Sympathy for the Devil Chapter 1: Can Nobody Hear Me?, a haven fanfic

A/N: This one is a little darker than my other work. It's rated M for a reason. No copyright infringement intended.

Hallelujah written by Leonard Cohen, best performed by Jeff Buckley

If you don't know who 'Sympathy for the Devil' is by, you're probably too young to read this.

Every time Duke came to Mara in that cold cargo hold, she got more curious. She wanted to know his motivations. They had their little darling back, so what could they possibly need her for? She didn't feel like telling them any of her secrets. She wasn't stupid enough to give them ammunition against her. Maybe they'd started to notice that Audrey was unwell. They'd assume that Mara would know what to do.

And she did, too. Mara knew everything.

But she'd been sitting with her pencil and paper, trying to discover new math formulas on one sheet every few minutes while she continued to work on music she'd been writing. She wished she just had some blank sheet music, she hated the repetition of drawing out every line. She did it though- despite her eidetic memory- because she wanted to create one last thing, and she wanted it left intact. Once it was written down that song would exist forever.

She was sitting and behaving and being bored out of her fucking skull when she heard the dungeon door open. She sat up excitedly, wondering what disaster they'd come to beg her help with. She absolutely loved these days. When they came and they begged for her help. She always made them beg, though. She was already their prisoner... kind of. She wouldn't act eager to help, interested both in knowing how the Trouble had evolved and how it had been activated and in the thrill of finding the answer. She wasn't a pet or a genie.

But he didn't ask anything. Duke had two mason jars in hand, and he stopped in a corner to grab a bottle of bourbon before taking a seat across from Mara. She slowly closed her music and her math papers and stacked them neatly next to her. He was pouring two generous portions into the jars and Mara wondered what fresh hell this was. She wanted a Trouble Day, damn it. Not a Let's Find New Ways to Torture Mara Day. She disliked their brand of torture. The three 'B' system- Beating, Branding and Burning- Mara had that totally under control. She could even relax and enjoy that sometimes. At least it was a reminder that she had her own body.

Not that the Scooby Squad had done that. They claimed they wouldn't 'stoop that low' and that they were better than her. Which led to the torture she truly disliked.

Talking.

She used 'talking' in the broadest definition. This was no polite public discourse. This was accusations, threats and insults. Most times that didn't bother her, either. They obviously didn't know what they were talking about. You could tell just by the line of questioning. She could even tell what book they'd gotten any specific line from. It was boring, but bearable.

Sometimes though, sometimes like last week, they'd get an idea, something new they wanted to try. Sometimes these were very fun- public outings, pancakes- all sorts of things to keep her entertained.

Last week though, that had been awful. She was trying to hide it, to ignore it, but she couldn't. Even now it gnawed at her brain, making her angry and jealous.

They'd called her 'Audrey' all day. Like a stickpin they jabbed her over and over, talking about feelings and old stories... those old stories, they made her want to scream. 'I was there! You don't have to remind me because I. Was. There. I could see you, you couldn't see me. You couldn't save me. Not that you'd have tried.' but she tried to stay unaffected, tried to find clever retorts but had run out. Her body ached, but her chest ached more. Why did Mara have no right to her own body? Why was Mara convicted without a trial?

They hadn't even asked her anything. Certainly not anything important.

They'd unlocked the stupid cuff- honestly, they may as well call it a collar, that's what it was- and she hadn't touched them. Like a cornered rattlesnake she had made furious, frightening noises.

If she had wanted them dead she wouldn't have told them first. That's a rookie mistake, and Mara was no rookie.

But then they were all too close, she could feel the heat of their skin around her and it sent the dormant hypersensitivity into overdrive. All she could do was feel.

Then Nathan, damn him. The star and cause of so many of her nightmares. The one who had come back to get her pregnant on purpose. Of course it had been on purpose. He was no fool, he was brilliant. The idea of someone else getting who he thought was Audrey pregnant was horrifying to him. He didn't want to think of another man on top of her, inside her, getting her with child and leaving. When he found himself in a position to take that role himself? He had barely blinked.

Nathan had known, known without doubt that she was going to get pregnant. Hell, that was probably half of what had gotten him off so hard. The certainty that he was staking a claim, that she would be forever connected to him because they shared a child.

Too bad the woman he was trying to claim didn't exist yet.

But Nathan had hugged her with the hypersensitivity in overdrive and she had gotten lost, lost in her own head while Audrey forced her way up to speak to these people who loved her.

When she had finally figured it out, pulled herself together and made Nathan let go of her, Mara heard her own name for the first time all day, but murmured in disgust and dread in a voice that made Mara want to cry.

They had ripped Audrey out of her, finally, but the memories from the time they'd shared were as much a part of her as any other personality.

But now here was Duke Crocker, the owner of that same horrified voice, sitting in front of her, not even on the other side of her makeshift 'table'. Close enough that with the slack in her chains she could touch him if she tried.

