Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Warning!: This is yaoi and this story is rated M for obvious reasons. I am also dyslectic.
Summary: Cas wonders if Dean only sees him as an inanimate object without feelings. Set in season 6. Castiel/Dean.
Author's note: Well this didn't quite come out as I expected I don't know if I'm to pleased with it :/. I felt a fight coming on between Dean and Cas in the 6th season and that's why I wrote this. I hope you like it, it's my first time writing something that goes beyond kissing, so I hope it wasn't to cliché -.-
The love humans could express towards inanimate objects had always puzzled me somewhat. The way Dean often talked to his Impala, stroked the hood tenderly, how he got upset when Sam got bloodstains on the leather. These feelings of affection were foreign to me. This is not surprising seeing that the human concept of love is something I have a hard time understanding.
I knew of the love a person could have for god, or for family, but that was a different kind of love. We were made to love god, to love our brethren, it is seared into our every fibre of our being. Even when we hate them, when we despise them, detest them, there is still a part of us that loves each other however small it might be.
Humans know of this love as well, however they also expressed a different kind of love. A love that is not unconditional like that towards ones kin. This was a love that could break, that could be forgotten, but it was also a love that could be forged. Humans could love out of free will, they could choose to love certain others, may they be humans, animals or cars. I admired and despised them for this at the same time.
I often wonder if Dean chose to love me or if he loves me because we share a bond created by god. Dean doesn't know that I know of his feelings for me, sometimes I wish that he did, just to see what happens. What would he do? What would his reaction be?
You might call me cruel, but I have a profound need to know more about him, to study him. I often stop to look at his face while we are talking, searching for emotions that lie buried beneath that thin surface of flesh. I would squint my eyes somehow hoping that this would make them see further, so my sight could reach deeper layers of his soul.
He always tells me that it creeps him out when I look at him like that. To he honest it creeps me out as well. This insane obsession I have with him is influencing my work, I can hardly concentrate on anything else but him. Always flying down to earth directly when he calls me, fixing his problems, answering his questions, fighting battles that were not mine to fight. I was getting sick of it, he was taking me for granted, like I was one of the inanimate objects that he adored so much. Maybe he adored them because he could take them for granted, they couldn't leave him.
Either way I had decided to take some time off from being his answering machine. I couldn't keep it up for long though, his voice, ever so desperate, calling in the back of my head. It was slowly driving me insane. I just couldn't take it anymore.
Dean scowled at me when he saw me. That look made me cringe. I watched as he walked towards me, slowly and predatorily. Trying to push me into submission, like I was just an other angel to him, nothing special. This angered me and made me wonder why I hadn't been stronger while resisting his call.
"Where have you been?" He asks in a low voice that betrayed his anger to my well trained ears. His eyes burning like the fires of hell, reminding me of the time that they could still see trough my, at the time very human, soul. I looked away, trying my best to remain focussed, businesslike. I cleared my throat before speaking.
"In heaven" I said, I didn't want this visit to take longer than it should. My human vessel felt uncomfortably small and confined after my great time of absence.
"Heaven?" Dean spit out, I could almost hear the expression of white hot anger on his face " You were… in heaven. Way to be specific Cas! Do you have any idea how long I've been down here calling you, huh?"
I didn't like the way he was talking to me, like I was some sort of dog that ran away from home. The tone of his voice was filled with disrespect. Still I answered, because I was in a mild mood… not because I have always had a weak spot for that tone…
"Approximately three hours."
"Exactly!" Dean yelled at me "Three god damn hours! Do you have any idea how humiliating it is to stand here yelling and waiting for someone who doesn't show up?"
I did have an idea, I had done the same for him many times before. When he needed sleep, when he needed women or when he needed some time alone, I would always wait for him. I would always come when he wanted me to and leave when he ask me to. Sometimes even at the costs of the things that were important to me.
