The Tale of a Chip and Pin Machine
Author's note- This was written because I needed a laugh and who better to bring it then the fabulous Baker Street Boys!
"John I'm going out." The tall Consulting Detective announced and with a flourish he was off the couch pulling on his coat a few feet away from the door. The good Doctor glanced up from his laptop where he was documenting the case of The Aluminium Crutch.
"What? Why? You don't just 'go out' Sherlock." John looked Sherlock up and down. Damn this deduction crap he thought. For the past few weeks he'd been trying topreform the act that Sherlock refered to as Observing. Apparently John and the rest of the world were incapable of observing, they could only see.
"Hpmh." Sherlock walked over to the door. "I was going to pick up the shopping since you had an incident with a chip and pin machine. Again. Honestly John how can you let an inanimate object best you so easliy?" He chuckled. "It could never beat me."
"How'd you know that? You never use one you check out in the lines, and the workers scan the shopping for you. I bet you couldn't use one if you bet your life on it." Oh crap, crap, crap, crap, CRAP. I did it again. Fuel to the fire John damnit! The minute that thought crossed his mind Sherlock looked over at John to see if he was joking, further deduction proved he wasn't joking at all just rethinking his actions.
"20 pounds."
"What Sherlock?" John looked at his friend, yes they were friends now, as though he'd lost his mind.
"I will give you 20 pounds if I can get all the shopping through the machine without problem. If not you will allow me to ut the head back in the fridge." He said it as though he was explaining to a mere child.
Betting? Since when did Sherlock bet? Lestrade bet on us all the time but never did Sherlock place even a small bet, much less 20 pounds. "Right then." John heard himself agree before he thought it through. "Right. 20 pounds for a head in the fridge." They shook hands.
"The bet is on John!" Sherlock grinned and ran down the stairs.
John grabbed his coat. "Oi! Wait for me!" When he got downstairs Sherlock was flagging down a cab he didn't pay for so John payed the nice man, who was glaring at Sherlock as the detective had just imformed him his wife was having an affair with his brother. "Sherlock behave!" he hissed.
"But it was so painfully clear John! Even a fool could miss it!" John glared at him and Sherlock smirked and shrugged.
"I now do not feel bad at all that I will be getting 20 pounds from you tonight Sherlock, at first I did because it was to easy but now..." He let it trail off smiling dangerously.
By then the cabbie was pulling in to the store. They walked in and Sherlock checked John's list. Milk, eggs, bread, toothpaste (as Sherlock had set their last 2 tubes on fire last week for an 'expiriment') crisps, cheese. They rounded the first aisle and found the toothpaste placing it the basket on Sherlock's arm. Cheese and eggs went smoothly as well but when they reached the milk John saw someone he knew from uni, a one Roger Chapman.
"John? John Watson?" Sherlock grabbed the milk and they turned 'round to face a tall brown haired, strongly built man. He smiled at John. Oh good God I have to sit through plesantries. Sherlock thought.
"Oh my god Roger you haven't changed a bit!" They embraced and when they pulled apart John asked: "So Roger how's the wife?"
Roger grinned. "She's great, we just had our third child you know. Andy's his name after her dad and all. You still with Lucy?"
John heard Sherlock sigh. "Oh incredibly dull. And of course he didn't know, you haven't spoken for 10 years and 7 months and I assure you John is not still with this Lucy character and has in fact has been though 5 girlfriends now in the last 3 months was it? Yes 3 months. No one at this period in time though I do believe."
"And who is this?" Roger asked glaring at Sherlock.
"My flatmate, no my friend, Sherlock Holmes. Sherlock this is Roger Chapman on of my mates from uni. Sorry about that um outburst." John frowned slightly. Sherlock snorted as Roger shook his hand. Oh God. He's doing it. He's deducing. Damnit! John thought.
"Tube driver, age 34, no 35, married, 3 children, as mentioned. Oh very very boring. Happiily married you say? Nope you can tell from your left leg that your drinking at pubs late and night and you right thumb tells me your filing for divorce. Oh but the wife doesn't know does she?" Sherlock grinned. That sod he's enjoying himself! John thought.
Roger stepped forward. "You son of a -" And caught Sherlock's chin with a left hook. Crashing to the floor Sherlock looked up in surprise. John looked enraged as Roger picked up Sherlock and shoved him against the wall.
Without thinking John grabbed Roger off Sherlock and slammed him against the wall. "Don't you ever lay a hand on my mates Roger. Get out of here." John threw him at the floor and he scurried off. Helping Sherlock up John looked at him and his angry expression softened into one of concern. "You all right Sherlock?"
"Yes quite all right thanks to you. Why did you do that John? Roger, as much of a lousy sod as he is was your friend." Sherlock asked.
"Your my friend to and I do think your more important than he Sherlock." Upon seeing Sherlock's still confused gaze he added. "It's tp do with emotion Sherlock."
"Oh." He brightened. he didn't have to understand that.
They boys grabbed the crisps and Sherlock taunted an overweight girl who was also buying some and John scolded. Much the same as usual. They reached the machine and Sherlocked scanned everything without a problem, John was getting worried. Sherlock then slid Mycroft's credit card, he'd previously pinched it when Mycroft was pestering him to take a case he didn't want, and the machine beeped and informed him it was rejecting the card. 4 more tries proved it wasn't going to scan. "Stupid God damned, sodding, son of a -" He began to beat it, cracking the screen. John sat watching and laughing not knowing a clerk called the cops. They spent that night eating crisps and drinking milk locked up in Scotland Yard for destroying public property and had a good long laugh when Lestrade informed them Sherlock damaged the machine beyond repair.
Done! Hope you guys got a laugh from this as I did! R&R please!