She tilted her head in a silent question as he offered her a glass, which she took immediately.

Was this the new plan, then? Ply her with alcohol to loosen her tongue? Poor fools. Her metabolism was more that three times more efficient than an average human. She could match Duke drink for drink, and he'd be confessing to her before that bottle was empty. Thank goodness. This was much better than the 'call her Audrey' game.

Mara raised her glass slightly at Duke, who smirked and did the same before she took a drink. The liquid fire spun through her chest, warming her as she watched that small smile on Duke's lips.

"So what's this? Don't we need a couch if you're going to delve into my psyche?" Mara looked him up and down with one eyebrow raised. "Or delve into anything else, for that matter."

He didn't blush and she was disappointed. One of her best weapons was sex. Depending on the target, coming on strong or playing coy could make all the difference in the world. But Duke didn't look horrified by the idea of a night with her.

He didn't seem all that interested either, but Mara wasn't used to good things, so she'd lowered her expectations and life was easier.

Duke told Mara about his day. About how he had helped people and toiled for people and worried about those people. What struck her most about his tale was that it was never, ever mentioned that the people he spoke of never, ever said 'Thank you'.

She couldn't stop the words. "That doesn't bother you?"

"What?"

"That they never thank you. You're not an employee, you're not duty-bound. They can't even spare you two lousy syllables?"

Duke looked startled, then suspicious. "What's it to you?"

She shrugged, rolling her shoulders. "Down, kitty. Just curious. You wouldn't believe me anyway."

Now Duke was on offense. What she'd said about the lack of gratitude had hit a little too close to home and he was turning it back on her.

"No, you brought it up. What is it, did poor Mara break a nail cursing some family and they didn't thank you appropriately? Did they not provide enough corpses to keep you amused?"

The pictures rolled through her head. Seeing other children play or get presents and have birthdays while she had suffered silently. How she had just gone from being one type of freak to another. How even her family feared her. They never thanked Mara, and Mara never had a reason to thank them.

Instead of letting the hurt and doubt show, she smirked as she took another drink. "Something like that. Go on, finish your story,"

He was still glaring a little but he took a drink and continued his story. Mara watched his hands and arms as he spoke. How strong his hands were, yet his fingers slid against the glass of the jar like satin. The way those fingers had felt on her skin- yes, her skin, Mara had been the one to kiss Duke in Colorado; Audrey had been the one stubborn enough to tell herself that two beers was enough to get buzzed on and that the voice in her head wasn't real.

She loved when he left his sleeves just partly rolled like that. She liked to watch the dance of muscle over the bones and admire the curve of his wrist. She thought of the people who had felt those hands against their skin when it wasn't about punishment or anger. The darker, perhaps more realistic part of her wondered what a punch or slap from that hand would feel like. It would hurt- a man like Duke only bothered hitting if it was to really hurt someone- but she would feel so alive.

They finally got around to the resolution, and when Mara asked what the person's motive had been, Duke shrugged. "I guess the devil made him do it."

Mara scoffed at that. "Every time a human does something bad, they say 'the devil made me do it." She was looking at a corner of the room, sneering as she waved her drink, holding the mason jar like it was fine china.

"The devil doesn't make you do anything. Your nature does. I give someone the power to grow flowers and crops. Noble intention, right? That's where it gets interesting. You could grow a beautiful garden, make a tree into a living sculpture... or you could use it to make the trees create a prison, trying to crush a room full of innocent people."

She took a drink, eyes narrow and face unsmiling as she gestured to Duke. "I give someone the power to end a Trouble by taking the life of a carrier. It can be used to grant mercy to the sick and dying, so that their lives will not have been lived in vain. It can make a man a priest; the one, amazing thing that can forgive their sins and grant them and their families true absolution. Or it can be used by a drunk -yes, I said a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings-" she took another drink, as though to prove her point,"a drunk who's in a temporary depression because his wife was a slut, and he can use it to kill people just for a way to get high. Human lives must be cheaper than an 8-ball of heroin. Not the sick or elderly, either. No, he took pretty girls. Girls with their whole lives in front of them."

Oh, that hit a nerve. Duke flung his arm across the table, scattering her papers and knocking the bottle of bourbon to the ground. She was relieved to see it hadn't broken.

"You shut your mouth! You have no idea what you're talking about. You don't talk about my family like that."

Mara tilted her head, amused. "It's always the truths that hurt the most. It doesn't matter if people lie about you all day long, but the second someone says something true? Then all bets are off. I'm not telling you anything you haven't thought a million times. You fought it, you fight every day. When you were finally free of it, you even willingly took it back; not for the high, but so you could help people. Duke the pirate. Duke the outlaw. Duke the runner. Duke the screw up who can't be trusted. Duke the failure." Her lips twisted around the word like it meant something personal to her, like it tasted bad.

