Creation began on 03/10/08
Creation completed on 04/21/08
The Bad Seed
I am sorry for the pain I caused
I felt like I had been struck by God...and left for his brother, the Devil. I remember it all clearly: I had snuck out of home while Daddy slept, making my attempt to retrieve the penmanship medal I took from Claude Daigle just before I murdered him. Suddenly, the lightning bolt struck at the wharf and struck me. I should have died, but by some work of a miracle, I had survived and was washed to the beach, where an old man found me and carried me over to the hospital.
"R...r... Rhoda," I said my name to him as he asked me. "Rhoda Penmark...urgh!"
"Please, don't speak," he ordered me. "Save your energy. We're almost at the hospital. Just hold on."
But as I felt myself leaving, I began to think back to what I thought of with each life I took. First there was Mrs. Clara Post, who I knocked down the stairs last year in Wichita, just so that I could get the crystal ball with the fish in it. Then I drowned Claude for his medal which was really mine, and then I killed LeRoy to keep him quiet about the shoes I used to kill Claude that I burnt to ashes. I'm not sure why, but I suddenly felt something I thought I'd never feel for the rest of my life. I felt...remorse for the lives taken by me.
A light flashed in front of me and a pair of doctors zoomed over my eyes, preparing to do whatever was necessary to save me.
"I...I'm sorry," I heard myself say and a needle stuck into my left shoulder. "Mommy, I'm sorry I killed them."
I don't think the doctors understood me when I said that, but that was really how I felt. I felt like I felt their pain when they died by me. I should have listened to what LeRoy told me if I wanted to stay out of trouble. Now I was dying and I was going to leave Mommy and Daddy alone.
"My God, her pulse is dropping," a doctor yelled. "Quick, the pedals!"
A surge of electricity made my heart beat faster.
"She'll be alright, Dr. Jade (Ha-day)," the other doctor responded.
I wasn't going to be alright. I had much to try and atone for...if I could even atone for any of my sins. I had to confess my sins...let them hurt me...spare my mother the pain I put on her before she hurt herself trying to protect me.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." I said as I drifted off into a sleeping state.
"Rhoda... Rhoda... Rhoda!!" Somebody called out to me, and my eyes opened up, revealing the sight of my father, holding onto my bandaged right arm. "Oh, Rhoda! I'm so glad you're alright."
I turned away from him, ashamed of myself, and seeing another person in the room I was in.
A woman with bandages around her head, looking at me. It was Mother.
"Mother," I heard myself say, ignoring that Father was here. "I deserved this."
She didn't say anything back but she was listening to me.
"I've...I've committed dreadful sins and...I paid for them with what I've done."
After she got out, perfectly well, she came to see me everyday. She told me that most of my body had been burnt by what they assumed was a lightning bolt strike, and that, while I wasn't severely injured, they couldn't save my brain from being injured by the strike. I spoke alright, I could still hear things well, and the rest of my senses were retained, but they couldn't save much the scarred tissues of the back of my brain, so it was left as brain damage. But I'm sure I knew what had happened there: The lightning bolt had put to work something that was already there but was asleep for years. I was able to feel bad, truly feel bad, for my victims. I asked Mother what was wrong with me in the past and why, and she confessed all.
"You see," she started, "you were born a bad seed, a very bad seed. Your bad behavior and criminal tendencies are...were inherited."
"From who?" I asked back.
"My mother. My real mother, your grandmother... Bessie Denker was her name."
Bessie Denker, my grandmother. I never heard of her. Wait, she said... Does that mean she's...
"Did she...die?"
"She ended in mystery."
"Was she a...bad seed, too?"
"Yes, she was. It is believed that she started killing people at the age of 10 years, and each time she was indicted, she managed to get away with her crimes until she was found out."
"And...you knew about it?"
"I didn't find out until a few days ago."
"I...I don't want to go back to being who I was before that night I got hurt bad. I don't want to be a bad seed anymore. I'm sorry I did everything I did to everybody, deceiving people and taking what isn't mine."
"Rhoda...are you feeling alright?" Mother asked me.
"I feel bad about what I've done to everybody...and what I've done to you. I want to confess my sins."
My body was wracked with pain and my heart felt like it was pierced with guilt. As I spoke to her some more, I envisioned the worst that was to come: People taking me and locking me up somewhere for my crimes, going through endless days and nights of being watched, being made a show of, and then being sentenced to death. I was truly afraid of that...and I probably deserved that as well. I did. I really did. I deserved what was coming to me for my crimes. I wouldn't be able to get away this time.
"Rhoda...Rhoda..." A voice called out to me, sounding manly.
Then I found myself in a strange, foggy setting, with burnt tree branches protruding out of nowhere and bent into wave-like shapes around me, staring at what appeared to be a man whose face was masked by the fog. Maybe I wasn't allowed to see his face. Maybe he was...
