A/N: After the new sneak peek, I wanted to give y'all hope, but this is what came out instead. Possible multichapter fic with Japril endgame if received well.

Chapter 1: Light

"But I don't know If I can be here when you come back." Tears were welling into Jackson's eyes as he spoke his fears and smothered down the feelings of guilt. As he allowed himself to finally admit to her that he may not be strong enough for them any more, that really, he had collapsed weeks ago. His tears fell as April recoiled as though she had been slapped.

She tried to shake it off the torment of emotions that rushed through her as his words sunk in, "You-you don't mean that Jackson." She paused praying that his quick agreement would come. That the words he spoke were out of anger and not out of truth. Jackson couldn't leave folded her arms across her chest closing herself off from the promise of more pain.

As Jackson remained silent April continued, "You can't mean that. We can fix this, I can fix this. You could go with me. This could be something that we do together. Jackson you can't just leave me. We-"

"I slept with someone." Jackson blurted the truth, and instead of the predictability of feeling lighter, he only felt heavier. His already broken wife's face shattered.

"I was upset after you left and I know that it isn't an excuse, but I can't pretend like it didn't happen. I can't lie to you.I just, I love you and for a split second I couldn't breathe and all I wanted to do was breathe again. I thought it would help, and it didn't, and I still can't breathe. I'm sorry, I am so sorry." At this point Jackson was openly sobbing.

April went numb. She had closed her emotions off to everyone but her husband these last months, saving her limited smiles and her passion for had betrayed her. She took a deep breath trying to suppress the bile that she could feel making its way up her throat. It didn't work, she ran to the nearest trash can emptied her stomach.

Jackson moved to help her, she put her hand up to halt his efforts. "Don't touch me." Her voice was gritty and held bite to it that he had never heard kept her face down and refused to let her tears loose. Be strong. I am Job, God only tests the righteous. I am Esther, who was given a calling. Joshua 29:11, Ephesians 6:10. Be strong in the Lord. I will survive this. I am strong.

April willed her spine to straighten. She looked at Jackson with what she hoped was a blank expression. She was so in love with the man in front of her, and he had broken her once again. But she couldn't deal with this, the mutual love and hate, the horrible mixed emotions. Not today, not tomorrow, maybe not ever. It was like salt was being poured over an already opened wound. Her thoughts were jumping a mile a minute. Assess, Triage, Treat. Assess, Triage, Treat.

"Thank you for telling me the truth Jackson. I-"

"April, I'm so sorry." Jackson's voice was hoarse from his tears. April trudged on despite of his interruptions.

"I am going to go home." She briefly touched his cheek, giving him a wary smile. He basked in the warmth of his touch. "We will be okay." Separately, because all they did was damage each other. Time would heal all wounds. Time would heal her, surgery would heal her. She walked away knowing that this was going to be it. That she was going to be the strong one, and that hopefully, while she was strong, that she also gets her light back.

A/N: Sorry about just leaving you guys, I joined the DCP and had a huge move to florida. That and some horrible reviews made me take a break. I will try to get back on the No Return saddle asap.