"The fact is," she continued lazily, waving her glass and wondering if she could reach the bottle with her feet as she swallowed the rest of the liquid in her glass. "you're the one who had the self control to use it the right way. You perfected your ability, you worked constantly to master it. Your brother and father? Only about the high and the 'holy crusade to destroy the Troubled'. Wade wasn't as strong as you and you know it. Too bad Jordan didn't notice that sooner."

Duke leapt to his feet, stalking around the table toward her. His foot hit the fallen bottle, making it slide a foot closer. She'd be able to pick that up with her feet. So maybe she wouldn't be completely bored.

She put her mason jar down, staring impassively as her hauled her up by her arms, yelling in her face. "Wade was a good guy until he came here! He didn't choose to become what he did, you chose it when you gave us this damn curse in the first place! You're the reason my brother is dead. Stop talking about things you know nothing about."

He pushed her a little when he dropped her arms and she just stared. "Really? Is that what happened? Poor little Wade, it wasn't his fault. The devil made him do it. I wonder what Jennifer or Jordan would say about that."

His arm flew back and Mara smiled in anticipation. His fingers curled into a fist, his face was almost purple with rage, and then the strangest thing happened.

He stopped.

He lowered his hand to his side, and though his nostrils still flared and his jaw was tight with repressed anger, his color went back to normal. The look on his face though- she wished he had punched her instead. Let her actually feel something different. His voice was still angry, but his words dripped like venom.

"You're not worth it."

She didn't let her expression change, not that he would have seen it. He spun and walked out the door without a backward glance.

Suddenly Mara felt very sick.

It sounded like he left the ship, the bangs and thuds, the scrape of the door. When everything was quiet, Mara sat back down and pulled the bottle of bourbon to her, not bothering with the glass. She took a long, long drink. Even with her metabolism, the almost-full bottle would certainly be enough to get her drunk.

Ten minutes and half the bottle later, Mara addressed the empty room, imagining every person who'd altered her life sitting around the room. She took another long pull.

"The devil made me do it. All of you say it. Every single one of you. Did any of you ever, ever ask what made the devil do it?"

She surged to her feet, taking a drink as she gestured with the bottle. She was taking to herself, asking and answering questions like she was different people. "What made the devil do it? Huh? What made the devil, who all accounts insist was the most beautiful, smart and loving of all the angels turn on his parent?"

"Well that's a good question, Mara, why DID the devil do it?"

"Now that's a real question, Judith! See, people assume they know a lot about the devil, because they have books and stories that their granddaddies told them, so they think they know everything about the devil. That he's just concentrated evil, that he has no purpose in his actions, that he actually barters in human souls. Can you imagine? Who the hell would want a human soul? Filthy, ragged things. They think they know everything."

"Well if that's not the truth, then what is the truth, Mara?"

She chugged now, unable to taste anyway. "Glad you asked, Claudia! People don't ask me questions here and it's weird, because they all talk so much about wanting to understand, but I'm the one who was here, the one who actually knows, yet they never ask me things.

"But since you asked, the truth is that the devil was just a kid. A kid with powers, a kid who could do things. She made people nervous or jealous everywhere she went. She was a misfit, and though people were too scared to say anything directly, everywhere the devil went, she could hear people whispering. Words like 'freak' and 'unstable' and 'unnatural'. All because the devil could do things other people couldn't. Things they didn't understand, that nobody in the last three generations could do."

She raised her arm to take another drink and stumbled as the cuff pulled. She moved a bit closer, finished the bottle and grabbed the cuff, popping her thumb out of the socket so she could pull out of the cuff and then popping her thumb back in with a sneer.

"The only person the devil could trust was her father. He loved that she was different, told her to treasure it because there could be a million other people, but there was only one devil, and she'd show them, she'd show that her powers were a good thing, something that she could help people with. The devil had been born wrong and the Daddy made medicine with magic stardust to save the devil. But she'd been even more of a misfit after the cure than before.

"But her Momma never trusted the devil, and the devil often heard her mother crying about how she wished her child were normal and safe. That they should have stopped after one child. How they should have some kind of plan for if something went wrong, because with such strong powers, something would certainly go wrong. See, even as a little child the devil wasn't trusted."

Mara tried to pace and the shackle on her ankle tripped her up. Frowning, she gazed at it for a moment, watching it melting away and opening, allowing Mara to step free of the shackle. Molten iron flowed over her bare foot. She waited for it to harden and then peeled it off. It made a perfect mold of her foot and she stared in fascination for a moment. Free, she began pacing, mindlessly undressing at the same time. She pulled off each article of clothing, folding it neatly and setting it in a pile. Duke had made the mess and Mara had no desire to clean it up, but she wasn't going to add to it.

Free and naked, Mara headed for her tub, running the hot water. It was odd; alcohol usually made her feel warm inside but all she felt was cold.

Her invisible audience must have followed, because Mara spoke as she ran the soap she'd been given under the tap, sitting on the side of the tub to make a bubble bath.