I was still yelling at me, making clear to me just how much of an selfish bastard he thought I was. I could feel anger boiling in the pit of my stomach, together with emotion I thought had been laid to rest after I became an angel once again. I momentarily lost control of my emotions, which resulted in me slamming Dean into the nearest solid surface: the wall of the motel the brothers were currently staying in.
"Don't you dare to talk to me like that" I hissed, my face mere inches from his "I sacrificed everything! My family, my faith, my powers, even my life, all for you… and this is what I get in return? I'm not your little puppet Winchester."
My use of his surname made him flinch, or maybe it was the close proximity of our bodies. I knew how much he valued what humans call 'personal space'. He glared at me for a moment or two silently trying to make me back down with his eyes, but I wasn't going to swallow my words, not this time.
"No," he growled deeply "instead you're playing God's puppet."
I wanted to punch him. My father knows how much I wanted to punch him, to shut him up, but he was still my charge and even in this enraged state I couldn't bring myself to hurt him. So I did the next best thing.
I crushed my lips onto his with a tremendous velocity, making the back of his head hid the wall with a sickening sound. I didn't care, my heart was racing, my head was reeling… I had never been so angry before in my life!
I was so enraged that I refused to pull away even though my human vessel started struggling for air. I think Dean was close to fainting from expiration when I finally did, for he shakily took in gasps of air as his knees almost buckled underneath him. I had to push him even further into the wall to keep him upright.
A strange emotion started forming in my stomach as our chests touched, like someone was tying my intestines into a tight knot. Strangely enough it was not an unpleasant feeling.
"What the hell Cas," said Dean when he could finally breathe normally "why did you do that?"
He looked at me in wonder, his eyes half lidded and hazy.
"Punching you didn't seem like an option" I replied without thinking.
Apparently what I had said made him very uneasy, because he made an effort to push himself into the wall even further to get further away from me. This made me somewhat sad, I thought that he trusted me more than this. So I moved in even closer, until he was unable to pull back from me. We stood there for a long time, Dean trying to avoid my gaze and me studying his reactions. Humans are so very fascinating to me, especially when their name is Dean Winchester.
After a while I could feel the anger slowly leaving my body and it was replace by something warm and fuzzy that made my heart act irrationally. I watched curiously as Dean's face slowly started to get redder and redder. I saw his adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed nervously. I frowned as I got this strange need to lick it. I wondered what kind of reaction it would give me. I slowly but surely moved in even closer so that my nose was touching his chin, my warm breath on his neck. This made him squirm.
"Really Cas what the hell has gotten into y- !"
He didn't finish the sentence, instead he went totally rigid as my tongue touched his adam's apple. His skin tasted of salt, it made me think of the salt lines Dean used to lay to keep the demons out. I kind of liked that taste, so I gave it an other lick. This time Dean shuddered, his muscles convulsing beneath my tongue. His reaction made my intestines turn into an even tighter knot, the sensation was becoming quite pleasant. I then started lapping at his throat non stop, until he groaned beneath me.
I was afraid that I might have hurt him, so I stopped. His eyes flew open as he grabbed the collar of my trench coat and looked at me in a mixture of longing and fear. I was quite pleased with myself for being able to recognize these two emotions. Judging from the look he was giving me he wanted me to do something, I just couldn't deduce what it was that he wanted me to give him.
The look only lasted a few seconds, then an other emotion took it's place: embarrassment and sadness. It made me feel sick, like vessel was about to die once again. His hands were shaking as they released the collar of my trench coat. For a second I thought that he was going to hit me, but then he laid his hands on my chest and slowly pushed me away from him. I felt a certain loss as the warmth of his body was replaced by the cool midnight air.
He stood there looking down at his feet, his hands falling to his sides in defeat. He hadn't looked this sad since the day Sam jumped into the pit. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out and for a while I was worried that what I did might have affected his vocal cords. Then he cleared his throat once more and turned away from me.
"Sorry Cas" he said softly, his voice breaking a bit "…for everything…"
And with that he began to walk away from me in the direction of his beloved Impala. The strangest thing came over me as I watched him walk away. A need to follow him, stronger than I've ever felt before.
