DISCLAIMER:I do not own Persona 3 Portable.
A/N: This is a complete AU so there's no such thing as personas or shadows here. This one-shot is a companion fic to "You Keep Making Me Ill" and sort of a preview or trial for my upcoming new fanfic (not the P3P/P4 crossover I posted at my profile). You don't have to read "You Keep Making Me Ill" first but I suggest you do to understand better what Minako and Shinji are talking about.
PlotOverview: Minako is a transfer student who was a perfect girl turned delinquent after a tragic incident happens. She gets involve with Shinjiro and Akihiko. [You have to read the actual chaptered fic once it gets published to know more.]
SUMMARY: Minako thinks about her relationship with Shinjiro.
*Minako and Akihiko are already ah…doing each other here.
CONTAINS SWEARING.
Cause I've never felt like this before
I'm naked around you
Does it show?
You see right through me and I can't hide
I'm naked around you and it feels so right
-Naked by Avril Lavigne
You Made Me Trust
Someone is gripping my arm too tight that I'm sure there would be a mark of fingers on it by tomorrow morning. Or later rather. It's already past midnight and I know because I was still sober even after the clock struck one.
I stumble at a crack in the pavement and the owner of the hand rights me. I realize then that the person who owns the hand is the one leading me walk. Somewhere. I have no idea because I'm dead drunk. I wonder if the person is one of the guys who kept pushing and offering drinks at me in the club. I was supposed to know better and refuse but on the contrary I downed everything they gave me. Tequila, Scotch, Vodka, Screwdriver, Bloody Mary, a Screaming orgasm too I think and a lot more that I don't remember. I drank them all despite the fact they all tasted like piss and vinegar mixed with crap.
We take a turn and from the way my head is spinning I don't know whether it was left or right. And that's when it hits me. I've done it. I finally got myself dragged in a mess where I can't do anything but feel stupid in the morning. IF I'm even alive come morning. This stranger is probably going to drag me somewhere dark and secluded where no one will hear us or find us. I should probably struggle, protest, or scream for help but I feel like jelly so there is not enough energy to do something. A bitter laugh escapes me.
"What the hell are you laughing about idiot?" The owner of the hand says. And it's Shinjiro. I don't know whether to be relieved or annoyed.
"Fuck off Shinji." I say. I only probably managed to speak from being fueled by anger or irritation.
"Tch! You're one to talk. You'll fall on your face on the ground if I let you go and you know it. So don't act tough."
I hate it when Shinjiro makes sense. He gets all smug and righteous towards me when he doesn't have a right to be. I hate him.
But he IS right. I need him to support me right now because I can't stand on my own and I can't even open my eyes. I shut up and let him take me wherever he is going to take me. I find that I don't give a damn.
When I finally get to open my eyes I see myself sprawled over their couch, Shinjiro and Akihiko's couch. I'm in their apartment. Figures. He can't return me to my aunt's nice and cozy apartment. There'd be hell to pay. Too much explanation would be needed and Shinjiro isn't actually one to talk politely. I'm glad he knows the drill. Better to not return at all than to return drunk like a drowned sailor.
I cover myself up to my chin with the duvet that is Shinjiro's, not Akihiko's, because it smells like him. Shinjiro hands me a mug and sits on a vacant chair. He sips on his own mug slowly. I inhale and smell it. Coffee. Great. I need that.
I blow on my cup and sip slowly to not get my tongue burned. I look around. It's still a bit dark so I think it's still early to wake up for school. I shift my gaze in the direction of Aki's room and then Shinjiro answers my silent inquiry.
"He's still asleep so he doesn't know. But he'll probably find out in the morning and it will make him upset."
I want to nod but instead I shrug. To say: I don't care.
Shinjiro sighs. And I prepare myself for a lecture, Shinjiro Aragaki version.
It doesn't come. Instead, something different comes. And I hate it more than the lectures.