"Her Momma thought of two plans. One was finding a way to discover what made her unique, what made her different from everyone else so that the Momma could master it, to make it so that she could use it herself. She said if she knew she was as strong as the devil that the devil wouldn't worry her. She tried that plan for a very long time, is trying it still. She hides so nobody recognizes her and makes the devil the entire face of everything. She hides behind her child."

Mara slipped into the tub, pulling her hair up in a messy bun. Nobody watched her anyway unless they thought she could give them information they wanted. The water continued to flow and she tried to let it warm her. She was just so damn cold.

"The second plan was even worse. She designed a cage. A prison to keep the devil in so they could keep her locked up unless they needed her for something. Not even a gilded cage, it was everything the devil hated. Cold and bright and sterile and formal. It smelled of antiseptic and death. But the devil had to provide the deaths. And the room in the back is where you're never supposed to go. You're never supposed to but she makes you anyway. It's the devil's torture chamber, but that translates wrong. It's not a torture chamber that the devil controls, it's a chamber to torture the devil."

"Wow Mara, that sounds scary! Was the devil bad then? How did they control the devil until they chose a plan?"

"That's a good question, Sarah. See, back then the devil was trying very, very hard not to be bad or scary. She attended every lesson, never complained or cried no matter how hungry or tired she got. No matter how much her body hurt, she was quiet and she behaved. They didn't have a collar or cage on her at all. She roamed around free, deciding when she was hungry or sleepy and she never killed anyone at all."

Mara relaxed further into the scalding water as the bourbon continued the slow progress through her system. She washed her face, removing any trace of makeup, but when her face reemerged from the soap and water her eyes were still lined in black. She rolled her shoulders as she melted into the water.

"But it's the devil, Mara! The personification of evil! How did that happen?"

Mara touched her chin to the bubbles, pointing at an invisible student. Her words slurred just slightly. "Very good, Veronica, I'll explain. See, the Momma thought of a way to do both plans at once. She chased the devil away and made her leave home, so the devil went far away to make a new town. She helped build houses and deliver babies and heal illness. She helped grow the crops and fix the weather when it was doing something bad for the townsfolk. In the new place, the people liked the devil for what she could do. They were never afraid of her and she never hurt them."

She frowned as she realized she was out of booze. But hadn't Duke pulled that last bottle out from behind the box in the corner? Mara stared at the box, her eyes flared red and a bottle flew into her open hand. She opened it and drank.

"Well Mara, that's confusing. Why did the devil have to be locked up if nobody was getting hurt? Everyone knows the devil is the worst thing there is. All the bad things in the world exist because of the devil!"

"Lenore, that's an interesting story, I'm glad you asked. When the Momma made her plan to build a cage, she couldn't do it alone. She didn't have an ability, she couldn't use the magic stardust like the devil could. She had to get other people to do it for her and that made the Momma so mad. That the devil had been born being able to work with something that wouldn't go near the Momma, it made her so angry. The fear became fascination and then that became obsession. The Momma wasn't afraid of the devil anymore, but she'd decided that she absolutely had to understand how to work with the magic stardust."

"Oooh, what happened next, Mara?"

Mara held one finger up as she took another pull from the newly purloined bottle.

"Well, Delia, the Momma got so obsessed that she started doing tests and experiments that weren't legal. Things that were unethical and immoral, degrading and wrong." Her voice dropped to a whisper as her hand reached to touch her abdomen. "Things that left scars."

Another drink. "The Momma got caught after one of the experiments. The Daddy saw what she was doing, he saw her chart full of notes about everything she had done. The Daddy was angry. His voice was like thunder when he shouted." She closed her eyes, brows furrowed as she took another drink, and a storm rolled over Haven. Driving rain, gusting winds rocking the ship. Thunder rolled every time she spoke of the man. "The Daddy said, 'She's an innocent child' and the Momma said that wasn't true. That the devil was more than a child. She was a chance to learn, a unique opportunity to create advancements in medicine, agriculture and warfare. She said it would be criminal to waste that opportunity and that only a fool would ignore their duty in favor of a bastard that wasn't even theirs. That's right, not even theirs. Taken from a woman in a lower caste because the devil was unusual.

"The Momma made a face and said. 'She's no innocent either, she'll never be accepted in a marriage contract because she's impure. If you don't believe me, that cabinet is full of tapes documenting each session. You'll never get a decent bride-price for her, she'll never fit in and you're still going to try and say this isn't the best thing I could have done for us?'. She made that face, that sneering face, the whole time, and she had her arms crossed."

Mara flicked a few bubbles in the air, watching them float down again. "The Daddy turned all red and told the devil to get dressed and go out to play, not to come home until the street lights came on. She thought the Daddy was going to kill the Momma and secretly, the devil was so, so glad. But when she came home that night, everyone acted normal." She squinted, staring into the distant past.

"Why didn't he hurt her, Mara? You said you thought he would kill her, but she was fine? Why didn't he do something?"