"Do you truly regret the wrongs you committed in the past?" The man asked, his voice now sounding like he was a king of a faraway kingdom.
"Yes, sir, I do. I really do," I said, dropping to my knees as I felt pain sear through my body again. "Are you... Are you the one they all call Death?"
"Yes," he answered me. "I've come to see you, Rhoda."
Tears fell from my eyes as they widened. This man was Death, and he had come for me. My first instinct was to run, but my legs were too numb to move. I wasn't going to be able to run away from him. No one gets away from Death. All I could do was wait for the moment I would be taken.
"You mean...right now?" I asked him, afraid for the first time in a long time.
"No," he responded, "though, one of my lists stated I was supposed to the very moment you were struck by the bolt, but after finding that you survived the bolt and felt sorry for your sins, I had decided upon something. Rhoda, if you are truly sorry, then I feel I can make an exception for you this one time. If you swear on your honor to atone for your sins, your crimes and serve your time...I...I will allow you to continue living...until it is once again your time to go. Rhoda Penmark, do you swear on your soul that you will atone for your sins?"
I fell to my chest and head, crying.
"I promise," I cried. "I promise."
"Then I shall hold you to it. For now, you will continue to live like your mother. I will see you...years from now...when it is time to take you away. I hold you to your word."
The mist around me surrounded my body and thickened until I could no longer see anything.
"I promise...I promise." I repeated to myself.
"Please be brief," a woman had said to somebody as I came to.
I looked over at the door and saw Mrs. Daigle, looking like she had a series of bad times after bad times, like she still hadn't gotten over her son's death. I couldn't blame her for trying. It's my fault.
"I heard what happened," she said to me. "Your mother said you wanted to see me about something."
I nodded my head. I needed to start my atoning somewhere, and hopefully, this would a good start to the rest of my life of atoning.
"Are you still... Has Claude been buried yet?" I asked her.
"No," she answered me. "He hasn't been buried yet. Still another week before he can actually be buried."
"I...I can tell you where the penmanship medal is if you're still wondering where it is," I went. "It's at the wharf among the pilings. It should still be there. I hope that it's still there."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"I...I'm the reason he's gone."
"You mean... My boy drowned because of you?"
I told her everything about the day at the picnic and why I killed Claude and took the medal, how mother protected me even when I did various wrongs to everybody. I was expecting her to want to hurt me for doing this to her, but when I finished speaking, all she did was look at me, like she was making up her mind about what I had done to her only child.
"I had best be going now," she told me, getting up out of her chair and walking out. "If you... If the medal is still there...and should I manage to find it, and should you show up and attend the funeral...I shall forgive you for what you did to my Claude, Ms. Penmark."
"How can you, just like that, forgive me if I do?" I asked.
"If I wanted revenge, I'd be no different from criminals," she answered, "and I don't want Claude to see me take anybody's life. Not even the one that took his. Good day."
I had rested for the rest of the day, hoping that I would get well enough to actually leave the hospital and hopefully attend Claude's funeral. It would've been honorable that I did and apologize to his spirit for what I've done.
"Rhoda," I heard Mother calling as she stepped into the room again. "Mrs. Daigle asked if you wanted to attend Claude's funeral. Are you going to?"
"If she'll allow me to," I answered her. "I told her everything."
"That was the right thing of you to do."
"It felt right...and I actually feel from doing so."
"You feel? What do you feel?"
"...Hollowed out... Like I spent a long time in the bath washing away my dirt."
It was until two days later that I was allowed to leave the hospital. The burnt skin on my arms and legs healed up a bit, but I still had to wear a bandage around my head and a cast over my right arm so that the broken bone would heal correctly. Daddy had to return back to his job while Mother and I returned home. My hair was a little different when I observed myself in the living room mirror: My pigtails were gone because my hair was cut down to allow the doctors to check my brain, but I didn't really care about them. I had decided to let my hair stay un-braided, trying to change as much of myself as possible to avoid going back to being that little girl that used deception a trickery to have her way with everyone. The girl in front of my eyes with the visible injuries was a face I was starting to adjust to...and she seemed totally alien than the previous girl.
"Rhoda," Mother said to me, and I turned to see her.
"Yes, Mother?" I asked her.
"How are you feeling right now?"
"Different. Just different."
The phone then rung and Mother went to answer it.
"Yes?" I heard her go as I started to walk to my room. "Really? Very well. Rhoda! It's Mrs. Daigle. She wants to speak to you."
I came back and accepted the phone from her.
"Yes?"
"Hello. I found the medal by the wharf," Mrs. Daigle told me. "It was a little charred, but still in proper condition. Thank you for telling me where it was, Rhoda."
"You're welcome."
"His funeral will be on Saturday, and you're welcome to come along with your mother if she's able to."
"Thank you, Mrs. Daigle."
