Donna's Funeral – What If?
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As she drove through the town of Charming in the early morning hours, her mind wandered to happier days. And some not so happy days. But could there be a worse day than today? What was worse than having to bury one's daughter?
Donna had grown into a fine woman; a capable woman; a stubborn woman.
Well, that was my fault, Louisa thought. Donna was like me – stubborn.
Donna's father or rather her adoptive father, Paul, had passed away two years earlier. He had been a wonderful man, raising Donna as his own daughter. He loved her and Donna loved him. Louisa recalled when he was ill how Donna and the grandkids came often to visit. Cheering Paul and taking his mind off his illness. Even Opie did his part – although he was incarcerated. He wrote every week. Encouraging letters to his father-in-law, talking about all the things they'd do as a family once Opie was home. Reminding Paul that he was needed and was going to beat cancer's ass.
At least Donna and Opie had had a few months together after his release before –
Louisa stopped her train of thought. No, it was wrong to think on that. Don't dwell on her death – concentrate on her life.
What about Donna's father? Her natural father. Would he be there today or would he stay away?
He hadn't wanted Donna. He wanted Louisa to have an abortion. But once she'd arrived at the clinic, she couldn't do it. Couldn't bring herself to end that life.
But in hindsight, it was a wonderful thing – at the time Louisa was scared. Could she raise a child alone? And did she want to have that baby in Charming? That was why she went to her grandmother's in Wisconsin for a year. Have the baby there – where no one from Charming would know. By the time she returned, it would be too late. The baby would be born.
But he was pissed when she returned to town, Donna in her arms. Pissed that she hadn't had the abortion; pissed that she hadn't told him when the baby was born. Did he want to see her? No, of course not. She told him not to worry – he wouldn't be bothered by the child – Louisa would do it all and not ask him for a thing. And she hadn't. It was hard but she did it.
Did he ever have regrets? He had to have seen Donna growing up in Charming. Louisa swore there were times when she heard a lone motorcycle pass by the house at odd hours of the day or night. Was he checking up on them? Or hoping for a glimpse of his daughter?
Louisa met Paul just before Donna's second birthday. She hadn't been consciously looking for a husband but Paul was someone the Lord had provided. He loved Donna – loved Louisa. And when he proposed, he wanted to adopt Donna as his own.
Louisa remembered standing in the entrance to the Sons of Anarchy's clubhouse, clutching the legal documents in her hand, hoping Donna's natural father would agree to release his claim on her.
What do I have to do?
Just sign it. Paul wants to marry me and adopt Donna. This will sever your legal rights to her.
He'd screwed up his brow until she added that he'd have no financial obligations ever.
Where do I sign?
And that had been it. The papers were filed and Donna had a new father.
So life went on. They moved from Louisa's parents to a small house Paul had purchased. And Donna grew and prospered. A good student, a happy girl. Friendly, outgoing and the spitting image of Louisa. Maybe it was a blessing that Donna did not resemble her father. Those who knew Donna's true parentage kept it quiet.
Donna knew Paul had adopted her but he was her Daddy. She never asked about her biological father. When Louisa tried to talk about him one time, Donna only said she didn't care. He doesn't care about me, why should I care about him? She was fifteen and becoming her own young woman.
Opie Winston came into the picture shortly thereafter. They were high school sweethearts. It had concerned Louisa when Opie showed signs of following his father, Piney's, footsteps into the MC life but Donna was determined that she and Opie would marry and be happy.
And they had been. Once Opie had been patched into the MC, they had married. Donna never knew that her father was at the wedding. Louisa recalled that he'd drunk too much and had a girl on his arm that had to be Donna's age. Had Louisa once been in love with him? It seemed a lifetime had passed since then.
Louisa became a grandmother at an early age but she loved it. Donna and Opie were happy, the children were thriving. Then Opie went to prison and everything changed. Well, not everything. Donna was still stubborn. Louisa and Paul offered financial support but Donna refused most offers of assistance. She'd make it on her own.
Louisa did what she could, helping with the grandkids while Donna went to work. For a time all seemed fine. Then Paul got ill. Louisa ended up spending much of her time accompanying him to doctor's appointments; hospital visits; surgery; relentless treatments. She'd had to deal with the knowledge that his case was terminal. Trying to deal with Donna, Paul, the grandkids – at times it took its toll.
Then one night, Paul passed in his sleep. And Donna was there for Louisa.
What would I do without you?
Finally Opie came home. Louisa was happy to see him – happy to see her daughter and grandchildren smiling again. But that happiness only lasted a short time. Opie had a job but money was tight. Again, Donna refused all financial assistance.
Opie and I are going to make it!
Then came the night that Donna showed up with her kids in tow to Louisa's door.
I've left him. He's back with the MC, mom. I can't stand it. He's going to wind up in prison again or worse.
Donna, I love you. But you can't fix your marriage sitting on your ass in my house. Go home. Fix your marriage. Talk it out with Opie.
I've tried.
Try harder!
Louisa kept the kids for a night while Donna went home. Opie showed up the next day to pick up the kids, a spring in his step. He leaned down and kissed Louisa's cheek.
I don't know what you said to her, mom, but thank you.
Louisa blinked back tears at the memory.
She turned into the street leading to Opie and Donna's house and parked in the street. Piney and Mary were already there. Mary had Ellie and Kenny dressed. Louisa nearly laughed when Opie removed Kenny's tie.
Winston men don't do ties.
Louisa drove Mary and the kids to the cemetery. They walked the short distance from the parking lot to the grave side. Louisa stopped at the grave next to Donna's plot and ran her hand gently over Paul's tombstone.
The roar of motorcycles approached, leading the hearse into the cemetery. Pallbearers brought Donna's casket to the grave.
Louisa spoke quietly to those who came to her and offered words of comfort. Watching the bikers take their places, she met the gaze of Donna's father. At least she thought he was looking at her – it was hard to tell from the sunglasses he wore. She turned away to look at the casket, whose presence was less than comforting.
The minister droned on and on. Words that made no sense, at least to Louisa. How could Donna be better off? Gone to a better place? What about her children? What about Opie? Louisa found herself just wishing he'd shut up. At least she hadn't suffered or at least that was what the coroner had said. Death had been instantaneous. What had really happened? They might never know.
Jax appeared from nowhere. Louisa was surprised he was late. He did have a new baby at home. He picked up a carnation, kissed it and laid it on the casket. He met both Opie's gaze and Louisa's. There was strength in that young man and something else in his eyes that Louisa couldn't decipher.
The service concluded the crowd began to disperse. Opie would drive his bike home. Piney squeezed Louisa's shoulder before he walked off in the direction that Jax had gone.
Louisa told Mary she'd like a few moments alone at the graveside. Mary nodded and led the children off to Louisa's car after sharing a hug.
For days, she'd been too busy to think – too busy to contemplate what Donna's death would mean.
It was wrong for a mother to bury her child. It shouldn't be this way.
"Louisa," a voice said from behind her.
She closed her eyes. She'd stayed behind hoping he'd just leave with the rest. She turned slowly to meet the eyes of Donna's father.
He looked like hell. His eyes were red-rimmed. Had he been crying or drinking? He looked like he'd been in a fight. Typical.
"Tig," she whispered.
He stepped closer. Louisa had to almost strain to look up at him. She'd forgotten he was so tall.
Tig stared down at her. She looked so much like Donna. So much.
She felt like she should say something. Offer some word of comfort but she didn't get the chance.
"Louisa, I'm sorry – I'm so, so sorry," he moaned, falling into her arms.
Her arms went around him, instinctively. She hugged him tightly, tears finally making their conquest. "I'm sorry too, Tig."
End?