"Eliza, that's something I still ask myself. Why wasn't she stopped? But I think there's lots of reasons. Maybe he just yelled at her. Maybe she drugged him. But I think probably, the devil just wasn't worth it. She was more trouble than she was worth. She was nothing but a baby who'd been stolen from someone who was probably glad to see her go."

Mara took another drink and put the bottle down, resting into the water.

"Anyway, that very same night the devil got woken up with a hand over her face. She was so afraid, she thought she might throw up. But it was the Daddy. He spoke in sign language. It was one of the special things the Daddy and the devil shared. She couldn't hear until she was an older child, until the Daddy cured her illness. The devil was good at reading lips, so most people didn't even know she was deaf."

She turned the hot water on high again, trying to chase away the chill in her bones. When she turned it off and sat back, she was telling the story with her hands, too; automatically translating into sign language as she spoke.

"The Daddy said she had to go. The devil was being cast out of paradise. She was too much trouble for the Daddy, too much to keep her. He told her to be very quiet and he passed her a silk satchel, something she'd been given as a gift when she'd reached womanhood. She put in several dresses, her letters and journals. The three journals she'd stolen from the Momma's desk when the Daddy was rushing around. She tied a sash 'round her hips and the dagger that William had given her after she'd mended his broken leg hung from it in it's leather scabbard. She tied a large velvet pouch of orbs- er, I mean... magic stardust to the other side so she had both her weapons at hand. She threw her jewelry into another pouch, put on her ring and the Daddy took her away."

Mara scowled, reaching to take a long drink.

"Why did he send you away, Mara? Where'd you go?"

"Oh Lucy. Don't be silly. He sent me away so he could stop the Momma from doing something illegal that would tarnish his family name. He only had one name. He could always have more children. Normal ones, even. So he sent me- her, I mean, he sent her through the doorway to the Lost Land, where the unwanted go. She had been there before in studies, but this time she was alone. No adult for guidance, no protection but her dagger and her wits and no idea where she should go.

"She walked for days. Everything looked the same. All white fluffy clouds with sparks of lightning, all the same deafening, howling noise that makes you shiver if you hear it once, but if you hear it continuously it makes you twitch and it hurts. But the devil walked and she found a doorway. When she approached it, it opened by itself, as though it were welcoming her in." She took another drink and cleared her throat.

"The portal locked behind her on the way out. She'd been banished. But like I said, the people liked the devil, they liked that she took care of them and tried to make their lives better. They swore to protect her and she swore to protect them. The people that she used the stardust on, they became special in different ways and all of them got marked by the stardust. This mark." Mara held her arm straight up, the Maze glowing brilliantly against the skin of her wrist. She left the mark to shine there even after she'd dropped her hand back into the water. It glowed like candlelight.

"So the devil had a sanctuary and the sanctuary had a caretaker. One night, there was a knock at the devil's door. She had a cat back then. Kind of. He was made of the magic stardust, but he looked and acted like a cat. When she went to check do you know who she saw? She saw her friend William, the one who had given her the dagger for mending his leg.

"He laughed and hugged her and spun her around the room and it made her laugh. She was confused. She thought they'd all forgotten her, that she'd shamed them. But William said he'd been searching for her, that her family had put up a big fuss, offering a reward for bringing their baby home. But the Daddy knew where she was. He'd sent her away himself. None of it made any sense and I- the devil, I mean, didn't know what was going on.

"William decided not to go back right away, and he swore he'd never tell where the devil was. When he swore to protect her, he was too earnest. He said 'I swear I will share your pain, I will protect and defend you with my very life as long as I live.' Neither William nor the devil knew that William could use the magic stardust until the light exploded."

She drank, hugging the bottle to her chest.

"What was the light, Mara?"

"Thanks for asking, Audrey. The light was a sign. William was so serious and the devil was so lonely she accepted his friendship. She didn't know he loved her, and she didn't love him the same way, but she was so lonely, and she was scared. She was tired of feeling expendable. The devil knew she wasn't as important as everyone else, but she didn't like feeling like garbage. The people in her town loved her and thought she was special. She just wanted people to think she mattered."

She took a slow breath, reheating the water as she took a long, brooding drink. When she finally turned the water off, she was scowling.

"The devil made me do it. You girls know what the devil did? She gave them options. She helped them find ways to feed their families. Some of them, they let their nature get to them. They weren't good hearted. So no! The devil has better things to do than make people into assholes! People are already assholes! I just made it more obvious which ones were worst."

She took a long drink before capping the bottle and gesturing around her, screaming up the stairs.

"Do you hear that, Haven? That's right! I didn't make you monsters! You made yourselves monsters! I'm not taking the blame because Wade was a murderous son of a bitch! Duke Crocker is a good man! I'm sorry if you morons don't get that."

Her hand splashed back into the water, the glowing Maze a bright fire on her wrist. She slipped twice, but finally made it upright, wiping the excess bubbles from her skin. Mara's head spun as she removed the stopper from the tub and she made a halfhearted attempt at drying herself off before grabbing the bottle and walking around her prison. She could easily just leave, but there was nowhere any more interesting to go. Duke still needed to be repaired and everyone else bored her.

