Dear Fluttershy,

How's me ol' matey?

I hope that rabbit of yours isn't giving you too much of a hard time-after all, that's my job. Don't let him push you around. If salad is the only thing in the house then he can live for ten whole minutes without strawberries, believe it or not.

I've been thinking about what you said: "Discord, Princess Celestia must have wanted us to reform you for a reason, so I'm sure there is something you can do to contribute to the Friendship cause. You know a lot and you are incredibly handsome and powerful, and know everything, so therefore we are indebted to..."

Okay, you got me. You didn't quite say it like that...but! I do agree that I have something to contribute. One day while dusting my book cases, I was looking out onto my garden and I saw a wobbling, jelly-like creature with seventeen eyes and ten heads fly past, and it got me thinking...hardly anyone knows anything about the dimension I live in. This may be because it's quite easy to get lost in if you don't go with me as a guide, and I think some people who wonder in might not be able to find their way back out again. Who knows? It could be useful to study the physics and magic contained within the place. I'll even do a review of the fauna- I know you'd like to know more about the beasts that inhabit my home. Though it wouldn't actually be a taxonomic review, because no one has written about them before. I could describe the colourful scales of the Argy Bargy and the variety of colour phases it comes in. Ooh, I may even give them binomials. Or even trinomials or polynomials; Why does chaos have to follow ridiculous rules, after all? This isn't your dimension, after all.

It won't purely be taxonomy of course- I'd also write about the ecology and behaviour of the animals here. I'm pretty sure the swots haven't touched that subject with a ten foot barge pole yet, but it's a fascinating subject.

For instance, did you know that the Snarflebeast feeds entirely on Fractal Fleas? Of course that means that when the Snarflebeast sires the next generation it's different EVERY time, and this is entirely down to their diet. Sometimes their offspring emerge from the egg pouch looking so long that they stretch into the neighbouring dimension. Other times they're so short they can't even see over a Shetland. They can still reproduce without the Fractal Fleas, but the gene pool gets watered down and the population suffers. This is part of the reason chaos is soooo important, as I'm sure you know. Without variety things just fizzle out. Look at what happened to the Griffon kingdom and their obsession with gold-I'm willing to bet there was so much inbreeding in that place at one point that you couldn't differentiate owls from eagles anymore. Same with dragons. Why do you think there are so few dragons? That, and in the past society wasn't that welcoming about interspecies relationships.

You know what's weird about that? All the chimerical beasts in that live in Equestria have a...shall we say...colourful history when it comes to ancestory. Heck, I'll wager even some ponies do. Do you ever wonder about Pinkie Pie? I mean, what is up with that? So yeah, at one point hypocrisy took over, I guess. Perhaps you ponies have the right idea when it comes to friendship-it breaks down barriers.

Hmm...that's an interesting theory all on its own- is chaos an integral part of friendship magic? If you have no variety in life you are less open to meeting new people and thus expanding the richness of the gene pool in society. Chaos and bigotry never were going to be excellent bedfellows, after all. I could write an entirely different paper on the subject. Perhaps that one should go on the back burner because of this amazing project I have coming up, but it's food for thought.

So, what do you think of my idea? Actually, don't answer that because I already know the answer- you love animals and therefore you love my idea! I'm thinking of calling my paper A Taxonomy of the Lower Reaches of the Discordian Dimensions. Rather grand, eh? It will make the ponies with doctorates quiver in their horse shoes! A piece of paper doesn't make you smart, anyway. How many of them have ever been beyond the lab? You can't stare down the eyepiece of a microscope your entire life. You have the right idea, Flutters. Go out and explore things! Poke things with sticks! Make new animal friends! Write down what you know! I bet you know more than those ponies with 12 doctorates or whatever. After all, how many of them can say they're best friends with a chaos lord? A missed study opportunity there, I can tell you! I bet they are grinding their teeth in envy at your position.

Anyway, I'm going to go speak to Twilight, and then start the study and prepare the manuscript for publication. I'm sure Miss Egghead would be thrilled about my proposition. She always wants to expand her knowledge, right? And who better to teach her than moi. Celestia can't teach that bookworm everything. In fact, I think I'll go today.

I will try to remember to use the door this time.

Huggles and schtuff!

Discord. x

P.S. Please find enclosed an example of a species sheet for one of the organisms from my dimension. Do you think I should describe its orbital lenses as "burning with the fire of a thousand suns" or just "red?"