"Stop" I whispered softly as my heart beats became to painful to bear. Dean had reached the Impala by now.
"Stop" I said again, louder this time as the knot in my intestines was tied so tightly that my vessel couldn't breathe. I saw Dean reach into his pocket and pull out the key.
"Stop!" I yelled as my body began to move towards him. It took me nearly two seconds to reach him in my confused state, but when I finally did relief washed over me like I hadn't felt in years. I grabbed his hand, the one that held the key of the impala, and pulled it towards me. He refused to look at me, but that was ok, as long as he stayed with me.
"Really Cas" he said, the laugh that followed sounded fake even for him "why are you doing this to me? What do you want from me?"
My hand tightened it's grip on his as I let his word sink in. What did I want from him? I didn't quite know what I wanted from him, these feelings they were to human, to much, I didn't know how to handle them. All I knew was that he had to stay here, with me, whatever it takes.
"I want you…" I started, but I couldn't focus on the words I wanted to say next. My heart was beating in my ears so loud it made me feel dizzy and when he turned to face me the fire in his eyes burned me like the flames of hell.
He looked around the parking lot before pulling his hand out of my grip. He opened the door of the impala with a soft click and held it open.
"Get in" he growled at me, his voice made me shiver as I awkwardly climbed into the back seat. I had no idea what he was planning. I saw him looking around one last time before stepping into the car with me and slamming the door shut. I opened my mouth to ask him what was going on, but I didn't get the chance. His mouth was on me faster than I would've ever given him credit for.
His lips where hot and wet, sending shivers down my spine as he slowly rubbed his tongue over my palate. I felt like I was coming down with the fever. My temperature was so high that I started to sweat. This made my clothes feel very uncomfortable. I struggled to get my coat off without breaking the kiss, for I knew I would regret that. Dean apparently took this as a clue to start unbuttoning my blouse.
He was much more experienced than me with these sorts of things so it didn't take him long to remove my tie and open the buttons. He pushed me back so that I was laying on my back. I whimpered at the loss of his lips on mine as he pulled away. H looked at me like a predator looks at his prey. My eyes where fixed on his lips as his tongue licked them. Now I finally knew what the human term 'sexy' really implied.
"Ohhh…" He said in a deep dark voice, drawing out that single syllable "I am so going to hell for this". However he did not look one bit sorry.
His hands started to trace patterns on my chest. It felt oddly satisfying. My eyes were loosing focus as he softly brushed over my nipples, making my gasp by pinching them. He smirked knowingly as he slowly lowered his mouth. When his tongue touched my skin I was afraid that I had been literally set on fire. My skin burned for him. He kept licking and biting at my nipples, making sounds come out of my mouth that I didn't know I could make.
His hand trailed over the clothed cock, making my eyes slip close and my back bend. He started massaging it roughly, the barrier of cloth making my member all the more sensitive to his administrations. It made me shudder and groan so loud one would think I was in agony, but I had never felt better in my life.
I wondered how Dean could possible make me feel more, when opened my trousers and pulled out my hard leaking cock, the cold air making it twitch. I don't know how, but I managed to open my eyes and look at him. He was sweaty and flushed with heat and grinning like a madman. If I didn't know better I'd thought he had the Croatoan virus, for the moment he pressed his cock onto mine and squeezed them together roughly with his hand, I thought he was trying to kill me.
White hot fire burned within me as he set a maddening pace, I tried to keep up with him, bucking into his hand in the same rhythm. However I could not keep up, it was to much, so hot, so soft, so hard. My heart was pumping in my chest in a way that I thought that something had to give soon, something had to happen… something was going to explode.
Ecstasy came to me like a thundering wave, slamming me down into the couch. And in those last few moments the fire in my soul burned so bright for him that visions of hell flashed before my eyes, before it all went peacefully quit. And in those few blissful minutes I decided that it didn't matter if Dean saw me as an inanimate object, as long as he saw me as his.