But she didn't want to sleep on a chair. She didn't want to wear the clothes they gave her or sit where they told her or just exist on their schedule. She was an adult, a living, thinking person. Not a pet. She grabbed her towel, and just because she could, she laid it out several feet away from where she was supposed to be chained.

They needed a reminder. Mara was not some docile bitch to be kenneled like a stray dog. She had lived here longer than any of them. Just because she stayed, it didn't make her their prisoner.

Her town, her rules.

She laid the towel out and stretched, taking another drink before she laid out on the towel, still unabashedly nude. She stretched her arms over her head and pointed her toes, staring up at the ceiling.

"If the devil could make people do things, do you know what she would do?"

"Would she punish the people who locked her up and sent her friend away when he tried to save her?"

"No, Alice. Nothing so pedestrian and mundane and human as that. You guys have to promise to keep it secret though. If they found out what I wanted they'd just find a way to use it against me. Humans are cruel and hurtful. I can't help that I love them, but I'm not one of them." She raised her legs so her feet were pointed at the ceiling and eyed her toes.

"I would make them treat me like they treat her. They bring her coffee and smile at her. They stroke her hair and walk with their hands touching the small of her back. They hug her and kiss her and pine for her, staring like lovesick puppy dogs. I would have them give me my Aether so I could fix Duke. I hate feeling powerless. The only thing I want from this place I can't have. They ask me nothing, they know nothing about me, but they pretend that they know what motivates me. They hate that I exist, that Audrey isn't the core. Audrey is an infant. A baby. Born days before she came to Haven."

"What else would you do, Mara?"

She groaned and took another drink. "I would find more Aether to fix Audrey. Like I said, she's a child. It's not really her fault that they treat me this way. She's afraid of me, and that's funny because it was my body. Audrey didn't suffer for almost a thousand years. Audrey wasn't locked in that barn over half her life. Audrey's cherished because Nathan can feel her- oops, could feel her. I got a good close look at that body and I know, I know he can't feel her now. I know what she's missing, and she's gonna get sicker and sicker. Nathan can only feel me, now."

"But she got that new body, she's all cut off from you now and safe, isn't she?"

"Oh Grace, that's what they think. But that Trouble was meant for human bodies. I'm not human, am I?"

"Well if you're not human, what are you?"

"She's bio-identical to me, Rose. That makes her Omni Sapiens, not Homo Sapiens. Bio-identical except for one thing. Humans and most Omni's are like 90% water, did you know that? But because I'm a freak, instead of being 90% water, I'm 80% Aether, 10% water and the rest of me is person. Audrey can't live with water where her Aether belongs. She'll fade and fade, and she'll die. I don't want that. Not another dead child. I'm surrounded by those. I want her to live, Rose. But I can't just tell them, they'll never believe me.

"It's funny, I've had so much faith and trust in them. So much. I believed they would help me. Find a way to free me. But no matter how I screamed or what I said, Audrey refused to tell them she heard me. If she wasn't so young, I would think she was just trying to be cruel. But she's being a hypocrite because she's scared. She told Jennifer that she's not a freak for hearing voices, but when Audrey hears voices, does she tell? No. She hides it and tries to keep William silent."

She screamed, a deep, cleansing, primal scream that came from her toes.

"Why are you screaming?"

"Because, Margaret. It makes me feel better. Because I can. Around them I always have to hide. It's like what I told Duke. I don't care if they lie about me all day long. I don't care if they want to blame me for everything. They weren't there. I was. But when they start picking at the scabs covering something true, it hurts me. If I went to them right now, if I told them how Audrey was sick, if I told them exactly how to heal her, they would think it was a trick. So I have to wait, wait for them to come to me. But only Duke talks to me. And he hates me. Despite everything we went through, he forgot me and he still just loves Audrey."

"What do you mean about going through things?"

"Oh Lillian. I visited his dreams for years. So, so often. I loved him and I couldn't stay away. First as Lucy, but then as me, just me. I was the first woman he touched. Sure, it was a dream for him. But it was real for me. So real and after, after he woke up and I was alone in that awful back room, I cried. Nobody had ever touched me like that." Her eyes slipped closed as she lost herself in the memory. "I could still feel him inside me. I was always with him. First I stayed with him at night after Simon died. I was with him the nights before he married that wretched woman. He made love to me the night he got married."

"But Mara, isn't that cheating?"

"Nope!" She took a swig from the bottle. "Because he was dreaming, and humans like to pretend they have no control over their dreams. I was making love to the man I cherished more than anything. He was having a wet dream about the woman who used to babysit him. I've been itching to touch him since I came back, but worse since he tore Audrey out. At least he loved Audrey, so he loved a part of me. Now he just looks at me with that mix of curiosity and disgust, the way Momma looks at me in the Barn. It hurts me."

