The Other Side

by paralighter4ever

I wanted to tell him I was sorry. That I still wanted him in my life. He knew that when he'd shown up at my wedding. But I never thought he'd die because of me. I wanted to know, but I wasn't ready to face everyone. I couldn't. Not now. Maybe not for a long time. Inspired by "The Other Side" by Tonight Alive.

I was back in high school when

We were talking late from 10

Staying up till 3 AM

Just friends

You didn't have your license yet

We would lie under sunsets

Without a single worry yet

Just friends

Edward and I were on our honeymoon when we got the call. He didn't want to tell me at first. I pretty much had to bribe him with no sex until he told me. My stomach dropped. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't believe it. I thought he was joking.

Jacob was really gone?

He'd gotten into a fight with Paul and it had gotten out of control. Before Paul had known, he'd snapped Jake's neck. And he was gone.

I told him to be safe for me. I told him to take care of himself, and then this happens? How could he be gone so quickly?

Cause every time I ran

I ran to you

I meant it every time I said I loved you

I kiss the thought of you and I

I still regret the day that we said goodbye

Edward and I didn't speak on the plane ride home. That was fine. I couldn't speak to begin with. I still didn't believe it. My mind was frozen, stuck in a time where Jake and I had last spoken. Our last conversation had ended in anger. I hated myself for it.

And do you think of me at night

I still wish we could've made it right

But we can't say that we never tried

I guess everything seems more clear

Here on the other side

When we got home, I ran into our room, shut myself out in the dark, and cried.

Cried for him to find peace.

For me for being so selfish to someone who cared so much for me.

He didn't deserve to have his last days in a fight over me. I didn't deserve to have a friend like him.

He cleaned me up when I was down. And I turned my back on him to follow my heart. I'd thought he'd understood. But I was wrong.

And there are so many things

I wanted to say

And I was a mess

When you moved away

And I think of all the times that you were right

I wish I could explain

I wanted to tell him I was sorry. That I still wanted him in my life. He knew that when he'd shown up at my wedding. But I never thought he'd die because of me. I wanted to know, but I wasn't ready to face everyone. I couldn't. Not now. Maybe not for a long time.

We'd really have to move. But it would never bring him back.

Cause every time I ran

I ran to you

I meant it every time I said I loved you

I kiss the thought of you and I

I still regret the day that we said goodbye

And do you think of me at night

I still wish we could've made it right

But we can't say that we never tried

I guess everything seems more clear

Here on the other side

Memories of our time together flew by in my mind, like those flipbooks from the dollar store.

Our first meeting after our childhood.

Our fireside walk at La Push, where he'd told me about the Quileute legends.

Days and nights spent drinking warm soda while he'd fix his Rabbit.

That awful "date" with Mike Newton.

That night he'd told me to remember what he was.

The constant push and pull of our friendship while I was with Edward.

I remembered his hurt face when he'd found out about me getting married. Was that the reason he left to die in the hands of another wolf?

How could he leave me here?

I turned my head in the pillow and buried my head deeper in the covers.

I heard knocks on the door a few times, but I didn't want to see anyone. Not even my husband. I just needed time. Time wouldn't heal everything, but it was what he would have wanted. He'd have wanted me to be happy, even at the cost of his own life.

I'd always love him. He'd always have a special room in my heart. Not a place, but a room all to himself, locked away for the memories and secrets only we shared. I didn't want to forget.

And if you're wondering

I'm great

I'm stronger now but still

The same

My love for you it will

Remain

My friend

A/N: I was watching a video of Tonight Alive's "The Other Side", and this idea popped into my head. It doesn't deal with death, but it still shares the same feeling of keeping your friends close when they're far away from you.

I love Jacob in the series. I may not be Team Jacob, but I have a soft spot for him in the books. That's why I had such a hard time writing this. But I feel like the story had to be written for my mind to comprehend the song. As I was listening, I saw Bella and Jake like a time capsule. As a way of dealing with their time together throughout the series.

Hope you liked it. Thanks for reading.