I gave the phone back to Mother and then proceeded back to my room, putting up my shoes and lying down on my bed. The doll that used to mirror my looks sat in one of my chairs and looked at me with those emotionless eyes...and I grew tired of it. I got up and picked it up...and threw it in the trash after dismembering it into smaller pieces. I was starting over and trying to make the best of it without trying to go back to being a bad seed.
DING-DONG!!
The bell buzzed at the door.
"I'll get it," I said and walked over to it.
It was Monica, coming over for a visit like she always did, giving that cheerful, heart-warming smile whenever she came over.
"Aunt Monica," I greeted. "Hello. Welcome."
"Just came by to see how you and your mother were doing," she responded as she stepped inside. "How are things going?"
"We're both fine. Does...does my hair look okay now that it's shorter?"
"Marvelous. I barely recognize you without your pigtails. You look...so much more mature than you used to."
"Really? I do? Well, uh... Thank you."
Mother came out from the kitchen and saw us talking.
"Hello, Monica," she greeted.
"Hey, Christine," she responded, stepping over and hugging her closely. "How are you doing?"
"I'm alright. You?"
"Super."
I went back to my room as they associated and tried to rest.
Saturday came and Mother and I attended Claude's funeral. As a sign of respect, I stayed quiet during the whole event, never speaking unless spoken to and sitting still. As words of Claude were said, tears had managed to escape my eyes. He was such a good boy and I killed him. I hated myself for doing so.
When it ended, and flowers were tossed into the pit over his coffin and was filled in, I stayed behind for an extra few minutes to mourn for him.
"I'm sorry, Claude," I spoke out. "I never meant for any of it to happen to you that day. If we ever are to meet each other in another life...if there's even going to be another life for me, I promise to treat you better. I promise to treat everybody better."
After setting the flower I held onto near his tombstone, I gazed up at the sky. As sunny as it seemed, it felt cloudy, like rain was going to fall from it.
"Rhoda," I heard my mother calling out to me as she came near.
"Mother," I replied as I saw her. "It's going to rain tonight, isn't it?"
"What? No, the weather reports say it's going to be sunny."
Tears continued to flow out of my eyes as I said, "They're half wrong. I'm talking about these raindrops (I pointed to my eyes). This is rain."
She probably fooled herself and believed me.
"Yeah, I guess that is rain. Let's go home before you catch a cold."
Epilogue 2012
Ever since that day I survived dying and being given a second chance at life to atone for my sins, I've killed not a single person ever since. I atoned for the sins the best way I could, which was to become a nun, since they represent purity and virtue. I've lived through a war along with Mother and Father, Aunt Monica and Mrs. Daigle, and have continued to live to this final night of my life. And as I write this note down to my mother whilst she Father are resting peacefully far away from the church I have lived inside of for the last years of my life after I had turned thirty-two, I wonder if I'll ever be able to be truly free of my dark days as they still haunt me, like the traces of a bad dream. I can...feel the life within my heart fading away as I finish the writing and put the note inside an envelop, I decide not to send it out to them until after my final breath has been drawn. If I left my bed chamber just to send my last letter to my parents, I feared I wouldn't have the strength in me to return from the mailbox, so I chose to let it be found next to my body.
"My final night... May God and Death grant me a mercy." I said as I turned off the light and lied down on my bed.
As my heart slowly stopped, I saw my life flashing in front of my eyes: All the things I did over the course of my existence after that night I almost died. The good, the good, and the greater good...until finally... I found myself staring into the masked face of Death in the foggy environment with the trees bent into waves again.
"I'm ready to face the consequences of my past sins, Mr. Death, sir," I told him, falling to my knees and bowing to him. "I knew you were coming, and I waited for you."
"I've watched how you made up for your sins ever since that day, Rhoda," he told me, "and I must say, I'm deeply impressed by your changes. Being over ninety-seven has really allowed you to see the good in you that came to the surface long ago. You've held your end of the promise made by us when I first met, and you've kept the evil locked away ever since. We shall go to the life after life now...and just maybe you will get that second chance at life to be better to the people around you."
He came near me, touched my hand, and a silent, strange sensation came to me. I knew at that moment I had died. With my hand in his, we walked down that foggy path toward a light at the end.
"Is that...the light that leads to atonement?" I asked him.
"When all is forgiven and a soul is wiped clean, can one find eternal forgiveness in the life yet to come, and with a corrupted life that changes and fills up with hope and redemption." He told me. "Heaven and a new life awaits you on the end of this path."
Right now I'm worried if I'll ever get to truly find peace like I was able to when I was alive, but if I have to suffer worst than getting struck by lightning, then at least I can say this before I end: My name was Rhoda Penmark. I was born a bad seed...that ended up turning good as she got older, never to commit murder ever again. And for once, after meeting Death a second time...I was glad to have seen him.
The End.
The Bad Seed
I am sorry for the pain I caused
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