"What if you just told him? Explained everything?"

"You're smarter than that, Florence. He'd think every word was a lie."

Suddenly tears were falling, and before she knew it, Mara was sobbing like a heartbroken child.

"Momma was right. Nobody can ever love me. I'm too used up. I'm garbage now. Barely even useful for scientific research. William is gone, they'll never listen to me about Audrey. The Barn died, do you know what that means? Momma will get the alarm and she'll come. She'll come to find me and they'll hand me over to get rid of me. Maybe she'll try to convince them she can heal Audrey. Everyone loves Audrey, and they won't hesitate to hand me over if it could save Audrey. Audrey, Audrey, Audrey. They don't know Momma doesn't understand Troubles, that Aether will never, ever work with her."

"You could run, Mara. Put Haven in the rear view and floor it. You could get work anywhere. I know at least five different bars who would hire you."

"No, Lexie. I can't. If I do, Momma will still come. Audrey will die. I can't run. I have responsibilities. If Audrey and Duke can live and be free... if I can get them to let me heal Audrey and Duke at least, then I'll go back in my cage. She'll plant children in me and rip them out just like before. How many am I up to, now? How many almost-lives began and ended because of me? The most sacred thing on our world, and I'm responsible for the extermination of dozens, maybe hundreds." She laughed, but the sound was eerie, harsh and humorless, ashamed and furious. "A few of those little drawers are even Duke's. At least some part of him accepted me."

Mara drained the rest of the second bottle, leaving it on the floor. It was cold down here, surrounded by a prison of metal walls. Her bones ached. She wondered what Duke would do if she came to his dreams now. If she acted like Audrey, maybe he would hold her. He'd think he was dreaming of Audrey, and Mara could pretend he gave a damn about her.

Closing her eyes, Mara imagined coming into Duke's dream, being welcomed with loving arms. No dirty looks. No accusations. He would kiss her, and she would wrap her arms around his neck, pressing herself against him. She pretended her hands were Duke's, one sliding up her body to rub a nipple.

She imagined him speaking. Saying she was beautiful. She would pull his shirt off and he would strip her, touching her slowly. She felt his fingers, not her own as she stroked across her belly and up her hips, hands cupping her breasts. She imagined his hand sliding down, down. Touching Mara, fingernails scraping over her hips before his fingers were on her. She gasped and moaned as his fingers pressed into her.

He looked so beautiful. Brooding and strong, wanting her as much as she wanted him. Eyes tightly closed, she panted, shivering under his hands. A sharp cry left her as his thumb rubbed against her clit, his fingers still moving inside her.

Her breath was coming faster and her muscles were tight. Duke kissed her, said her name, and she cried out, coming around his fingers and calling his name.

When Mara's eyes opened, she was so cold. Naked in the hold of a boat, the chains that he'd left wrapped around her sitting on the floor. She was alone, naked and without any blanket except her damp towel. She had just touched herself imagining an impossible scenario.

She was pathetic.

She was weak.

She was stupid.

She curled on her side, cold and ashamed, full of self-loathing. She would never be a person to any of them. They would never see her as anything but a threat to Audrey, the monster who cursed their town.

They weren't interested in meeting the girl who named the town. They didn't want to hear ancient stories of lives she'd saved. Nathan could never accept the fact that he wouldn't even exist if not for her. That his family tree would have ended with another hanging or drowning or pale, slit wrists.

She was blinded with tears, the only sounds were the creaking of the ship, the storm outside and her own wretched sobbing. Mara wanted. Just wanted. She couldn't even say exactly what- A blanket? Her freedom? Her dignity? Strong, warm arms connected to a body that loved her? She wanted to feel the way she used to.

Choking on her own tears, Mara shouted at the ceiling again.

"It's not my fault! I was a good person! I did everything asked of me, even when I got loose I stayed! Do you people honestly think this is the only time I've gotten free? You think Audrey's that much weaker than all the other personalities? Give her some credit! I've been loose! Your moronic books don't cover that, do they? They don't bother telling about the time there was a little boy who was getting hurt by his daddy. Who was being touched in ways no child should be touched. Those books don't talk about the people finding her name, searching her out so they could pull her up, away from Lucy because Lucy didn't know how to use the Aether!

"They don't talk about Garland begging me to save his son from the horrible nightmares, to change his memory so he wouldn't have to remember all the awful things his daddy did to him. They don't say how Garland hugged me and kissed my cheek and thanked me. My cheek! Not Lucy's! Lucy didn't save Nathan. Mara saved Nathan. And tiny little Nathan sat in my lap and hugged me, and he said his very first words to me! He said 'Thank you' and Garland cried, he cried and he hugged me so hard my back cracked.