"What do you think you'll achieve by doing this? If it's for punishing yourself just leave Aki out of it. He's too stupid to know what's better for him." Shinjiro says this tiredly that I know he's told Akihiko many times to stop fraternizing with the IT girl.
I stare at Shinjiro and I may have forgiven him for acting as if he understands and he knows except that he really is close to the dot but I don't because I'm not kind. I've stopped being kind ever since I became a bullshit of all bullshits. Life is harsh but that is reality and I know he knows that's how it is.
I don't say anything. My head is throbbing and I feel like I've been run over by ten fire trucks.
I still stare at Shinjiro. And he stares at me. The urge resurfaces and I want to crush it.
"We're not together." I blurt out.
"Really? That's not what he said." Shinjiro gives me a frustrated look and it makes me want to punch Aki.
"I told him to not call it something. So we are NOT together or dating or boyfriend-girlfriend or whatever shit they call it nowadays. I never promised him anything. It's harmless!"
He looks at me pointedly.
"Well…it's supposed to be harmless."
"Fuck you." He says.
"Fuck you, too. Well, I would if only I'm not screwing your best friend."
"So you admit you're not actually a slut, huh."
"But like that'd stop me. We can do it now, I guess. Here, in this couch."
"Bitch."
I smile at him and the urge dies down. Silence ensues and I realize there's no coffee left on my cup anymore. I deposit the now empty cup on the center table. Sleep eludes me like it often does and Shinjiro is still sitting nearby.
I hate silences with Shinjiro. Something forms during silences with Shinjiro and it unsettles me. I wish he'd ramble on like the others, like Akihiko and Mitsuru, so I can pretend he's a droning infomercial and get lost on my own useless musings. But he doesn't because he isn't like others, which is why he is harder to handle.
I start to crumple the duvet in my hands.
He looks at me again.
Damn it.
I look away; simply because I can't meet his eyes. I don't want to meet his eyes.
"Aki really likes you."
Now that makes me guilty and this time it's Shinjiro I want to punch. The bastard.
"He shouldn't."
Nobody should like me. That's how everything started.
I peek at him and Shinjiro gets this faraway look and says, "Yeah…"
I bite my lip and will myself to shut up but it's hopeless because now I want to talk. I face him.
"What about you? Do you hate me?"
Lines form on Shinjiro's forehead and I wonder if he's choosing which colorful words would he use to describe what he feels about me.
"No. I don't hate you. I…"
He trails off and I feel suspended in the air. I wish the balloon would pop so I'll fall hard on the ground. He looks at me, reallylooks at me and he realizes that the game is off; that the façade and the mask aren't there anymore. The walls have disappeared. And he is actually seeing me. Not just right through me. He probably thinks that I'm letting him but that is just half the truth because honestly he's the one who makes me do it. I don't know how he manages though.
"Minako…" He says my name in that damn drawling voice of his that can compete with Akihiko's and I want to hate him again.
Shinjiro puts his hands on top of mine and then I blink. I keep blinking; too fast that my eyes hurt. The world starts to spin and I feel like I want to throw up. Shinjiro is suddenly beside me and he's too close. Too close that I want to push him but I don't. Shinjiro wraps his arms around me and places my head to rest on his chest and I let him. I pull the duvet tighter around me. I shiver despite feeling so warm. I can't help but be conscious because even though I'm fully clothed I feel so naked around Shinjiro more than I can possibly have ever been.
And if I wasn't such a coward I'll probably kiss him.
Running in circles with him was just a fluke, Minako, you idiot.
A/N:This was easier to write than the first one. The voice came more natural too. Minako's really good at holding her liquor because she's had enough experience so I hope you wouldn't ask about that. I need her to be totally drunk and then a little sober afterwards so let's just adopt fridge logic okay.
This idea came up from reading the novel Cracked Up To Be by Courtney Summers and watching Effy Stonem episodes of Skins.
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