Alice in Fragments
If she had been expecting anything, and she wasn't, she had been working very hard on being as blank as possible; it defiantly would not be this. Carla had walked and walked and walked to a strange bar she had never heard of before. It was dingy and dark and loud and she was probably placing herself in danger but she was too drunk to care. And maybe, just a small part of her was looking for trouble because she had already failed at killing herself. But it was a fitting place and they left her well alone in a dark corner with a bottle of vodka and a shot glass.
"Thought red wine was your way to oblivion." It was a statement rather than a question from a familiar yet surprising voice.
Carla's neck no longer seemed to contain the correct muscles and her head lolled clumsily as she slowly broke her concentration away from watching the light catch through the glass of the bottle. She squinted in an attempt to focus her spinning vision.
An almost childlike smiled broke out across her faintly tear stained face. She let her head fall back against the padded headrest when her vision cleared enough that she could make out her companion.
"Lee." She slurred feeling unstoppable and already gone all at once.
The nickname brought a flash of a man who had left her a long time ago. She needed another drink.
"Well you're coherent enough but I'm starting to think you're at war with your liver." Her friend, ex friend, enemy replied wryly.
It had been unconscious at first, but wine remained her of the past and the woman that was snatched away from her. Reminded her of dark blood running down the drain of a shower in the referral centre while she shook and tried not to vomit. Vodka was deceptively clear and bitterly unpleasant but effective. Drinking had become less about please and need and more about desperation. She had lost everything she was besides a growing addiction that was her only chance of forgetting.
She remembered the distress of having her stomach pumped and faintly wondered how she could still stomach the stuff and how she was lucky (unlucky) her liver had not given out by now.
"Yeah well a change is as good as a holiday." She sung the nonsense statement. Her coordination lacking as she tried to pour yet another glass full only for most of the sticky liquid to end up on her hand.
"What are ya doing here Leanne?" She asked licking the side of her thumb clean, wearily rocking in her seat.
She regarded the woman with surprisingly sharp yet watery eyes. Typical Leanne in a sensible cardigan and hair a little too close to middle-aged and bland. Once upon a time this woman looked like an entirely different woman and Carla wondered if she had really changed or was just trying to fool the world or herself.
They both looked out of place. Leanne too soft and wide eyed for a place filled with lowlifes and hard drinkers. Carla too vulnerable but at least she was wearing leather, at least she was all sharp angles, all; fuck off and leave me alone to destroy what's left of my life. Any reason for Leanne to find herself in the same place as her ex best friend seemed beyond ridiculous and yet she didn't have the energy to laugh.
"Does it really matter?" Leanne raised an eyebrow, her expression a stony mix of disgust and empathy.
Her hair fell in a dark curtain around her face as Carla rested her chin against her palms, her elbows on the table. "No love, I don't suppose it does."