"Where are those journals, huh? They exist, I saw them myself, but since Vince and Dave don't have them, they don't exist to these people. I could show them where they are! Garland told me everything. He trusted me more than anyone! Nathan, he never asked how he got my ring, no. But I gave it! When I was me, I gave it to Garland and begged him to give it to Nathan so part of us would stay together! Nathan wears that ring on a chain, every single day, but he thinks of Audrey, Audrey, Audrey.

"Well guess what? Audrey still has her ring! So he carries my ring on a chain 'round his neck, over his heart, because I'm the one who birthed his son! "

Mara rolled on her towel, holding her aching head. She could leave. She should leave, teach them all a lesson. She didn't have to go far. Just far enough to scare them when they came looking. But her head was aching and her bones were chilled.

"I was here protecting your sorry, ungrateful asses before you ever, ever even knew Audrey wasn't right. You knew she wasn't what she was supposed to be, you knew! But not one of you ever asked who was stuck underneath! You never cared, not until it affected her. You didn't care when the real Audrey Parker lost her memories to keep this Audrey's secrets. You knew she wasn't original! So tell me why she had more right to live than me! Why did she deserve to keep my body?"

The angry, burning tears were streaking her face and she wiped her face with her towel as she sat up, bringing her knees to her chest and crossing her ankles as she leaned against the cold steel wall. Nude and cold, she scrubbed the tears from her face. They didn't care. They wouldn't care if she produced Garland's journal from behind Nathan's ear. They liked the books that painted her as a monster. None of the books said her name, but she was female and not human, and that was enough. She heard those early words again, the words she'd started hearing when Daddy gave her her hearing.

"Freak. Misfit. Dangerous. Unpredictable."

They all thought they'd be happier and safer without her.

Hurting, sad and alone, Mara opened her mouth and sang. She sang with her whole being, body and spirit in unison and even before the crescendo her voice filled the hold, warm like bourbon and echoing like waves from a skipped stone.

Well I've heard there was a secret chord

That David played and it pleased the Lord

But you don't really care for music, do you?

Well it goes like this:

The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift

The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Well your faith was strong but you needed proof

You saw her bathing on the roof

Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you

She tied you to her kitchen chair

And she broke your throne and she cut your hair

And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah

But baby I've been here before

I've seen this room and I've walked this floor

You know, I used to live alone before I knew you

And I've seen your flag on the marble arch

And love is not a victory march

It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Well there was a time when you let me know

What's really going on below

But now you never show that to me do you

But remember when I moved in you

And the holy dove was moving too

And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Maybe there's a God above

But all I've ever learned from love

Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you

And it's not a cry that you hear at night

It's not somebody who's seen the light

It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Her voice trailed off and she closed her eyes, trying to force the storm under control. She walked around, cleaning up the empty bottles and the things Duke had knocked to the floor during his tantrum. As she cleaned, Mara started talking to herself again.

"Gosh, Mara, you've been doing some kind of weird things tonight. How do you do that stuff?"

"Funny story, Genevieve. Remember how I told you guys that nobody asked me questions? Since nobody asked, I had no reason to tell then that Aether isn't my only toy." She started with the sign language again, looking behind the box and finding half a fifth of whiskey. It would do. She took a drink and put the bottle down next to her papers. "Remember I told you I was born wrong? Daddy called it 'special' but Momma made sure I knew the science. That I knew it was wrong. A mutation. A defect. An extra chromosome. Isn't that funny? A chromosome that didn't belong made me a person who didn't belong.

"Anyway," her hands flew unconsciously as she spoke, not even translating but speaking simultaneously, "That makes me do lots of things. I can manipulate all manner of natural elements from plants to Aether and steel. See, I could still use Aether even before Daddy made me well. But I was weaker. I can make storms like this one we're having right now. And it can bring me things."

"How do you do that, Mara?"

"Well, it's kind of the way I got the other bottle of bourbon, Mabel. They call it telekinesis, but I can do it different that other people. Like, I can just move the bottle over, but if there's something I really want that's farther away? That's different. I have to give up a part of myself unless I have Aether. I need Aether to power the ability, but I have no orbs. So what's the nearest available source of Aether?"

"Do you eat Troubled babies? Is that how you get it?"

"Evelyn, you're so funny. No, the nearest source is me. I'm made mostly of Aether." Mara took another long drink and started searching her dungeon.

She had booze. There was her towel. She could tear it in strips. She needed a needle and thread or something very hot. She continued to search, finally finding the items that proved this was the best course of action.

A pocket knife and bolt cutters.

"Mara, sit down, let's think of a better idea."

Ignoring the voice, Mara sat, tearing her towel into strips which she set on the table before letting fire flow from her fingers over the blade. She drank as much as she could hold, taking a moment to splash a bit over the bolt cutters.

She'd been throwing her power around all evening, a little more couldn't hurt. She could get at least a few of her things and it would be good to stretch.

She sat up in her chair, posture straight and focus centered. What did she want most?

Garland's journal.

The dagger William gave her.

Better clothes.

More bourbon.

Her Aether.

Get one, get them all. To be free, one must give up a little part of one's self.