories into the back of his mind once again. "I was a loyal and upstanding member of Hufflepuff house, before he and those red headed devil twins ruined me."

"Wot 'bout that rumor that yer did unspeakable fings to that basilisk?" A scruffy looking man in a bowler hat shouted from the back.

"Lies! All Lies!" Ernie hissed. "I am not the Heir of Slytherin!" Unfortunately for Ernie his vigorous denials just served to make him seem even guiltier, forever cementing Ernie's imagine in the public mind as the evil Heir of Slytherin and most infamous basilisk molester in British history.

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"Hello, my name is Fudge, and I'm a Potter Men-."

Unfortunately for the former minster even among the enemies of Harry Potter he was unwelcomed.

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"Hello, my name is Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, and I'm a Potter Menace survivor."

The old ex-Headmaster of Hogwarts did not manage to say much more before he found himself choked up. Harry Potter had been in the Wizarding world a mere three years, before all his beauty carefully drawn plans had gone up in smoke at the hands of the Boy-Who-Lived; who'd have thought that denying Sirius Black a trial would come back to bite him in the bum as hard as it had.

Even now years after the fact, he is still hard pressed to find a consistent lemon drop suppler.

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DAILY PROPHET SPECIAL ADDITION!

By Rita Skeeter

Earlier today in a surprise raid, members of the Dept. of Magical Law Enforcement rounded up a large group of malcontents including former Minster of Magic Cornelius Fudge, and former Hogwarts Headmaster Albus P. W. B. Dumbledore, after they received a tip from a concerned citizen.

The upstanding citizen had this to say:

"I were just doin' me civic duty. Once I realized that they was plottin' against our illustrious leader I 'ad ter report them, even if it pained me ter do it."

Former Hogwarts Potions Master Severus Snape who was also rounded up in the sting was heard ranting and raving against our beloved Overlord, which carries a minimum punishment of two months as a riding pony at a Muggle carnival.

We here at the Daily Prophet would like to thank the DMLE for keeping our streets safe.

Long Live Lord Potter.